Memento Mori

by Lexi Blake

  She turned and moved toward him, taking a deep breath as though girding herself to do something. He thought she would move to his side, but she stood in front of him and then lowered herself onto his lap.

  He let his arm wind around her waist and prayed she didn’t notice how hard he’d gotten. His dick had gone on full alert. Soft. She was soft in his arms, her weight comforting to him. He could easily pick her up and take her wherever he wanted. He was bigger and stronger on every physical level, but she’d placed herself on his lap. She’d made the choice to try with him.

  He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He had no idea what had happened to make her think she wasn’t sexy, but he intended to fix that. “I want you to kiss me.”

  She twisted in his lap, her ass moving against his dick. Her hands came up, framing his face, and she leaned in. Soft lips brushed his own, sending pure electricity through his system. He closed his eyes and let the feeling flash through him while River gently kissed him. He followed her lead, somehow synching with her movements. His hand tightened on her waist, pulling her closer. Her breasts brushed against his chest and he could feel his cock pulsing with need.

  It was going to have to wait because he wanted to enjoy this. He wanted this to last all night long. Over and over she brushed her lips against his, the sensation arousing and frustrating because he wanted more.

  He wanted her tongue rubbing against his like a cat in heat. He wanted to take over and show her how good he could make it. She didn’t feel sexy? When he found the right spot, he could make her know she was sexy. He could learn her body so well he would know exactly how to touch her to make her scream out his name.

  Instinct was sweet. He might not remember having sex before, but his body knew what to do. His body was heating up, going primal.

  “I want to touch you.” He whispered the words against her mouth, practically breathing them into her.

  “Okay.” She was breathy.

  “Do you know how soft you feel to me?” He let his hand run up her arm, finding his way to her neck.

  She rested her cheek against his. “I don’t know that I want to be soft. I need to be strong.”

  “Just because something is soft doesn’t mean it isn’t strong. Soft is nothing but the opposite of hard and, River, opposites attract.” He lifted his hips slightly, not wanting to hide his erection anymore. She was here in his arms and she should know exactly how much he wanted her.

  She gasped and then moved her head back, looking at him with those deep green eyes. “I think I would like for you to kiss me now. I was afraid I couldn’t handle you, but I can and that means I want to know how Jax Seaborne kisses.”

  He had no idea, but he was more than willing to find out. He pulled her close and got ready to find out exactly how good life could be.

  * * * *

  It was his sweetness that did it, that made her give over to him. She knew what she liked and it wasn’t to be in control. She wanted him to take control. Not because she wasn’t a feminist, because she was wired that way, wired to enjoy having a man dominate her sexually and not anywhere else.

  It was precisely why she should have walked away from Matt and quickly. Matt’s desire had been nothing like this. It had been a lazy thing, an afterthought. At the time she’d believed it had been normal, but this…oh, this felt real. This felt primal and exciting. This felt like everything.

  It was how odd and awkward Jax could be that drew her in. Someone that gorgeous should have had practically everything handed to him on a silver platter—especially women. He should know exactly how to seduce the woman of his choice, but Jax just laid it all out there, no hiding behind flirtation, no trying to disguise what he wanted.

  She wasn’t sure she could believe he was real. She might wake up and find out the whole day had been a dream, but she was going to stay asleep as long as she could because she hadn’t felt this good in… She’d never felt like this.

  His arm around her tightened and his free hand moved to cup her jaw as he started to kiss her. He moved slowly at first, a slight hesitance. And then she could feel his confidence take over, his mouth moving more surely. She wrapped her arms around him, loving how warm his body was against hers. He surrounded her, trapping her in the cage of his arms, but it was a cage she had zero interest in breaking free of.

  The kiss deepened, his tongue running over her bottom lip. A shiver went through her. She opened her mouth and felt his excitement as he took the territory she’d ceded. His tongue invaded, dominating hers and turning the kiss wild. His arousal fed hers, sending desire through her body and silencing all those questions going through her brain. This was exactly what she needed. She needed to stop thinking and let him take her some place she’d never been to before. Like a hike through a virgin forest. No one else could know what it meant to be here in this moment with him. No matter what happened later, she would always have this night.

  One last sweet memory from the cabin she’d grown up in.

  “I want to touch you. I want to feel your skin against mine.” He whispered the words against her cheek between kisses that trailed toward her neck.

  The open honesty made it easy for her to agree. She leaned back, drawing her T-shirt over her head. She wore a plain cotton bra and wished she owned something sexier, but she was a utilitarian kind of girl. It didn’t seem to bother Jax. His eyes were hot as he stared boldly at her breasts.

  “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  She shouldn’t believe him. He was merely trying to get into her panties, but something about his reverent tone made her toss aside her cynicism. “You’re not bad yourself, Jax. I suspect you’re going to be gorgeous without your clothes on.”

  His face went blank and he stared at something over her shoulder as though he couldn’t meet her eyes. He was silent for a moment and worry crept back into her before he spoke again. “I have scars. I didn’t think about that. I didn’t think you would see them. Now that I say the words out loud, I realize how foolish it was to think that. Of course you’ll see them if I take off my shirt.”

  The words sounded dull coming out of his mouth. She hated how blank his eyes had gotten. “I don’t mind a few scars. I have scars.” She pointed to a small line across her collarbone. “I got this one when I was twelve. I was riding on this dirt bike my dad got me for my birthday. I wasn’t paying attention, clotheslined myself on a low hanging branch from a pine tree. I’ve got more on my legs, and a pretty nasty one on my back.”

  “I don’t want you to see me like that. I don’t want you to pity me.”

  How bad was it? What had happened to him? She wanted to press him but remembered how good he’d been with her. She moved so he couldn’t not look into her eyes. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Leave your shirt on or we can turn out the lights. But you don’t have to. I want to see you however you are. I think you’re gorgeous. Even if your body is a mass of scars, I’ll still think you’re beautiful.”

  He was back to looking at her breasts. That was a good thing. The hollow look in his eyes had gutted her. Lust was way better. “How about we agree to not talk about them? The scars, I mean. I would rather think about you. But if they scare you, if you change your mind, I’ll understand.”

  He tugged his shirt free from his jeans and dragged it overhead, exposing his torso. He tossed the shirt to the side. The light from the lamp illuminated his skin, giving a golden glow to the evidence of his pain.

  She had to stop her jaw from dropping. His chest…his muscular chest was covered in vicious scars. It didn’t look like there was an inch of his skin that hadn’t been harmed. Were those burns?

  “My back is worse,” he admitted quietly.

  How had he gotten those scars? Torture was the only word that came to mind, but it had to have been an accident. These weren’t decades-old scars. She suspected some of them had been made in the last few years. He didn’t want to talk about them.

  He wanted her to ignore
them, to pretend they weren’t there. Hadn’t she wanted the same thing? To pretend she hadn’t fucked up her whole life?

  She shoved all her questions aside and touched him, running her hand over his chest like it was perfectly smooth. It was time to stop being tentative. He needed to know she wanted him. She leaned over and ran her nose along his neck. He still smelled like soap, but now she caught a hint of arousal. Was his cock already weeping? It sent a rush to her pussy. She didn’t need to know how he’d been hurt. She only needed to let him know he wasn’t any less sexy for those scars.

  A shudder went through him.

  “That feels so good.” His hands were back on her, keeping her close. His eyes closed like he wanted to enjoy the sensation, the feel of her hands on him.

  He was right. It felt incredible. Her mouth found his again and she felt him relax. It had been too long since she’d felt close to someone. It made her realize how much she’d pushed away, even her friends. She used to be affectionate. She’d let Matt take that when he’d taken her money and her future. She had to fight to get all of herself back.

  This was definitely worth fighting for. His tongue played lazily against hers as his hands started to fumble with the back of her bra.

  Unfortunately, the clasp wasn’t back there. She waited until he came up for air. “It’s in the front.”

  His head came up, his chest moving against hers. “What?”

  Her nipples were hard as rocks. The idea that he was about to put his hands on them nearly made her moan. “The clasp is in the front.”

  He shifted and that was when she started to go backward, falling inevitably to the floor. She gritted her teeth, ready to have the breath knocked out of her. Yep, she was a graceful swan. Jax moved quickly, his hands finding the back of her head, sheltering her. He twisted and wound up taking the brunt of the impact. Not that they’d gone too far, but he’d reacted like they were taking a serious dive.

  She ended up on top of him, chest to chest.

  “Are you all right?” He let his hands drift over her shoulders, checking for damage.

  He was the one who’d taken the fall. Yet she found it hard to breathe as she looked down at him. She should have rolled off him, but she found herself shifting to her knees and straddling that part of him that seemed to honestly want her. He’d done everything she could think he should have done. He’d been patient and kind, taken care of her. If he turned out to be an asshole at least she’d done her due diligence. She was above him, looking down at the sexiest man she’d ever seen, and she was ready. Ready to take another shot at everything.

  She flipped the clasp of her bra open and eased it off, letting him see her breasts. “I’m more than okay. I think you should do all those things you promised me.”

  She wanted it all. She let go of her inhibitions, of her fear, let go of anything but the expectation of pleasure.

  Jax looked down at her, naked hunger in his eyes, and she realized this would be a night she would never forget.

  Chapter Four

  He was going to die. His dick was going to explode and things would get messy and he would die happy because she was simply stunning. She loomed over him, her eyes focused.

  And she wasn’t looking at him like he was something to pity. Those eyes were lit with lust.

  They were in perfect accord because lust was first and foremost on his mind. Her breasts were lovely, round and perky with tight nipples he couldn’t wait to get his mouth on. Of course, he should probably touch her with his hands first. She’d given him permission.

  He reached up, cupping her. He’d been right about how soft she was. Her skin was like silk, and for the briefest moment he wondered if he shouldn’t let her go. She was perfect. Those tiny scars did nothing to mar her. But he’d seen that brief flash of horror when he’d taken off his shirt. She’d covered it quickly and then she’d touched him like she couldn’t stop herself, but he’d had the momentary worry that she was Beauty and he was a beast. He let that thought go now because there was none of her previous hesitance in the way she moved now.

  Her eyes closed and her head dropped back as he stroked her skin. Her hips rolled and there was no way she didn’t realize she was sitting right on top of his cock. She had to feel it, had to know how close he was to rolling her over and shoving himself deep inside. She wasn’t afraid of him and she wasn’t doing this out of pity. She wanted him, and that was the first thing that made him feel like a man and not some lost fucking little boy.

  He rolled her nipple between his thumb and finger. Those nipples had peaked, begging for him to play with them. He could do that. His mind had gone into pure tunnel vision. There was nothing in the world except her. Everything else fell away and all he was left with was the feel of her, the slow dance they were caught in.

  He let his instinct lead him, rolling her over and pinning her to the ground with his body. Her eyes opened in surprise, but there was no fear in them. Her gaze softened and body bowed, offering herself up to him. All that sweetness was his for now.

  He lowered himself down and kissed his way from the curve of her neck to that sweet nipple. He pulled it into his mouth, lavishing it with affection. Every moan he heard seemed to spark deep inside him, transforming him into something more than he’d been before he’d touched her.

  “Jax, please.” Her hands were in his hair, moving restlessly. “I can’t stand it.”

  He ignored her. He would never brush off a request for him to stop if she didn’t want him, but even he knew what she was asking for with her breathy moans. She wanted him to move this train along, to take her. She was impatient and that was a beautiful thing. But he’d promised her something. His mouth everywhere. He would lick and kiss every inch of her. It would take far longer than this one time to truly map her body, and that was exactly what he intended to do.

  He moved to her other breast, unwilling to leave that sweet bit unloved. He tongued her before biting down lightly. Gently, just giving her the edge of his teeth. The hands in his hair tugged and pulled, she squirmed under him, but he didn’t give in. He merely moved down her body.

  “Oh, Jax. Are you really going to…”

  He kissed her belly and down to the top of her jeans. “Fuck, yeah, I am.”

  She gasped, squirming again like she couldn’t make herself stop moving. “You should know I’m messy down there.”

  He could smell her. It made him feel feral, primitive. This was what Ariel had talked about. It would be hard to stop now when the prize was close, when his heart beat in a primal rhythm. “I want you messy. Sex is messy.”

  He knew that somehow. Sex, when done well, involved a lot of mess, both physical and emotional. He knew that last part because he was already coming up with a hundred reasons to change his mind about leaving her at the end of the night.

  He unbuttoned her jeans, getting to his knees and dragging them down her body. He needed her naked, needed to see the evidence of her desire for him. Sure enough, he could see the wet spot on her underwear and it sent another surge through his cock. He could take her then and there and she would be perfectly happy. Or he could indulge himself.

  He’d learned not to be impatient. Life was far too short to not take advantage of every good thing that came his way, and she was such a good thing. She might be the best thing. He would soak in every moment he had with her, taking in memories to get him through the bad times.

  He eased her underwear off and tossed it to the side. She wouldn’t need it again tonight. He would keep her naked. He stared down at her, letting his mind memorize the sight of her against that rug, the light from the lamp turning her skin a rosy gold. Her legs rubbed against his like she couldn’t stand the thought of not touching him. She was gorgeous. He’d thought the woods outside the cabin they were staying in were lovely. They had nothing on her. Round breasts, gently curving hips. She was petite but there was an athletic feel to her body. Like he’d said before—soft and yet strong. She could handle him. Could she handle his d
amage?

  He put a hand on her, right between her breasts, dragging it down the length of her torso until he cupped the mound of her pussy. For the first time since that moment he’d woken up in a too-bright room, Sasha staring down at him, he was happy he didn’t remember anything else because this felt new and fresh and meaningful. He had no idea who he’d been in the years before, but he liked who he was now because her eyes had come open, widening in wonder as he stroked her.

  If he knew who he was, he wouldn’t be here with her. He wouldn’t be experiencing this for the first time with her.

  He wanted to be with her.

  He lowered himself down, needing to connect with her in every way he could. The urge to put his mouth on her was overwhelming. He wanted to surround himself with River—her touch, her scent and god, her taste. This needed no prior knowledge. This was something he instinctively knew how to do.

  He licked her, his tongue finding her clitoris and lapping at the jewel. She bucked up, but he was ready for her. He held her down, pinning her to the floor. “Stop moving or I’ll tie your hands down. Don’t think I won’t do it. I might not know a lot, but I’m good with rope, baby.”

  “That should worry me.” She went still. “But somehow it just gets me hotter. What are you doing to me?”

  He was making a meal out of her, that’s what he was doing. “I’m enjoying every inch of you, and don’t think you’ll get rid of me so easily. I’ve changed my mind. One night isn’t enough.” He licked at her, moving to her labia and exploring. “Let me stay with you tonight. We’ll sort the rest out in the morning. I don’t know when I’ll have to leave Colorado, but I want to spend time with you while I’m here.”

  “Yes,” she said. “Stay with me. You can stay here if you like.” Her body shuddered as he speared her with his tongue.

  She tasted like honey and perfection, like nothing he’d known before. He couldn’t get enough of her. He spread her thighs, wanting more. He fucked her with his tongue, his dick throbbing with jealousy. His dick would get its turn, but for now he needed to taste her orgasm.