by Joy Elbel
When our lips touched, it didn’t end there. He gently coaxed his tongue into my mouth and my world exploded right there on that stage. If it’s true that a picture is worth a thousand words, then a kiss must be worth at least a million. There was no more doubt in my mind or in my heart. As the curtain fell and applause filled the theater, it felt like they were all applauding because finally everything made sense to me. I knew exactly who I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.
42. Death of Seasons
Winter used to be my favorite season. When we were kids, Rachel and I used to make armies of snowmen on the front lawn—our parents practically had to drag us into the house at the end of the day. As I got older, I traded in snowmen for impromptu hockey games with Boone and the rest of the guys. This year, I was looking forward to enjoying winter in other ways.
I pictured Ruby and me walking hand in hand through the snow, ice skating together and then snuggling on the couch with hot chocolate to warm up. Why couldn’t life ever go the way I planned?
Everything started out perfect, everything would have stayed perfect if hadn’t been for him. I should have known that day was really the beginning of the end for Ruby and me.
I was so proud of her when Rachel joined me in the audience and told me that Ruby was taking her place on the stage. She was always so shy and self-conscious but I knew she would outshine everyone else. And she did. When she walked back on stage for those last few scenes, she looked so confident and happy. I should have known that it was the beginning of the end—for me.
Rachel and I were sitting front and center. I wasn’t sure if Ruby could see me over the spotlights, but I thought she might be able to feel me—feel me cheering her on, feel how happy I was to see her step outside of her comfort zone and be successful at it. Even if she couldn’t see me, I could still see her. And as she approached the front of the stage for those final lines, that’s when I saw it. Or to be more accurate, I didn’t see it.
The ring, the promise ring I gave her on Halloween, the ring she swore she would never take off as long as she loved me—it was missing from her finger. I paid attention to every little detail of Ruby but that ring was the first thing I looked for lately. While part of me expected this to happen, part of me never thought it would. Hope was the first thing that died that night.
Rachel had already prepared me for the fact that the final scene involved a kiss, an innocent, harmless kiss. “A simple peck on the lips—trust me,” she said. “If it were anything more involved, Boone would have stayed home tonight. He knows that I want to be an actress and that I’ll have to kiss other guys in some scenes. He trusts me but he says he never wants to actually watch me do it—unless I’m kissing a girl that is.” She waved casually to Boone who was seated a few rows behind us with his family to prove her point.
Rachel was the best sister ever and I did trust her but I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. And no, Rachel was wrong—I wasn’t just getting the flu again. I leaned forward on the edge of my seat, waiting for the inevitable.
The kiss. The harmless, innocent peck on the lips was nothing short of smoldering. And when I saw that tear fall from her eyes, I knew exactly what it meant. It meant that she was overcome with emotion—that she was truly in love with Lucas. But for me, it was an emotional sucker punch to the stomach, a mental kick in the groin. I trusted Ruby. I trusted her with my heart and my soul. I chased her when I thought she wanted to be chased. I backed off when I thought she just needed her space. It wasn’t easy either—it was like trying to push away the sky. She rebuilt my heart when I thought it was irreparably broken only to shatter it beyond all recognition. Our relationship was over. Life as I knew it was over. I was well past the beginning of the end.
I launched myself out of my seat and up the aisle with Rachel chasing me the whole way. As she grabbed my arm and tried to reason with me and get me to stay, I shook her off roughly. “She wants him, not me.”
Usually Rachel would say something optimistic to try to make me feel better. When all she said was, “I’m sorry, Zach,” I knew that I was right about everything.
I plowed my way out of the theater door and ran to my car. It was freezing cold outside and my jacket was still hanging on the back of my seat inside. It didn’t matter anyway. All of the jackets in the world would never make me warm again—at least not in my heart where it really mattered.
I drove without direction and with no sense of where I belonged anymore. Everywhere I looked I saw a memory of her. The places we used to go, the things we used to do together, all of the moments we said we would share in the future. Tonight marked the death of memories I hadn’t even made yet. I started to cry.
Where did I go wrong? What happened to make her stop loving me? If she needed something from me, something I wasn’t giving her—all she had to do was ask for it. Was it because he saved her from Jonas and not me? I was willing to die for her and she knew that. Could Lucas say the same thing—and mean it?
Even though she was barely speaking to me, I went to the theater that night to give her the kind of Valentine’s Day she always wanted, the kind she always deserved. I couldn’t afford to buy her anything so I packed a picnic basket with all of her favorite foods with the plan to whisk her away to the balcony for a romantic dinner. Instead, Lucas was the one doing the whisking.
I flew past my house and without even thinking, I found myself heading toward Rosewood. It was like my brain decided that my heart hadn’t taken enough punishment already. When I realized what road I was on, my heart decided to take control.
I cut the wheel sharply and slid sideways onto a back road that I normally didn’t take. As I drove, I tried my best not to think about her, but it was impossible. Death was the only thing that could ever erase the marks she’d made on my heart. Whether we were together or not, the memory of how I used to feel when I was with her was indelible.
The road before me twisted into a sharp turn and on the other side, I found something unexpected. A huge black bird was perched in the center and feeding from a fresh carcass. Instinct took over and I cut the steering wheel hard to avoid hitting it. The bird flew straight up into the air unharmed as I lost control of the car.
The Neon spun in circles before plunging down the side of an embankment and into a grove of pine trees. In that moment, time seemed to shift into slow motion. As branch after branch smashed into the sides of the car, I noticed the little things. The song that was playing on the radio, the name on the mail box as I smashed into it, the time on the clock. 8:47. It’s strange the thoughts you have, the details you notice just before you—
