by Nina Croft
“Yes.”
“What does it do?”
“It gives eternal life.”
She snorted. “Well, that worked well.” She shook her head, her eyes narrowing as she thought it through. “You thought you would just give me eternal life and not bother to ask me if it was something I wanted?”
“I was scared you wouldn’t want eternity with me. My love was strong, but I didn’t know how you felt. Except you loved Marcus more. But I had faith you would grow to love me when you put the last of your fears behind you.”
“And you couldn’t wait?”
“No. I’m sorry. It was a once-only thing. Never to be repeated. And once the Elixir was stolen, there was only a small window of time when it would keep its potency.”
“The others all knew?”
“Yes.”
“But you didn’t tell me?”
“I betrayed you. And you paid for that betrayal with your life. And the life of your son.”
Chapter 25
Rachel couldn’t believe he had kept something so huge from her. That he had taken such a decision out of her hands and made it for her. She couldn’t even get her mind working enough to decide whether she was furious or…what? She had no clue.
He’d wanted to give her immortality. He’d wanted to be with her forever. He’d loved her enough to be banished from his home and his people for eternity. And risked worse.
And they’d had less than an hour from the moment when she had drunk the Elixir. Judgment?
“Take what you want says God, and pay for it,” she murmured.
“But you did nothing wrong and yet still you paid.”
With his words, it was as though a weight was taken from her. All her life she’d felt as though she was being judged and punished for something she knew nothing about. That at any moment, the wrath of God could rain down upon her, and she would have no clue why. She’d lost her mother. Then her husband. Her father. She’d been unwilling to allow her feelings for Jacob to grow because she was scared he’d be taken from her as well. Later, the same with Finn. Terrified to love him in case he was snatched away.
She searched his face, saw the deep regret reflected in his silver eyes. Maybe he had betrayed her. Would she have said yes if he’d offered her eternity back then? How would it have felt to know that she would live to watch her son grow old and die? His sons? Even so she thought…yes, for the chance to be with Finn, she would have accepted the pain of loss. But at the same time, she could understand why Finn might not have seen that. She’d been so guarded with her feelings. Never letting them show. How could he have known how much she loved him when she had never allowed herself the words to tell him? When she had hoarded her love like it might run out if she didn’t keep it all to herself? What he had done was wrong, but could she blame him?
Anyway, they’d certainly never gotten eternity. “What happened?” she asked. “What went wrong? I remember angels coming down from the sky.”
“We were betrayed. The theft was discovered, and they came for us. There were too many. We fought, but there was never a chance, and we were beaten. They took you from us. Handed you over to your own people for punishment.”
She saw the pain in his eyes. “I heard you screaming my name as they dragged you away.” She knew what had happened to her. The dream was a part of her now. But what had they done to Finn and the others?
She shifted closer on the sand and rested her hand on his thigh. He looked at her, and for a moment, the guilt and pain cleared from his eyes and a look of wonder filled them. Then it was gone, replaced by a flicker of…despair, followed by blankness. “You don’t hate me?”
“I could never hate you. What you did was wrong. But I understand why, and if we had been given the time, I would have forgiven you.” But they hadn’t been given the time. She’d died and he…? She had no clue. “What did they do to you? Where have you been all these years?” She frowned. “How long has it been?”
“Nearly two thousand years.” He placed his hands over hers and warmth flowed through her. She was starting to realize that they had been given another chance. That somehow, they were back together, and maybe this time nothing would tear them apart. She would make sure he knew of her love.
“How did you live?” she asked.
He took a deep breath. “When they took us that day, they tore off our angel wings and hurled us into the Abyss.”
“Is that the same as Hell?”
“The Abyss is the demon realm. And there, we were offered another chance. If we gave our allegiance to Lilith, the Queen of the Abyss, then in return, she would give us powers. At that time, we believed you were all lost to us forever. You’d been slaughtered, and all we wanted was revenge. And Lilith gave us the means. We became the Storm Lords, and Torr, the Destroyer. For years, our fury drove us on. We had the power to gain sustenance from blood, and we slaughtered our enemies relentlessly.” He snarled, and his fangs elongated.
A shudder ran through her. From angels to demons to…what?
“Do you still drink blood?”
“No, not any longer.” And the fangs were gone. “Lilith gave us back our wings—albeit a little changed.” Magic rippled in the air and his wings appeared, golden but tipped with black. He stretched them out and they blocked out the stars. Then were gone.
“What did this Lilith get in return?”
“Our allegiance. Lilith had plans—still does—to extend her realms. She also got Torr at her side and in her bed. She loved him as much as she was capable of loving anyone. We had other powers…the power to call storms.”
“That’s why Dawson called you the Storm Lords.”
“Yes. And some of us can shift into beast form. Cade can turn into a hawk.”
“And you turn into a wolf.”
“I can. I can also turn humans into wolves with my bite.”
“That’s where werewolves come from?”
“Yes. Most legends have some basis in fact. I was building an army of wolves that would be at Lilith’s beck and call when the war came.”
“You planned to help her take over the Earth?”
He ran a hand through his hair, looking briefly uncomfortable. “You have to understand. We were creatures of darkness. I won’t try and justify anything we did in that time. At first it was revenge. Eventually the need for revenge went, but there was nothing to replace it. We were empty of life and hope.”
“But something must have changed. You aren’t a creature of darkness. You’re not.”
He smiled. “No. You’re right. Something changed. We’d grown too powerful. This was about a thousand years after we lost you. Lilith was getting ready to make a major assault on the Earth with Torr at her side. And Gabriel came to see us.”
“The angel Gabriel?”
“Yeah, he’s a total asshole. Anyway, he told us that while you had all died that day, because you had drunk the Elixir of Life, your souls were bound to the Earth in a continual circle of death and rebirth.”
“Oh, my goodness, that why the reincarnations happened.”
“Yes. That knowledge changed everything. Gave us hope. But we had no clue how to find you. And it’s fair to say that Lilith was not amused. We had given her a vow of allegiance, and that’s not an easy thing to break. Everything has to be paid for. At the same time, we were not much use to her without our cooperation, and so an agreement was drawn up between us, Lilith and Gabriel—the Covenant. If the terms of the Covenant were met, we would get you back, and this time for eternity. But we had to find you first.”
“But you’ve found me.”
“It’s a little more complicated than that. And you need to know that I’ve broken the rules of the Covenant by telling you this.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that the Covenant gave us a chance at eternity with the women we loved. But there were conditions, and I knew that for us those conditions would never happen. I never intended for us to meet. I believed I had betr
ayed you. But you would get this life in exchange for the one I took from you. And I would make sure you were happy. It was all I could give you.”
He hadn’t believed her love strong enough to do whatever had been agreed upon. And who could she blame for that but herself? She’d never told him in that first life how much she loved him. “What were the conditions?”
For a moment, she thought he wasn’t going to answer. “We were given a thousand years to find you. Then you had five days from the moment we met, and you had to say I love you within that time.” He was silent, then he continued, “Lilith believed it would never happen.”
Five days? She worked it out in her head. They’d met after he had rescued her from the river. Which meant the five days would be up around mid-day tomorrow. Something occurred to her. “It happened for Phoebe and Bella.”
“It was so close. And they were already in love.”
She’d believed he knew that she’d loved him in that long-ago life. She hadn’t said the words, but he’d known her so well. How could he have not known?
“Tell me,” he continued. “If I hadn’t spoken of this would you have told me you loved me? Before the deadline tomorrow? Shit, you still haven’t told me.”
No. She wouldn’t have. Because he still hadn’t said the words. And she was scared, and she’d needed time to come to terms with everything that had happened. “What happens now you’ve told me?”
“By the rules of the Covenant, you will die at the end of the five days and be released from the cycle of birth and death, and when the thousand years is complete, I must return to Lilith.”
“What?” For a moment her mind refused to take it in. Had he just said that she would die tomorrow? Ice trickled through her veins, freezing her blood. She felt like she was sinking in the glacial water, it was covering her head, and she forced herself to breath slowly through the panic.
“We had no choice but to agree. Lilith fought us every step of the way. And it didn’t matter for the others. They were so sure of their love.”
“And you?”
“It didn’t matter for me because I had no intention of ever meeting you.”
“So why didn’t you stay away?”
He shrugged. “Once I knew where you were, I couldn’t. I tried. I thought I could leave Brandon to watch over you, but time and again I was drawn back.”
She was trying to work through the implications. Was this even real? Was she going to die tomorrow? Just poof and drop dead. Hysterical laughter rose up in her throat, and she swallowed it down. She didn’t want to die. Maybe she’d never expected eternity, but she’d hoped to spend this life with Finn. Now it was being snatched from her. It wasn’t fair.
Then she went still.
“What about Jacob?”
“Nothing will happen to Jacob.”
One less thing to panic about. “I don’t want to die.”
“Christ, I’m so sorry. It was the worst day for you when I walked into your life. I should have left you alone. I always knew you were too good for me.”
“You were an angel. I could never match up to you. I always knew that, underneath.” It was what had held her back from loving him completely. “Maybe I always knew it was wrong.”
“It wasn’t wrong.” He sounded so fierce. “Before I met you, I didn’t understand what love was. It was an abstract emotion. Not real. You showed me how real it could be. And while I regret what happened to you, I’ll never regret loving you.”
How long did she have? Hours, not days. A memory of all the lives she had led flashed through her mind. All the many deaths she had endured. She could do one more. But they had all been a release of sorts. She’d always welcomed death, whether it had come when she was young or old. This was the last death. “Will I go to Hell?”
“No. I think you’ll just cease to exist.”
That didn’t sound so bad. But she wanted to live. So badly, it was a pain in her heart.
He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes for a moment, hiding his expression. A ripple of tension ran through him. He took a deep breath, and when he looked back at her his gaze was filled with resolve.
“There is one way. I made a deal with Gabriel.”
“When?”
“Yesterday morning.”
That’s why he’d been so preoccupied. The deal obviously wasn’t all good news, but at the same time, she felt a little flicker of hope spark to life inside her. “Tell me.”
“He offered you this life, and when it was over, you would die as if you had never taken the Elixir. Your soul will be free.”
That sounded okay. But she knew there must be more. He said he’d made a deal. What had he offered the archangel? “And in return? What does he want in exchange for my life?”
“My life for yours.”
“When I die?”
“Now. Before the five days is completed. Otherwise my allegiance will soon return to Lilith, and he won’t risk that. She’s already grown too powerful.”
“No.” She shook her head.
“You have Jacob to think about. And it makes no difference. I’d already agreed with Torr that if you die, he would finish my life before the Covenant ends. I’ll not return to Lilith. I will not go back to the darkness. But there’s more.” He shrugged almost helplessly, and she knew she wasn’t going to like what she heard. Inside her, everything tightened and squeezed so she could hardly take a breath. “The wolves are created by my powers. If I die, they die with me. That was Gabriel’s price.”
“How many?”
“Thousands.”
“Dawson and Brandon?” It would have been easier if she had never met them. Now they were people. Brandon had watched over her most of her life. And she would repay him with this. But she knew, even if she had never met them she wouldn’t allow them to pay for her mistakes. Though she would never think of Finn as a mistake.
She’d forgotten Dawson’s words. What was the value of her life? How could she have forgotten?
“And will they live if I die?”
“For the time. I’ll delay my…death and I’ll search for a way to cut the ties that bind us together. So when I…end, they will go on.”
They sat in silence for long minutes. There was nothing left to say. It was over. Within hours she would be dead, and she was finding it hard to get her head around that. She would cease to exist.
She wanted to say I love you, but what difference would it make, and maybe it would only make things harder for Finn. And she knew then that it was over. She also knew that Finn had accepted it. He knew her too well. No way would she keep her life at such a high cost. And if she searched her heart, she knew she wouldn’t want to go on without Finn. That if she lost him now, her life would be as good as over.
Her one regret was Jacob. But not even for Jacob would she consign so many to death.
She had so little time. “Will you make sure that Jacob is okay? Will you tell him that I didn’t want to leave him? Tell him I love him.” Part of her wanted to run back to him, hold him until she could hold him no more. But that would be self-indulgent. He was a bright child, and he’d pick up something was wrong. Better that she never go back.
“Of course. You need to decide what you want for him.”
She forced her brain to work. This was important. “Bella is his aunt. Will you ask her to watch over him?”
“I will.”
She sat silent for a minute. “Do you think it will hurt?”
“No, it won’t hurt.”
She stared into the water. The moon had risen, nearly full, lighting the sky. Her last night. She’d died so many times. Alone. This time she would die in the arms of the man she loved. Her hand edged out, and she slid her palm into his.
“Make love to me. Make me forget.”
Chapter 26
How do you make love when you know it’s the last time?
Finn tightened his hold on her hand. He was breaking up inside. Within mere hours she would be gone, and he’d
be alone. He had to find the strength to go on. At least until Jacob was settled and he’d found a way to save his wolves.
But for the next few hours he had to put that behind him. Just be with her, make her forget the end was near.
He knelt on the sand and cupped her face between his palms. He kissed her reverently, pouring all his love into the kiss. Her lips parted beneath his, and he pushed inside, tasting her. Gently, he urged her back onto the sand, coming over her, never taking his lips from hers.
Her arms came around him, pulling him down to her, her body soft against his hardness. But he needed to feel her against him with nothing between them. He rose up, tugged the T-shirt over her head. Then unfastened the button at her waist, lowered the zipper, and she wriggled out of her jeans, kicking off her sandals. She was naked but for a black bra and panties, and she arched her back, so he could unhook the bra and peel it from her breasts. He slid the panties down her long legs, and she was naked and the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He lowered his head and kissed her flat stomach with its faint tracery of lines.
“I wish you could have had my children,” he said.
She stroked his hair. “They would have been beautiful.”
But some things were not meant to be. And he pushed the thought from his mind. There would be time for wallowing in regrets when she was gone.
He stood and stripped off his clothes. She stared at him, wonder in her eyes, then she came up on her knees. Before he could grasp what she meant to do, she leaned forward and her hand wrapped around his cock. Pleasure shot through him, and his head went back. She squeezed, then moved closer. Kissed the tip, and his knees nearly gave way. He stared down at her as she took him in her mouth. The sensation of her soft lips engulfing him was the best feeling in the world. Damaris had always loved to do this. He’d forgotten or had pushed the thought from his mind. Now he let her have her way until he could feel the pleasure building, his balls aching with need. He threaded a hand in her hair, holding her as he pulled back, and she stared up at him, her eyes dazed.
