by Beth Rinyu
I was sitting down to a bowl of cereal when a knock at the door interrupted me. Something told me I wasn’t going to be as lucky as I had been the day before and have Simon on the other side of that door. When I looked through the peephole, I was overcome with emotion at the sight of my brother. I flung the door open, biting on my bottom lip to chase away the tears. When he threw his arms around me, I couldn’t hold them back.
“I’m so sorry, Aubree.” He hugged me tight and rested his lips on the top of my head.
“It’s okay.” It felt so good to hug him back.
“I just can’t stand to know that someone did this to you.”
I nodded and wiped a tear away. “Come in,” I requested, closing the door behind us.
We took a seat in the living room and his eyes diverted down to my sling. “Did he do that too?”
I was afraid to respond. I could see the anger building in his eyes. “Yes,” I whispered.
“Goddamn fuckin’ jerkoff,” he mumbled.
“This was my wake-up call, Paul. It really was. I don’t want to do this anymore. And guess what? I’m starting a new job on Monday.”
“Where?” he cautiously inquired.
“I’m taking care of a little boy…you know, like a nanny?”
He creased his eyebrows in confusion. “Aubree, no offense, but are you up for that challenge? That’s a big responsibility, and you don’t have any experience with kids.”
“I know.” I nodded. “But he’s so adorable and we get along great, and his father has faith in me that I can do it.”
“His father? Is there a mother?”
“No.”
He raised an eyebrow. “And, how do you know this guy?”
I looked away and mumbled, “He was one of my clients.”
“Ahh, Aubree!”
“No, really it’s not like that, Paul. He is such a great guy. He really is. We have these deep conversations, and I relate to him on so many levels. He doesn’t judge me for the choices I’ve made in life. I just can’t even begin to explain how he makes me feel.” It took me a few moments before I realized I was gushing over him.
“So, what are you saying? Do you have a thing for this guy?” Paul asked.
“No. I mean…He’s…” I didn’t know how to answer, because the truth was that even though I’d told Simon I wanted to forget we had a history, it wasn’t so easy to do. Yes, we’d had sex on several occasions, but it was so much more than that. Besides a physical connection, we had an emotional one, and that wasn’t so easy to just forget.
“He’s-he—” I stuttered, watching Paul grin as he waited for me to elaborate. “Hey, are you hungry?” I asked, dodging the question.
“I’m starving.”
“Chinese?”
“Perfect.”
I got up to grab the delivery menu, avoiding the question I didn’t know the answer to—or maybe I did and was just afraid to admit, even to myself, just how very special Simon was to me.
After dinner, we watched TV and talked. It felt so good to be sitting down and having a normal conversation with my brother. It had been way too long. I finally worked up the nerve to ask the question I had been wanting to know the answer to all night. “How’s Dad?”
His eyes softened. “He’s good. Getting ready to retire.”
We both shook our heads and laughed. “No he’s not,” we said in unison.
My father had been the police chief of our tiny town forever; it was all he knew, and a big part of who he was. He had been claiming retirement for the past ten years, but had yet to put in his papers.
“I just wish things were different. I miss him so much.”
Paul nodded. “Aubree, maybe you need to come home and start all over. Work on your relationship with Dad and start working on you.”
“There’s nothing there for me, Paul. I don’t have a job. Dad can’t even look at me, and it’s just a lot of bad memories.”
“You can always find a job. Things will never work out with you and Dad if you keep avoiding it, and as far as the memories go, you need to face them instead of running away from them. It wasn’t your fault, Aubree. You’ve carried this guilt around for the past five years for something you didn’t have any control over. If you’re truly serious about starting over, it’s time to deal with it head-on and stop beating yourself up over it.”
I shook my head. “I loved him so much, Paul, and one minute we were holding hands, laughing and talking about his move to New York, and the next minute he was gone. I relive that moment every single day of my life, and I just don’t know how—” I let out a sob, and Paul grabbed my hand. “I just don’t know how I could ever stop beating myself up over it.”
“I know how much he meant to you, Aubree. I do. But do you think he’d be happy seeing you this way, agonizing over him every single day of your life? He died that night.”
I closed my eyes, wishing I could shield my ears from his words.
“You didn’t. And you know that he would want you to be happy and live your life.”
I nodded. My tears were falling faster than I could catch them.
Paul grabbed a napkin from the coffee table and dabbed my eyes. “Just think about it, Aubree. You could stay with Trey and me until you get yourself situated.”
“I will,” I responded, knowing I didn’t have any intention of ever returning to that place for an extended period of time.
He looked down at his watch, and I was dreading what was to come next. I wasn’t ready for him to leave after I had just gotten him back. “I really have to get going. I have to be up and out by seven a.m. for this presentation.”
“Okay,” I whispered, fighting another bout of tears.
He began to gather our dinner plates from the coffee table, and I stopped him.
“I’ll get that.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded, looking up at him and throwing my arms around him. “Thank you so much for tonight. You have no idea how much it meant to me.”
“I love you, Aubree, and I just want to see you happy.”
“And I promise, I’m gonna try really hard to work on it.”
He gently stroked the side of my face with the back of his hand. “I don’t ever want to see you like this…” He rubbed his thumb along the bruising on my eye. “…ever again. You got it?”
“Promise.” I forced a smile.
I walked him to the door, and he kissed me on the top of my head. “Smell ya later, brat!”
“Not if I smell you first, Pauly wally bear.”
“I’ll talk to you soon. Please take care of yourself, and seriously think about what I said.”
“I will.”
“Love you, Aubree.”
“Love you too.”
He bent down, giving me one last kiss on my cheek before heading on his way.
I closed the door and locked it, overcome with emotion. My brother was back, and I was the happiest I had been in a very long time. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but for the time being I’d settle for writing about it in my journal.
Chapter 24
By the time the weekend arrived, I was starting to feel better both physically and emotionally, completely at ease with my choice to start over again. I hadn’t yet found the courage to speak to the detective, but I decided to face the other dreaded task that had been weighing heavily on my mind—visiting the health clinic. If I was going to move forward with my new life, I wanted to do it with a clean bill of health. Even though my number one rule with all of my clients was the use of a condom, I still wanted to put my mind at ease that my years of safe sex hadn’t failed me.
I was happy when I received the call letting me know that I had succeeded. I had to admit I was a little bummed when Hannah’s weekend retreat trumped our Sunday book meeting. It had been such a busy week that I hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to her. I had so much to tell her, from standing up to Margo, to reconciling with my brother, and getting my new job. I couldn’t wait until she got back so
I could confide all those things in her.
The disappointment I was feeling over missing my Sunday afternoon date with Hannah quickly faded when Simon called, inviting me to lunch to go over Jack’s schedule for the week ahead.
“Hey.” I smiled as I walked into the restaurant, finding him already seated and looking movie-star handsome as usual.
His return smile catapulted him from movie-star handsome into a whole new realm of gorgeousness.
“Where’s Jack?” I asked, taking a seat across from him.
“He’s at a birthday party.”
“Oh.” I nodded and opened the menu. “I’m starving!”
He chuckled, seeming to get some amusement over my hunger, setting a strong gaze upon me.
“What?” I asked, taking my eyes from my menu for a brief second.
He shook his head with the same complacent smile stretched across his face. “Nothing. You look much better.”
“Thanks. I feel a lot better, and not just physically.” I looked up at the waitress hovering over us to take our drink order.
“That’s good,” he remarked once we’d ordered our drinks and the waitress had walked away.
I let out a deep breath. “I talked to my brother the other day. I mean really talked. It was the best feeling in the world,” I opened up to him.
“Did you guys have a fight or something?”
“Not exactly. He didn’t approve of my choices, and he kind of went out of his way to avoid me, but it’s so good now.” I couldn’t hold back my smile just thinking about it. My present sense of contentment wasn’t just over my reconciliation with Paul. It was over my courage to leave the detrimental lifestyle I had been living most of my adult life, my newfound friendship with Hannah, and the man sitting across from me. I wasn’t sure how I’d classify my relationship with Simon, and I didn’t really care. All that mattered to me was that he was part of my life in some way.
“I’m happy for you, Bree. Most people wouldn’t have had the strength to pick themselves back up after what happened to you, but you’re doing just that and then some.”
I shrugged. “Maybe it took something that awful to make me realize I deserved better.”
“You deserve the best.”
Our eyes locked, only breaking when the waitress came and placed our drinks down. After ordering our food, I pulled out my notebook and pen from my bag. I had taken it upon myself to make up a checklist to prepare for my new adventure.
Simon shook his head and laughed. “What’s that?” he asked.
“It’s going to me by Jack manual.”
“Your what?” He laughed even harder.
“Everything I need to know about Jack to help me out while I’m watching him.”
“Bree, you don’t need—”
I put my hand up to stop him. “Simon, I take my work very seriously, and this is something I really want to make sure I get right. So humor me, okay?” I raised an eyebrow and cracked a smile.
“Fine,” he relented.
“Okay, let’s see. Does he have any food allergies?”
“None that I’m aware of…”
“No peanut allergies? No dairy allergies?”
“Nope and nope.” He shook his head.
“What about insects? Is he allergic to bees? Spiders?”
“No, and no.” He seemed bored with my inquisition.
“Medication?”
He leaned back in his chair and intertwined his hands behind his head, seeming entertained over the whole situation.
“Simon, come on, I’m being serious!”
He expelled the laughter he had been holding in. “No, Bree. He doesn’t have any allergies to anything, to the best of my knowledge.”
“To the best of your knowledge? What if there’s something you don’t know about, and I happen to be by myself with him, and what if I don’t know how to handle it?” I could feel my anxiety mounting.
“Bree, calm down. I have complete faith that you’ll be able to handle any emergency, should it arise.”
I shook my head, wishing I could have the same confidence in myself as he had in me. “I don’t know, Simon, this is all so new to me. I’m not used to dealing with children, and if anything were to happen to Jack, I’d never forgive myself.” My heart beat faster, and I struggled to breathe just thinking about it.
“Will you relax? I promise you everything will be fine.”
I reluctantly nodded. “I hope you’re right,” I mumbled.
“I am,” he reassured me.
We both looked up at the waitress as she placed our food down.
“So, I hate to throw you to the wolves on your first day,” Simon continued after the waitress walked away, “but tomorrow is going to be insanely busy for me.”
“No problem.” I grabbed my pen, readying myself to write everything he was about to say down in my notebook. “What?” I snapped when he began to chuckle. “I like to be efficient.” I tried my hardest to curtail my smile, but his enjoyment over the situation wouldn’t allow it. “What if I forget what you tell me?”
He shook his head and took a sip of his drink. “So, Jack needs to be at school by nine o’clock. Obviously you already know where he goes to school.”
“Nine o’clock. Saint Joseph’s School,” I repeated, writing it down in my notebook. “Got it! What else?” I asked, looking up to the same playful smile spread across his face.
“Clean my house from top to bottom.” He let out a loud, boisterous laugh when I began to write it down before catching on.
“Ha ha!” I teased. “Seriously, what do you need me to do while he’s in school?”
He shook his head and shrugged. “I don’t know—whatever you want.”
“Simon, you hired me to help you out, so let me do that. Did you need me to run any errands? I’m not much of a cook, but I can try to get dinner started for you guys. Please don’t be afraid to ask. The busier I am, the better.”
“Okay, I’ll take that under advisement for the future, but for tomorrow, just get used to Jack’s routine. I can assure you once he gets home from school, there will be plenty to keep you busy. I’m probably going to have a late night—I have clients flying in from Tokyo—so I may need you to stay a little later than usual.”
“Okay, that’s not a problem.”
“Which means Jack will need to have dinner and get prepared for school the next day.”
“Okay, I’ve got it all under control! I really do mean it when I say the more I can do, the better, so please don’t hesitate to bring it on.”
He brushed his fingertips over his five o’clock shadow, still seeming thoroughly amused by my enthusiasm. “Trust me, in a month or so, once the weather starts breaking, there will be plenty to keep you busy between playdates at the park and T-ball practice. You’re going to regret you ever offered.”
I overzealously shook my head. “Nope, not me. I live for a good challenge.” I took a spoonful of soup and dabbed my mouth with the napkin. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Go for it.”
“How do you manage all this on your own?”
He let out a deep breath. “I’m not going to say it’s easy, because it’s not, but what other choice do I have? I’m all Jack has left, and I’m not going to fail him. I’m not saying I don’t screw up sometimes, but I try to be the best that I can be for him. I basically go to work, come home, and take care of him. I occasionally have Annie’s sister help me out, and my in-laws take him one weekend a month. That’s when I try and meet up with friends and do my best to salvage some semblance of a social life. But the truth of the matter is, I gave up on that a long time ago. My first priority will always be Jack.”
I bit my bottom lip, unsure if I wanted to cry or smile. He was such a selfless man in everything he did. “Well, I think you’re a pretty awesome dad, and a pretty awesome human being.”
“Thanks,” he whispered.
“Here’s to new beginnings and hopefully making your life a lot easi
er.” I held up my glass, waiting for him to do the same.
“I have complete confidence that you will,” he said as we clinked our glasses together.
“I’m glad someone does,” I mumbled, watching his dimples deepening right before my eyes while feeling the contentment growing deep inside my heart.
Chapter 25
“Okay, pal, let’s get a move on.” I zipped up Jack’s coat and pulled his hat over his ears.
“Bree, don’t forget to tie my shoes.” He stuck out his foot.
“Oops, I almost forgot.” I bent down and tied his sneakers. Taking a quick scan of the area to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything, I grabbed Jack’s lunch and we were on our way.
Jack gasped when we were halfway out the door. “I forgot my backpack!”
“Oh shoot!” I nearly stumbled over my feet, turning around and grabbing it from the hook in the entryway. “Okay. Are we good now?” My nerves had been rattled all morning long. I didn’t want to screw it all up. I owed it to Jack and Simon to make sure I got it right. Seeing Simon looking devilishly handsome first thing in the morning, in his perfectly tailored suit, had only added to my frazzled state of mind.
Jack looked up at me through his round little glasses that fit his tiny face perfectly, and nodded. I took his hand as we made our way onto the sidewalk and were on our way.
Panic overtook me when we reached the school and I saw multiple doors and kids going into every one of them. That wasn’t in my manual. How could I have been so stupid to have not asked Simon more details about school drop-off? My unwarranted anxiety quickly disappeared when Jack tugged on my hand, pulling me toward the center door. Crisis averted. Of course he’d know which one to go through.
“My classroom is this way,” Jack directed, leading me down the hallway once we entered the school. The doorway of his classroom was all decked out in red and pink Valentine’s Day hearts with the students’ names written on each of them.
I shook my head and smiled. Sister Hannah was such a true romantic at heart. I spotted Hannah out of the corner of my eye, tending to one of the children. She finally looked up in total bewilderment—first at me and then at Jack.
“Good Morning, Jack. Go hang up your coat and get ready for our morning prayer.” She dismissed him, waiting until he was out of earshot. “Bree, what are you doing here?” She raised an eyebrow.
