Reality settled in. And Maxine’s heart began to race.
However, while everyone rushed the clothing racks for a first look, Maggie hung back and turned to Maxine. “You alright?”
Maxine couldn’t fool anyone. Her mother always told her that her face gave her away.
“Just overwhelmed,” Maxine said, turning on that old Kirk grin. “There’s so much to take in right now…”
With a pat on her back Maggie said, “You take your time, darling. It’s a big decision to make.”
Those words could have fallen straight from her father’s lips. Tom would have advised the exact same thing. However, she didn’t have time to ponder her own emotions before a second set of gowns for Maggie, Vicki and Jillian were rolled into the lounge.
“Do I get to choose my dress now, too, Captain?”
“Oh, Ben!” Maggie’s soft laughter floated so lightly throughout the room.
“Had to try, Maggie!” he winked at her.
Everyone noticed, though, when Maxine stepped up to have a gander at the bridesmaid dresses first. Systematically, she avoided looking for one of her own, but no one said a word. Behind her, Maggie’s sad and confused eyes turned first to Vicki and then to Ben. Met with their shrugs, she waited and watched Maxine’s every move.
“So which one will it be, Jill?” Maxine asked as she rifled through the selections. “I want you to love your dress, too.”
“Max, it’s your wedding,” Jillian reminded her.
“Simple, elegant and navy blue,” Maxine mumbled. “I trust your tastes implicitly.”
As Jillian reluctantly pulled one of the dresses and allowed the shopping assistant to escort her to the fitting room, Maxine continued to linger at that same rack, her eyes staring blindly at the selection before her.
“Hey, Cap…” Ben said suddenly, turning her around to face the bridal gowns. “What about this one?”
With its mermaid flounce and capped sleeves in Alençon lace, the Monique Lhullier design was quite possibly the best match of them all to Maxine’s tastes. Her simple nod gave him the go-ahead, but the attendant gazed upon Ben with a bit of disdain as he followed Maxine back to the dressing room.
“Oh, I’ve seen her naked before,” Ben said with a brush-off. “Ain’t nothin’ I want…”
As Ben stepped into the large dressing room with her and hung the gown on the back of the door, Maxine’s mind drifted once again. That time her thoughts fluttered far away from the night she spent in that salon with Drew. Methodically, she undressed without a care for Ben’s presence as he helped her lift the gown over her head and fit each section into place.
Taking a step back, he surveyed her with a smile as Maxine regarded herself rather blankly in the fully angled mirror. She filled the dress in quite nicely, and as he zipped her up, Ben realized that she actually had a bit of cleavage to show off.
“Your boobs are back!” Ben clapped his hands. “Guess I can’t call them skeeter bites anymore.”
“Silly boy!” she half-heartedly admonished, forcing herself to focus.
While she liked the idea of a small sleeve and enjoyed the kick of the chapel train behind her, Maxine frowned.
“You don’t like it?”
“I…I don’t know…” she finally admitted. “I…really…”
Ben knew she was likely just shocked to see herself in a wedding gown. Just six months ago, Maxine would never have even given the possibility of marriage a thought. He just had to keep her calm and remind her of the good in her life throughout every second of this wedding planning business.
“Let’s give everyone a show, shall we?” he said and reached for the doorknob.
What finally made Maxine grin was seeing Jillian prancing about in the navy blue organza gown that she’d chosen. With its high square neckline, accentuated by delicate straps and full gathered skirt, she looked the pillar of elegance, standing so tall as she waited for Maxine.
“I think someone’s found a dress here today!” Maxine was quick to note. Adam actually won this argument with Jillian—he was paying for the gown. “You look perfect, Jill!”
“And so do you, hot stuff!” Jillian said, slinking up to her dear friend’s side before the mirror. “I think Drew would certainly approve. Maggie? Vicki?”
“Oh, I think Tom would, too, Max!” Vicki agreed.
“That just might be the one…” Maggie’s smile was always so warm…but she knew she wasn’t convincing Maxine at that moment. “It fits your personality well, too, Maxine. Very sweet, but a little whimsical, too.”
“Um…maybe…if I…”
“Why don’t you try on a few more styles, darling?” Maggie suggested. “And let’s revisit this one again at the end. Just give yourself an idea of what’s available and what you prefer…”
With the next three gowns, Maxine went through the motions, with a repeat of the same performance every single time. She’d smile. They’d smile. Compliments were doled out.
However, something was missing.
Just for sport, Ben and Jillian convinced her to try on a full ball gown. This was the one day in her adult lifetime when playing dress-up was acceptable. She should, they encouraged, laugh it off and live it up.
Yet as Ben struggled to help her slither into that Badgley Mischka brouhaha—with its crystal encrusted sweetheart neckline and billowing skirt—Maxine suddenly froze. In fact, Ben didn’t have the chance to zip her before she just suddenly started to cry.
“Oh, my God—Captain!” He smacked himself in the head, then pulled her close. “Aw, Max, what’s wrong?”
“I…hic…oh, fuckballs!” she shouted, certain that everyone could hear her beyond the closed door. “I…hic…look like a marsh…hic…marshmallow swallowed me in…hic…these…hic…two tons of tulle…”
“Hey, a bottle of water, please…”Ben opened the door just slightly to call out. “And a glass of that bubbly stuff—for me.”
When he returned his full attention to her, he held the water bottle to her lips while the tears continued to fall down her face. Maxine looked so cute in that huge gown, even though it was no match for her personal sense of style. However, her sadness could eat him alive.
Pulling her to his chest, Ben just held her and spoke softly against the top of her head. “It’s just a gown, Cap. No one’s saying you have to buy it…”
“No, Ben…hic…” She took another drink. “It’s…”
“It’s what, Max? Tell me, sweets.”
As she looked up at him with those painfully sad emerald eyes, she whispered, “I hate…hic…hate that she’s not…here with me…”
Realization turned his blood to ice in his veins, and all Ben could do was hold her tighter. “Fuck, I am so insensitive,” he bashed himself. “How did I not realize….?”
“I miss her…hic….” she struggled to speak, her words laden with fresh grief as if Judy had just passed away that morning. She was sad and angry and feeling terribly empty. “I want…hic…want my mom back…not fair…not…hic…fair!”
Now Ben found himself openly weeping with her, too. He had to admit, he’d even wondered himself what this whole wedding experience would have been like had Judy survived. Those acerbic quips and her quick mind would have kept them all grounded.
How Ben wished that he could just reach up into the sky, open it wide, and send Judy back down to earth just for a few minutes to give Maxine some comfort.
“Perfect guy…perfect day…hic…without her!” Maxine continued on. “Want her here…hic…can’t fucking do this!”
One thing Ben wasn’t about to allow her to do was cancel her own wedding. Drew loved that little lady far too much, and Ben had to make sure that they all made it through this. For Judy, he had to soldier on—even if it meant showering Maxine with some tough love along the way.
“Hey, hey, hey…” his voice calmed as he rubbed his hands over her bare back. “Max, come on. This is Judy we’re talking about. You don’t think she’s here with you fo
r every second of this?”
“I want to…hic…hold her…touch her face…look into her…hic….eyes…” she said. “Want her to tell me…hic…tell me…”
“Tell you that you’d look beautiful even if you wore a burlap sack?” he asked. “Tell you how much Drew loves you?”
“Tell me…hic…all’s okay…”
“Max, if I could bring her back—even for a day—I would. But I can give you one thing. That’s my memory of her—of that smart and funny lady who gave me my best friend. I know she only wanted the best for you, and you’re getting that in Drew…in his whole family, Maxine. And she might not be here to tell you that you look like the StayPuff Marshmallow Lady right now, but she’s watching from above.”
The gentle rap at the door startled them both, and Drew’s voice called out from the other side, “Maxine? Little one? Everything alright in there?”
Perhaps they were louder than she thought. Someone must have heard her crying and summoned Drew from his tux alterations.
“She’s gonna be just fine,” Ben said as he opened the door. “You can come in. This is not the gown…”
“Oh, thank God!” Drew sighed, endeavoring to make her laugh as he pulled her close. “I hate tulle. Almost makes me feel like I have to sneeze!”
“Theater…hic…” she reminded him. “Matinee.”
“Yeah, fuck it, I’ll be late.”
“And I’ll just…leave you two alone for a bit…” Ben said then inched his way out of the room and closed the door.
“Little one, it’s your mom, isn’t it?” he whispered when they were alone. Maxine could only nod as she continued to convulse from the hiccups. He held the bottle to her lips again, then eased her down to the small silk-covered stool to sit. “I had a feeling that’s what’s been bugging you the last few days.”
Reaching out her tiny hand, she caressed his cheek. “Such a kind man…hic…you are…”
“You’re missing her right now, I know,” he said so delicately. “I can’t do anything about that, little one. But I can promise you that I will love you just as she’d expect me to. And I can hold you when you miss her…and wipe your tears away…”
“I…” She pulled in a breath and held it. With her release, she steadied herself and blinked the tears from her eyes. “She should be here. And I’m angry that I was robbed of that. And at the same time, I feel so greedy for thinking that way. My therapist said it’s normal, but Drew, it can’t be…”
“There’s nothing selfish about wanting your mom to share in this huge moment in your life, Maxine,” he said. “We all wish she could be here. I wish I could have just one chance to tell her how I feel about this wonderful daughter of hers. I wish I could let her know how much you’re loved…”
“Ben’s hurting, too…but trying…trying to be strong…” Maxine rambled. “And Vicki. I can’t let her see me like this…”
Taking Maxine’s hands, he brought them to his lips and kissed her engagement ring. “Little one, we all understand.”
“But—”
“Shh…” his lips gentled against hers, giving Maxine just the sweetest taste of his devotion to her. “You’re just feeling overwhelmed by everything right now. I’ll tell my mother that you’ll pick a dress another day…”
Maxine brought her thumb to her lips for a nibble. “Well…uh…”
“What’s wrong now, Maxine? My darling, talk to me…”
“I…Drew…” Oh, fuckballs! Just spit it out. “I hate these dresses…”
“You hate them?” He sat back on his heels. “All of them?”
Miserably, she nodded. Now, she felt ungrateful to his entire family—on top of feeling selfish.
With an air of absentmindedness, Maxine twisted the tulle with her fingers. She struggled to find the words she wanted to speak, but every sentence she formed in her thoughts seemed so inappropriate.
“I saw one…I saved the pictures…” she began with a glance upward to see his face. “Just someone’s random wedding online…her grandmother designed it for her…”
As Maxine reached into her purse for her phone, Drew held up his hands in protest. “I don’t want to see it—I want to be fully surprised. But are the photos clear?”
“Close-ups. From several angles.”
“We have one shot at this wedding, and we’re going to do it just the way we want it,” he said, rising and tugging her upward with him. “We’re going to get you that wedding dress, little one. I promise you.”
Of course, he’d make it happen if he had to learn how to cut a pattern and sew every stitch himself.
“And if you need to cry, Maxine, please don’t shut me out,” he beseeched. “I know you want this to be a happy time for both of us, but I can’t smile knowing that you’re hurting. This is your mother’s memory we’re talking about here. It’ll be with you forever. Cherish it…and respect it. But don’t try to ignore your own grief. That’s never going to fade…”
Standing as tall as she could on her tiptoes, Maxine allowed the tears to fall again—along with the stupid bodice of that dress—and she laughed and cried as she elevated herself to kiss him. “This is why I’m marrying you, Drew. You are my rock…”
Naturally, Drew couldn’t resist a nibble at her bare breast and quickly pulled her nipple into his mouth. Sex remained Maxine’s best diversion. “Come on. Let’s get you out of this poufy mess…”
“Fuck me again here?”
Daringly, he cracked her on the ass and hoped that his mother didn’t hear the strike. “Get dressed.”
By the time Maxine slipped back into her jeans and sweater, Drew had managed a quiet discussion with all members of the wedding party. And Maggie was the first to open her arms when Maxine stepped out of the dressing room.
“Dear, why didn’t you just tell me that you already had a gown in mind?” her sweet voice comforted. “We want you and Drew to be happy. I could even find someone in alterations take a look at—”
“Mom, just let it go…” Drew smiled as he stepped in between his two favorite ladies. “We’ll fix it. Soon. I promise.”
Knowing Drew, he probably already had something up his sleeve. Wrapping her arms around his waist, Maxine just hugged him.
“Alright, I have a show to do this afternoon,” he said with much reluctance. He wasn’t ready to leave Maxine. “You ladies have a wonderful time today, and stay out of trouble.”
“Ahem…do I look like a lady?” Ben piped in.
“Oh, Ben!” Drew smacked himself in the head. “I’m sorry—you girls enjoy the afternoon.”
“You know, Broadway Boy…if I didn’t like you—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Uncle Benjy,” Drew muttered as he turned his attention to Maxine. “Love you, little one.” He quickly pecked her lips. “See you tonight after the show.”
“Love you back, sweet man…”
As Maxine watched Drew make his hasty exit, Vicki stepped up to her side. “You alright, kiddo?”
“I am, Vicki,” Maxine nodded, her genuine smile returning to her lips. “Ready for the best Italian food in Manhattan?”
Felidia, the delightful restaurant of beloved television chef Lidia Bastianich, was a favorite of Maxine and Drew. Since they were already in the neighborhood, she couldn’t resist a visit.
“You lead the way…”
However, no one caught the sight of the unforeseen nemesis as he huddled behind a rack of women’s scarves. From afar, following Maxine had become a sport of sorts. Slowly, he’d begun to learn everything about that young woman who had captured the heart of one of the city’s most eligible bachelors.
He knew her favorite coffee spot right down the street from her office where she stopped every morning. He could tell her when her medications were ready each month and followed her to the pharmacy to pick them up. He knew every last piece of clothing she’d bought in the last few weeks. Hell, he even had the details on the vet practice where she took her two kittens.
Those famili
ar frigid, gray eyes followed the bridal party out of the store with their icy gaze. Eventually, he’d allow both Maxine and Drew to know how intimately he studied their lives, but for the moment, it was far too much fun keeping tabs on her from a very short distance.
Chapter Four
“Not another fucking blizzard!” Drew groused as he turned to the window in his dressing room while Maxine shook the snow from her hair. “Just another Friday night in Manhattan…”
Pivoting him in her arms to swipe a quick kiss on his lips, Maxine said, “We don’t have to go out tonight—we can open a bottle of wine in the living room, and just—”
“And just start fucking until tomorrow when I have to leave for the matinee…” he filled in, his laugh a sinister one. “We have to discuss the wedding…”
“Who’da thunk that you’d be Groomzilla?” His stern stare brought her moment of hilarity to a standstill.
“Need I remind you that we’re getting married in two months?” He remained chilly. “And I have some updates for you…”
“As do I, Kind Sir…”
They literally had to schedule a time that evening to reconvene on plans. It had been a week since Maxine’s fiasco at McKenzies’ bridal salon, and she was still without something to wear on that all-important day. Carving out solid time for any sort of serious discussion was an effort in futility with Drew at the theater every night.
“Dammit, fucking snow!” he said as he slipped into his wool jacket. They had been suffering through what would ultimately go down in the record books as one of the worst winters in the northeastern United States.
Exerting his caution as Maxine made her way down the narrow stairs, Drew held her elbow. The last thing she needed was to break a bone before they walked down the aisle.
“Evening, Mack…Maxine…” Trevor, the theater security guard, shivered as he opened the door for them. Poor guy had to sit there with the chill of the blizzard swishing through every time someone entered or left. Maxine made a mental note to pick up a small space heater and send it along with Drew the following day. “Careful out there. Sidewalks are getting slick.”
KNOTTED: The Manhattan Bound Series, Book Three Page 6
