The next morning I awoke to Cale’s stare. He was in human form sitting next to the fire’s embers.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to him, not knowing what else to say. He just looked at me with cold eyes.
“I suppose I can’t blame you,” he finally said. “I would run from a beast too, if I were you.” His voice seemed sad, which broke my heart and enlarged my guilt.
I sat up and pulled myself gently out of Chester’s arms and moved next to him.
“You’re not a beast. You were gentle and kind to me. I should have never ran from you. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. I just panicked. And I wanted desperately to be reunited with Chester.”
He nodded, and somehow I knew all was well between us.
When Chester woke up, they wasted no time in making plans for us to attack the palace and take Madeline back. While they talked, I remembered her. Her kindness and soft smile. Her gentle, comforting spirit. Her rose would have been blindingly white.
I wondered why she hadn’t told me about Cale, but then I realized that I hadn’t told her about Dashielle or Chester, for that matter. We rarely talked about life outside of the castle, now that I think of it. I guess it would have just been reminders of what we were missing.
They decided we should strike early in the morning, at dawn. We would first have to learn the guards’ rotations and plan to attack right before the night guards were relieved. They would be tired and fighting sleep and exhaustion by then and would be less capable of fighting off an attack. Cale also mentioned he had a pack of friends who would jump all over the idea of having a chance to dupe the royals.
Listening to them, I realized I hadn’t heard Cale speak as many words the entire time I stayed with him. And that realization only enforced the anxious feeling that was welling up inside me. This is going to be dangerous. The old, cautious Rowena started to reemerge.
“We will camp near the town’s entrance for a few nights and learn their routine. Humbert has arranged for us to stay with his caretaker for the week, if we need it. He lives right outside the royals’ gates,” Chester said.
“I don’t know. That may be too close. What if someone suspects something? The whole plan would be ruined, and there’s no telling what they would do to us. To her,” Cale whispered, but I heard.
“It’s the only bloody option!” Chester said, getting frustrated with not having a better plan. He calmed himself and spoke again, “I don’t know anyone else who lives in Royal Court.”
I could see both of their minds racing, but neither of them spoke for a long while.
“Make the arrangements. We’ll have to take our chances,” Cale finally said.
Chester nodded in agreement.
The plans were now ironed out, but there was a sudden wave of sadness and nervousness, which washed across us all. There wasn’t much talking that night. We were lying around the fire and chewing on stale bread when Humbert came. He landed right in front of me, as if happy to see me. I ran my fingers down his feathers in between his large, all-seeing eyes.
“Good to see you too,” I whispered with a smile. He flew to Chester, who secured a note to his foot, and he left.
Seeing him again somehow strengthened my resolve to help Madeline. No matter what happened, I knew I was doing the right thing in helping her.
Our journey to Royal Court began the next day, so our minds fought rest that night.
Get up and leave! We don’t need their help. I heard a voice whisper in a soft, child-like tone.
It was her voice. I just knew it.
Julia?
No answer.
What are you trying to do? Get us killed? We definitely cannot do this alone.
I suddenly felt betrayed by her presence. She was violating me by simply being there in my mind.
Get out of my head!
She didn’t say anything, but I could feel her lingering in the depths of my mind.
The next morning, we all prepared for our short journey. We were closer to the royals than I had realized. For good luck, I put the comb in my hair that I found my first day in the Tresels’ castle, packed my leather jacket in my satchel, and visited the creek one last time to give my face a good wash. I smoothed the wrinkles on my red dress, and knew this was a beginning that could very well be my last.
We started our walk. It felt like spring. The forests’ humidity had caused beads of sweat to pop up on my face, and it made me smile. Spring had always been my favorite time of year. I daydreamed of last spring. Dashielle had taken me on a date at the park. He packed a picnic with sandwiches he made himself. We were broke as usual, so a restaurant was out of the possibility then. But that date was possibly the most perfect day of my entire life. We never needed money to enjoy time with one another.
Sometimes it’s the small things that make the biggest memories.
Impressions of that memory made me look at Chester. I had feelings for him because he had been there for me, because he cared for me, but nothing about him evoked the kind of longing I had for Dashielle. My heart began to ache again. I hoped no one noticed the tears.
Chapter 18
Dashielle
We rode with the top down in my old but new-to-me VW Cabrio. Her blonde hair flew in the wind freely and unreserved. A memory of Rowena twisting her curls to one side and holding them securely so she could see the road and me flashed through my mind. I pushed them away. Her away.
“So, Lil, where do you want to go?” I asked.
“I don’t care as long as I’m with you,” she said and placed her hand on my thigh.
My heart, or maybe something else, jumped in response to her touch. There was something wild and careless about her, and a part of me, a growing part of me, wanted to be the same way.
“How about a picnic? It’s a nice day out,” I suggested. She giggled.
“How about Italian,” she said and gave me a quick, you-should-know-better smile.
“Sure.”
Lil was a restaurant girl. A borderline high-maintenance girl. A quintessential piece of eye and arm candy. Everyone down at the station loved her. She was the life of every party, and the guy’s kept telling me how they wished they could be me. She was young but looked older. She inspired me with her carelessness.
Rowena and I … Rowena, especially, are introverts and conscientious of everything. She never wanted to be around lots of people. Parties were usually out. She wouldn’t have been able to help me accomplish the notoriety at work like Lil had. Lil helped push me out of my shell, and filled in the gaps during my lack of conversation.
I still missed Rowena, though.
We sat down at the table and proceeded to order. Lil wanted one of the most expensive items on the menu, and I settled for my usual — spaghetti with tap water.
“OMG, I have been holding it in the whole way here. Guess what I found out this morning?” she exclaimed.
“What?”
“I’m adopted!” Her eyes widened and her mouth opened, as if to mimic the face that I should make after learning the news. No such luck, even though I was genuinely surprised. Though Lil and Rowena looked different, they resembled enough to pass as real sisters.
“Wow,” I said flatly. “How do you know?”
“I heard Mom and Dad talking in the living room this morning. Mom’s having another one of her annoying oh-no-Rowena’s-gone kind of days. That’s when I heard her say it. ‘She was our blood. She was our only real child.’ I was shocked to say the least, but it’s kind of not surprising. I’ve always been different than them. They and their traditional values, conservative views, and quiet selves.”
“That’s crazy. Rowena never mentioned it.”
“She wouldn’t. Even if she knew, you could never crack that egg.” She rolled her eyes.
“I think she would have mentioned it to me, if she knew.”
She shrugged.
We both ate our meals, and I listened to Lil go on about how she was planning on confronting her parents and hopefu
lly getting a guilt gift — maybe a car — out of the situation. I mostly ignored her when she went on like this. I wanted to move forward with my life, so I let some unpleasantries slip without thought. No one’s perfect, and no one will ever be Rowena.
Afterward, Lil insisted that we stop and listen to the brothers’ podcast. We parked near the water tower, watched the sun go down over the city, and listened to the guys tell us about “an alternate world,” which was beyond ridiculous but still somewhat entertaining.
“Sleeping beauty still has not awakened. Her body lays in a glass casket in front of the evil one’s castle. It’s been months since the only person who can save her has been summoned. It’s rumored that she will not come. Fears mount as the evil one becomes inpatient. There is no knowing what he may do to the people in retaliation for not bringing the chosen one to him...”
“No news then,” Lil said with a downcast face. I laughed at her seriousness.
“It’s just fiction, Lil. Cheer up,” I said and put her hair behind her pearled ear. She smiled and leaned into me. Her lips caressed mine passionately. Her teeth lightly tugged at my bottom lip. My heart pounded in my head. We went on, attached like this, for minutes. Before I knew it, she was straddling me, occasionally pressing the horn with her back. Her black dress rose, revealing her perfect thighs. I ran my hands up them until my fingers graced lace panties. Suddenly, I stopped and saw Rowena staring back at me.
“What’s the matter?” Lil asked.
“No. Nothing. I’m fine,” I said, trying to shake Rowena’s image out of my mind.
She began kissing me again. My neck. She started unbuttoning my shirt. I placed my hands on hers and stopped her.
“I can’t,” I murmured, defeated by something I couldn’t control.
“Why?”
“You don’t want to know.” If I told her it was because I couldn’t see anyone but Rowena when she kissed me, she’d be appalled, and I wouldn’t blame her. I didn’t see Rowena every time we kissed, but when things started to get a little hot, it never failed. Rowena’s innocent green eyes would stare back at me and remind me of the love I once had, without the overtly sexual display. It made me angry. I wanted to be with Lil. She was sexy, in a way that I never saw Rowena. She was wild, and I wanted to experience that side of her. I wanted to be experienced. I felt like I’d been missing out on something, but strangely, I never felt that way with Rowena. I never needed more of her to be content in our relationship, but I did with Lil. There seemed to be something missing between us.
“What’s the matter with you?” she asked, frustrated.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, forcing myself into the seat to create some distance between her and I.
She gave me that look, and I knew I’d better come up with something.
“The spaghetti isn’t sitting well.”
Her legs released my waist, and she made her way back to the passenger seat. I watched as her eyes rolled and her face dropped into a pout. We sat there for a moment, both caught up in our own thoughts.
“Is it always going to be like this?” she finally asked.
I looked in her eyes, took her manicured hands into mine, and said, “Lil, it’s not going to be like this forever. It’s only been a little over six months. Things will get better, and we’ll be good. Okay?” I gave her a plastered smile and a long but forgetful kiss.
I placed the car in drive and headed back to her house. I turned up the music to keep her occupied and to save us from having to discuss the matter any further. I was raging inside. I became so angry at Rowena for ferociously occupying my thoughts. We all felt, deep down, that she was dead. I didn’t want to waste another moment of my life living in the past. It hurt too bad. Everyone told me time would ease the pain, and it did, but very little. What helped more than anything was having Lil, school, and my job to distract me. I’d convinced myself that all I really needed to get over Rowena was distractions.
Lil’s voice rang over the loud speakers. She knew every word to every song.
“Don’t you wish she were more like me?” she sang carelessly.
I angrily ran my fingers through my hair.
“No,” I whispered.
At that moment, I saw Lil for who she really was. Someone totally different than Rowena. Not even related to her. She was just what I needed to build a new life, one without Rowena. I looked over at her and smiled.
Chapter 19
After three days of traveling morning, noon, and most of the night, we arrived. I could see Royal Court’s gates. A large rock fence encased the town. Inside, near the back, was the royal mansion, surrounded by its own set of gates. Not just anyone could get into Royal Court. The royals kept their favorites close by — friends, extended family, talented musicians, actors, and artisans. There were others too, though. The court had to have bakers, blacksmiths, guards, and everything else that made a town function. We were staying with a blacksmith. He had a small, inconspicuous shop near the mansion. I could hardly wait to finally be there, but we had to find a way to get into the town first. Cale suggested we should take a shipping buggy by force and ride right in, but Chester thought that could make too much of a commotion. I agreed.
“Besides, what would we do with the people? Surely they would run and tell someone,” I argued.
“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Cale growled.
“What are you going to do? Kill them?” I laughed sarcastically.
“I think I’m pretty damn good at keeping prisoners.” He glared.
I looked away and decided I’d let them figure it out. There was obviously no use putting my two cents in. I stared up at the dual moons and tried to relax myself. The journey had made all of us weary. We were hungry, restless, and exhausted.
I saw a young man walking towards the gates with a donkey in tow.
Befriend him.
I thought about it for a moment. If I could get in, I could get help from Humbert’s caretaker and come back for Cale and Chester.
“Hey,” I said, trying to bring the passerby to their attention.
Shh! They’re never going to agree to you going alone. They would be too worried about you getting hurt or captured.
Cale and Chester looked at me curiously.
“Never mind.” I shrugged. It was true. They would never let me go inside the court alone, but it would be much easier to get one person inside the gates than three. “I’m going to look for something to eat. I’ll stay close,” I whispered and got up. They nodded reflexively, encompassed by their conversation.
I walked through the trees until I reached the road and quietly followed the man.
Go ahead. Let’s get this over with.
I thought for minute, trying to figure out a way to befriend this stranger. What if he’s a crazy person? What if he hands me over to the royals?
He won’t.
“Sir, could you help me?” I asked as calmly and softly as I could.
He turned around quickly and questioned me with squinted eyes. Someone approaching him in the forest must have been suspicious.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I seem to have lost my company. And I can’t get into town without my friend. You see, he works for the blacksmith near the castle gates. Do you know him?”
“I know of the blacksmith.”
“Well, I’m sure he will be worried about me, and seeing how it’s getting dark, he’s probably panicking at the thought of me having to spend the night in the forest alone.” I batted my eyes and tried desperately to seem innocent and sincere.
He hesitated. I could tell he was considering taking me in, but something caused him to second-guess himself.
“Okay, hop on the donkey, and I’ll pretend you’re my wife.”
“Thanks so much, sir.” I smiled.
He gave me a boost as I climbed up the animal. We started towards the gates.
“Roe, I’m so glad I found you,” I heard Chester call out in a not-so-happy voice.
Well, there goes that plan.
“I thought I’d lost you,” I called out to him a moment later, trying to conceal my lie from the stranger.
“Well, that worked out,” the man said and helped me down.
I walked back to Chester. We both watched silently as the stranger and the donkey trotted away. When they were out of earshot, Chester took me by the shoulders and stared at me. Betrayal flashed across his face.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered in the darkness.
He didn’t say anything and eventually let me go. Then he led me back to camp. Cale stood anxiously, glaring at us as we approached.
“What the Mezz were you thinking, Roe? Do you want to get yourself captured? Is that it?” he snarled.
“I don’t know,” I said. I really didn’t know why I would’ve walked up to a complete stranger and followed him into the lion’s den of Royal Court. I’d done some naïve things in Mezzanine, but even in my bravest moments, I wouldn’t have done that.
Then it hit me. It was her. Julia, stay out of my head!
“I can’t believe you would leave us. Why would you think it’s okay to leave on your own?” Chester’s voice quivered in a mix of anger and hurt.
“Guys, I need to tell you something. I’m not alone in my head anymore.” I began to tell them about Mr. Carol, Adela, and Julia. “I don’t really know how to explain it. I hear her sometimes, and it’s hard for me to know if it’s her voice or my own. I can’t trust my thoughts anymore,” I went on. I would have thought that they’d look at me in disbelief, but instead, they nodded in understanding.
“Blast it, Roe! Why didn’t you tell me before?” Chester asked.
“I don’t know. It was a terrible experience, and part of me didn’t fully believe it. I didn’t want to talk about it right away, and we were traveling towards the Court with more important things to figure out. You and Cale had your hands full trying to iron out a plan. Besides, I thought I could handle her. I will be more careful from now on. Promise.”
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