by Rye Hart
I shook my head “It's not like that – ”
“Don't,” she snapped. “Don't you fucking dare. There is no other way it could be. How could you bring me into this?”
I shook my head again. “I wasn't trying to bring you into anything,” I said. “And I'm not running drugs, Piper. I'm just delivering packages. That's all I'm doing. Ferrying a bag from point A to point B.”
“Yeah, that's kind of the definition of running drugs, moron.”
Piper's eyes blazed with fury. They were narrowed, and her jaw was clenched. If she had something in her hand, I had no doubt she would have beat me with it right then and there. I understood her anger. I was angry with myself for falling into it in the first place.
But, she also needed to understand I had no choice. I was hoping for a little bit of understanding from her, from one caretaker to another. Just a little bit.
“Piper,” I said. “This was a temporary thing. Just until I could find a job. I needed to provide for the kids – ”
“By running drugs?”
“It was the only work I could find,” I said. “It was just something I needed to keep a roof over our heads for a little while until I could find a legitimate job.”
“Shane, you were almost shot out there,” she said. “You could have been killed. What would your brother and sister have done if you'd been killed?”
I shook my head. “I don't know,” I say. “Probably gone back into the system. But then, if I couldn't keep a roof over our heads, they would have gone back in anyway, so it's not like it would have made much of a difference.”
The sound of her flesh meeting mine rang in my ears a moment before I felt the physical, stinging sensation of the slap. I stared wide-eyed at her for a long moment, unable to believe she'd just smacked me.
“Believe it or not, asshole,” she hissed. “It would have made a big difference to a lot of us whether or not you got shot.”
I sighed. “I was really caught between a rock and a hard place,” I said. “I'm sorry, Piper.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Me too. Sorry as hell.”
Something in her voice made me look up. There was something in her words, a tone or inflection, that made me wonder what she was thinking in that moment.
“What do you mean?” I asked slowly, a feeling of dread descending down over me. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
She let out a long breath and I saw her eyes shimmer with tears. “I do though,” she said. “I'm just sorry this isn’t going to work out.”
“What are you talking about, Piper?” I asked. “Please don’t throw everything away over one mistake.”
She shook her head and the tears started to roll down her cheeks.
“It’s a pretty big fucking mistake Shane. You know my ex is trying to take Olivia from me. You know there's a court date coming up. And you know my ex is looking for any reason, any excuse, real or not, to have me declared an unfit mother. I think hanging out with drug runners is probably a good reason, don't you?”
“Yeah, but I'm not – ”
“You are, Shane,” she roared. “You are running drugs. Plain and simple. I know you needed to provide for your siblings. I know you are doing everything you can to keep your family together. I know that. I admire the fact that you are willing to anything it takes to keep your family together, but not I have to do everything it takes to keep mine together.”
“It's not like I had many options, Piper,” I said. “The job offers weren't exactly pouring in.”
“Of course there are options,” she said. “You just need to look for them. Instead, you went the illegal route – the dangerous as hell route – for the easy payday.”
“Piper, I – ”
She held up her hand, shaking her head. “No,” she said. “I'm sorry, Shane. I can't have you around me or my daughter. Not with my ex trying to pull all of this shit in court. I can't do it. I won't risk my little girl for you or anybody.”
The tears were rolling down her face fast and furious, and my heart was in the process of shattering into a million little pieces. I wanted to pull her to me, to hold her tight and tell her that I would stop and that everything was going to be okay.
“I need you to go,” she said. “You can hide in the store room until the police are gone, but after that, you need to go.”
“Piper, wait. We can – ”
She narrowed her eyes, the rage burning even brighter. “No,” she said. “You made the best decision you could for you and your family. Now, I need to make the best decision I can for mine. Make sure the door is locked behind you when you leave.”
Without another word, she turned on her heel and walked back out into the front of the store –and straight out of my life, period.
CHAPTER NINE
PIPER
When I got home, I was trembling. My heart was racing, and my mind was completely unfocused. I was a mess and couldn't stop shaking as I paced the living room. I could hear mom and Olivia down the hall, but I wasn't ready to come face-to-face with them. Not yet, anyway. Tears streaked my face and I needed to get myself back under control before I trusted myself not to fall apart in front of them.
How could I have been so stupid? I could have been killed – or worse. If Shane was involved with that sort of life, there was no way I could be involved with his. There was no doubt my daughter would have to come first. She'd always come first to me, regardless of who I happened to be dating, or how I happened to feel about them.
Olivia was my priority and always would be.
I heard footsteps in the hallway though and knew that they'd heard me come in. I couldn't hide forever, so I did my level best to choke down my emotions. I wiped my eyes, cleared my throat, and tried to stuff that swirling maelstrom of emotions inside of me down deep.
My heart was literally shattering inside of me, but I needed to put on a happy face for my little girl.
Things with Shane were over for good. There was nothing that would be worth the risk of losing my daughter. Nothing. As much as it broke my heart to even consider it, I had to cut all ties with him. “Mommy!” Olivia called out, her little feet pitter-pattering across the floor as she reached for me with a smile.
My own mother followed behind, her head cocked, a concerned look on her face. Judging by her expression, she could tell I'd been crying. It's that gift, that sixth sense that allows them to see through all of your diversions and emotional barriers, that all mothers seem to have. “Is everything okay?” she asked me, looking at me closely. “You're home early.”
“Yeah, there was an incident at the store. I'm fine,” I said, waving her off. “But, they decided to close down for the rest of the day.”
Mom studied my face seriously but nodded. She wasn't going to push me just yet, not while I was holding my baby girl. Olivia was in my arms and I covered her face with kisses, which helped stop the crying once and for all. My baby girl giggled wildly, squirming in my arms until I put her back down.
“I'm just going to lay down for a bit, I'm still a little shaken up,” I said.
I was headed toward my bedroom when there was a knock at the door. I stopped, my body tensing so hard my muscles ached as I froze in place. I feared who might be on the other side of the door and I immediately began trying to figure out who it could be. More cops? They'd questioned me at the store. Did they have more questions for me? Could it be someone else? Someone who knew I'd witnessed what had really gone down?
My heart stopped. I knew my story sounded flimsy and I was terrified that they'd find me out. I didn't know if I'd get into trouble for not exactly telling them the whole truth – I'd omitted a big part of the story.
Before I could tell my mom to not answer the door though, she'd already opened it. I turned, fearing the worst – that the cops were there to slap me in cuffs and haul me away right in front of my little girl. Somehow though, when I saw who was standing there, I realized getting dragged out of the house by the cops actually wasn't the wors
t that could have happened.
“Shane, I told you – ” I said, shaking my head and biting off my words, not wanting to say too much in front of my mom.
“Listen, Piper. Please, just listen to me, will you?” he practically begged. “Just give me a chance to explain.”
“No. Nope. Not interested in hearing it,” I said, pointing toward the door. “Out. The last thing I need is trouble brought into my family. I've had enough of that lifestyle already. I don't need more of it. Get out.”
I tried to stay strong, to not cry in front of my daughter and mother. Our voices were raised a bit and there was definitely tension in the air. I cut a glance over at Olivia who looked scared out of her mind, and my mother took the hint and gathered her up, giving both me and Shane a sideways glance as she left the room. She carried my little girl down the hall to her room as my baby stared at me with wide, frightened eyes.
Shit. That was exactly why I left that life behind. To protect her. To keep her from being scared or hurt – and there I was failing at it.
“Piper, it's not what you think,” he said.
He closed the distance between us and stood before me, his eyes filled with pain, shimmering with unshed tears.
“I lost you once, I can't lose you again,” he said.
His voice was thick with emotion and he sounded sincere, but I couldn’t let myself fall into that. Not again. Olivia meant way too much to me to get involved with that lifestyle again.
“I used to feel the same way, Shane. I did,” I said. “But my daughter comes first. And if you're caught up in that crap, I can't risk it.”
The tears welled, burning my eyes again. Shit. Why did I have to care so much for him? Why did it have to hurt this badly? It killed me to find that he wasn't the man I thought him to be. That he wasn't the same man he'd been back then. It should be easy to let go, considering all that I'd gone through with Trent.
Yet, I found myself wanting to listen to him. To hear him out. To believe him and give him a second chance. Even after giving Trent countless second chances, all of which he'd abused, there I was looking to do it all over again with Shane.
Shane was different though, right? I thought so, but maybe I was just a bad judge of character. Maybe I was so busy seeing the good in somebody, that I didn't stop to look at the reality of them. I never would have pegged him for someone involved with drugs. Never in a million years. Yet, there we were.
“It was a one-time deal,” he said, then cringed. “Okay, that's not true, I've run a few jobs for Tim. But, it was only because I was desperate, Piper. Do you know what it feels like to be desperate to provide for the people you love? To know that if you don't do something, that you'll have to watch them go hungry? This isn't about getting new clothes or a new car. This is about making sure they have food in their bellies before they go to sleep at night.”
“I do know what it’s like to be that desperate, but I'd never sink that low. I would have found another way,” I spat. “I could lose my daughter, Shane.”
“I didn't know that,” he said, his voice soft as he ran a hand through his hair. “I honestly didn't know that. I just – I wasn't thinking.”
“You could lose everything too, you know,” I spat. “Emily. Nolan. Your freedom. Hell, maybe even your life, for all I know.”
“I know,” he admitted. “It was stupid. It was wrong, and I was an idiot to get involved with it in the first place. Seeing how close I came to dying today – believe me, I get it.”
I stopped, stepping back and looked at him for a long moment.
“Iwas desperate and fell into this whole thing by accident,” he said. “But I'm done. Truly done. I'll find something else. I just didn't want to lose my brother and sister, and this seemed like the only way to keep us all together. But, you're right – I could have lost them anyway. And I could have lost you.”
His voiced thickened with emotion again and he choked up. “You could have been hurt. Or worse,” he said. “And I would have never forgiven myself.”
As much as I wanted to be mad, to scream and yell at him, seeing that sad, pained, haunted look in his eyes, I knew he was serious. Shane had always been the type of person who put others first. He was nothing like Trent in that regard. “I believe you,” I said softly.
“Thank you,” he said. “I understand if you don't want to be with me. I know your daughter comes first. I respect that. I just wanted you to know – that's not who I am.”
I nodded. My heart was aching inside me, my stomach was in knots. I yearned to press my lips to his and to tell him it was alright, that we could be together, hat we'd find a way to work through this and that I wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with me.
Even though I wasn't sure we could. Not right now, at least. I reached out and stroked his cheek, and he leaned into my touch, making my heart shatter even more.
“I'm sorry, Shane. I'd love to say I can look past this, but I can't. Not this easily,” I said. “I need to focus on my daughter first, and then? Then we'll see what happens.”
He nodded and kissed my palm. “I understand. You know where to find me.”
He turned and walked toward the door, and I felt like something inside of me had cracked open. My chest was tight, and I couldn't breathe. Seeing him walk away again – it reminded me of having to watch him walk out of my life all those years ago. It remined of when I'd lost him the first time.
I had to bite back the sob that threatened to burst from my throat. I couldn't give in. I just couldn't, there was too much at stake.
“My custody hearing is in a few weeks,” I said as he approached the door. “After that, we can talk. Okay?”
He looked over his shoulder and shot me one of his infamous smiles, though it looked painfully weak and uncertain to me. But still, was the smile that I dreamt about for years, while sleeping next to my abusive ex. The smile I never thought I'd see again until that fateful day I caught his brother stealing.
I smiled back.
Maybe there was hope after all. Maybe, we just needed a little time.
~ooo000ooo~
A few weeks later, I stared across the courtroom at my ex. He smirked at me, shooting me a cocky, knowing glance. My stomach roiled, and I feared I might lose my lunch, but the dark, abiding anger I felt for him rose up strong within me. Straightening up in my seat, I focused my attention straight ahead at the judge instead. Sheila was at my side, holding my hand. She was confident that the judge would side with me.
. Sheila had contacted his so-called employer, only to find holes in the story. They had no files on Trent, no actual time cards, no authentic W2's, no nothing. They didn't even have an application for him. They had absolutely nothing of any merit. Eventually, the employer had backed down and recanted his story. Even better, as of that morning, Sheila had confirmed proof that Trent had paid the company to fake whatever employee payroll records and more that he'd provided to the court to prove his story.
Which was, a federal crime.
My stomach churned but I knew we were going to win . Trent was only pretending that he had a chance, acting like he still had something up his sleeve. He knew he was in deep shit but was showboating just to scare me. He liked making me feel weak.
No more, I thought. Once we were done with this, we were free and clear. If all went well, Trent would end up behind bars and there'd never be a doubt that Olivia should live with me.
The judge looked over everything and called us back into order.
“After reviewing the paperwork from both sides,” Judge King said, “I see no reason that custody should not remain with the mother, full-time. As of this time, the father does not only seem unsuitable to care for a child but may be facing criminal charges as well. I hereby grant full custody to the mother, Piper Anderson, and revoke any and all visitations from the father at this time.”
I sighed as a powerful wave of relief washed over me. Trent was not going to be able to hurt us again. He'd never be able to control me.
Not through my daughter, not through any method whatsoever. I was free f him. I was finally free to live my life.
Sheila and I left the courthouse and stepped into warm, late August sun. It was still incredibly hot and humid, but it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, so I felt better than ever. As we walked down the stairs of the courthouse, I caught sight of my mother and Olivia. I had no idea either of them would be there, especially since Trent was, and it made me nervous to have my baby girl around him. I rushed over to them, and that's when I saw they were not alone.
My smile grew when I saw Shane holding Olivia's hand as they approached us. I knew that he would have protected my daughter and mother just as he protected his own family. I hurried over and wrapped my arms around my daughter, tears of joy spilling down my face.
“How'd it go?” mom asked.
“Good. Fantastic. Amazing, actually,” I said, standing up with Olivia in my arms.
It had been weeks since I had last seen Shane, ever since the fight at my apartment. He still looked damned good though, and even better, he looked happy to see me – though, I was surprised he was there.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I just wanted to be here to support you,” he said.
Before I knew what got into me, I gave into the feeling of my newfound freedom and the overwhelming emotions it stirred within me. I quickly closed the distance between Shane and myself, and I kissed him on the cheek. My mother reached for Olivia, and with my arms free, I wrapped them around his neck and stood on my tip-toes, kissing him on the lips.
“I'm guessing this means you forgive me,” he said when I finally pulled back.
“Just don't do anything that stupid again,” I said, poking him in the chest.
“Cross my heart, I won't,” he laughed. “I got myself a real job. Construction. Until I can get back into school that is. But, at least I'll be earning a steady, legit paycheck. I'll be able to provide for my family the right way.”
