Trace pumped his jaw, working hard to contain the wrath that was beginning to surface in his eyes.
“He was trying to weaken me, to break me before the real fun began.” My mind flashed to the horrific beatings, the daily feedings that he forced on me over and over again as he tried to form a bloodbond and compel the Amulet away from me. My stomach soured as bile crawled up the back of my throat again.
“Jesus Christ,” said Trace, staring at me with a horrified expression on his face. He’d read my thoughts—seen it all happening to me without me having to say a word.
“If it wasn’t for Dominic double-agenting that shit and sneaking me down food, God knows what would have happened.” I lifted myself off him. I needed to walk, to get some air in my lungs if I was going to be able to finish this without getting sick again. “Engel knew I’d never willingly hand over the Amulet so he had to get creative. His words.”
“I’m so goddamn sorry,” he said as he stood up and ran a hand through his ebony hair. “I should’ve been there to protect you. I should never have left you alone at that party—”
“Don’t do that.” I shook my head and walked over to him. Flattening my palms against his chest, I wrangled his focus back down to me. “If it didn’t happen at the party, it would’ve happened the next day or the week after that. It was going to happen one way or another. Engel wasn’t ever going to give up. We both know that.”
He had to know that—he was a Reaper for God’s sake. Yet, it was as though he couldn’t accept it. Like he should have found a way around fate and destiny and the limitations of his own powers.
“I tried, Jemma. I swear to God I tried.” He cupped my face in his hands and looked down at me with more conviction than I’d ever felt in my entire life. “I tried to go back to that moment, to follow you into the woods and figure out what happened to you, but the Timeline was Bound. I couldn’t get there no matter how many times I tried.” His eyes darkened. “And now I know why.”
The Order had sealed the Timeline to make sure no one could see what they’d done. To make sure no one could undo what happened and bring me back. Little did they know, they’d failed miserably. I was alive and well, and I was ready to make them pay for what they did to me. Every last one of them.
“They never had any intention of training me or taking me under their wings. The only thing they cared about was if my blood was dormant or not, and how quickly they needed to eradicate me.” Saying the words out loud stung, but not as much as having to wonder whether my own uncle was in on it.
“Karl?” asked Trace, reading my thoughts. “You think he was in on it too?”
I turned my face into his hand and kissed his palm before bringing his hand down. “I’m not sure. I’m not sure about any of it to be honest. The only thing I know for sure is that he was there. He was acting strange and he said some weird crap to me right before I took off into the woods. It kind of sounded like a threat; some kind of warning.” I shook my head, unable to really make sense of it. “The point is, I don’t know, and until I do, I can’t trust any of them.”
“They’re going to pay for this, Jemma. I swear to God, I’ll make them pay.” His fists were balled at his sides and his eyes were bouncing around the room as though he were searching for something to smash.
He was going to need to save that for later. “There’s more, Trace.”
He ran a hand down his face.
“If you want to stop—”
“No. I’m good,” he quickly cut in. Pushing his fingers through his hair, he sat down on the coffee table and leaned forward, his arms resting over his bent knees. “Okay. Let’s hear it.” He was ready for it. At least he thought he was.
“When Engel caught on that the bond wasn’t working, he brought in some Dark Casters to work their magic on me. The three little witches from hell,” I bit out, my lip twitching as I thought about them.
“The Sisters of Roderick?”
I blinked. “You know about them?”
“Everyone knows about them.”
Mmmkay. That probably wasn’t a good thing.
“So why’d he bring them into it?” he asked, confused by their role in this. “It’s not like they could spell the Amulet from you. It doesn’t work like that.”
“Apparently, they didn’t need me to hand over the Amulet after all. The could do the spell with it around my neck,” I explained grimly. “All they needed was for me to stand still, and it didn’t even have to be willingly.”
“Shit.” He dropped his head again. It was killing him that I went through this alone. That he wasn’t able to magically ride in and save the day for me.
Luckily though, I saved my damned self.
I told him all about the strange clearing they dragged me into and how they used their magic to bind me inside some hell-pit while they chanted around me in languages I didn’t understand. I explained how the spell was coming to fruition right before my eyes, but that they never got a chance to finish it.
“I didn’t let them,” I said, proud of myself.
“How?” His eyebrows drew together as though he couldn’t possibly fathom how little old me could stop them all by myself. “Their magic isn’t from this world…it’s dark and depraved and it’s—”
“Well, I guess I am too.” I pulled the sleeves of my sweater up and turned my arms out to him, palms up so that he could see the mess of runes blazing all over my skin. “I invoked, Trace. I figured it was as good a time as any,” I added to lighten the mood even though I didn’t have the slightest idea how I’d invoked or what exactly I unleashed from within myself.
He reached out and took my arm in his hand, turning it lightly as his eyes traced my runes. My skin immediately hummed from the warm contact.
“They took off running as soon as they realized what was happening, and I pretty much just let them go,” I continued, staring down at him. “The only thing I cared about in that moment was taking out Engel once and for all.” A knot twisted in my gut as I recalled what I’d done, but it wasn’t fear or regret. It was excitement. Exhilaration. “I didn’t hesitate this time and I wasn’t scared at all. I knew what I had to do and I did it; I pulled his heart out of his chest with my bare hands and then we smoked him into his next life.”
Trace’s head jerked back as though surprised by my crudeness.
My homicidal buzz quickly died down as I remembered what came after that. “I wish I could say it all ended with him, that we can all live happily ever after now, but I know this is just the beginning.”
“I don’t understand,” he said as he let go of my arm.
“The red sky, Trace—I’ve seen it a hundred times before in my dreams, and I know it means something. Something awful. I don’t know what the sisters did out there, what they unleashed, but it’s bad. I have to track them down and make them undo it. And yes, I know you can’t undo magic, but I have to try something, Trace. I have to.”
“The blood around the moon,” he said, sort of to himself and then looked up at me. “I noticed it when I was driving over to get you. Figured it was some kind of weird lunar eclipse.” He paused as though something occurred to him. “Wait. What do you mean you’ve seen it before in your dreams? You’re getting visions?”
I shrugged my shoulder and ran my fingers through my ponytail. “I don’t know what they are. I thought it was some weird re-occurring nightmare, but when I saw the sky light up, it all came together.”
“Shit.”
“This is big, Trace. Huge. Something is coming and it’s been in the making for a long time.”
“Whatever it is, we’ll fight it. We’ll fight it together.” He rose to his feet and closed the small distance between us.
“I don’t want you involved in this,” I said, stepping back from him.
“You can’t stop me,” he replied, matching my step.
“It’s not your mess to clean up.”
“And that’s not your choice to make.” His eyes ignited with passion. “Don
’t you get it yet? I’m not leaving you, Jemma. Your battles are my battles. Your crosses are my crosses. I’ll happily go to my death fighting beside you if it means never having to live one more day in this shitty Realm without you, and there’s nothing you can say to change that so you might as well stop trying.”
“You don’t mean that. You can’t. You don’t know everything.” I couldn’t even face him. I didn’t deserve to. He was willing to sacrifice everything—even his own life. And for what? For me? He wasn’t thinking straight. He wasn’t seeing me clearly. Not yet. Because I hadn’t even told him about Dominic yet.
I took another step back, putting more distance between us.
“Jemma.”
“I wasn’t finished, Trace. I haven’t told you everything.”
His dimples pressed in as he flexed his jaw and erased the gap. “Whatever it is, I don’t care. The only thing that matters to me is that you’re—”
“I’m bonded to Dominic.” I spit the words out like vomit.
Dead. Silence. And it stretched and pressed between us like a living breathing entity. Even the rain pattering against the window melted away as the pulse in my ears grew louder, pounding inside my head like the beginning of the end.
“Say that again.” His voice was so deep and brusque, I almost didn’t identify it as his. But it was his. He was pissed and angry and confused, and I didn’t blame him in the least.
I licked my lips, searching for moisture. The anxiety was back in full force, scratching and clawing its way through my airway, making it harder and harder for me to draw in air. “I can explain, okay? Just give me a minute to explain,” I pleaded, sounding like a criminal begging for leniency. A guilty criminal at that.
His Adam’s apple dipped as he folded his arms across his chest. “I’m listening.”
“When I found out what Engel was trying to do, I panicked. I had to do something to stop him. I couldn’t let him get the Amulet or it would’ve been over for me, and probably a lot worse.”
The lines on his face sharpened and his stare was even harder. He was arming himself, readying himself for the worst possible thing I could have ever told him.
“The only way to stop him from bonding with me was if I was bonded to someone else.” My mouth opened and then closed as I let that sink in for a moment. “So I asked Dominic to feed on me.”
His back straightened a little, and mine curled inwards.
“And he did, over and over again, multiple times a day. He did it until it was the only thing I had to look forward to in there. Until I was counting down the minutes until he would sneak back down to see me.”
His eyes closed as though my words had stabbed him right in the heart.
But I had to keep going. I couldn’t sugarcoat the truth or hide what had happened between us in those dungeons. If he was going to be with me—to really love me, then it needed to be the real thing. He had to accept all the parts of me, even the ugly parts. And if he couldn’t do that, then I needed to know it.
“I thought I could manage the connection. I thought I could keep everything separated, but it hit me so hard. Before I knew what was happening, I was dreaming about him all the time, begging him to keep feeding from me even…even when it wasn’t necessary.” I looked down at my feet, my cheeks burning with embarrassment, with shame. “And when we were alone, I…I asked him to kiss—”
“Stop. Stop.” His hands came out in front of him. “I’ve heard enough.”
I clamped my mouth shut and waited for his inevitable words. The words that would send my ass packing. He’d reached his breaking point and was about to come to his senses and throw me away with yesterday’s trash.
And I didn’t blame him in the slightest.
21. FALLING SANDCASTLES
The rain tapped against the windows like creatures trying to claw their way out from the underworld. Trace and I stood in the room in complete silence with nothing between us but my personal demons. The relief that came from finally telling him the truth never came to me, probably because all I got in return was the agonizing look of heartbreak splattered all over his face. The funny thing was, I knew it was coming. I’d imagined it dozens of times before in my mind, but witnessing it in the flesh was so much worse than anything I could have made up in my head.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my words too tiny to have any real impact on him. I’d spoken my truth and now it was time to reap what I’d sowed. “I know it doesn’t fix any of this, but you need to know I never meant to hurt you.”
He didn’t answer. He wasn’t even looking at me. His arms hung by his sides and his beautiful eyes were veered down, concealed behind the kind of thick, sooty lashes that most girls would kill for.
“Everything I did, it was to stay alive…to find a way to come back to you.”
His gaze lifted to mine. The room titled around me as I tried to imagine what was running through his mind just then. He was probably cursing the awful day I walked into his life. And who could blame him? I was a walking catastrophe. Everything that came near me blew up into a million pieces only to be swept up by the wind.
“If you want me to go, I won’t blame you,” I said, folding my hands together. “I’ll never blame you.”
He shook his head, but he still wasn’t saying anything.
The static silence descended on us again like an old friend, winding around our bodies as it pushed to widen the space between us.
“Trace?” I took a small step towards him, but he put his hand out to stop me. The hurt in his eyes was so tangible I felt as though I were drowning in it. “Can you please say something?”
His chest rose sharply as he clenched and unclenched his jaw muscles. “How long?”
“How long what?”
His jaw tightened. “How long did he feed on you?”
I dropped my gaze. God, I couldn’t even look him in the eye when I answered, “Almost the entire time.”
“Tell me you didn’t drink from him, Jemma. At least tell me you didn’t do that.”
“I—” I desperately wanted to be able to tell him that, to give him some tiny glimmer of light amidst all the darkness I just shoveled at him. But I couldn’t even offer him that. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m going to kill him.” His voice was so low and threatening, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight. “I’ll rip his fucking heart out.”
Panic exploded in my gut. “It’s not Dominic’s fault, Trace. Please don’t be mad at him.”
He winced, but I was too wrapped up in my panic to realize why.
“He was only doing what I asked him to do. Even when I tried to kiss him, he refused. He never took advantage—”
“I need you to stop,” he interrupted roughly, rubbing his temples as though trying to erase the image from his brain. “I can handle a lot of shit, Jemma, but I can’t stand here and listen to you protect him.”
My mouth slammed shut as realization sank in. Could I have been any more insensitive?
“I’m…sorry.” My tired words fell flat again. I really needed to stop saying that crap to him. They were useless words that almost sounded insulting when I said them to him.
“I can’t do this right now,” he said, cupping the back of his neck.
“What can I do?”
“You’ve done e—” He stopped short and squeezed his eyes shut, banning me from the beauty I no longer deserved to gaze upon. “Look, I just need a minute, okay? I’m getting a migraine.”
I felt utterly horrible and completely responsible. “I’m so—”
“Stop apologizing.”
“I’m trying to.” I could barely meet his eyes when I asked, “Is…is there anything I can do to help?”
“No.” His eyes traveled down my body and then drifted away like a stray leaf caught in the summer wind. “I just need a minute. Alone.”
“Okay.” I nodded and just stood there because I wasn’t sure what else to do.
He stepped around me, extra ca
reful not to touch me, and then headed into the kitchen. I heard the cupboard open and then a pill bottle jangle. I dropped my head as he walked by the living room and then disappeared down the corridor without saying a word to me.
Silence wrapped its cold arms around me as I stood in the living room and waited.
The conversation replayed in my mind like little sound bites from a bad movie and I wondered if I’d been too callous with my words. I’d wanted to be completely honest with him so that he’d know the whole truth, so that he knew what he was getting into, but as I stood alone in the room, I wondered if there was something to be said about lying. Was it really so bad to lie if you were lying to protect the person you cared about? Maybe that’s what I should’ve done. Maybe I should’ve protected him instead.
My stomach clenched.
A few more minutes of maddening silence passed through me and eventually, I sat down on the couch and stared aimlessly into the fire. The flames licked out at the fire log, ripping and tearing at its bark like Engel used to tear through me. The unwanted memory stole my breath like a punch to the gut. I quickly tried to push it away, to remind myself that it was all over. That he was gone and I was safe now. Safe, but far from okay.
As depressing as the thought was, it was the truth. I wasn’t okay. Not inside. Not where it mattered the most. I hadn’t felt okay in a really long time and as long as my brain was turned on and working, that’s how it always remained.
There was only one thing that made it go away.
One surefire way to shut it all off.
In that moment, I longed for that exact escape. To be able to sink away into that realm of painless existing that only Dominic could take me to. Dominic. My pulse quickened as I wondered how he was doing just then. I wondered if he was faring better on his own than I was.
Iniquitous: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Marked Book 3) Page 14
