Cath and Julian weren’t impressed either. Cath had started to shake so I made her a cup of tea while she sat at the kitchen table. She didn’t need all this worry. ‘Shall I go and see if he’s at the gatehouse?’
Julian shook his head. Even he looked shell-shocked. ‘He’ll be there. Leave him for a bit.’
‘How do you think he’d have got home?’
‘Taxi, I expect.’
We sat around the table, sipping our tea and not really speaking. There didn’t seem to be a lot to say. It felt like we were all holding our breath. Rain beat against the kitchen window, adding to our general air of despondency. After about half an hour, Julian’s phone pinged with a text message. He looked up from where he was slumped, chin in his hand, and stabbed a finger at the screen to open it. ‘He’s back,’ he grunted.
‘Does he say anything else?’
‘Sorry.’
Cath sighed heavily. ‘I should think so too.’
I got to my feet. ‘Okay, I’ll go and see him.’
The path to the gatehouse was wet and full of puddles, and my exposed toes in my summer sandals were cold and speckled with mud by the time I reached the cottage. Thunder rolled in the distance, low and ominous.
Anthony was in the kitchen when I walked in through the door. He looked over at me and smiled. ‘Typical British summer,’ he said, as though this was just an ordinary day and he hadn’t just absconded from hospital.
I stared at him. Did he think we would just go back to normal after this? ‘This isn’t just going to go away,’ I said. ‘You have to face up to this.’
He shook his head slowly. ‘This is my body. It’s my heart.’
‘Well, if you feel like that, then I’m leaving.’
It was strange, but I didn’t know what I was going to do until I did it. I just knew I had no choice. He had to be made to see he couldn’t hide from this. He had to have that implant. Without that, our future was uncertain, and I wasn’t willing to live like that.
He blinked several times as though he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘What? You can’t leave. I’m sorry, okay? You know I love you. I don’t want this to be over.’
‘Well, I’m sorry, but like you said, things change and not always for the better.’ I started up the stairs to get my stuff.
‘So, what? You don’t love me any more?’ he said, following me up. ‘You’re going to leave me because I have a heart condition?’
‘No. I’m going to leave you because you’re behaving like an idiot.’ My overnight bag was at the hall in the bridal suite, so I took his holdall from the bottom of the wardrobe and started stuffing in clothes and underwear. ‘I’m leaving because I won’t be pushed away and treated badly by you when something goes wrong.’
‘All right, I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry’s not good enough.’ I zipped up the bag and pushed past him to go downstairs. ‘You’re not calling the shots this time.’
‘What do you mean? I just don’t want you to go.’
‘Exactly.’ I paused at the front door and looked back at him. ‘Have the implant or it’s over between us. And go and see your mother. You’ve really upset her.’
I slammed the door behind me. The rain seemed to get heavier, as though it was trying to stop me leaving. It bounced off the roof of my car in a deafening roar as I drove away, and lightning split the sky, framing Anthony in his doorway, shouting for me to stay. But there was no way I was giving in now. He had to face up to this. I saw what an unwitting mistake I’d made when I’d told him we should only talk about the present. I thought I was taking the pressure off, but really I was giving him an excuse not to think about the future, when if he didn’t, he could die.
Chapter Fifteen
Julian phoned me when I got home. ‘Bit harsh, wasn’t it?’
I rubbed a hand over my face and groaned. ‘I know. I’m sorry if I’ve caused an upset there but I wanted to make him see that he can’t get away with behaving like this.’
Julian sighed. ‘What did he do to make you leave?’
‘He just acted like nothing had happened, and then he started with the “it’s my heart, my body” attitude, and made me furious. I don’t understand how he can’t see that we all belong to each other, and his crap choices affect other people, not just him. I mean, look at you, worrying over him like you’re the older brother, not the other way round. You’ve got two kids and a pregnant wife to consider. Liz must be shattered after yesterday but she’s still had to cope with Grace and Charlie on her own because Anthony decided to be a twat. I love him but I’m not standing for this.’
There was a pause and I thought I heard muttering in the background. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. ‘He says if you loved him, you wouldn’t have left.’
‘Wait a minute, are you there with him now? Julian! Leave him to his own miserable devices and go and spend time with Liz.’
‘He’s come up to the hall, actually. We’re all together.’
‘Oh. Well, good. I hope he’s apologised?’
‘He has.’ Julian sounded surprised.
‘Has he agreed to have the implant yet?’
‘Err, no.’
‘Well, you can tell him, if he wants me back, that’s what he has to do.’
‘But isn’t that emotional blackmail?’
‘Of course it is, Julian. But what do you think he’s been doing to you and your mum this past year? He’s behaved really badly, but because he’s been in an accident and has this heart condition you let him get away with it. Well, I’m sorry, but he can’t treat people like that and he needs to grow up.’
It was only after hanging up that I started to feel bad. What if I’d gone too far? Should I have stayed by his side, holding his hand and trying to talk him round? Maybe he just needed some gentle persuasion.
But he had been very unreasonable in the hospital. Walking out on me and his family like that was just awful. If he thought more of his career than having an operation that could prolong his life, that said a lot about the value he put on his relationships. He had his priorities all wrong.
Chapter Sixteen
If I’d thought Anthony would back down and agree to the implant straight away, then I was very much mistaken. I went to work on Monday morning feeling nervous about seeing him again and wondering what the day might bring, but I didn’t see him at all. I assumed he was at work, which was madness considering he’d been in hospital on Saturday night.
The hall, too, was quieter than usual. I wandered down to say hello, but the kitchen door was locked. When I saw Arthur pushing his wheelbarrow, he said he didn’t know where everybody was, and that maybe they’d just gone shopping.
Bobbi and I were busy anyway. We had a midweek wedding to arrange flowers for and we worked solidly all day so they’d be ready to deliver the following morning. Really, it was good timing for me not to be living with Anthony, because the wedding was in Chester anyway, so it made everything that much more convenient. It meant that getting Bobbi to work was simpler too. She had blossomed in the past few weeks and had taken to wearing denim dungarees with brightly coloured T-shirts underneath. With her hair plaited in two long, pink-tinged pigtails, she looked like some kind of children’s television presenter.
‘Do you miss him?’ she asked later on that week, when I still hadn’t seen him.
‘Yes,’ I admitted. It was starting to bug me that I hadn’t seen him or his car all week now. I hadn’t even seen Cath to speak to either. Only God knew where everyone had got to. It made me feel slightly paranoid. Was everyone avoiding me? Had I misjudged things so badly?
With no one around, it felt strange to be working there, and I began to wonder if I had made a mistake moving the business after all. All I needed now was for Julian to put up the rent and I’d be well and truly stuffed. I spoke to Mum about it, but she told me to wait it out, convinced all would come good in the end.
I wished I had her confidence.
We had another
wedding flower order booked for the following Saturday, so I worked late on the Friday evening. Jayjay had driven down to pick Bobbi up and taken her out for dinner at a nice country pub in the village, so I was free to stay as long as I liked. The long summer evening meant it didn’t even feel late when I finally packed up to leave.
A shadow fell across the doorway and I looked up to see Anthony standing there. The air seemed to disappear from my lungs. ‘Oh! Hi.’
‘Hello. You’re working late.’
‘Yes, we have a wedding tomorrow.’
‘Great. Whereabouts?’
‘Not that far from here, actually. I haven’t seen you all week.’
‘No, that’s what happens when you leave someone.’
‘I suppose so.’ I put the last of the flowers in the refrigerator and shut the door. ‘I didn’t think you’d go back to work so quickly.’
He shrugged. ‘I felt all right so I went in. I’ve been staying with a friend in Manchester, though, so I didn’t have to travel.’
‘Good.’ I put my hands on my hips and looked at him, aware I resembled some kind of fishwife. ‘It’s been very quiet around here. I haven’t seen your mum at all.’
‘She’s been away, visiting an old friend.’
I sagged a little in relief. ‘Oh, that’s good. I was beginning to think everybody was avoiding me. I asked Arthur but he didn’t say where she’d gone.’
Anthony laughed. ‘That’s because Arthur’s on my side, not yours. My mother, on the other hand, has taken a leaf out of your book and isn’t speaking to me.’
‘Oh, really?’ I winced. ‘Sorry. And for the record, I am speaking to you. I’m just not living with you at the moment.’
‘At the moment?’ There was hope in his voice.
‘You know what you have to do,’ I said, not looking at him so I couldn’t see the pleading look in his eyes. ‘Anyway, I’m going home now.’
‘Can I have a hug first?’
I hesitated before putting my arms around him. It felt so good to hold him again. I pressed my face to his chest, feeling the faint thud of his heartbeat against my cheek. I didn’t want to let go, and neither did Anthony, so we just stood there, holding each other while the sun dipped and the birds sang around us.
‘I’d better go,’ I said at last, pulling away.
‘No, don’t go,’ he groaned.
‘I have to. It’ll be dark soon.’
‘Stay. Please.’
I shook my head as I locked the door and headed for my car.
‘I’ll see you soon, Anthony. Take care of yourself.’
He watched me leave, standing beneath a sycamore tree, his suit jacket flapping in the warm breeze. It would have been so easy to stay with him. He was all I wanted.
Chapter Seventeen
The following week, Anthony disappeared again. Cath was back from her friend’s house, but she had caught a cold and was keeping herself to herself. I assumed Liz and Julian must have gone on holiday, because there was no sign of them, or Grace and Charlie.
The feeling of being cut off seemed to intensify, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d caused a giant rift in his family.
‘But you don’t know that for sure, do you?’ Bobbi said when I confided in her later on that week. ‘They’re probably just getting back to normal after Elena’s wedding, that’s all.’
‘You’re right. I know you’re right. And I suppose, if I’m not with Anthony, there’s no reason I should know where everybody is.’ I sighed. ‘It just feels weird being here and not knowing what’s going on.’
‘You’ll get used to it, I’m sure,’ Bobbi said, gazing out of the window at the lake. I looked at her. I didn’t want to get used to it; I just wanted Anthony to change his mind about the implant. I wondered what I’d do if he didn’t. Would I give in and just get back with him? Or would I stay strong and find somewhere else to rent? Both options seemed inconceivable.
As if reading my mind, Bobbi said: ‘It’s so beautiful here. I saw a fox this morning down by the lake. It was still misty but the sun was shining and it was framed so beautifully against the water. I wished I had a camera, but even then I don’t think I could have captured quite how special that moment was. I never want to leave here. It’s magical.’
I sighed, knowing exactly what she meant. ‘Yes, it is pretty special.’
When Friday arrived, I made sure I worked late again so that I could see Anthony when he arrived back from work, but there was no sign of him all evening. I waited until the shadows crept in and it was so completely dark that it began to feel eerie being there alone. He must have taken on an extra shift and be working later, or perhaps he was working the weekend too. It wasn’t unusual for him to work weekends, after all, but the fact he’d been away all week meant he was surely due a day off.
I drove down to the gatehouse and stopped outside. The whole cottage was in darkness, save the hopeful security light that lit up as soon as it sensed my car passing. I couldn’t help thinking that perhaps he was back in hospital again. Hot beads of perspiration broke out on my forehead just imagining it. He might not be so lucky next time. I wouldn’t even know because we weren’t together any more.
But then, he could equally be out with friends.
Perhaps he had met someone new who could give him a good time without nagging him to get a heart operation.
Perhaps.
Perhaps did no one any good, I reasoned. There was nothing I could do here. I just needed a shower and a good night’s sleep.
The same feeling of disquiet followed me around all the next morning too. I delivered flowers to another wedding before driving to Willow Hall and sitting in the Brew House, just waiting to see if he would turn up. There was no sign of his car. No movement from the cottage. And then, around lunchtime, I heard the crunch of his footsteps from outside. I froze, resisting the urge to bound out and throw myself at him like some kind of overexcited Labrador. It could still be someone else, I told myself, preparing to be disappointed.
It was Anthony. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face at the sight of him again.
‘Hello! I was hoping you’d be here,’ he said. He came straight up to me, standing so close that I put my hand up to his chest because I thought he was going to walk into me. He flinched slightly before starting to undo the buttons of his shirt.
‘Steady on!’ I laughed. ‘What are you doing?’
‘What you wanted me to do.’ He pulled open his shirt to reveal a small red scar above his left pec and a slight bump beneath his skin. My hands flew to my face and I gasped. ‘There you go. One ICD, all fitted and ready to shock me back to life should my heart decide to stop.’
‘What? But why didn’t you tell me you were having it done? I would have come with you and supported you.’ Tears spilled down my cheeks.
‘You’re not going to have a go at me about that now, are you?’ He rolled his eyes theatrically. ‘I didn’t tell anyone until afterwards. I just decided to go and have it done.’
‘But why?’
He smiled. ‘So I could get you back, Miss Jones. And so that I have the best chance of living a long and happy life with you. If that’s what you want, that is?’
‘Of course it’s what I want.’ I hugged him gently, careful not to press against the implant. I had so many emotions flowing through me. Relief, elation, and just a tiny, tiny smidgeon of guilt that he’d felt he had to do it alone. ‘I just wish you’d told me.’
He shrugged his right shoulder. ‘Oh, well, it’s done now and it wasn’t so bad. I just have to not lift my left arm for a while. And, the other piece of news I have is that they’re going to transfer me to the local branch. They’ve found a nice, boring desk job for me.’
‘That’s fantastic news!’
‘Is it?’ He pulled a face. ‘I can feel the cobwebs growing on me already.’
‘Don’t be silly. It’s much better for you. I’m sorry your career hasn’t gone the way you wanted recently, bu
t I’m sure it will pick up again.’
‘Well, I doubt I’ll ever get promoted now, but as long as I have you, that’s all that matters. So, are you going to come home?’
I smiled up at him. ‘Of course I’m coming home. I’ve missed you so much.’
‘Even though I behaved like a twat, as you so eloquently told Julian?’
‘Even though you acted like a twat,’ I confirmed. ‘I love you.’
He stroked my hair back from my face and I saw so much love in his eyes that it made my heart soar. ‘I love you, too,’ he said. ‘And I promise never to act like a twat again.’
Chapter Eighteen
‘What are you doing on Sunday?’ Anthony asked a few weeks later.
‘I don’t know. What are you doing on Sunday?’
‘This.’ He held up a flyer for a hot air balloon ride. ‘My friend runs this company and he said there’s availability if we want to go.’
‘Really?’ I put my plate on the table and took the leaflet from him. It showed a big colourful balloon floating above beautiful green fields and trees. It looked idyllic. ‘But I’m scared of heights.’
‘Are you?’ He looked alarmed. ‘Really? You never said.’
‘No, well, it never really came up.’ I passed the leaflet back to him. ‘Nice thought, though.’
He came and sat down next to me, looking crestfallen. ‘Are you sure? You’d be in a massive basket, you know. And it’s really sturdy.’
I gave him a look. ‘Massive? Really?’
‘And it’s very safe. You’ve flown in an aeroplane, haven’t you?’
‘Well yes, but that’s a massive steel construction, not a picnic basket dangling from a balloon.’
‘It’s not a picnic basket! Honestly, they’re very sturdy. And they don’t go as high as an aeroplane.’
I gave him another look. ‘Oh, good.’
‘It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.’
‘If he’s your mate, I doubt that! I bet you’ve been up before, haven’t you?’
‘Well, yes, but he’s invited me this week and I’d really love it if I could share it with you.’
Meet Me at Willow Hall Page 21
