“I don’t know why I waited to tell everyone. But I wanted it to be special, all of us together, not just another weekly phone call.”
“You don’t need to explain to me why you hold back telling people. Heck, I haven’t told you things, and you haven’t asked.”
“When you’re ready, you know I’m here. And if you’re never ready, you still know I’m here. That’s what friends are for.”
Friends. It was true. Hannah marrying Mark was only a piece of the puzzle. She’d become close with his family as well. Even Sissie, as crazy as she could be, was a friend she cherished. If she hadn’t become ill, she’d never have stayed in Savannah with Hannah and Mark, and probably wouldn’t have stayed connected with Casey and Derrick either. If there was one thing being sick had done, it had shown her how precious relationships were.
It also shows me the one that cannot ever be. She wasn’t going to dwell on that today. All she wanted was to bring joy to her friend’s wedding. Smiling, Bailey answered, “Well, I know one thing, our friend is getting married in less than an hour, and we better go help her get dressed.”
Casey held out her hand, and Bailey graciously took it as they went to find the bride-to-be.
Don had attended several weddings over the years. He’d always lucked out and never needed to take an active part in one. Yes, Mark asking him to be the best man instead of Kevin had shocked him, but he was honored. Not only was Mark his best friend, but he also considered him a brother, the one he never had.
The Collins family had always been there for him. Sharing times like this with him reminded Don of how things were before his mother had died. She’d been the glue in the family. Dinner was on the table every night and Sunday was family day. It didn’t matter what they did, so long as all three of them did it together.
Things slowly changed when she’d become ill. Instead of his mother cooking, people like Evelyn would bring premade meals for the week to them. Unfortunately, his mother was too sick to eat, and his father no longer sat at the table without her. Don had quickly learned to take a plate to his room and hide.
That was only when he was home. Most nights he’s stayed at the Collins house with the lame excuse that it was closer to walk to school. Truth was, it was a bit farther, but no one ever mentioned that. They just opened their doors and welcomed him in.
After his mother passed, the distance between him and his father grew. He worked all the time and only came home to change and sleep. He couldn’t get the day off for Don’s high school graduation, or so he said. Everyone knew it wasn’t true.
Now standing in the room after the ceremony, he realized he was among all the people who meant the most to him in the world. Even that pain-in-the-ass Kevin is more family than my own flesh and blood. What a mess my life is. But I wouldn’t want to know what it’d be like or who I’d be if it weren’t for the Collins family. It couldn’t be more than it is now, could it?
He watched Greg reach for his walker, and it tipped over. Before anyone else could move, Bailey was there picking it up and holding it steady as Greg got up from his seat. It was surprising because Greg never allowed any of them to help him in the slightest way. Yet there he was, letting Bailey assist him.
The room all stood still until Evelyn said, “I believe there is a cake waiting to be cut.”
Everyone looked at each other but quickly followed Evelyn’s lead toward the table with the cake. Although it was a backyard wedding, Hannah and Bailey had really turned it into something special. If he were ever to get married, he probably would want the same thing. Only a few key people who meant the world to him.
Mark cut the cake first and gently held it for Hannah to take a bite. He’d warned Mark not to go first because that’s how you got cake smashed in your face later. Don watched closely as Hannah cut her piece and held it up as though she was about to prove Don correct. Mark stood there as though she was about to give him the sweetest kiss instead of what he knew would come.
She pulled her hand back and headed for his face. Don wasn’t sure if he felt bad or wanted to yell I told you so, but he didn’t get the opportunity for either. Inches before the cake smashed on Mark’s face, she stopped and held it gently in front of him. With one finger she scooped up some frosting onto her finger and touched his lips with it.
Mark grinned and pulled his new wife in for a kiss. Everyone was laughing and cheering. Don couldn’t help it, he was a tad disappointed.
The rest of the afternoon was spent eating some of the best southern cooking he’d ever had while everyone talked. When the sun started setting, the cool air crept in. Derrick and Kevin started a fire pit while he walked Greg back to the house.
“I don’t want to take you away from the party. I’m sure I can make it inside myself.”
“Never doubted that. Just was hoping to talk to you alone for a few minutes.” It wasn’t a lie. There was much on his mind right now. He knew he’d be going into a situation he might not return from. That was not something he normally had to worry about in construction.
Greg gave him a concerned look. Don had never asked to speak to him alone before, so he understood his leeriness.
Once inside Greg said, “Don, you better pour me a cup of that strong coffee.”
Don grabbed one for Greg as well as one for himself before joining him at the kitchen table.
“Okay, Farrell, what’s on your mind?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for everything you did for me all those years back.”
Greg raised a brow. “No thanks needed. You’re like a son to us, Don. So that means I can tell when there is something going on that you need to talk about but don’t want to. I know there’s a pretty girl out there that’s waiting for your return, so you might as well eliminate the small talk and tell me what’s really troubling you.”
“Nothing serious. Just thinking about family.”
“Or lack of one?”
Damn good, Mr. Collins. Guess you do know your kids. “I think I’ve spoken to my father about ten times since I moved out of the house. That was almost twenty years ago.”
“So what’s got you thinking about reaching out now? I know it’s not the wedding. The look on your face reminds me of right before I entered a burning building. Things that I’d left undone or a fight left unreconciled seemed to pull at me, making me wish I could reach out just in case.”
Greg didn’t need to finish that sentence. First responders had to live knowing each call could be their last. It was a risk they took and served with honor.
“I’m a construction contractor, what issues could I be worried about?” Don tried to deter what Greg had picked up on, but it didn’t work.
“I see the tension in Mark’s and Kevin’s faces as well. Don’t know Derrick as much as I’d like, but that man is also wound tight. Does this have to do with the terrorists killed here months ago?”
And you know this how? The news never named the location. That doesn’t come with being a parent. “That is not for me to say.”
“And now you’re in deep with my sons.” Greg didn’t ask a question, he was stating what he thought were the facts. “And you’re worried that you might not get out of this alive, and you don’t know what that means for you and that beautiful young lady out there.”
Shit, you’re damn good. Now I know where Mark gets it from. “You were a firefighter, right?”
Greg didn’t answer and waited for Don to continue.
“She’s been through a lot. The last thing she needs is for me to step into her life and then be ripped out of it.”
“Whether you risk it for your country or get killed by a drunk driver, the pain of her losing you would be the same. No one is guaranteed a certain amount of time on this planet. It is what you do with the time you’re given and who you choose to spend it with that matters most.”
God, don’t say better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. “But why put her through that pain if it can be avoided?�
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“And you think not telling her how you feel, leaving her forever wondering what could’ve been, is better?”
I hoped so, but not when you say it like that. “I was hoping to come up with a way for her not to be hurt.”
“Then you don’t know a damn thing about women. Now if you don’t mind, I need to go and rest. My body is slowing down, and I can’t keep up with you guys anymore.” He got up from his chair and turned to Don. “If you have any common sense in that big head of yours, you’ll tell her tonight. Time for you both to do some serious talking and start leaning on each other. What’s the point of loving someone if you need to go through the rough times alone?”
“Greg, if that’s the case then why won’t you let any of us help you, but you let Bailey?”
Greg shook his head. “That wasn’t for me, Don. Everyone’s treating her as though she can’t do anything for herself. I let her help me because she needs to be needed. When you don’t let someone help you, it’s as good as saying you don’t need them around anymore. If you love her, then stop being such a macho jackass and let the girl into your life.”
Greg started heading out the door toward his room. Wow. He’s tougher than I remember. ALS hasn’t softened him one damn bit.
“And Don,” Greg shouted back to Don.
“Yes, sir?”
“Call your father, too. And remember what I said about leaving things unresolved and unreconciled.”
Calling his father was overdue. He had no clue how he’d start that conversation, though. What he hoped for with his dad was something civil. Their last few conversations were cold and brief. I’ll call. I’ll try. No promises, Greg. I’m dead to that man, as though I died with my mother.
Chapter Thirteen
“Thank you for seeing me to my room, Don, but you can leave now. I’ll be fine,” Bailey said.
Do you really think I’m leaving without knowing why you were crying? Think again, Bailey. I’m not going anywhere tonight. He stood there with his arms crossed in front of him, challenging her to make him leave. Don knew it was physically impossible. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy you trying. It’d give me the perfect excuse to have you in my arms again.
“I’d really like to get out of this dress and these heels.”
“And I’m more than happy to help with that as well.” Don smiled, but they both knew he wasn’t joking. He missed her. Many nights she visited him in his dreams. His body was tired of only fantasizing about her. He needed to feel her, taste her again. What the hell, Don, you’re supposed to be talking tonight, not getting her into bed.
“Very funny, Don. I can manage all by myself.”
“Sit, Bailey.” He pointed to the chair opposite her bed.
At first she peered at him, but to his surprise, she did as he asked. Maybe this is going to be easier than I thought.
Once she was seated, Don sat on her bed, reached down, and lifted her right foot so it rested on his thigh. He slipped off her shoe and tossed it to the side.
“What are you doing?”
Gently he began massaging her foot, even tugging lightly on each toe. What little resistance she’d had faded as he continued. Eventually, he felt her body totally relax, and she was leaning back in the chair with her eyes closed. Don didn’t need to bend for her left foot; she lifted it herself placing it on his other thigh. This is a start.
He wasn’t sure if she realized what her moans were doing to him. His plan was to help her relax so they could talk. Greg was right, they had a lot to discuss. If she didn’t stop, then what he wanted to speak about was going to be replaced with what he wanted to do.
“Don, you don’t know how good that feels.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
I’m glad you’re enjoying it because this is pure torture. “Why don’t you lie on the bed so if you fall asleep you don’t have to get back up?”
Bailey’s eyes opened wide and the once tranquil moment was gone. “Don, is this what your intention was all along? To get me back in bed with you?”
No. Yes. No. I’m a man. What do you expect? That I can touch someone as lovely as you and not want to have more? Impossible.
“I actually wanted to talk with you about a few things on my mind.”
Bailey pulled her feet from his lap and sat upright in the chair. “About you or me?”
“Both.”
“Don, it’s been a wonderful day. Do you really want to ruin it now by talking about things neither of us really wants to talk about?”
“What are you offering instead?”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it, Don Farrell.” She stood up as though it’d make her more believable.
He reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her onto his lap. “Are you sure about that? Because if you don’t want to talk and would rather—”
“You’re not one bit funny.”
He heard her words, but the curl of her lips said she was enjoying their little banter just as much as he was. “Decision time, Bailey. What’s it going to be?”
“Talk.” Her voice was flat, and the word choked out of her as though she was reluctant to say it.
“A shame. Since there’s only one chair, I suggest we lie down while chatting.” He didn’t wait for the argument which was bound to occur. Instead, he lifted her off his lap and laid her on the right side of the bed then kicked off his shoes and lay on his side facing her. “Who goes first?”
“You can go first. But remember, you wanted to talk, that doesn’t mean asking a bunch of questions to make me talk.”
Don raised his brow at her.
“Just setting the ground rules.”
“There are rules for us discussing things? Since when?”
“Already breaking them. No questions. You’re talking and then if I have any questions, I’ll ask you.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Don couldn’t help but laugh softly at her effort to take control. He’d let her enjoy it, for the time being. “I need to leave Sunday night. There are things that need to be taken care of, and only I can attend to them. But I wanted to clear the air with you first. It hasn’t been easy being around you this past week and not being with you. Every time I look into your eyes, you draw me in just like the first day I met you. What I don’t understand is why you pushed me away back then and still are. I want to help you. Be here for you. Whatever you need, let me know. I’ve got the money to get you the best treatment, all you have to do is say it, and it’s yours.”
Bailey rolled up on her elbow and met Don square in the eyes. “I’m not even sure where to start with this. But let’s start with I don’t want your damn money!” she snapped at him.
“That’s not how I meant it, Bailey, and you know it. Medical coverage only covers so much and seems to always have some restrictions associated with it. If you need help, then let me help.” The words Greg had spoken flashed back to him. He was doing exactly what Greg had told him not to do. Yeah, this isn’t going the way I thought it would. So much for letting you know you’re needed. That I need you.
“I’m not taking your money, Don. That is final. So let’s go on to the next piece. Why did I push you away? Was that your question?”
Probably shouldn’t be by the sound of your voice. He nodded.
“I don’t remember pushing you away, but I believe I have the choice whether to speak to someone or not.”
“So you not speaking to me had nothing to do with having a mastectomy?” As soon as he said the word, he saw her eyes fill with pain. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but he needed to put the cards on the table so they could start a conversation that actually would go somewhere.
“Don, I don’t want to talk about it.” Bailey tried to get up off the bed, but Don threw a leg and an arm over hers to bring her closer to him.
“Please, babe, don’t shut me out.” He was surprised by the sincere need that was in his voice. He was not used to letting that side of him show.
Bailey stopped and lay back down. When she l
ooked up at him, he could barely control the urge to kiss her. But if he did, the tender moment they were sharing was going to be gone.
“It’s not easy for me to talk about it, Don. I’m still working on getting comfortable with the realization that I’ll never be the same again. How can I share that part with you, when I barely understand it myself?”
“Who better to start with than me? Someone who cares about you very much.”
He saw the doubt in her eyes. Opening up about something so personal wasn’t going to be easy for her. If the tables were turned, he probably would’ve shut her out as well.
“You don’t know what you’re asking, Don.”
“I know that I have to earn your trust before your love so when you’re ready you’ll come to me and won’t have any doubt that I’ll be there waiting. That I understand. I wish you’d tell me what I did that you won’t let me close to you anymore.”
Bailey looked at Don with tears in her eyes and said, “Don, you’ve done nothing, but I’m not the same girl I was when we had our time together.”
Tracing his finger over her wet cheeks, Don said, “Those gorgeous green eyes are the same as I remember them.” His fingers moved to trace her lips. He never forgot how sweet they tasted the first time he kissed them. He yearned for their sweetness now.
Although his intention was to console her, his actions seemed to have the opposite effect. Bailey burst into sobs.
“Don, I can’t.”
“Why? Help me understand,” Don pleaded.
“Because I’m . . . disfigured . . . ugly. I don’t want . . . can’t let you see me now.”
How could she think this? She’s still just as beautiful to me as she was so many months ago. He wanted to shake her and tell her how foolish she was for thinking in such a way. But he knew words were not going to change it. Knowing he was one of the reasons she was crying was like a knife in his heart. He would take the pain over and over again if it helped her heal in even the smallest way. Yet he didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. Do such words even exist? You were so full of life: fun, happy, and playful. How do I show you that you’re still that woman?
Southern Delight (Southern Desires Series Book 3) Page 13
