by Beth Rinyu
“Okay,” I whispered, not wanting him to leave but knowing he had to. We both got up and I walked him to the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.” I stood on my tippy-toes and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.
He nodded and smiled. “Sorry for laying that all on you just now.”
I overzealously shook my head. “Don’t be sorry, I’m honored that you felt comfortable enough to share that with me.”
He forced a smile and gazed down at me before throwing his arms around me. “Thank you for being you.” He skimmed my cheek with his lips and whispered, “Love you, Bree,” and then headed out the door.
I stood in the doorway long after he was gone, with a million thoughts racing through my mind. The weekend had been a whirlwind of emotions. We had both opened up about our feelings for each other, and both of us had exposed our painful pasts. We were on a whole new level in our relationship, and as exciting as it was, it also scared me, because if anything were to ever happen to sever that bond, I knew my heart would never recover.
Chapter 33
I woke up before my alarm even went off. After going to bed super early, I was refreshed and full of energy. I was dressed and had a cup of coffee in hand, way ahead of schedule, using that extra time to email Hannah. She had taken a leave of absence and had been in Connecticut taking care of her mother, who had gotten sick. I missed our weekly get-togethers and our morning chats when I would drop Jack off at school. I never really spoke of my relationship with Simon to her, but I was pretty sure she was able to figure it out on her own. I couldn’t wait for her to come back; I was ready to spill my guts and let her know all about it. I was hoping she had some down time and had been able to work on her book. Surprisingly, I was getting anxious to read it. Ever since Simon had come into my life, I was believing in romance a little more each day. After hitting the send button, I closed my laptop, grabbed my things, and was on my way.
“Oh my god!” I gasped when I opened the door to find Manuel, the maintenance man, on the other side.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he chuckled. “I just wanted to let you know I’m gonna need to be running in and out of your place today, we’re installing new hot water heaters in all of the units.”
“If it means I can shower for longer than five minutes without running out of hot water, then run in and out all you want.” I gave him a smile and headed down the hall, trying to figure out from where I knew the familiar woman walking toward me.
“Excuse me, Bree?” the woman greeted.
“Yes?” I examined her closely, trying desperately to remember where I had seen her before.
“I’m Detective Lyons. We met in the hospital, but you were a little out of it.”
My stomach dropped. How did she know my name and where I lived?
“Oh, I really…I’m gonna be late for work.”
“I just have a few questions. I promise it won’t take long. I can even ask you as we’re walking out, so you won’t be late.”
“Okay, I guess.” I was still so uneasy over the whole thing.
“Bree, I really wish you would tell us what happened to you that night you ended up in the hospital,” she started as we headed down the stairs.
“It’s done with. It’s a part of my past I want to forget.”
“Bree, unfortunately, it’s not done with. A young woman was raped and beaten into a coma last night.”
“That’s just awful, but what does that have to do with what happened to me? This is New York City. Sadly, these things happen all the time.”
“Because just like you, she didn’t have any ID on her, but she did have you listed in her phone as a contact. When your name popped up so did your picture—that’s how I knew it was you.”
I stopped in the middle of the stairwell. My heart was beating out of my chest. Who could it have been that was lying in the hospital, clinging to life? “What does she look like?” I swallowed hard, not wanting to ask, but needing to know.
“A lot like you. Blond hair—”
“Oh my god,” I shrieked, covering my mouth with my hand. “It’s Jess.”
“Do you know her last name?” the detective asked.
“Richman.” I tried to catch the tears that were rolling down my face. “Is she going to be okay?” I asked.
“They don’t know yet. She has some pretty serious head injuries.”
I buried my face in my hands, just trying to imagine poor Jess, lying there helpless. She truly had no one. She didn’t have a Hannah or a Simon; she was alone in the world.
“Bree, how do you know her?”
“She’s just a friend.” I continued to walk down the steps. All of the excess energy I’d had when I woke up was sucked out of me after receiving that news. I hadn’t talked to Jess in a while, and I had assumed that she’d decided to ignore my warning about going back to Margo.
“Bree, you’re the only one who could help your friend right now,” the detective lectured as we reached the ground floor and walked outside. “I promise you, whatever it is or whoever it is you’re afraid of, it will be okay.”
“I’m not afraid of anyone,” I snapped. “I just want to move on with my life.” My throat tightened and another surge of tears filled my eyes. “I warned her. I told her to walk away.” I couldn’t hold back my sobs. “And—she—she didn’t listen.”
“Warned her about what?” the detective pressed.
I lifted my head and stared into her eyes, wanting to tell her so badly. If I thought that she’d arrest Margo and Senator Stevens and they’d rot in jail for the rest of their lives, the words would have come out with no problem. But I knew that wasn’t the case. They’d be arrested, but it would entail a long, drawn-out trial with me and my past life being at the center of it. “I-I really have to go,” I whispered as a cab pulled up.
“Bree!” the detective shouted as I started to get in. “Please just think about it. The person who did this doesn’t deserve to be allowed to walk the streets and do this again to someone else, and right now, you’re the only person who can stop that from happening.”
I hopped in the back of the cab, wanting to get as far away from the detective and the whole situation as quickly as possible. If I had just reported it when it had first happened instead of running from it, Jess wouldn’t be in the situation she was in at the moment.
I tried my best to pull it together during the cab ride to Simon’s. I didn’t want to get into it with him and have him tell me “I told you so” about reporting it to the police. I was feeling bad enough over it; I didn’t need any reminders. I was failing miserably at my attempt to remain unaffected by my encounter with the detective. That was confirmed when I sprinkled salt and pepper on Jack’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
“Eww, I don’t like salt and pepper on my peanut butter.” Thankfully Jack was more with it than I was and noticed what I was doing.
“Oh my god, Jack. I’m so sorry! I’ll make you another one.” I threw the sandwich in the trash and pulled out the loaf of bread in an attempt to get it right that time.
“Good morning,” Simon greeted as he walked into the kitchen, dressed casually in jeans and a button-up shirt. Not even his handsome face could lift my spirits that morning.
“Hey.” I forced a smile.
“Daddy, Bree’s being a silly head! She put salt and pepper on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”
“She did?” Simon gazed at me as he took a sip of coffee.
“Yeah, I’m just a little out of it this morning.” My hands were visibly shaking as I spread the peanut butter on the bread.
Simon picked up on it right away, removing the knife from my hand and taking over for me. “Jack, did you brush your teeth?” he asked.
Jack shook his head and jumped down from the chair, disappearing into the bathroom.
“Is everything okay?” Simon asked once Jack was out of earshot.
“Yeah, it’s fine.” I held my breath, trying desperately to ward off the tears.
I was doing a terrible job of not only convincing myself, but him as well.
He stepped in closer, taking both my hands in his, leaning down, and placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. Somehow he always knew exactly what I needed without me ever saying a word. I closed my eyes, reminding myself how lucky I was to have him in my life.
“Jack, get your stuff together. I’ll drive you to school today,” Simon said when Jack appeared back in the kitchen.
“What? Simon. It’s fine. I can take him.”
“It’s okay. I have a surprisingly light day. My morning meeting just canceled.”
“Simon, will you let me—”
“Bree, it’s settled. I’ll take him.”
Was I really that out of it that he didn’t trust me taking Jack to school? I stood around feeling useless as I watched Simon and Jack walk out the door. What on earth was I going to do until two o’clock to keep me from being alone with my thoughts? I looked down at Macy, who was circling my feet.
“Do you want to go for a walk, girl?” I asked, as if she was going to answer. Judging by her wagging tail, I assumed her response was a yes.
I was hoping that the couple of times around the block Macy and I walked would help to clear my head, but I was still consumed with thoughts of Jess, bringing my mind right back to where I was when I’d started our walk.
“I guess I better think of another plan to clear my head,” I said to Macy as we walked up the steps and headed back inside.
I put the key in the door, surprised to find it unlocked after I distinctly remembered locking it. My imagination was getting the best of me as I warily entered, watching Macy for any signs of something wrong. My stomach dropped and then recovered when I walked into the kitchen, realizing it was Simon and not an intruder.
“Oh my god! You scared me.” I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Sorry, I forgot my phone.”
“I’m just dropping Macy off, and then I’ll be back to get Jack.”
He was reading something on his phone, half paying attention to me.
“Wait one second,” he requested.
I waited for him to reply to whatever it was on his phone that had his interest.
“Seriously, what’s the matter?” he asked, giving me his full attention.
“I just got some really bad news this morning.” I decided to come clean.
“About?”
“This girl Jess. She works…she does what I used to do.” I danced around it. “She was raped and beaten last night and they think it was the same person…” I took a deep breath before spewing the rest of the words out. It was a memory that I wanted to forget, and it was so hard for me to talk about it now. “They think it was the same person who did it to me.”
“How did you find this out?”
“The detective that was at the hospital when it happened to me showed up at my place this morning. She wanted me to tell her who did it to me.”
“Did you?”
“No,” I whispered.
“Bree, why are you so afraid to give this guy up?”
“Because, Simon, I love my life the way it is right now. I don’t want to rehash that terrible time. He’s a senator. Do you know what a heyday the news will have with that story? And I don’t want to be at the center of it. I finally feel like I’m taking control of my life. I don’t want to go back to where I was.”
He let out a deep sigh. I knew he wasn’t going to see it my way. “I get what you’re saying, Bree, but he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it.”
“I know.” I shook my head in frustration. “If she had just listened to me. I warned her. I told her to get as far away from that horrible, vile woman as she could. She set her up the same way she did me.”
“Well, if your friend decides to testify, you may have no choice but to be involved.”
I didn’t want to think about that. I was willing to expose myself, but I wasn’t willing to have Simon and Jack face that humiliation along with me.
“Then everyone would know my secret.” My eyes filled with tears. “And where would that leave us?”
“What are you talking about?” He furrowed his brow.
“Are you willing to let people know who I really am? Because I’m not. I’m not willing to put you and Jack through that. I can’t, and I won’t.” I shook my head.
“Bree, you’re jumping to conclusions now.”
“Am I? You know this won’t be something that will just go away easily. There will be a long, drawn-out trial. God, Simon, don’t you get it? You have your former call girl babysitting your son! How would your wife’s parents feel about that, and how bad would that look for you when they’re fighting you for custody?”
“I’m willing to take that chance.”
“Really? You’ll gamble with the possibility of losing your son over me?”
“No, Bree, that’s not what I meant!” His frustration was mounting. He tilted my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Just please calm down. Stop stressing over what might happen and just focus on the right thing to do.”
“I can’t—not when I know that what might happen is losing you and Jack.” My tears turned into sobs. “For the first time in my life, I’m happy, really happy, and now that happiness might be taken away because some asshole senator gets off on beating women.”
He pulled me into him and hugged me tightly. “Bree, I promise, you’re not going to lose Jack or me, just please stop doing this to yourself.” Simon was much too noble to walk away when the going got tough, and I loved him for that. But I wasn’t going to put him through hell and have him sacrifice everything, including his son, for the sake of my feelings. I would walk away with him hating me forever and my heart torn to pieces before I’d ever allow that to happen.
Chapter 34
Macy danced around at my feet as she and I waited for Jack outside of the school. Simon had taken the morning off and spent it with me, but I was still an emotional wreck over the unknown that lay ahead. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to smile or cry when Jack came barreling through those double doors, the same way he did every day, but there was something about today that was a sharp reminder of how quickly things could change in life. I loved taking care of Jack, and over the past months, seeing that endearing smile on his face every afternoon when he exited had become the highlight of my day. I didn’t want that smile taken away from me. I didn’t want Jack taken away from me. I had so much to lose, and it scared me to death.
“Bree, look at my spring flowers!” Jack proudly held up the colorful drawing in his hand.
“Did you draw that?” I asked.
He nodded, his smile growing bigger.
“That came out beautiful!” I raved.
He bent down and gave Macy a kiss on the head before reaching up for my hand.
“Miss Foley says we’re going to have a spring party this week for Mother’s Day, and all the mommies are invited.”
Suddenly I was brought back to my own childhood, and the alienation I’d feel every year when Mother’s Day rolled around. While all of the other kids had their moms there to celebrate, I would be sitting all alone, wishing I could be one of them. I hated the school for doing that each year, and I hated them for doing it to Jack now. How I had wished Hannah was still there; then at least I could have warned her of that and spared Jack the pain.
“Umm…that sounds—”
“Will you come?” Jack asked before I could even finish.
My heart swelled over. I was filled with mixed emotions, not quite sure if it was happiness or sorrow with just the prospect of losing that wonderful little boy from my life. “I’d love to,” I managed to get out.
The afternoon temperature had soared way above normal, so Jack and I stopped and got some ice cream on the way home. We even got a doggie cone for Macy, which she gobbled down in no time.
“Do you love my daddy?” Jack blurted out as we sat outside on the bench eating our cones. He took me a little off guard, but I nodded without hesit
ation. “Wow!” he replied in a loud whisper, a super-sized grin spreading over his chocolate-covered face.
I used the napkin in my hand, to wipe him off.
“Will you marry him?”
“Oh, Jack…I—I...”
“Well, you should, because then you could be my mommy, and then you could love me too.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I hated myself for not only putting my relationship with Simon in jeopardy, but also my relationship with Jack. He was much too young to understand what was going on. He had already experienced so much loss and pain in his young life, and I didn’t want to be the cause of any more.
“Jack, I don’t have to be married to your daddy to love you. I already do love you.”
His bright blue eyes widened in surprise as the sun reflected off his glasses. “You do?” he asked.
“Yes, I do. I love you lots, and no matter what happens, I will always love you.”
He took a bite of his overflowing ice cream cone and was now completely covered in chocolate.
I reached in my bag for my antibacterial gel and used it to moisten the napkin in my hand, doing my best to clean him up. “Turn that way,” I said, wiping the side of his cheek. “Good as new.” I patted the tip of his nose with my fingertip, and he smiled.
He swallowed down the rest of his cone and we stood up to leave.
I gripped Macy’s leash with one hand while Jack took my other hand, squinting up at me into the bright sunlight.
“Bree?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you lots too.”
I pulled my sunglasses down from my head and covered my eyes. Somehow I didn’t think Jack would understand why his words had brought me to tears.
***
I was emotionally spent by the time I had arrived home. Under normal circumstances I’d have said it was a good day. Simon had been clear that he would stand by me no matter what. Jack had proven how much I meant to him by inviting me to his Mother’s Day party. My life should have been perfect. But the problem was, perfect never fit in my world. There was always a monkey wrench thrown in the mix that kept me from experiencing that normal happy life that so many others were living. I fumbled with the key, finally managing to get the door open, startling at the sight of Margo sitting on my couch.
