by H. J. Bellus
Tuck starts to chuckle, but then my elbow lands in his ribs. I do not need a lecture right now about giving a guy hickies, and the star player, at that.
“Well, in just a few days we’ll be there with you, Blue.”
I can practically hear the tears welling up in her voice. I’ve never been away from my mom this long and hope I can hold my shit together while she’s here.
“Okay, we have everything planned out, and you have the hotel booked.”
“Tuck, we can’t wait to meet you.” I center the phone in front of his face, avoiding his hicky patch. “You know Blue’s never been in love before. Can’t wait to meet the guy who captured her heart.”
I glare at her, not allowing her to talk to Tuck any longer.
“Holy hell, Mom, want to tell him about the time I shit my pants in kindergarten too?”
“Oh, Blue, you are too sensitive. I’ll let you kids get on with your day. Love you.” I kiss the screen. “Oh, and your dad is missing you something fierce.”
“I miss you guys, too.” I send one final wave her way. “Bye, Mom.”
Tuck rests his hand on my leg and begins rubbing it up and down while I flop my head down on his shoulder.
“You and your mom seem like quite the characters together.”
“Yeah, you’ll see soon enough, Tuck. We are like a hot circus on ’roids when we are together, and you can usually find my dad sitting back in the corner sipping on a longneck.”
I don’t have to look up at his face to tell he’s worried about meeting my dad, because I can feel his whole body tense with just the mention of him. I’ve reassured him over and over again that my dad would never want to fix him.
“Tuck, he won’t want to fix you, and do you know why?”
He pulls the truck to a stop at a stoplight and looks down at me.
I place my lips on his and talk into them. “You don’t need to be fixed. You’re perfect.”
“I’ll never believe it no matter how many times you tell me.”
“Well, fuck you then. The light is green, and I’m hungry.” I bite down on his bottom lip. “And I’m always right, never forget that.”
“I hope you are, Blue.”
His voice is deflated, and I know as much as I battle with the attack, he battles being with me and letting me all the way in.
“So, practice that bad?” I ask, changing the subject.
“The guys got a kick out of the marks you left on me.” He looks down at me with a cute little smile on his face. “I’m pretty sure they’re all still in shock I have a girl.”
“Well, they shouldn’t be. I’m pretty into you, and you’ve pissed all over me.”
We don’t have long to talk before Sophie and Lane are waving to us in the parking lot of the diner. It will be nice grabbing a quick meal with all of us together, since it seems we’ve all been locked in our rooms screwing the shit out of each other.
“I call Blue tonight, Tuck,” Sophie hollers out.
“For dinner, but tonight she’s mine,” he growls back.
I grab for Sophie’s forearm and whip her around to face the street. “Look, Sophie, look.”
My voice is excited, but laced with confusion.
“What?” She looks into the sun and tries to shade her eyes.
“It’s Stephie.”
“Where?”
“That blue car right there. I think she’s with Ethan.”
As soon as Sophie focuses, the car takes off down the road.
“Mmmm. I don’t think that was her.”
“It was,” I insist. “Tuck, where’s Ethan these days?”
He shrugs like he couldn’t care less about it.
“He’s been at practice. Just staying pretty quiet since Stephie ditched him,” Lane adds.
“It was so her.” I lock my arm in Sophie’s. “I’d love to see her bloated and knocked up.”
“You’re so going to hell, Blue.”
I laugh. “It’ll be worth it.”
I tug Sophie to the corner table, hoping for some privacy, finally ready to open up to her about the letter that’s been haunting me.
“Sophie.”
Her eyes are glued to the screen of her phone, clearly enchanted by something.
“Sophie, listen, I have to tell you something, and it’s really important.”
Her head flies up. “Oh my god, you’re pregnant.”
“Jesus, no, I’m not knocked up, but listen…”
Before I’m able to finish my sentence, she’s sucked right back into the vortex of social media on her phone.
Tuck squeezes in next to me and our moment is over, but his comforting hands pull me into a hug, and the thought of that stupid-ass letter vanishes quickly. Lane follows suit shortly, with three teammates soon after him. It wouldn’t be dinner without a crew.
“What were you trying to tell me, Blue?” Sophie sets her phone down and nuzzles into Lane.
I wave her off. “It was nothing, really.”
As quickly as I dismiss her, she does the same to me, not prying for answers.
“So, Tuck, I hear you get to meet the parents this weekend.” Sophie stares him down.
He only nods, but Sophie doesn’t take it as any sort of clue.
“Are you nervous? I mean with Blue being an only child and perfection from head to toe, I bet her dad is a fierce poppa bear.”
Everyone at the table erupts into laughter, and it’s such a low blow to Tuck’s confidence I want to kill Sophie. I understand she doesn’t comprehend the whole situation, but she needs to back off.
“Actually, he’s dying to meet Tuck. He said he’s ready for me to be someone else’s problem.” I place a light kiss on Tuck’s cheek and squeeze his hands, but I see it in his eyes that he’s slipping away from me.
I give his hand an extra hard squeeze since that’s the only reassurance I have to offer.
Chapter 27
Tuck managed to make love to me last night until I almost passed out, doing all sorts of dirty things to me, and then he was gone before I woke up. It’s game day, and I understand that’s part of it, but he made it clear he wasn’t going to be joining my parents and me for breakfast. He also skipped out on picking them up at the airport last night with some excuse of a team meeting running late. Funny thing is Lane wasn’t at that late meeting; I texted Sophie and asked.
He’s putting up a barrier, and I have the sinking suspicion he won’t even give my dad a chance, and that thought pisses me off. I’m already late to breakfast and have my cheer bag scattered all over Tuck’s room. It’s probably a good thing he’s not here, because I’d be forced to karate chop him in the nuts for slowly morphing back into his guarded asshole persona.
I scramble to stuff everything back into my school-colored duffle bag, not giving two fucks what’s wrinkled or not. The pad of my finger glides across the sharp edge of paper, slicing it open. I pull it up quickly to my lips to catch the drops of blood and dull the stinging throb.
“Fuck.” My voice echoes in the quiet room.
Out of curiosity, I pull the paper from my bag and freeze in horror. It’s the same writing and same message, only this time there’s a photo of me taped to it. The rush of bile racing up my throat is not a threat, but rather a promise. I race to the bathroom and let it out in the toilet, dropping the note in the bowl with it. My stomach cramps as the convulsions don’t let up, and all my air is lost between gut wrenching gags.
“Blue.”
I barely hear a voice and know it’s my mind playing a trick on me. I need to get out of this house and be with someone. The harder I fight to turn off the retches, the faster and harder they come out.
“Blue.”
Turning my head, I see Tuck standing in the doorway. When we make eye contact he rushes to my side.
“What the fuck, baby?” He brushes my hair back from my face.
My sobs take over, and even if I wanted to tell him how scared I was, it would never happen.
“H
ere, baby.” He lifts me up with his strong hands and sets me on the counter. He starts the water in the sink and begins cleaning me up, stopping every once in a while to shoot me a questioning stare, but I don’t answer. When he brushes my teeth, I don’t protest, I just open up.
“Did you forget something?” I ask.
“Aren’t we going to breakfast?”
“I know there wasn’t a team meeting last night.” The words echo in the small bathroom, and they may be more painful than those words on that damn hate mail.
Tuck leans back against the door, running his hands through the back of his hair, not making eye contact with me. His hoodie rises just enough for the burnt piece of his abdomen to show.
“I’m trying, Blue, I’m fucking trying and don’t know what else to do.”
I pound my fists against the countertop. “Just fucking love me, be with me, and fucking protect me. Just love me.”
My voice trails off, and raging emotion that I’ve never felt before leaves my body in tears and sobs. It’s an attack I didn’t see coming and try to hide from it by bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I rock back and forth.
“Stop.”
He places his hands on each side of my face, and then his strong, gentle lips on the top of my head.
“You promised me, Tuck. You said you’d give me all of you.”
“Stop, Blue.”
He forces me to stop rocking, then picks me up from the counter.
“You’re leaving me, aren’t you, Tuck?”
He never answers my question as he places me in his truck, tosses my cheer bag in the back, and hands me my make-up bag. When I look in the mirror, I scramble to put some make-up on. The last thing I need is my parents riding my ass about my puffy eyes and tears. With everything I have, I suck it all back and focus on today. It’s game day, televised, and my parents are here, and Tuck’s here…for now.
By the time Tuck pulls up to the hotel, I have enough make-up slapped on to cover up any emotions that may be lingering on my face. Not one word is spoken between us on the drive over, but just like every single time I ride with him, he holds the door open for me, waiting on me to shuffle across the seat. He takes my hand, and for a moment everything feels like it will be all right in the world.
“Blue.”
The screech pierces my ears before I even fully enter the hotel lobby. My mom is up and on her feet sprinting toward me. You’d think she hadn’t seen me for months rather than last night.
“Momma.” I nod and hug her back.
“Oh my heavens, this must be Tuck.”
He stands frozen in place with his hands resting comfortably in his pockets. By no means did he dress up for the occasion in his black gym shorts, a long sleeve team shirt, and a ball cap, but then I look down to my warm-up suit, and I just shrug.
“Mom, this is Tuck, and Tuck, this is my mom.”
He’s wrapped up in a hug before he has a chance to even smile.
“Welcome to the family,” I joke and look around for Dad. “Where’s Dad, and where are we eating?”
I pull Mom off of Tuck and notice the tears forming in her eyes. The woman has been so damn emotional lately, and I know it’s because she’s homesick for me.
“He’s on a call. He will meet us on the patio in a few.”
I watch in awe as my mom loops her arm through Tuck’s and begins leading the way. He snags my hand, and I follow the two. If you didn’t know any better, we look like the picture of perfection. The eager, overzealous mom about to watch her only child cheer at a college game. The cheerleader with all the looks and zapped confidence. And then Tuck, the gorgeous, dreamy star player who is nothing but perfection. When in reality the two of us are nothing but a train wreck that’s already crashed, and we’re just trying to put the pieces together. The terrifying thing is the pieces will never go back.
Tuck pulls out a chair for my mom. He’s playing her just like a fiddle, and she’s eating up every second of it. I wait for him to sit by her and leave me standing and staring, but he doesn’t. With his back to my mom, he whispers in my ear, “I’m here, Blue. You’re not. You might want to wake up and enjoy this.”
His words catch me off guard, and I pull back and look into his eyes, searching for the punch line to his joke.
“I’m doing my best. I love you, Blue, and that’s the only reason I’m here.”
“Sit, kids.”
Peering over my shoulder, I see my mom’s curious and beaming face. I place a quick kiss on his lips and repeat those three words back to him.
“I love you.”
Tuck and my mom fall into an easy conversation, seriously distracting me from the worry of him running out on me, and leaving me to focus on the damn letter I found this morning. I rub the pad of my thumb over the loose skin of the paper cut and repeat the words of the letter over and over in my mind.
“Blue.”
“Yeah.” The sound of my name sucks me from the nasty vortex spiraling around in my mind. When I look up, I see my mom and Tuck both staring at me.
“Are you all right, honey?” Concern covers my mom’s face, and I know she’s just inches away from figuring out something is bothering me.
“Fine, why?” I shrug.
“I was talking to you, and you didn’t even acknowledge me.”
“Yeah, where are you, Blue?” Tuck elbows me and then pulls me into a tight side hug.
“Sorry.” I slap his broad chest. “Just going over a routine in my head. A bit nervous for this televised game.”
“Blue,” says my mom in her ‘don’t feed me that line of bullshit’ voice.
Someone grabs me from the back, tipping my chair, and then I feel my dad’s whisker burns and hear his laughter. I fight to push him away just like I did when I was kid, but then laughter hits me and I can’t get away. The more he rubs his stubble on my cheeks, the harder I laugh. My mom hollers at him to stop, but it’s not until she throws a croissant at his head that he does.
“Dad.” I stand and turn into him, throwing myself into his chest and hugging him hard. “I love you.”
Something about his presence comforts me when I’m the most vulnerable. He pulls away and goes straight to Mom, placing a kiss on her forehead, and then takes a seat. I don’t realize the stare-down that’s going on until my mom clears her throat.
“Honey, this is Tuck. Blue’s boyfriend.”
“Hello, sir.” Tuck stretches his hand out over the table.
“Have you guys had sex yet?”
Holy shit, water spews from my mouth, sending ice cubes over the tablecloth, but it doesn’t stop my dad.
“I hope you’ve been HIV tested, or I’ll cut your nuts off.”
“Dad,” I squeal and then cover my face. “I told him you’d be nice.”
“Well, if you so much as look at her in the least sexy way with those horndog lusty college boy eyes while I’m around, I’ll kill you.”
“Dad.” My voice comes out muffled between my palms, and when I look up, Tuck’s hand is no longer stretched out and he’s turned off.
“Just shitting ya, kid.” Dad’s laughter fills the tiny café. “Please take her annoying ass off my hands, and my Visa will thank you.”
I feel the blood rush back into my face and my jaw relax. “You asshole.” I toss the croissant back in his direction, but he deflects, sending it into my mom’s hair.
“Get over here, Tuck.”
I watch as my dad rises to his feet and walks halfway to our side of the table. Tuck mimics his actions and is pulled into a tight hug. Dad pats his back, making a loud thumping sound as Tuck stands rigid.
“Sorry, can never pass up scaring the shit out of someone.”
“Well, sir, you sure did.” Tuck takes his seat next to me.
“Let’s talk ball.” Dad takes a long drink from his ice water. “Because god knows I’ve spent way too many years hearing about cheer and dance.”
“Dad, you’re an ass.” I flick
water in his direction.
“You know you love me, baby Blue.”
The two men quickly and very easily fall into a conversation about college ball, and the sound of their voices mingling soothes me. The two men I need in my life…actually have to have in my life.
I have to cut them off so we can get to the stadium on time.
“Okay, we have to go, Dad. We will see you after the game, or at least I will.”
I shoot Tuck a sideways glance.
“Oh, I’ll meet up for dinner and keep arguing about the fact Emmett Smith is and always will be the best running back in the history of running backs.”
“Boy, I have a lesson or two to teach you.”
Tuck stands and gives my mom a long hug without hesitation, and then shakes my dad’s hand, and even lets my dad wrap him up in a one-armed hug.
“Blue.”
“What, Daddy-o?”
He steps away from Tuck and closes the distance between us. The pad of his thumb rubs along my jawline.
“When did you get this scar?”
“What?”
“This long scar on your jawline.”
“Oh.” I stall with terror and should’ve known my dad of all people would’ve noticed the fading scab. “I, uh, connected pretty hard with the mats one day at practice, but I’ve been using that cream.”
“It’s a nasty one, baby Blue. When you come home this summer, I can do some treatments on it.”
“Nah, it’s fine.” I wave him off.
“Just keep your face from the mats from now on.” He wraps me up into a full body hug and then whispers into my ear. “I expect the full damn story when your mother isn’t here.”
“Dad.”
“Blue, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Fine.” I push back off him. “We really need to get going, or our coaches will have our asses.”
One final wave of hugs and goodbyes are exchanged before Tuck and I finally make it out into the parking lot.
“So?” I ask, clutching his hand.
“What?”
“You are such an ass, Tuck, I swear.”
He scoops me up in his arms and throws me over his shoulder, and I break out in laughter. I swear the man knows when I start to get pissy and then breaks the mood. He begins jogging, dodging, and juking fake defenders.
