by Dani Hart
The first moment shared between Wes and me in two years was horrific and it was digging a deep hole in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know what to make of it. It was strange and uncharacteristic of him, but maybe the Wes that had run away wasn’t the same Wes that had returned. No matter which Wes stood on the street silently breaking my heart, I was angry just the same. Fuming now, I ran up the driveway, narrowly missing my mom’s car as she backed out.
She rolled down the window. “Honey, I was getting worried. I was just going to look for you.”
“Sorry. I had to stay after to finish a paper. I’m fine.” I ran into the house, stripped out of my soaked clothes, and hopped into the shower.
I had barely survived my first day of junior year.
THE REST OF THE week was uneventful, if you didn’t count Kendra asking Donny to the Sadie Hawkins dance, becoming Natalie’s newest target of hatred while simultaneously putting Kendra back on every guy’s radar. Donny accepted, of course, dispersing the line of guys at our lunch table.
“Hey, so I heard those kids are being homeschooled. They were just here on the first day to meet with the counselor.”
Kendra studied my reaction that I tried so hard to keep steady. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the news. I was relieved I wouldn’t have to see them at every corner, but I was also disappointed because I wouldn’t see him at every corner.
“Ready to spill yet?” Patience waned.
THE WEATHER HAD let up, so Kendra and I were back to our traditional walk home from school. We made it to Friday, and I promised her a sleepover full of wild tales and unrequited love. She laughed at my attempt to make light of an obviously difficult predicament for me.
My dad finally returned home from out of the country, so he and my mom went out for the evening. Nervous about confessing my deepest and darkest secrets to my best friend, I set up our usual spot on the couch with a blanket, sodas, too much candy, and popcorn. She wouldn’t be here for another thirty minutes, and I had run out of things to keep me busy, having already folded my laundry and cleaned the kitchen. I really wanted to tell Kendra the whole truth, but I didn’t know how. Not to mention how terrified I was that reliving all of that would force me back into a place I didn’t want to be. She still wouldn’t be here for another twenty-nine minutes, and the anxious energy made me pace erratically.
A light tap on the front door brought a huge sigh of relief.
Before I had completely opened the door, I was already greeting her. “Kendra, I’m so glad you came early—” And then my heart jumped out of my throat and took a nosedive at Wes’ feet. Wide-eyed and stunned, I was paralyzed, half in the present and half two years in the past.
“Hey.” Wes smiled coyly.
His eyes were still the unique iridescent I remembered, changing colors slightly depending on the angle and light, and still mesmerizing even after all this time. He watched me carefully, standing poised and confident, the light catching every breathtaking feature his face had to offer. I hated him for being so…so…him. Once the initial shock of him standing in front of me passed, I slammed the door in his face, only his shoe caught it.
“I can see you’re mad.” He pushed the door open slowly, being careful against the weight I still had on it.
“And I can see you’re still observant,” I snapped, trying to kick his foot out of the way, only bruising my socked toes in the process. I threw my hands up in defeat. “Fine.” I took a few steps back, letting trouble walk back into my life.
When he stepped inside, I took in his mature look. He was no longer the skinny boy I had been so infatuated with. He was a young man. Taller and had gained muscle mass. If it weren’t for his eyes, I should hardly recognize him on the street. But I had, even from the convertible at the red light. I had, because my body would never forget how I felt whenever he was around. It was as if my insides were drawn to him out of necessity. Much like they screamed now, my body heating up and my hands shaking.
“You’ve changed,” he said, a seducing smile tugging at his mouth.
“Funny how two years can do that to a person.” I shoved my hands into my sweats pockets to hide the effect he was having on me. Sweats. No, no, no. First the drowned cat look, and now a depressed teenager look. Not how I envisioned looking when I saw him. And to further my humiliation, my hair was in a messy knot on top of my head. This is fantastic, I thought sarcastically.
“Yes, well, you look great.”
His compliment was quickly followed by his fingers reaching for my face, something he had done so many times in the past that it almost didn’t faze me. A part of me longed to feel his touch again, the comfort it brought, but the smarter part slapped it away.
“What are you doing here, Wes?” I snapped as I fluidly pulled down my hair, combing it out with my fingers, feeling extremely self-conscious.
“I wanted to see you.” His reply was so ordinary, as if nothing had transpired between us.
“I meant, what are you doing back in Sandpoint?”
“I wanted to see you.” His answer unchanging, but softer this time as if it pained him just as much to have been separated all this time.
His present hold on me was stronger than I thought possible. My willpower was weakening and begging for me to let go of the past and forgive him, but I couldn’t. How could I? I wasn’t some stupid teenage girl anymore, and he was responsible for that. He gave me my first good dose of the consequences associated with letting someone get too close. I trusted my heart to him, and it was one of my biggest regrets.
“I think you should go. My friend will be here any minute.” My tone deceived my words as I looked away to hide the inner turmoil of finally having him here in front of me again, close enough to touch.
“Is that what you really want?” His head turned just a bit, exposing vulnerability within his eyes.
My fortress against his enchantment was falling quickly. “Yes,” I said with resigned indifference as I bit my bottom lip.
“It’s probably best.” He turned to leave, but then spun back around gracefully. “Abby…”
I held my breath for some big revelation that would answer the millions of questions swimming wildly in my head.
“You can’t tell anyone about that night. You know that, don’t you?”
A lump formed in my throat, and my heart stopped beating. Tears immediately welled in my eyes. The last shred of hope I had that maybe he did miss me disappeared. I wanted to believe he was here to apologize, but all he wanted was to make sure I had kept our secret.
“You haven’t told anyone, have you?” He carefully treaded the waves of my emotions.
I shook my head, my hands forming fists in my pockets, digging my nails into my palms to hold back the pain he was inflicting with every second that passed.
“Thank you,” he whispered just before gliding out of my house and closing the door securely.
I crumbled to the floor, losing sight of my sanity. I was losing the will to live again, but I was stronger. I am stronger. I had to find a way to be okay. I couldn’t fall again because I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to come back a second time. I loved Wes with every beat of my heart, but it was time to let go and move on. It was time to love myself more.
I called Kendra, canceling on my loyal friend, needing time alone to process why in the world Wes needed me to keep that night a secret. I wasn’t even sure what I remembered. What was real and what was caused by my concussion. But Wes knew, and he didn’t want anyone else to know.
My memory from that night was hazy at best, but I tried to go through the minutes leading up to the crash again. Maybe this time I would remember something else. I was driving without a license, and I wrapped Ben Hunter’s car around a tree. There was a lot of blood and screams from me. But what I remembered most were those eyes—iridescent swirling with black—glowing hungrily at me. Wes’ eyes. Then I blacked out and woke up in the hospital and the Hunters were long gone. Those eyes haunted my dreams almost
every night, not knowing if they were real. There was so much menace behind the beauty. Dark and dangerous, thirsting for something.
It was exhausting reliving that night. I had crawled upstairs and snuggled up to my window staring at the storm still brewing. My lids were heavy, so I relented and fell asleep, thinking about those eyes.
“Abby.”
A whisper slithered through the darkness. I became keenly aware of three things. First, I was asleep. Second, I wasn’t alone. And third, I might die.
My feet fumbled with sheer terror as I ran into nothingness, falling to the ground, dried leaves manifesting under the grip of my fingernails. Popping my head up, a thick forest of trees appeared around me, and the sound of lapping water reached me from afar.
“Abby.”
Fear surged through me, filling me with adrenaline to run toward the water. Somehow I felt I would be safe there. Safe from whatever was chasing me—hunting me.
Jumping over fallen trees struck down by lightning and cutting my bare feet on sharp rocks and scattered twigs, I ran as fast as my heart was racing. I pushed my burning muscles to the max. I wouldn’t go down without a fight.
The rippling of gentle waves amplified as I neared water, seeing the light of the moon just ahead, my predator not far behind. Thrashing through the last of the trees, I fell down a tall ditch bank, rolling hard over storm debris and cutting my cheek, my arms, and every exposed part of my body. It felt like I was falling down Alice’s endless rabbit hole, possibly falling to my death, but then my palms sank into dry sand. I recognized this beach. It was Sandpoint City Beach. I hadn’t been here since—
“Aaaaabbbbbbbyyyyy.”
The hunger was more pronounced as my name stretched along a timeless moment.
Scrambling to my feet, I headed to the water, glancing back several times to see how far away my predator was. The water would save me. I was sure of it. My instincts screamed for it. Finally, the icy water covered my feet and then my knees until I was treading in the black lake. The surface glistened like ice crystals, my reflection revealing a gash on my forehead.
I spun around, breathing hard as my arms tried effortlessly to keep my head above water. I scanned the beach and stopped dead on a pair of eyes glowing at the top of the cliff, fixated on me. I couldn’t look away, and in those few seconds I saw my hunter, but I also saw my savior.
Covered in sweat, I rolled off the window bench, landing hard on the carpet and panting frantically. It was still dark outside and rain tapped vigorously on the window.
Resigning to sleepless defeat and shaking off the nightmare, I crawled back onto the window seat and stared out into the blackness, the familiar dull ache pounding relentlessly in my chest as I watched lightning bolt after lightning bolt strike in the forest beyond. My thoughts quickly traveled back to Wes. The nightmares had dissipated over the months after he left, but had started up again with a vengeance now that he was back.
I had worked so hard for an ordinary high school experience. To blend in and get by without complications, avoiding boys and ignoring gossip. Until recently, I had been delightfully successful. But now, how was I going to live in a town where a piece of my heart walked around, overlooking me at every turn?
The tears fell slowly. Once again, I was living in a world where Wes was a boy that I was unforgivably in love with. I rested my head against the cold glass and let the sounds of the storm roaring outside lull me back to sleep.
“Abby?”
My dad shook me awake.
“Did you sleep like this?”
I looked around, confused. “I guess so.” Sleep still hanging on.
“Is everything okay?”
He rarely showed much emotion, so his concern was refreshing. The last time was when he found me in the hospital—bloody, bruised, and disoriented.
“I just had a nightmare. I’m fine.” I shrugged it off for his sake.
“It’s Saturday. Do you have any plans?” This was his attempt at small talk.
It only took me a split second to run through my schedule for the day. Sleep, eat, sleep, eat, and sleep again.
“No, not really,” I said, figuring that was a better response. I rubbed at a painful kink in my neck.
He shifted uncomfortably. “Maybe we could grab lunch or go to the movies or something. Like old times.”
When I didn’t immediately respond, he continued.
“I mean, I know you’re a teenager and all, and hanging out with your old man isn’t the coolest thing to do.”
“No, Dad, sure. Like old times.” I forced a smile. The last thing I wanted to do today was leave the house, but maybe that was exactly what I needed to keep my mind off other things. “I just need to shower.”
“Okay then. Great.” He backed out of the room and closed the door.
I stayed at the window for a little longer, watching the weight of the rain bend the smaller branches on the trees. The leaves were glossy from the rain, highlighting the turning of the leaves from green to hues of orange, red, and yellow. Fall always reminded me of Wes.
“Are you excited for ninth grade? Only one more year and we’ll officially be in high school.” Wes turned to me.
We were lying under the cover of a large tree, some of its leaves yellow and others pink.
“I’m not sure how it’s any different. It’s not like a separate school or anything. We’ve been going there since seventh grade.”
“I guess you’re right.” His eyes squinted, and the enchanting smile that melted my heart every time we were together rose.
I looked away shyly, trying to hide the blush heating my cheeks. “What kind of tree is this again?”
He shifted slightly, his shoulder accidentally brushing mine, the thrill catching my breath. I closed my eyes, trying to get a grip on the overwhelming sensation consuming me as tingles dispersed across my skin.
His eyes studied the tree above. “Katsura.” A small chuckle escaped him.
“Right. You’ve told me that before. Katsura.” I repeated the name several times, finding an escape from the heaviness constricting my lungs. It was getting harder to be around him like this, only being friends. I wanted more, but Natalie’s words rang in my ears like a song on repeat.
“He’s not into you, Abby. If he were, he would have kissed you by now. You’ve been hanging out since you were kids. Besides, look at him. He’s gorgeous.”
Her words bit at my confidence. She accused me of being obsessed. She even called me a stalker once, but she was my best friend and I trusted her opinion. Maybe I was crazy thinking that somebody so extraordinary could like somebody so ordinary.
“Abby?”
Wes’ voice entrapped me. He rolled onto his side, facing me.
“Yeah?” My insides screamed. Maybe Natalie was wrong after all. The tingles on my skin rushed to my stomach, spinning around erratically.
He reached his hand over, moving toward my face slowly, his body moving with it, our lips so close I could smell the spice of the tree left on his skin when he climbed up to shake more leaves off. His breath was warm on my cheek, and his iridescent eyes burned right through me. His lips curled slightly upward, sucking me into a hypnotic state. I closed my eyes, bracing for what was to come next, but instead of his lips on mine, I felt a tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes quickly as he brushed through my long strands strewn about the leaves.
“There was a bug in your hair,” he whispered close to my ear.
“Oh…yeah…thanks.” The disappointment burned, and I sat up, mortified. How could I be so stupid? Natalie was right. Look at him. It was hard to even believe someone could be so perfect.
“What’s wrong?” Wes sat up, too.
“I just remembered my dad is coming home today. I have to go.” I jumped up, slipping my brand new red Chucks on quickly.
Wes stood up gracefully, pulling up the blanket and folding it neatly. He handed it to me, his hand touching mine, sending my body ablaze with adoration.
“Abby,
can I take you somewhere tonight? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
How could I deny those smoldering eyes?
“Sure. I’ll meet you at the end of the driveway after my parents go to sleep.”
“I’ll be waiting.” His voice carried a bit of desperation with it.
“Tonight then.” I tucked my head sheepishly and ran to my house.
I thought that night was going to be the best night of my life, full of wishes come true and promised love. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The memory of that day was still painfully vivid.
I searched the forest for those eyes. The ones I thought I saw the other day. The ones from my nightmare. I needed to convince myself the nightmare wasn’t real. That it was just a dream.
“Abby.” My dad knocked. “Almost ready? I thought we could catch the two o’clock showing.”
I slid off the window seat. “Yeah, Dad. Almost.” I turned one last time to the window, getting an eerie feeling that I was being watched, but the downpour made it impossible to see anything. I grabbed my robe hanging over my desk chair and headed slowly to the bathroom, still looking over my shoulder cautiously.
AFTER THE MOVIE, my dad took me to our favorite place to eat, Sandpoint Bistro, where they had the best stone-baked pizzas. We used to come here every Saturday night with my mom, but then the accident happened.
“I miss this,” my dad said as he took a large bite of barbecue chicken pizza.
I looked at him in disgust. “Seriously, Dad, how can you eat that?”
“What?” His puzzled look was followed by a mischievous grin because we’d had this conversation at least a dozen times.
