by KC Burn
“Obviously that I’m gay too. But back then, I was also in awe of you. Maybe even crushing a little.”
“Shut up! You did not.” Just hearing those words made Riley soften.
“Did too.” Tad moved in closer, lowered his voice intimately. “They took out your contacts. I much prefer this color to the blue. Your eyes have always reminded me of river rocks in the spring. Greenish gray and vibrant as hell. I mean, I guess you chose the contacts over glasses, and I can understand that, but that boring blue? Why that?” He brushed his hand through Riley’s hair. “And why the bottle-blonding?”
It wasn’t exactly fair for Tad to ask him such uncomfortable questions while he was trapped in the hospital, also not looking his best.
“I wanted a makeover after high school. I hated being bullied, so with a friend’s help, I remade myself into a twink. Everyone liked the blond-haired, blue-eyed boys. I wanted to be someone people liked.”
Tad looked pained. “I am so fucking sorry I never stood up for you. Because I liked you. I still do.” Tad stroked a finger along Riley’s jaw. “I lo… I like you a lot.”
Tad’s words were killing him dead, right there in the hospital. His feelings for Tad ran much deeper than like, and it sounded as though Tad reciprocated. But Riley could understand being afraid. He’d been afraid too, back in the day. If Tad had actively bullied him, Riley didn’t think he’d be attracted to him now and didn’t know if he’d be able to forgive him. Neutral wasn’t great, but for just about everyone Riley had come across since, high school had been a trial by fire. No one escaped unscathed. And if Riley had scars, so did Tad.
“Thank you for that.” A sincere apology was better than he could have hoped for. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t say anything that first day. I….” So embarrassing to say, and yet, Tad had been the trailblazer this time. “I had a crush on you in high school, and seeing you again flustered me. Enormously. I was afraid my stupid reaction would get me arrested.”
He wasn’t ready to admit to deeper feelings either. Not yet.
“Oh. Er.” Tad glanced around, and this time the pink was in his cheeks. “So, that first day, I knew you looked familiar. And I’m a detective and all. I was able to recognize straight off you were wearing colored contacts and dyed your hair. But I couldn’t place you.”
“You couldn’t place me? I told you my name.”
The ruddiness in Tad’s cheeks intensified. “Uh, well, I’m not entirely sure I even knew your first name was Riley. Everyone always called you Parker. Or, well, Nosy Parker.”
Riley rolled his eyes.
Now here he was, in a hospital gown, messy, unshowered, and in desperate need of a toothbrush, having a discussion about mutual admiration with his high school crush. After seeing each other naked, it shouldn’t be so awkward, but maybe it was because they were both avoiding the truth about their feelings.
“Uh. Do you know when I can leave? And have a shower?”
Tad smiled. “Soon, I think. The general consensus seemed to be once you were transferred out of Intensive Care, you’d be going home in short order.”
The curtain around Riley’s bed fluttered, and Riley’s brother appeared at the foot. Tad slipped his hand out of Riley’s and shifted his chair back slightly.
“What are you doing here, Jonathan?”
“What am I doing here? You were poisoned, for fuck’s sake. I’m your brother. Why wouldn’t I be here?”
Riley didn’t quite know how to respond to that. It had been literally years since he’d laid eyes on his brother.
Jonathan came to the other side of his bed. “How are you feeling? The doctors said I could take you home with me in an hour or so.”
“Home with you? Are you crazy?”
Riley could see Tad trying to figure out what was going on, but he didn’t have the energy to throw him an assist. Not with Jonathan showing up and pretending they were some sort of happy family that did things like spend time with each other.
“Why would you say such a thing? You’ll probably need some help for a day or so.”
“And you’re the one who’d help?” Riley snorted out a bitter laugh. “Did you run this plan by Meredith yet?”
“No, but I know she’d feel the same.”
“Right. This is the same woman who’s done her best to carve me out of your life.”
Just like that, Jonathan’s affable expression turned to exasperation. “Not this again, Riley. Grow up. My wife doesn’t hate you.”
“Whatever. I’m not going home with you either way, but maybe you just ought to check Meredith’s reaction. For shits and giggles.”
“Riley, you’re being ridiculous.”
“I don’t even know who would have called you.”
“I’m your emergency contact.”
“Oh. Sorry about that. I’ll make sure I change it.”
Those words acted like a slap in Jonathan’s face, although Riley didn’t know if even a physical slap would make his brother wake up. “I can’t believe you feel that way.”
The last thing he needed on top of being poisoned was family drama. It was far too exhausting. He slumped back on the bed, the head of which had miraculously been maneuvered upward, so he didn’t have far to go. Had to have been Tad’s handiwork.
“Just go, Jonathan. You can tell yourself you did your duty. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
His brother looked like a perfect cross between a kicked puppy and a person witnessing a puppy being kicked, but he turned on his heel and left.
“Wasn’t that a little harsh?”
“Didn’t I tell you about my brother?”
“No. I mean, you told me you had one and you weren’t close, but he was trying.”
“Pfft. Trying because I nearly died. It has literally been years since I’ve seen him. There’s always some excuse. His wife lied to keep me away from his fortieth birthday party, which was the weekend before I met you. Do you know where he lives? Close to Sunnybrook Hospital. If I were inclined for a hike, I could walk to his place, and I don’t think he knows where I live.”
Tad frowned. “Wait. Years? What about Christmas?”
“Last year Meredith insisted on spending it in the Maldives. Which I couldn’t afford. The year before was Portugal. Also too expensive.”
Tad picked up Riley’s hand again. “I’m so sorry.”
Whatever. He’d just as soon sit here and wallow in the knowledge Tad was gay and holding his hand. It was like he was a teenager all over again, although he’d much rather explore some of these feelings while naked together in bed. Because they were grown-ups, and whether Tad liked it or not, they were already in a relationship. Revealing it to their friends and family was all that remained.
With a gentle hand, Tad brushed his fingers along Riley’s. “Alisha and your friend Shaun have been haunting the place.”
More than his brother, he’d wager. “Yeah? I’d like to see them.”
“They actually just went down to the cafeteria. They’ll be back soon. Cody also came by, but the doctors were still working on you. He feels pretty bad about what happened.”
Riley shrugged. “I’m not gonna lie. It sucked.” And it was fucking weird to spend an hour or so at work Friday morning and then lose several hours, the intervening time a giant blank. “But if he’d actually been the one to use that cream, he’d probably be dead. The whole reason he didn’t test it out was because he’d had a bad reaction to caffeine.”
One that Floriana had probably been relying on.
“More susceptible. Yeah, I can see that. Because it’s unlikely they could cram a fatal dose of caffeine for a typically healthy person into lotion. The only reason you had such a bad reaction was the addition of your allergy meds, particularly the decongestant, and the huge amount of caffeine already in your system.”
“And he wouldn’t have known what the garlic meant, so we’d probably have called 911 too late, and they wouldn’t have known what the issue was anyway.”
Now that he thought about it, it gave him a warm fuzzy feeling. He’d saved Cody’s life. Maybe not intentionally, but he had, and it was because he’d pieced together different bits of information. Maybe there was something to this detecting thing after all, and he didn’t completely suck at it.
Tad heaved out a sigh. “I need to get going. But I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“Wait, when can we meet up again?” What he really wanted was for Tad to crawl into the bed with him and hold him close, but he’d settle for some alone time once he got out of the hospital.
That expression. Oh fuck, Riley knew that expression, even if it was filled with more remorse than the last time he’d gotten dumped. So much for Tad’s stupid “admiration” speech.
“I can’t.” Tad rubbed his thumb along Riley’s jaw.
“Yeah. Of course. I get it. All those times we hung. Just for work, right?” He shouldn’t be mad. They’d agreed to no-strings sex, and super temporary. But he didn’t want it to end, and he wanted a string or three.
“No, Christ, no.” Tad’s vehemence made him blink. “That was me skirting the edge of ethics and risking tanking the case because I wanted you. Wanted to spend time with you. Find out if and how you’d changed. Besides the eyes and hair and height.” Tad gave him a sad little smile.
“And what? You didn’t like how I’d changed?” This was a little more direct than most times he’d been dumped, and it hurt worse. Did the truth hurt, or was it because he was already more invested in Tad than he’d been with any other man, however dangerous that was to his emotional well-being?
Tad huffed. “You’re still as prickly as ever, but fuck, I like that about you. Except when I’m trying to explain something to you.”
Riley crossed his arms over his chest. “So talk.”
“I loved spending time with you.” His eyes darkened as they did right before he kissed Riley. “And the sex was spectacular, but so far over the fucking line it’s not funny. As long as no one knows about the sex, I could explain our time as me getting information from a confidential informant should the powers that be ask. Yes, you’re a witness, but you weren’t a suspect. Regardless, now that we’ve made an arrest, I can’t see you. Not until the case is over. Otherwise we risk compromising the conviction. And this is going to go to trial—Floriana isn’t accepting any deals.”
“Couldn’t we wait until the trial is over?” Prickly or not, Riley didn’t want to lose Tad, not when he was so damned close to having him. Damn the consequences.
“We could, but it might be years, especially if there are appeals.”
It was like the light had drained out of the room, leaving only gray fog. The universe couldn’t be so unfair.
“Then I guess you’d better go.” Riley wanted to latch on, yell at him to stay, but maybe it was better now, before they got even more attached. However much it hurt.
Tad nodded and then leaned over, capturing Riley’s lips in a sweet kiss. Firm, possessive, and so fucking hot Riley might spontaneously combust. And then, in a flash, it was over. Tad’s eyes looked wet and anguished, and Riley’s burned with unshed tears.
“Goodbye.”
“Yeah.” Riley wanted to tell him to have a good life but couldn’t figure out how to say it without sounding like a douche.
Then Tad was gone, taking all the hope and promise with him. Riley let out a sob and curled into a ball, trying not to cry for a future that would never be.
WHEN HE was all cried out, Alisha was gently rubbing his back while Shaun paced nervously at the foot of the bed.
“Oh. Hi. Sorry about that. Guess I’m just emotional. Must be the drugs.” If they were any sort of friends at all, they’d take that explanation at face value.
“Sure, sure. You almost died, Riley.” Alisha sniffed. “You’re entitled to feel however you want.”
Shaun turned back and smiled. He wasn’t any better with comforting people than Riley, but Riley could see the last few days had been difficult on him too.
“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, isn’t it?” He probably wouldn’t be chugging any more dirty lattes any time soon, but it hadn’t sounded too dire after the fact. No matter how fucking scared he’d been at the time.
Alisha glared. “Come on. Shaun grabbed some clothes for you. Once you get changed, you can get going.”
The two of them helped him out of bed, and Alisha squeezed him near to death with a hug. Riley almost started crying again, but his head was already throbbing from the last bout. In a shocking move that nearly finished him off, Shaun hugged him tight when Alisha let go. Riley hugged him back. This man had been his best friend for over ten years. It was about time they did more of this.
Shaun gave him a wet, smacking kiss on the cheek. “Never again. Understand? No more of this almost dying shit. Got it?”
Riley smiled. “Got it.”
It took longer than he’d have liked, but eventually he ended up at home, Shaun sacking out on the couch just in case he needed something.
The next morning Shaun shook him awake far too early. “What’s up?”
“I need you to get up and moving around. Resettled on the couch.”
“The fuck why?”
“Because then you can tell me if I need to call out of work today.”
For that consideration, Riley could maybe forgive being woken up at what-the-fuck o’clock. “I’ll be fine. Go to work.”
“Nope. I need you up and mostly coherent before I’m leaving you alone.”
An hour later Riley was on the couch, wrapped in blankets in front of the television, toast and fruit nestled beside him in easy reach.
Five hours later Riley was losing his mind from boredom. Or at least that’s what he told himself. Every single show he flipped to reminded him of Tad. His bed was too empty, his kitchen too quiet. Even the wretched couch was made of memories that were too fresh, the wounds too gaping. He wasn’t sure if the scent of Tad’s cologne lingered in the air or if it had simply infected his mind. No promises had been made, no feelings explored, only shared experiences built on trading information in a murder investigation and some mind-blowing sex. And yet he mourned this loss more than any other romantic entanglement. It wasn’t fucking fair.
MONDAY AFTERNOON on the King streetcar was a very different crowd. Also much sparser, aside from a strange abundance of baby strollers. Riley didn’t know if this was the regular state of affairs or a one-off. Shaun had called him in sick to Gautier and let his agency know at least some of what had happened. Gautier was under the impression that Riley was going to return and finish out his contract.
He hadn’t told anyone otherwise, but he was done. Done. He had a few things he wanted from his desk, though, and he’d left a jacket he’d rather not lose. When the boredom set in, he got dressed and shuffled out to the transit stop. A quick in and out to grab his stuff; then he’d let his agency know to cancel his contract.
Floriana. What a great fucking actress. They’d commiserated together about losing their mothers, and all the while she’d been planning how to take out her new stepdad. Riley wondered if she even cared that he’d been the one to almost die, or if she was only upset she’d failed to kill Cody. If Aaron truly had been having an affair with her, Riley wanted to let him know he’d dodged a bullet—like the kind they used to take down elephants. A woman who knocked off her own mother wouldn’t hesitate to see murder as a convenient solution to an inconvenient husband.
Since he’d woken up, he’d tried not to think about Floriana and how her role as a murderer fit so poorly into his worldview. He tried to pretend his near-death experience hadn’t shaken him up. Maybe going into Gautier to get his stuff wasn’t smart. Alisha would be happy to box up his stuff and bring it to him, but as wobbly as he was, he also felt he needed this. One last time into the jaws of the demon, just to prove he had the guts. He wasn’t running scared with his tail between his legs, or at least, not that anyone else could see.
If he didn’t do it
now, he’d never do it, and that knowledge would fester like a pocket of gangrene under his skin. But he could no longer block out thoughts of Floriana.
Then he remembered. Tad hadn’t actually told him why they’d arrested Floriana. They must have had some other evidence besides Cody’s assertion that Floriana had given him the poisoned cream.
After taking out his phone, he absently stroked it. Tad had said no contact, but Riley wouldn’t be able to rest until he knew. Hearing Tad’s voice might make him break down and beg, which wouldn’t do either of them any good. Nor did he want his fellow commuters to hear him being pathetic. Texting would have to do.
You never said—maybe you can’t. What prompted Floriana’s arrest? Did you find evidence?
A reply came quickly. Your poisoning and Cody’s statement were enough to get a warrant to search Floriana’s house. The penicillin was right there. In her medicine cabinet. Hidden at the back, but it was there.
Riley straightened up in his seat. Not possible.
What? Are you sure? The medicine cabinet in her bedroom?
He waited for a reply, but nothing came before his stop, so he pocketed his phone. It was unclear if Tad was just busy or if he thought he’d already provided more than enough information to a guy who had no right to it.
With all the energy and speed of a ninety-year-old with severe arthritis, Riley stumbled off the streetcar and walked the block to Gautier, an empty backpack hanging limply from his shoulder. A wild spring wind whipped through the streets, swirling old leaves and garbage finally released from the last of winter’s grip. Grit hit his face, and he covered his eyes with his arm as he battled into the building. His access card got him past security, and as he waited for the elevator, the brassy reflection showed his pallor and the tumbleweed currently masquerading as his hair.
No, he hadn’t thought this plan out well at all.
His phone buzzed. Tad had replied, but with a photo. A photo of a prescription bottle sitting on a shelf. With other prescription bottles. With Floriana’s name on them. There were only two things wrong. One, that bottle had definitely not been there when he’d rummaged through the cabinet the day of the funeral—he’d looked at every one. Two, the “smoking gun” had a label with different colors than all the other prescription bottles—it came from a different pharmacy, Rexall.
