Dakota nodded and leaned up to kiss him once more. He turned her inside out so quickly and she was afraid to say anything else or she might not be able to let him go.
Without another word between them, he jumped into the cab of his truck and backed from the drive.
The two best friends waved at the three of them as they headed up the highway towards their homes, friends, and businesses a few hours away.
There wasn’t another time in her life that separation hurt so bad.
Chapter Seventeen
October 2004
The Hardings settled into their school year routine with the departure of their…friends, for lack of a word that didn’t terrify Dakota to the core of her being.
Days were filled with drop-offs and pick-ups, the random running of a small family’s life. The weekends were packed with charters on Saturdays and errands on Sundays.
They were rinsing down the boat after their last charter Saturday evening when she voiced her concern to her brother.
“I don’t think Gunner is coming back.”
“That’s one man you don’t need to have doubts over.” Wrapping up the hoses, he smiled warmly. “He worships the ground you walk on…”
She grabbed his shoulders and gave him a small shake.
“You don’t understand.” Launching into rapid speech that was abnormal for her, she pressed her point. “Every time I talk to him the conversation is a little shorter.”
He frowned. “You know they have several jobs back to back. They told us about the upcoming schedule before they left.”
Bubba walked over with a confused expression on his face as he stared up at her. “This is normal for them, Kota.”
“It’s more than the schedule.”
Chaz took her hand and squeezed it gently. “I don’t understand. There were gaps in his visits before and you didn’t know why. Why are you so worried now? What’s wrong?”
Her eyes filled with tears she hated. “I need to tell you something. It has to stay between us. Promise me.”
“Dakota…”
“Promise me or I’m done talking. I mean it.”
He nodded. “Okay. Let’s go inside. You’re horribly flushed. Bubba, grab her some water.”
When they were settled in the living space below deck, she sipped the water. She couldn’t hide the way her hand shook.
“You know I haven’t been feeling well.”
Bubba lowered onto the sofa beside her. “Is it getting worse?”
Inhaling with a weak and trembling sound that infuriated her, she whispered, “I’m pregnant.”
The words hung in the room as her brothers stared at her in shock. More than a minute dragged out with their rapid breathing as the only sound.
Chaz was the first to recover enough to ask, “Wh-what? What did you say?”
“I’m pregnant. I’m certain.”
“What do you mean you’re pregnant? The doctors said it was impossible. I was there when they told you that. Three experts confirmed you’d never be able to get pregnant.”
“I know.” Her voice cracked. “That was more than ten years ago. A few months after…everything. The doctor I saw last week said my body managed to heal a lot of the damage.”
“You’ve been walking around with this for a week?” Placing his hand over his mouth, he whispered, “Healed? You were able to heal from that? They never told us that could happen. They gave you zero hope.”
“He put me through a dozen tests. I’m pregnant but I’m really high risk. I haven’t had consistent periods since I was sixteen. I may not be able to carry the baby to term.”
Bubba asked softly, “You could lose your baby?”
“The doctor isn’t sure about anything actually. He’s never had a case like mine.” She stared through the small window to the marina beyond. “I’m scared out of my mind. I’ve been thinking about all the shit I put my body through recently.”
“I can’t believe you’re pregnant,” Bubba told her.
“Neither can I. The stress of it is kind of crippling.”
“I think it’s awesome.”
“You’re way more optimistic than I could ever be.”
“Dakota, you need to call Gunner.” She shook her head firmly. “You have to. You can’t deal with this by yourself.”
Bubba asked, “Why wasn’t he the first person you told?”
She had to make them understand. “I won’t have him think of me as an obligation. If he doesn’t want to come back, I don’t want him to do it anyway out of some misplaced sense of responsibility. I won’t be a fucking burden.”
“Misplaced? Um, you didn’t get pregnant alone, Kota.” Leave it to a ten-year-old to break shit down.
“That’s not the point. I-I don’t like being vulnerable. I swore I’d never be weak again.”
Chaz offered, “Being human means being vulnerable sometimes…”
“Not for me! Not ever for me. I can do this alone. If he comes back, I’ll tell him and make it clear that I don’t expect anything. If he doesn’t come back, I’ll do what I’ve always done. It’s on my head. I told him it was impossible.”
“Because that’s what you were told! You based your choices off what the doctors said. There’s no fault here, Kota.”
“Look. I had to tell you both because I can’t do all the things I usually do but…I need you to keep my confidence. I need your support and understanding.”
Bubba held her hand in both of his. “You have it but you also need to understand that it’s wrong to keep something like this from a man like Gunner. It’s wrong, Kota.”
“I…”
“No. In your heart, you know it’s wrong. He’s a good man and he’d make a great dad. He never had kids but I bet he’d really like it if it happened. You worry too much.
She gave a small sigh and hung her head. “I know I do.”
The young man beside her wasn’t a baby anymore. She remembered how small and chubby he was when he came to live with them. The time went by so fast.
His next words assured her he was no longer a little boy. “I’ll give you two weeks to let him know. You’ll make yourself sick if you worry over it too long.” He patted her hand. “You tell him or I do it for you.”
“You can’t, Bubba…”
“Sometimes, people make really big mistakes because they’re so close to a problem they can’t see their way out. I love you guys more than any two people on earth. Part of loving you is stopping you from screwing your life up.”
He leaned forward to kiss her cheek and returned to the upper deck. She watched him go in shock and more than a little respect.
Chaz’s voice held admiration. “He’s more like you every day.”
“Shut your mouth and pray you’re wrong.”
“Nah. He’d be just as much of a badass. I approve.” Standing, he approached her and pulled her to her feet. “Think on it. He’s absolutely right and stronger about it than I could ever be. It’s all good, Kota. Breathe.”
He kissed her forehead and left her in the air conditioned cabin to think while they secured the boat.
Breathing had never seemed so hard.
* * *
The next morning, Gunner frowned at the number that appeared on his screen. “Bubba?”
“Hey, Gunner. I’m sorry to bother you. Do you have a minute to talk?” There was a small pause. “It’s important. I got your number from Lance. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course I don’t mind. Let me go in the house.” He gestured to Shawn who was helping him change the tile in his outdoor shower. His best friend followed him. “Why didn’t you ask Dakota or Chaz for my number? Is everything okay?”
“Well. Everyone is safe, if that’s what you’re asking. I didn’t want either of them to know I was calling.” The boy cleared his throat. “I need to ask you a question and I’d appreciate it if you’d forget you’re talking to a kid and answer honestly.”
Lowering into one of his dining chairs, Gunn
er put the call on speaker and set it on the table. Shawn took the chair opposite him with worry on his face.
“I wouldn’t lie to you and I forget you’re ten. Ask anything.”
“Do you love Dakota? I don’t mean you just think she’s sexy and all. Do you love her?”
“More than any woman I’ve ever met.” He stared at the phone in confusion. “Bubba, is she leaving again?”
“No. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. She wouldn’t be able to compete in her condition.”
Silence drew out and Gunner blinked several times. He lifted his gaze to Shawn’s and saw his friend’s eyes were huge.
“What do you mean…in her condition?” His heart slammed against his sternum.
“I need to explain something and it’s super important you listen, okay? I’m not supposed to be calling you. She made us swear and I technically gave her two weeks to call you herself but she’ll be a wreck by then so I decided to get it done.”
“Bubba…”
“Listen first.” The boy seemed to gather his thoughts. “You know our father hurt her?” Gunner made a sound of acknowledgment. “He got her pregnant.”
“I…she told me.”
“They don’t know I know. There were bad problems and the baby died. She had to have a procedure and all the doctors said she could never have another baby. She explained?”
“Yes.”
“I know she would have.” He audibly swallowed on the other end of the line. “They were wrong. Her body healed itself. She’s pregnant but it’s really dangerous.”
Gunner felt as if he might pass out. Shawn punched him in the shoulder. He shook his head to clear it.
“Why didn’t she call me?”
“She’s afraid and thinks she’ll be a burden.” They heard him inhale deeply. “What I’m getting at is you need to get your butt down here because all of us are freaking out and trying to hide it from each other.”
“I’ll be there in a few hours and she’ll never know you called me. I’m coming, Erick.”
“Thank you.” There was relief in his voice. “Sorry to mess up your day. I knew you’d know how to handle it because…you know how Dakota can be.”
“You didn’t mess up anything. I’m on my way.”
The call disconnected and Gunner stared at his friend. “Holy shit. We leave for a few weeks…”
“I knew you should have told her your plans. You wanted to surprise her but she doesn’t strike me as the type to like them.”
“You coming with me?”
“Are you high? Yeah. I’ll go grab stuff from my house. Pick me up from there.”
Not showing him out, Gunner raced into his room to pack. He grabbed the ring he’d picked up a few days before from his dresser and tucked it in his pocket.
For weeks, between tightly scheduled jobs, he’d been preparing his life for a permanent move to the Keys. He’d known within hours of being back in Hialeah that he couldn’t handle being so far from Dakota.
He repainted his house and did some basic repairs to list it. The little outdoor shower was the last thing on his list of projects. Everything of value was in the company’s storage facility while he waited for it to sell.
During a meeting with the guys, he adjusted their roles and responsibilities and hired more men. They expanded their operations after a conference call with friends in New York.
Gunner could consult from anywhere but he knew where he needed to be if there was any hope of sleeping at night.
Checking the house, he lifted his duffle, slipped on his shades, and headed for his truck.
The woman he loved was waiting.
Chapter Eighteen
There were times when Dakota didn’t feel at all normal.
The moment she discovered there was a small human growing in a body she’d never believed could accomplish such a thing, that feeling of otherness bloomed bright inside her.
Every choice revisited, every action picked apart, she showed herself no mercy.
Weak.
Stupid.
Unworthy.
All words she’d used to batter herself internally over the past week. Confessing the situation to her brothers was one of the hardest things she’d ever done and she didn’t understand why.
Since sharing the news, they’d given her space to think and gone above and beyond to pamper her. She loved and hated it in equal measure.
She was the strong one. It was a bitter pill to swallow that she’d have no choice but to ask for help over the next months.
If she managed to bring her child into the world, she’d have to depend on them even more and that had never been her role in their lives. She shouldn’t have to lean on anyone.
As the oldest and most vicious of the Hardings, she’d always been the protector, the primary provider, the decision maker.
The entire situation shook her foundation.
Gunner’s face appeared in her mind and her thoughts shifted to the former SEAL who seemed to understand her more than any other person on earth.
Smart.
Honorable.
Powerful.
Only such a man would have captured her attention, her interest. He was the epitome of everything she would have asked for in her romantic life if she’d ever paused to do so.
Most men she’d given the opportunity to impress her were discarded after a single night. Rarely, they lasted through a weekend.
She had little patience for the opposite sex.
Chaz called them for breakfast and shook her from her introspection. She walked in from the deck and Bubba kissed her cheek as he took his seat beside her.
“I made your favorites. Frittata, fruit salad, and organic sausage. How do you feel?” Her twin sipped his coffee and watched her carefully. “And don’t lie to me.”
She sighed. “I’m alright. Confused.” She met his eyes. “Afraid. I don’t like the sensation one fucking bit.”
“Even superheroes feel fear, Kota,” Bubba told her as he speared a piece of cantaloupe. “You’re pretty much the best fighter anyone knows but you’re still human.”
“I’m…conflicted. Part of me never imagined this would happen so I completely put it out of my mind.” She reached out to stroke her fingers through her little brother’s hair. “It’s one of many reasons I’ve always been so grateful for you.”
He swallowed his bite and took her hand. “The difference is that I’m your brother. If you’re able to go through this safely, your baby will be more family for us to love. We can all help. I’d be a good uncle.”
“You really would.”
“Have you thought about talking to Gunner?” She nodded. “Where are you at with that?”
“I-I love him. I never said the words. Not even when he said them to me. I held them back because I needed to feel stronger than him.”
Chaz smiled. “You’re not stronger or weaker. I’d say he’s your equal and most men can’t say that in regards to you, Kota.”
“We’re pretty well-matched.” Her eyes moved to the window and the beach beyond. “The dynamic would change.”
Her twin tilted his head. “So…let me get this straight. You think he’d think less of you because you’re less capable while pregnant?”
“When you say it out loud, it sounds stupid.”
“Yeah. It really does.” He gave her a wink. “Eat and relax. Enjoy the day and keep working on the breathing thing.”
* * *
A few hours later, Dakota walked along the beach. Her love of the water helped calm her.
Lost in thought as the breeze blew her hair out behind her, it took her a moment to register someone calling her name. Pausing, she listened carefully.
“Dakota!”
Turning, she peered toward the house, shielding her eyes from the setting sun. Her breath caught sharply.
Gunner jogged toward her on the sand. She watched him, in awe of the beauty of his body and form as he made his way to her. He wore shorts and a t-shirt, his
feet were bare.
The moment he was close enough, he lifted her in a huge hug. She wrapped her legs around his waist and absorbed the feel of him, the smell of him.
Her sundress rode up her thighs but it didn’t matter. Until he held her, she didn’t realize just how much she needed him to.
Focused on hugging him with her entire body, she couldn’t speak.
“I’ve missed you so fucking bad, pretty girl. Until I thought I’d go crazy with it.” He leaned back with a broad smile. “I’ve been hustling my ass off to get back to you.”
Addressing her greatest fear in his first sentence, relief overwhelmed her. Resting her hand on his cheek, she smiled.
It felt like the first one since he left.
She returned to hugging him and he chuckled against her neck. “Take all the hugs you need. I plan to.”
He turned and walked slowly back to the house, one arm under her butt to support her while the other smoothed down her back over and over.
Murmuring soothing words she didn’t think she was expected to respond to, she listened to the timbre of his voice and didn’t feel like she was going to shake completely apart.
“Holding you is paradise, Dakota. I can’t explain how much I’ve needed this.” He planted a kiss on her bare shoulder. “You smell wonderful and you feel amazing.”
He took the steps to the second floor deck and lowered to one of the chaise lounges with her in his arms.
For a long time, he held her across his lap, cupping the back of her head to his chest. She listened to the sound of his steady heartbeat and hugged him as hard as she could.
“My beautiful girl. I can tell how much you’ve missed me.” She started to raise herself but he held her firmly. “No. You don’t need to worry about words. Your actions, Dakota. Those speak loud and clear. I’m so relieved.”
She nuzzled his chest and whispered, “I did miss you, Gunner. Even more than I realized until this moment.”
To her horror, she started to cry.
He didn’t push her to talk or ask questions. He held her while she cried and planted kisses on top of her head.
“I’ve thought about you every minute we’ve been apart. The weeks on radio silence about killed me. I just kept hoping you wouldn’t get swept off your feet by some tourist.” He said the word with disgust and she laughed shakily. “It’s not funny. I kept picturing some putrid little man who turned out to be your soul mate or some shit.”
Permission to Come Aboard (The Great Outdoors Book 2) Page 11
