So I found myself walking slowly over to him, my red mary-janes making a satisfying clop-clopping noise on the concrete until I was standing directly in front of him. He stared at my shoes for a moment before slowly straightening up and looking at me.
‘Oh.’
I experienced a flutter of panic. What did oh mean? Did he think I’d followed him here? Maybe I should have just walked on after all.
‘I was just out for some fresh air.’ I pointed behind me at the river, as though it wasn’t obvious where we were. ‘I thought you’d gone.’
He shrugged. ‘I thought I’d come down here. Relive some old memories.’ He smiled up at me, his eyes on mine, and I felt my heart shift in my chest. Had he really been thinking about me? Us? Before I could say anything, he looked around him. ‘I’ve missed this place. I forgot how pretty Chester is.’
‘Yeah, I guess I forget to look because I live here.’ I opened my mouth to ask if he remembered going on the boat cruise, then quickly changed my mind. I didn’t want him to say no, or say yes, it was boring, or something that might ruin my precious memories of a perfect day. ‘You live in a pretty place anyway, don’t you? Willow Hall is beautiful.’
He grunted and shrugged. ‘I suppose so. But… ah, never mind.’ He sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face. ‘Would you like to sit down?’ He indicated the bench next to him and I sat down at the far end, leaving a generous gap between us.
‘So what’s up? Are you not happy living there?’
‘It’s not that. I like it better than I ever thought I would. It’s just a lot of pressure, you know. We need to make it work or we’ll lose it. We’ve only got one wedding booked for next year.’
‘Well, even one wedding’s a good start, isn’t it? And you have more open days coming up, don’t you? You’re bound to get something from those.’
‘Let’s hope so. The renovations have cost us a fortune. We need to start making some money somehow. Julian and I have put this off for far too long.’
‘I don’t understand how your mother’s kept it going for so long without your support. How did she cope?’
Anthony shrugged. ‘We rent out land to farmers, so that’s provided some income. But if we’re going to keep the hall, we need to increase our revenue.’
I stared thoughtfully up at the branches of the tree above us. ‘Why don’t you put on some other events this year if you can’t get weddings? Corporate events? Dog shows? Horse shows? Flower shows? Craft fairs?’
‘It’s a bit late to organise it all now.’
‘Why? They don’t have to be huge events. Start off small and well organised and invite the local press to get coverage.’
Anthony stared thoughtfully at the river. A group of teenagers had hired a bright-orange pedalo and were laughing raucously as they tried to pedal against the current.
‘Hmm, that’s an idea.’
‘Do you know any rock stars that would put on a concert for you?’
‘Sadly not.’
‘Shame.’
He chuckled and rubbed his face again. ‘Jayjay seems like a nice lad. Why aren’t you with him?’
‘He had to get back to work.’ I kept my eyes on the pedalo. Anthony’s use of the word lad hadn’t escaped me; he’d obviously noticed that Jayjay was younger than me. I hoped he wasn’t going to ask me questions I couldn’t answer. I was no good at lying.
‘What does he do?’
‘He’s a roofer.’ I think, I added silently to myself. I was pretty sure Bobbi had told me that, anyway.
‘He didn’t seem dressed for work.’
‘He had an appointment this morning, but he’s going back to work this afternoon.’
‘Ah, okay. So this flower show thing, how would we set that up?’
I hesitated. Why was he asking my advice? ‘Err, well, you could advertise your own, although that might take a lot of organising and you might not be able to attract enough interest this year. Unless you contact your local horticultural society to see if they have any events planned that they might like to move to your hall?’
Anthony pulled a face. ‘I doubt that would encourage any interest in our wedding business, though.’
‘Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t really know. How about a craft fair? That might be easier and could attract a broader range of people. Are the house and gardens open to visitors during the week?’
‘Not at the moment. We talked about it, but Mother’s not interested.’
‘But you wouldn’t have to open every day. You might not even get any visitors at first.’
‘Well, then, that begs the question of whether it would even be worth the effort.’
‘I suppose.’
There was a pause in conversation as a couple of ducks waddled up to investigate us for food. Quacking gently, they stared at us with their shiny black eyes and pecked hopefully at the floor by our feet.
‘Hello, ducks,’ Anthony said mildly. ‘We have no bread. Try the little girl over there.’ He nodded towards the toddler in the red coat who was now walking away, hand in hand with her grandfather. The swans were already gliding off down the river.
‘She’s so cute!’ I said wistfully.
Anthony laughed. ‘She is, isn’t she. You should see Julian’s kids. They’re lovely. Grace is such a little chatterbox. She never stops talking. She’s amazing, she really is. And Charlie is growing so fast! I can’t get over him. Every day he seems to have grown another inch. He’s great.’
‘Aw, bless!’ I stared at Anthony in amazement. He’d always been fond of his niece and nephew, but he never used to gush about them like this.
‘Liz is expecting again too. Did Julian tell you that on Sunday?’
‘No! That’s wonderful news. When is she due?’
‘September, I think.’ He grimaced. ‘Don’t quote me on that, though. I might have got it wrong.’
I laughed. ‘Well, that’s lovely. Tell them congratulations from me. I bet your mum’s pleased.’
‘Yes, she can’t wait. She loves having the little ones around. They seem to make everything better.’
‘I can imagine. Can I ask you something, though? Why did you move out? There must be plenty of room at the hall for everyone.’
He shrugged. ‘You know what I’m like; I need my own space.’
‘Don’t you get lonely? I mean, I haven’t seen where you’re living, but I can imagine it must be pretty remote.’
‘It’s only a short walk from the main house. I’m all right. I like living on my own, away from all the nagging.’
‘Nagging?’ I felt a surge of indignation. ‘I didn’t nag, did I?’
‘Not you!’ he laughed. ‘My mother. She’s great but she does go on at me, checking I’ve done this and that. It’s like I’m a kid again. No, I liked living with you.’
‘Really?’ I blinked in surprise.
‘Of course. We got on all right, didn’t we? You were easy to live with.’
‘Oh.’ I cleared my throat, my flush of happiness floating away with the blossom being stripped from the trees around us. Easy? Hmm, easy was convenient and unremarkable. It wasn’t exciting or passionate or fun. No wonder he’d found it so easy to say goodbye. It was painful to think that while I counted the days I’d spent living with Anthony as some of the happiest of my life, to him they had just been pleasant and… easy. Still, what did I expect? I knew he didn’t love me. He’d told me in his letter. You know I don’t love you. Those words haunted me. They popped into my head when I least expected them, leaving me with a burning pain deep in my gut. I sighed. It was well and truly time I got over him.
‘I’d better go.’ I stood up, pulling my bag over my shoulder. ‘Good luck with everything. I hope Willow Hall turns into a roaring success.’
Anthony looked up at me in surprise. ‘Where are you going?’
‘Back to work.’
‘Why? You’re not that busy, are you? You used to take an hour for lunch.’ He nodded towards the show boat. ‘How about
we take a trip on that? Come on, for old time’s sake.’ He stood up and his eyes twinkled as he looked down at me. ‘I don’t remember much about our last trip.’
I blushed and looked down at the floor, my resolve weakening. It would be nice to go on the boat. It would certainly make a change from being in the shop all afternoon, and I’d been so bored all morning. ‘Well… all right then. It’s only a half-hour trip, isn’t it?’
‘I think so, yes. Come on, I think it’s about to leave.’
We hurried down the river and boarded the boat. Anthony paid for us both before leading the way up the stairs to the top deck. Our feet clattered against the wooden boards and we found a seat towards the back. I was thankful the seat we’d sat in last time was taken by two elderly ladies, otherwise I had the strangest feeling Anthony would have sat there.
‘Jayjay won’t mind you coming on this with me, will he?’ he said as he slipped his wallet back into his pocket.
‘Why should he?’ I shrugged and looked away. ‘It’s just a boat trip.’
I pulled my coat tighter around me, an act that was less about being cold and more a nervous gesture. Now I was here, the memories of last time were too close to the surface, too raw. I folded my hands primly in my lap and did my best to look serene as the boat moved slowly away from the jetty, leaving the Victorian bandstand and people sitting on benches behind.
Anthony was quiet at first. We let the commentary fill the silence and sat silently, gazing in different directions as the view slipped past. We passed under the white suspension bridge from which people waved and took photographs.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. It seemed so surreal to be sitting here with Anthony after so long apart, on the boat trip that held some of the happiest memories for me. I hoped this silent, separate trip wouldn’t override them. Or perhaps that was what was needed. Perhaps I could reprogramme my memory by going back to all our old haunts and replacing happy memories with slightly strange ones, like today.
Anthony nudged my leg with his knee. It made me jump, although the feeling of warm, rough denim against my bare skin wasn’t altogether unpleasant. Not seeming to notice my reaction, he kept his knee pressed to mine as he pointed out a kingfisher sitting on a branch.
‘Oh, wow! You must have great eyesight!’ I leaned closer to get a better look at the small blue bird with its orange chest. ‘I’ve never seen one before. Not in real life, anyway.’
‘They’re beautiful. We’ve got a couple living on the estate, down by the river. They’ve always been there. I used to lie in the grass for ages as a kid, just watching them.’
I looked at Anthony in surprise. He’d never told me that before. Despite knowing he’d grown up on a country estate, I’d always pictured him in urban settings, wearing a suit and driving a sleek car. This new image of him as a bird-watching child was unexpected and really quite endearing. I pictured him as a little boy, blond and cute, lying in tall grass by a lake. He’d always painted his childhood as a miserable time, trapped in a house that was more mausoleum than home. In fact, he’d hardly spoken about his childhood at all, overshadowed as it was by his father’s death. I wondered if moving back to Willow Hall had made him remember a happier time before his father died. How wonderful if it had.
He looked around and caught me watching him instead of the bird. He smiled and my breath caught. Oh, Lord, this was such a mistake. How will I ever get over him like this?
‘I never had you down as a bird-watcher,’ I said, to cover my embarrassment.
He shrugged. ‘It’s hard not to be in a place like Willow Hall. It’s weird, but I think I forgot about it in the years I spent away from the place. It’s like I couldn’t see anything good about it at all.’
‘Do you think you could stay there for ever? You know, for the rest of your life?’
He looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘Yes. Providing it doesn’t all go wrong and we have to sell. But yes, I really do feel like I’ve come home. Well, literally I have. I’m done with moving around from place to place. I like the quiet of the countryside, and I like being with my family.’
‘Wow! That’s quite a change.’
He laughed. ‘I know. If you’d told me last year I’d be living back at Willow Hall and loving it, I’d have said you were mad. But here we are.’
I smiled at him. ‘I’m really pleased for you. I think it’s wonderful. It’s great to see you happy and settled, and I’m so pleased you’ve recovered so well from the accident.’
He looked uncomfortable for a moment before nodding. ‘Thank you.’ He opened his mouth to say something and then changed his mind and closed it again. I looked away, wanting to ask but not wanting to pry. There was so much left unsaid between us, but perhaps it was better that way. There was no point being bitter and unpleasant. It wasn’t like I hated him. I just missed him. And while it might not have been the best idea to spend time with him when I was trying to get over him, I liked being in his company again.
Hopefully, he’d reveal something really unpleasant about himself that would make me go off him for good.
‘So, tell me about the shop then,’ he said after a few minutes of silence. ‘You were quite vague before about the reasons why your parents might sell up. Is the business in trouble?’
‘Not really trouble, no. Not yet, anyway. It’s just that we don’t get many people actually coming into the shop and buying flowers any more. We still get orders through the website, and the wedding and funeral side of things is going well, but if we don’t get people coming into the shop, how do we justify keeping it open?’ I sighed and looked away. ‘I’m in denial about it, to be honest. I just keep telling myself it’s all going to be okay. I put signs out and run promotions, but I can’t force customers to come in.’
‘What will you do if it does close?’
‘I’d have to find cheaper premises. It’s bizarre really. I’m telling you about this now, but really I can’t get my head around it. How can we close it when so much of our family history is wrapped up in that shop? Just this morning I was thinking how bored I was and how my life was never going to change; that I’d live and die in Chester, working in the same shop and living in the same house. But that’s not a given at all.’
Anthony looked puzzled. ‘Why were you thinking like that? I thought you loved your shop.’
‘I do. I was just feeling low. Silly really, when the thought of losing it fills me with such dread.’
‘You never know what’s round the corner,’ Anthony said. ‘I mean, look at me. I thought moving back to Willow Hall was the end of the world, but it’s actually been good for me. You never know, if the shop does close, you could find something better. Besides, you’re getting married to the boy-child, aren’t you?’
‘Boy-child?’ I laughed. ‘He’s the same age as me! It’s just that you’re so old you think everyone below the age of thirty must still be at school.’
Anthony looked disbelieving. ‘Are you sure? He looked younger. And besides, I’m only thirty-six.’
‘Nearly thirty-seven.’
He rolled his eyes, pretending to be offended, and looked away. ‘So, I’m ten years older than you. Big deal.’
‘I never said it was a big deal, did I? I’m just stating a fact.’
He laughed good-naturedly. ‘You can try to make me feel bad about my age, but these days I just feel lucky to be alive.’
‘I’m not trying to make you feel bad,’ I protested, laughing. ‘I’m just making a point.’
‘Yes, that I’m old.’
‘Older, not old! Anyway, you started it by calling Jayjay a boy-child. Did people say that to you about me when we were together? Did they think I was too young?’
‘No, they just thought you were mad for being with me.’
‘Yeah? They were right.’
He laughed. ‘They were.’ He shook his head and looked away from me. The boat trip was nearly over and we were gliding back towards the jetty. The weather had worsened and mo
st of the benches were now empty. I stared out of the rain-specked window as the bandstand slid past, feeling sad my time with Anthony was coming to an end. This would probably be the last time I’d see him. If Elena and Daniel decided not to move the wedding, there would be no reason for us to see each other again. I didn’t hold out much hope for the wedding flowers thing.
I sighed as the boat docked next to the jetty. ‘Thank you for that. It was lovely.’
‘Yeah, it was.’ Anthony stretched before getting to his feet. ‘I think I preferred it last time, though.’
It took me a moment to process what he meant. Had he really said that? That was such a strange thing to say when he was the one who’d dumped me. Was he just trying to be funny? I stared at the back of his head as I followed him downstairs to the bottom deck, my eyes drawn to the nape of his neck, which I’d always had a thing for. It looked so pink and vulnerable compared to the rest of him. I longed to touch it; to feel the smooth, warm skin and the soft bristles of the back of his hair. How could he be so close, and yet not be mine to touch?
I was so distracted and flustered that I missed my footing on the bottom step and stumbled into the back of him. Grabbing his waist to keep myself upright, I face-planted into the space between his shoulder blades.
‘Steady on! Are you all right?’
‘Sorry!’ I said, righting myself, my cheeks hot with embarrassment. ‘I’m not sure what happened. I think I lost my footing.’
Anthony laughed. ‘And I thought I was meant to be the old one. Come on, old girl. Take my hand, I’ll make sure you don’t fall.’
I couldn’t have planned it better if I’d tried. Anthony’s fingers wrapped around mine and we walked hand in hand off the boat. I expected him to drop my hand as soon as we were back on dry land, but he kept on holding it as we walked up towards the road, huddled together slightly as the wind splattered us with rain. Blossom fluttered in the wind, blown this way and that, and my hair whipped around my face so that I had to hold it back with one hand.
‘Oh, my goodness!’ I said, breathless and laughing as we reached the road. ‘Where did that wind come from? It wasn’t that bad before! Have you parked in town?’
Meet Me at Willow Hall Page 6
