by Hadley Quinn
His hand slid across her bare thigh. “Can I finger you?” his drunk murmur spoke against her shoulder.
And just like that, reality slapped her in the face. “No,” she brushed his hand away.
“I’m only kidding,” he smiled against her skin. “But…why not?”
“Because you’re drunk.”
“Not much anymore. But even if I wasn’t I’d want to touch you, Melanie.”
Her heart started thudding even harder in her chest. The heat from his hand still lingered on her skin… Oh, because it was there again, comfortably blanketing her thigh. But as much as she wanted to punch him in the nuts, she needed him here with her. She liked knowing where he was and that he was okay. Her burdens felt lighter when Jay was around, even with all the crap he put her through. Just his presence in the same room was assuring.
She felt tears prick her eyes as she lay on her back. Then she blinked and they rolled down her face, across her temples and into her ears. She used her arm to blot them away but another set replaced them just as quickly. The conflicting emotions of having him against her were overwhelming.
“You shouldn’t be here, Jay,” she barely got out. “I can’t handle this with you. I really can’t.”
There was silence for so long she thought he’d drifted to sleep, but finally he said, “I’m so sorry, Melanie.” It was hardly a whisper, but she heard it. And there was emotion in his throat, whether it was from the alcohol or not, she could hear it easily. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he added just as quietly. “I’m so sorry…”
This was so unexpected and she didn’t know what to say. If she remained quiet long enough, he would probably go to sleep. Coming into her room drunk like this to apologize was not good enough, but on the other hand, she knew he was being completely sincere.
Why was it such a challenge to be with Jay…?
“Please say something,” he finally said. “I know I don’t deserve you but…I want you to stay, baby doll. I don’t want you to move. Please stay here and…I shouldn’t even be asking, but please give me another chance. Please.”
His hand returned to her stomach, just as the baby kicked. Hard. She winced and turned away from him onto her side to ease the discomfort.
“He’s agreeing with me,” Jay said. “Yeah, I said he ‘cause I think it’s a boy.”
“I’m sure it’s a girl because she disagreeing with you, and telling you to get the hell away.”
“Nooo,” Jay answered. “He’s on my side. I guarantee it. Us guys stick together.”
His lips came against her shoulder again as he scooted closer to her. He pulled her against him, and even though it felt amazing to have him holding her like that—and to have the back support—his affection was absolutely killing her inside.
“You need to go, Jay. Take the blanket from the chair and go sleep on the couch.”
He sighed as he rested his forehead against the back of her head. “Please, Melanie. I don’t want to leave you.”
“Well now you know how I felt every time you pushed me away,” she answered, choking back a sob. “I’m not trying to punish you, but I just can’t do this, Jay. I’m leaving tomorrow—”
“All you have to say is that you want me, Mel,” Jay said meekly. “That’s all. Just tell me you still want me and I swear I will do what it takes to keep you here.”
With all the pleading that she had, Melanie tried not to cry anymore when she answered, “I need you, Jay.” In a whisper she repeated, “I need you.”
He held her against him even tighter and said, “I’m here, babe. I’m here.”
She waited. And waited. And she waited for more words to come from his mouth, words that would keep her in town in a heartbeat, but they never came.
Twenty minutes later it was apparent he’d fallen asleep, and even though she felt comfortable and safe that he was here with her, the disappointment kept her up for another hour before she finally drifted to sleep.
Her mind was already made up by then.
***
“Hey, you hear me sleeping beauty?” a voice said, shaking Jay out of a deep sleep. “Get the fuck out of Melanie’s bed so we can load it in the truck.”
Jay jolted upright. “What? She’s not moving, she’s staying.”
Teague tilted his head with confusion. “Uh, sorry man, but she’s outside about to get in her car to go. I need to load her bed and I’m heading out right after her.”
“No,” Jay said, jumping off the bed. “She’s staying. I was…right there and…”
When Jay pointed to the bed, Teague shrugged. “Yeah, she said you were drunk and helped yourself to her room last night. But she’s still leaving, pal. Go see for yourself.”
Jay was already looking for his shoes that he’d kicked off in the middle of the night. He put them on even as he was moving out the door for the hallway, and he could see Melanie out the front window when he came across the living room. She was hugging Camryn next to her car and Jay was trying to remind himself of the conversation they’d had the night before.
She said she was staying, right?
“Damn it, my fucking head hurts,” he muttered to himself.
He came across the lawn, not even caring that Teague preferred people to use the sidewalk, and that’s when Melanie saw him. She was just about to get in her car.
“Hey, what the hell is going on?” Jay asked. She narrowed her eyes at him. Okay, wrong thing to say. He took a deep breath as he approached the car and said, “Melanie, what are you doing? You’re staying, right? You said you were staying.”
She slowly shook her head at him. “No, I never said I was staying.”
Jay paused and ran his hands over his face. “Okay, but what the hell did you say to imply that you would stay?”
“I don’t know, Jay,” she answered coolly. “What did I say last night?” She folded her arms across her chest and they practically rested on her stomach.
“When did your boobs get so big, too?” he asked.
“Oh my God,” she exhaled, and she reached for the car door.
“I’m just kidding!” he partially laughed. He practically threw himself at the car to prevent her from opening the door. “I’m just saying…I remember everything that I said last night. I commented on your stomach, and yeah I’m sure it was rude, but it’s like a nervous tick.”
“Telling people they’re big?”
He smiled and shook his head. “No, saying things like that when I’m… God, can we just… Melanie, I honestly thought you were staying. I mean…I swear that’s what was concluded last night. What the hell did I miss?”
She stared at him for a dozen seconds before she finally shook her head. “You miss a lot, apparently. Jay, unless you have something else to say to me, I need to get going. I’m supposed to meet the landlord for my apartment in three hours and I don’t want to be late.”
“You’re not going,” Jay told her. He leaned against the door so she couldn’t get into her car.
“Really mature,” she stated dryly. “Move your butt, I need to go.”
“Not until you tell me why I thought you were staying and now you’re not. What the hell happened between then and now?”
“Absolutely nothing. That’s the point.”
She tried to shove him out of the way but he wouldn’t budge.
“Absolutely nothing?” he repeated. “Uh, I was trying to be respectful. And you didn’t exactly like my joke about fingering you—”
“Oh my God, that’s not what I meant!” she laughed and groaned at the same time. “Move. Now.”
“No fucking way,” he chuckled, but he was so damn confused. “Would you stop being such a woman and tell me what the hell I’m supposed to be mind-reading right now?”
“Stop being a woman? Well here’s some news for you, asshole. I am a woman. I’m a pregnant woman. And I don’t expect you to read my mind, but I do expect you to have some common sense. Now get out of my damn way!”
“Melanie,
Jesus Christ,” he groaned. He buried his face in his hands, just to give himself a moment to think, but when he looked at her again, she was running around the car for the passenger’s side. “What the hell?”
“Ha-ha I’m not stronger than you but I’m smarter!” she laughed as she shut the door and locked it behind her.
Jay watched her move her body from the passenger’s seat to the driver’s seat, but it was so damn funny, he couldn’t help how hard he laughed. She could barely climb over the center console, and then when she maneuvered behind the steering wheel, she had to move the seat back.
“You shut up!” he heard her yell from inside the car.
It only made him laugh harder, especially when she paused as she most likely realized what was missing.
“Need something?” Jay asked, grabbing her purse from the roof of the car.
She couldn’t roll the window down without the key in the ignition and just sat there staring ahead through the windshield.
“Melanie,” he said to the window, shaking his head. “Can you please talk to me, sweetheart? Obviously I am a fucking idiot and have no clue why you’re so mad. You need to tell me.”
It seemed like she was going to continue to sit there, but she opened the door suddenly and he had to jump out of the way so he didn’t get nailed with it.
“I can’t tell you, Jay. You know why?” Her green eyes were full of tears and they bore right through him. It did a fucking number on his chest but paralyzed him at the same time. “Because if I have to tell you, then this,” she motioned between the two of them, “isn’t meant to be.”
She climbed into her car again—with her purse that she’d somehow managed to take from him without his awareness—and stuck the key in the ignition as she shut the door.
He watched her drive away. He just stood there and watched her car disappear down the street because all he could see was green. Shimmery green. Sad eyes that he had somehow disappointed over and over again. And to see her that way—emotional and unwilling to talk to him—was just…rare.
Pregnancy. It had to be pregnancy hormones, right? She was moody and irritable, and worst of all, talking in circles. Jesus, was he really capable of surviving an emotional woman?
Yes. It was Melanie and he loved her more than anything. He loved her. He was in love with her…
Unless you have something more to say to me…
“Ohhh shiiiit,” he exhaled, bending over to place his hands on his knees. He really didn’t, did he…
Absolutely Nothing. That’s the point.
“I am a fucking idiot,” he announced as he stood upright, running his hands through his hair.
“We know that, so get the hell out of the street,” Teague said from the sidewalk, just as a car honked and veered around him.
Because if I have to tell you…
“Oh my God, I’m a stupid ass prick!” Jay shouted out loud, still in the middle of the road.
“Do you ever quit with the drama over there?” an elderly voice hollered from a porch across the street.
It was the same old lady that always sat in her window, just to eye all the comings and goings in the neighborhood. And Jay was pretty damn sure she was the one that called the cops a few months back when he beat the shit out of Jordan Meyers after he broke Melanie’s arm.
“Then what the hell would you do all day long?” Jay yelled back.
She stopped watering her plant on the porch, gave him a nasty scowl, and hurried into her house, slamming the door behind her.
Jay shook his head and rushed up the driveway past Teague. “I need to borrow your car.”
“Um, okay,” Teague answered with a tiny smile. “But only if it’s for what I think it’s for.”
“Don’t fucking move her stuff,” Jay warned.
“Got it,” Teague replied holding up his hands. “Truck stays put until she calls to chew me out.”
“Not gonna happen. I promise.”
“Well…okay. Good luck. And good God, please be careful with my car.”
Jay rolled his eyes but the warning didn’t even faze him. He jogged to the garage for the set of keys and was on the road sixty seconds later.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The drive was a blur. The miles passed beneath her, but Melanie just stared straight ahead and kept driving.
She’d cried enough for him. It didn’t matter that she was completely in love with Jay McCallan…he just didn’t feel the same way about her. Moving on physically, separating herself from him, was the only option right now. She needed a good job and a stable life for her baby and she couldn’t keep wishing for Jay to come around.
But that was a lie. She would always have hope for him. She couldn’t imagine ever getting him out of her head. Last night there was a possibility—a chance that he could turn things around—but it wasn’t enough. She couldn’t keep going through that revolving door without him ever pulling her in once in a while. He did somewhat last night, like he’d done several times before, but it was like he would only put forth so much effort, and out the door she went again.
Jay McCallan needed to learn how to share all of himself…
She was just about to pass through Burbank when something caught her attention. It wasn’t everyday that you saw a gorgeously restored ’69 Boss Mustang, but this one was more familiar to her as it drove right alongside her. At first there was an awkward moment of confusion as she wondered why Teague was driving his car and not his truck, but then she caught sight of the driver motioning for her to pull over.
Jay.
Her heart jumped into her throat, but the only thing she could do was keep driving. That ass was going to cause an accident on this part of the freeway! Not that he was doing anything dangerous, but did he not know that just his presence screwed up her entire mind and body?
When she looked straight ahead and kept driving, he revved ahead and pulled in front of her car. The little shit even slowed down, forcing her to do the same. He signaled to pull into the right lane, and Melanie exhaled a deep breath and finally did the same. She followed him to the next exit ramp and he pulled into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant.
Melanie sat in her car for a moment to gather her composure. Whatever Jay had in store for her was going to affect her one way or another. This cycle with him was going to cause her to go into premature labor!
He got out of the Mustang and approached the driver’s door. Just the look on his face tied Melanie’s stomach all up in knots. She went to open the door but Jay got to it first. He held it and took her hand to help her out. Without a pause, he leaned her against the car and gently took her face in his hands. Her baby was starting to kick so freaking hard it hurt, but she couldn’t blame the poor thing because the pounding of her heart and rush of adrenaline was probably doing a number on him or her.
Jay leaned forward and said, “There’s something I need to say to you, and I can’t let you go until I do.”
He took a deep breath, and before he released it, he tucked her under his chin and held her close. Melanie’s walls started to crumble at that point. He seemed so uneasy yet sure of himself as he held her tight like he wouldn’t let go.
She wrapped her arms around him and held on just as securely, taking in his scent and everything about him that she loved so deeply. He was a protector. A guardian by nature. He was and always had been her warrior in life, and at this point, she was hoping to God he would also fight for her love. She would give it unconditionally, but she absolutely needed for him to reciprocate her feelings.
Jay pulled away slightly, and as he did, kissed the top of her head. He looked her in the eyes for a few seconds and then shook his head like he was at a loss for words.
Finally he swallowed, and as he lightly touched her cheek with his thumb he said, “I can’t let you go, Mel. You don’t belong in San Diego, you belong up here with me. And I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with but… I just think we fit, you know? And I know I don’t deserve
any more chances with you but… I’m asking for one. However pathetic that makes me look, I don’t even fucking care.”
He was waiting for a response, but she wasn’t going to give him one right away. She wanted him to work through his thoughts on his own without her involvement, even though she feared he was going to retreat.
Jay sighed as he pulled away just slightly. Melanie believed he wasn’t going to go through with it and she felt panic race through her chest as she scrambled for something to say. But nothing came—just a sad feeling that washed through her like a giant, vengeful wave.
Was it really so hard for him to say three simple words?
“I need to meet the landlord on time, Jay,” Melanie barely whispered. “I need to start doing things right and I have to be on time for this.”
Jay barely shook his head. “You’re not leaving. You can just call ‘em up and tell ‘em you’re not moving in after all.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “Telling me what to do isn’t going to change my mind, Jay.”
“Yes it is. Because… I can’t do this without you. You have to stay, Mel.”
“Do what without me?”
He sighed and shook his head again. He was silent for several long seconds as he stared at the pavement below them. Finally he said, “I can’t raise a fucking dog without you, Melanie. He’s just gonna shit and piss all over my house and he’s gonna get so big that I’ll be wrestling him out of my bed every night…”
Melanie could only stare at him. He looked completely serious, too. Was this a joke?
“What dog? Are you talking about…?”
“We’re getting Tank,” he informed her.
She smiled at the name she’d given the oversized pup the first time she visited him, but she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The thought of leaving that dog behind had literally killed a part of her inside, but there was no way she could have adopted him and brought him to her small San Diego apartment. He would get gigantic, and besides the cost and time to care for him, she had to put her baby first.
