by Joy Elbel
When I saw that bridge looming in the distance, I knew exactly what was going to happen. Being in that car, on that bridge with Lucas being a dead ringer for Lee—all of that added up to paralyzing fear for Ruby. Just as they approached the bridge, I could see her start to freak out. And Lucas take his hand off the wheel to reach for her.
No! It should be me comforting her—not him! Hell, I never would have taken her over that bridge in the first place. I would have driven to Ohio and back to find another way into the city. But that was the difference between us—I actually cared about her. Just past the bridge, he pulled into a parking spot. I watched her throw her arms around him, grateful to have made it to the other side, no doubt. Even knowing why she did it didn’t keep me from getting sick to my stomach. I was losing her and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I stayed in the car and watched them climb the steps to the Allegheny County Hall of Records. Wait a second— that’s where he thought he would find information about his birth parents? On a Saturday afternoon? Government buildings were never open this late on weekends—noon at the very latest. Of all people, City Boy should have known that and using my best guess, he probably did. He brought her all the way to Pittsburgh knowing they weren’t going to find a single thing!
Whatever. All he accomplished was wasting a tank of gas and copping a cheap feel when she freaked out. He was probably talking her into coming back here with him, probably pouring his heart out to her about how badly he wants to find answers. Well, I knew how to fix that. I would have to work hard to dig up some dirt on him between then and now. There had to be a way to prove to her that he wasn’t who he wanted her to think he was.
As bad as I felt, at least I knew they would be heading back to Charlotte’s Grove earlier than originally planned and I would be able to see her tonight. Ruby would text me any second now to tell me what happened. I watched them get into the car, expecting to see her dig for her phone instantly. Any second now. Umm, now? Nothing.
City Boy pulled back out into traffic and I followed him. He wasn’t turning the car around, though. Where was he taking her? We passed about a thousand restaurants, reminding me that I was starving to death. I didn’t eat breakfast because I was pretending to be sick and I was paying for it now. Maybe I would get lucky and he would aim that beast of a car into a drive thru.
Not used to city driving, I had a hard time keeping up with him. I cut off a few cars and got the finger more than I did when I was learning how to drive. And I got the finger a lot back then. I better not get into an accident! It took every last penny I had—and then some—to buy myself a new tire. I couldn’t afford to fix the front bumper of some flashy Mercedes. Not to mention the wrath I would face at home when my parents found out that I lied about being sick. They were both at work and assumed that I was in bed—I had to be home and in one piece before they found out otherwise.
It felt like we were driving in circles—did he spot me and decide to lead me around the city like a dumbass? For real, I was so hungry I was about to dig between the seats for a stray fry or two. When he pulled into a shopping center just outside of Monroeville, I immediately honed in on the string of fast food joints. If they were stopping for food, I could get myself something to eat, too.
Burgers, chicken, seafood—it didn’t matter to me. Wherever they went, I would pick someplace different and chow down. D’avoir un rêve. You have got to be kidding me. Even the garbage can on the sidewalk looked expensive. Ruby wasn’t poor but she didn’t have expensive tastes. Or at least she claimed she didn’t. Eating there had to be his idea.
I hit the nearest drive thru and got myself two burgers, large fries, and a chocolate shake and waited for them to come out. I was pathetic, wasn’t I? Was I only here because I thought Lucas was dangerous or was there some other reason? He hadn’t done anything to hurt her. He minded his own business in school and didn’t seem to have any other friends. I slurped down the last of my milkshake and had an epiphany. What I was doing today totally qualified as stalking.
I decided to leave, to stop following her around. If she found out, she would be so mad at me. She probably wouldn’t speak to me for days. I was just about to leave when something landed on the hood of my car. It was a bird—a huge, black, and familiar bird.
Common sense told me that it couldn’t be the same crow that warned me that she was in danger before—I was over a hundred miles away from Charlotte’s Grove. But since I met Ruby, I’d given up on relying on common sense. I charged out of the car, ready to go stop whatever was happening in that restaurant but the crow charged back at me.
With strong ebony wings, it pushed me back toward the Neon until I gave up and sat back down. Once I was inside the car, the crow settled back onto the hood and stared at me for several minutes. Then it sat there, calmly and methodically preening itself. For whatever reason, it wanted me to stay where I was. And for some unexplained reason, I did what it wanted me to do. If that was Lee, he’d never steered me wrong before. Patiently, I waited. Okay, maybe patiently wasn’t exactly the right word for it. I stared that crow in his beady little eyes while I waited.
When they finally walked out of the restaurant, I saw something in Ruby’s face that I’d never seen there before— satisfaction. What exactly happened in that restaurant anyway? Besides money, what did he have that I didn’t? Money never seemed to matter to Ruby so there had to be something else. I was a nice guy. I treated her like a princess. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. Hell, I’d even risked my own life to save hers. Yeah, I’d acted like a jerk before but I joined an anger management class so I could be the guy she deserved.
Was he better looking than me? I didn’t really like all the attention I got but so many girls would go out with me if I asked them to. But Ruby wasn’t just any girl. Did she have a thing for that slightly emo, punk rocker look that Lucas had? She thought I looked like a Norse god—that had to count for something. Didn’t it? I gazed into the rearview and pictured myself with a Mohawk. Maybe but mom would definitely kill me.
The crow gave a quick peck on my windshield, cocked its head in Ruby’s direction and flew away. I guess that was my cue to follow them back home. Except home wasn’t where they were heading. I counted down backwards from twenty this time and gave a cleansing exhale. If I lost it on him now, I would lose her for sure.
When I watched him pull into the parking lot of a skating rink, I laughed out loud. She couldn’t skate! Ruby would sit there bored and miserable while he tried to impress her. Well, I knew from personal experience that that wouldn’t work. I’ll bet he doesn’t even know how to spray! Our date at the rink was the worst we’d ever had but at least it was working in my favor now.
I gave them enough time to get comfortable then snuck up to the building. All I needed was to see her having a rotten time and I would be happy. Not that I wanted her to be unhappy—I just wanted her to be unhappy without me. There wasn’t any real way to disguise myself so I threw my hood up over my head hoping it would be enough and walked in the front door.
When I saw her, my heart dropped right out of my chest. She wasn’t sitting on the bench being pissy—she was gliding around the ice like an angel. Her hair flew out behind her as he swung her around. And what was with her new hairdo anyway? She never did her hair different for any of our dates other than the fundraiser and that’s only because Rachel did it for her. She looked so beautiful—her cheeks were rosy and she was practically glowing. So that’s what she looked like when she was totally happy, totally worry free. The connection we shared was intense—maybe she wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship I wanted with her. I always knew she had unresolved feelings for Lee but I seriously underestimated their effects. I couldn’t watch any more. If he kissed her, I would die right where I was standing. It already felt like I’d lost a piece of myself that I would never get back. I turned around, got in my car and drove home. This time, the crow wasn’t there to stop me.
13. Unhappy Holidays
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Why didn’t Zach text me one single time today? For real, I was gone for hours—he should have been wondering where I was! How could a really fun day leave me feeling so rotten?
What if Lucas was right—what if Zach loved being a hero more than he actually loved me? Our relationship started out on a dramatic note when he thought Lee was beating me. He came to my rescue then and about a thousand times since then. If I stopped letting him be a part of my ghost drama, maybe I would find out for sure. That’s it! I would downplay anything that happened to me at the Bantam and see if he acted any differently toward me.
With this plan in mind, I got up the nerve to just call him and tell him about my day. One, two, three rings later and he still didn’t pick up. Just as the call was about to go to voice mail, he answered.
“Hey,” he said, still sounding distant like earlier. “How was work?” I asked casually. Talking about the shelter always got him excited so I figured it would be a good way to start the conversation.
“Huh? Oh, okay I guess.”
Strange answer. I pressed on. “Anything exciting happen today?”
“Exciting? I would hardly call it that.” Cryptic answer. It was time to just tell him about my day. “So the trip to Pittsburgh was a bust—the hall of records was closed when we got there.”
“Really? Closed on a Saturday?” I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or sincere. “Yeah,” I replied, deciding to go with sincere. “We’ll have to go back on a weekday if we hope to find anything.”
“I guess so. Did you do anything else while you were there?” Zach’s voice was impossible to decipher this time. It was almost like he was bracing for some sort of impact. What did he think we did while we were gone?
“We had some lunch and then we stopped off at the ice skating rink where he used to hang out. Nothing exciting.” Okay, so I had more fun with Lucas than I wanted to admit but I was afraid to tell him the whole truth. I loved Zach but I knew he would take it the wrong way.
“Oh.” No questions? No jealousy? Who was this new Zach— did the real Zach get abducted by aliens? If he didn’t want details, I wasn’t going to say anything more.
“So Shelly is putting up our Christmas tree tomorrow and I’m being forced to participate. Will you come over? I could really use the moral support.”
“Sure. What time?” It was the first hint of excitement I’d gotten from him since the conversation started. Please, don’t let him be another one of those annoying Christmas freaks. You know— the ones who know every line in the movie Elf by heart.
“How about six? I feel like we never get to see each other anymore. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too, Ruby. More than you know.” Now I felt bad. School, work, ghosts, and Lucas— there were way too many things coming between us. I had to take off the Scrooge hat and try to be festive for him tomorrow.
I couldn’t think of anything else to say so I said the usual. “I love you, Zach.”
“I love you, too.”
I hung up and finished getting ready for bed. The last thing I did was send him my usual text. “Mwah & goodnite!” His response? “Goodnite.” There was definitely something wrong in our relationship, something going through his mind that he refused to share. I wanted to know what it was but I was too afraid to find out.
All of my hopes for a nice day of bonding with Zach were dashed by a knock on the door. Again. As I watched Zach and my dad set up the tree, Shelly returned from the front hall. She didn’t return alone.
“Ruby, you have a visitor,” she announced apprehensively.
Zach nearly dropped the tree on my dad’s head when he looked up and saw Lucas in the living room doorway. “Sorry to interrupt,” Lucas said, holding out his hand. “I found this in my car this morning and I figured you were probably going crazy looking for it.”
When he opened his fist, my mouth dropped open. In his hand was the necklace Zach bought me in Erie. The key to his heart. How did I not realize it was gone? My face flushed hot and I felt guilty. Guilty for what I had no idea but guilty nonetheless.
The irony wasn’t lost on me and by the looks of it, not lost on Zach, either. This was practically the same situation that brought us together. The first time I lost a gift from Lee unnoticed and Zach was all too happy to swoop in and return it. This time he was on the receiving end and I could see that it hurt him. How did my necklace fall off without me realizing it?
The room became uncomfortable as everyone could see Zach’s feelings written plainly across his face. I thanked Lucas for returning the necklace and quickly tried to usher him out the door. Not quick enough. He nodded to my father and stepmother and uttered a polite goodbye. Then he zeroed in on Zach.
Lucas looked him square in the eye. “Thanks for letting me borrow Ru yesterday. Zach.” He paused slightly before saying his name and pronounced it in a way that brought to mind old Westerns my dad used to watch when I was younger. You know, it was the extra polite exchange between gunslingers just before the lead started to fly. Zach in a white hat, Lucas in a black one, staring each other down as the whole town came out to watch. I could almost see Zach’s right hand cocking an imaginary revolver in its holster at his side. This was not the OK Corral! Hold onto your six shooters, boys—Annie Oakley’s about to break up this little gunfight!
“Sorry Lucas, but it’s family bonding night at Rosewood. I’ll see you in school tomorrow,” I said clutching his arm and practically dragging him into the hallway.
“Zach doesn’t look like he’s in the mood to bond, Ru,” Lucas said triumphantly. He knew he got to him and he seemed proud of that fact.
“What Zach is or isn’t in the mood to do is none of your business. Got it?” So this was what it felt like to be a kindergarten teacher. Both boys needed a time out for real. And no snack time. I opened the front door and stood there impatiently waiting for him to leave.
“Seriously though, Ru, he always seems to be in such a bad mood. You deserve to be with someone who actually enjoys spending time with you. The way I do.”
What did he want me to say to that? Zach wasn’t always moody, only when Lucas was around. Or when I spent time with Lucas or mentioned Lucas in any way, shape or form. It was all about cause and effect—Lucas caused it then blamed Zach for how it affected me. If he didn’t soon leave this house, he was going to lose nap privileges, too.
Angry yet still slightly flattered, I announced firmly, “Goodbye, Lucas.” He left without another word because he knew he already said everything he needed to say.
The living room was a short distance away but I milked that hallway for all it was worth. Why? Because I didn’t want to face Zach. The look on his face when Lucas held out that necklace would be forever etched into my brain. It was a look of sadness and betrayal, shock and anger. It was a look of defeat. What could I do to make things right after this? I inspected my necklace while I walked. The clasp wasn’t even broken. How did it manage to end up in Lucas’s car?
What little holiday spirit I had was gone since the tree lighting had almost become a tree fighting ceremony. Shelly and Dad did their best to lighten the mood but it was far from adequate. Just throw that damn angel on the top already, Dad—Zach and I have things to discuss!
When the tree was finished, Zach said goodbye to my parents and reached for his jacket. He couldn’t leave like that—I wouldn’t let him.
“Zach!” I called. “Stay for a little while. Please!” I was not too proud to beg! He hesitated with one arm in his jacket and the other sleeve dangling. I must have looked pathetic enough for him to change his mind because he slid his jacket off and hung it back up. But pathetic or not, he stayed silent and made me do all the talking.
“Come upstairs with me so we can talk.” I extended my hand and it met with hesitation. He should have known that I wouldn’t give up on him that easily. So I stood there like a dork with my arm outstretched until he finally took my hand in his.
Walking into my room with him brought back s
o many memories—all of those nights studying at my desk, the floor where we had our hottest make out session yet, the bed where we almost had sex the night of the Halloween party. When I caught him staring at my bed, I knew he had to be thinking the same thing I was—how did so much change between us in such a short period of time?
“Zach, I want to talk about what happened earlier, about the necklace,” I said flopping down onto the futon.
Zach took a deep breath and exhaled noisily. “Okay. Talk.” Yikes. His words were razor sharp, icicles honed to a fine point and dangling precariously above my head. “Zach, I honestly don’t know how it happened. The clasp is still intact—see for yourself.”
I pulled the necklace out of my pocket and handed it to him. With the eyes of a hawk, Zach inspected every link in the chain before handing it back to me. “Do you swear to me that you didn’t take it off? It wasn’t getting in the way while you two were.…”
“While we were what?” I shouted heatedly. “If you’re insinuating that Lucas and I are more than just friends, you can leave right now! There’s the door.” I pointed angrily at the doorway, trying to look and sound strong. Inside, though, I was crumbling. Crumbling at the thought that he just might take me up on my suggestion.
And for one excruciatingly long second, I thought he was actually going to follow my advice. He flinched momentarily like he was about to stand up then changed his mind.
“Look, Ruby, I’m sorry. But you have to understand how bad this looks! Unbroken necklaces don’t just fall off, you know! There’s something else going on here.”
“I swear on our love, Zach! I didn’t take that necklace off! Lucas and I haven’t kissed—nothing happened while we were in Pittsburgh!”
Nothing physical anyway. But something did happen emotionally. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Lucas was exciting, charming, and romantic in a quirky sort of way. My love for Zach was still there, still strong. But for the first time, it was shrouded in confusion. Real confusion. The conflicting feelings I had for both he and Lee were never a true threat to our relationship before. But this time around, I wasn’t so sure. I so desperately wanted to return to a time when that confusion wasn’t there.
