“No, it’s not.” I turn to leave. “Love you.”
“Love you, too,” she says as I trail out of the room.
I waltz back into the living room, and Brian’s holding my phone with an unreadable expression. He lifts it up to me.
“Your boyfriend called. I don’t think he was pleased to hear my voice.”
I winced. “No, probably not. I didn’t think it’d be him since it’s early.”
“What are you doing?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“You deserve so much more than what you’re getting. Besides, he sounds like the jealous type.”
“Maybe a little, but he’s all right.”
“People get jealous for a reason, Kayla. It’s usually not because they have honorable intentions. Think about that.”
I work my jaw back and forth while I stew his words. Regardless of Kai’s actions or intentions, I still don’t feel anything for Brian. I look over at him. He’s sitting on my couch, brooding about the fact I have a boyfriend.
“Brian, I’m not sure what you expect from me, but you do realize I’ve only considered you a friend. Right?”
He stares at me for a long moment, the beat of silence becoming suffocating.
“I know,” he finally confesses. “I was hoping to change that. I could make it so much easier for you.”
He rises off the couch and steps toward me. I suck in a breath and stare wide-eyed at him.
“It doesn’t matter, Brian. I still don’t have those feelings.”
“Can’t you see how perfect we are together?”
God, I don’t want to do this right now. I need to call Kai. Swallowing hard, I step back. His proximity is making me nervous.
“Brian, I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship, but I’m not harboring those feelings for you. You need to realize that, and I need you to leave.”
“After everything we’ve been through, you’re just going to toss it aside for a…a pretend boyfriend.”
“He’s not a made-up person.”
“No? Well, he may as well be. He’s not here with you. If it can’t be me, then it should be someone who can be with you. You’re still alone.” He shakes his head. “Fine. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t upset you right now.”
He turns and shoots toward the door, not looking back.
“Brian—”
The slam of the door cuts off my sentence. Shit. My stomach churns. I just tossed away four years of friendship. I can’t handle this right now. Wanting to scream, I race to the couch, grab my phone, and dial Kai’s number. Of all times for him to call early. God, I hope I do a better job calming him down than what I did with Brian.
“Hey,” Kai greets me.
I cringe by his clipped tone and plop onto the couch.
“Sorry that Brian answered. The phone rang right when I had to check on Mom.”
“I understand why he answered. What I don’t understand is why he’s over at your house in the first place.”
“He came over because…” I pause, my voice trailing off. Why did he come over? To see Mom? To check on me? “I really don’t know why he came over. I think he wanted to be here for me.”
“Unlike me, since there’s no way for me to be there for you.”
“Kai—”
“No, I get it. You can’t be alone through this.”
By his cautious tone, I give him credit, he’s trying to understand. Honesty though, relationships shouldn’t be this strenuous. And I’m about to add more stress.
“I got accepted into Family Practitioner program.”
A beat of silence passes and I hear his breath slowly release.
“That’s great, babe. Congratulations. I’m not surprised.”
“Thanks, but you know what this means.” He remains quiet, so I continue, “At least two more years of being apart.”
“I know.”
Kai’s tone is devoid of emotion. I can’t tell if he’s genuinely happy or upset. Either way, I don’t have the patience to deal with this emotional roller coaster ride. Brian may think I need someone to be physically here with me, but I don’t. And it’s not fair to Kai that I keep holding on to him when I can’t be there for him. I’ve been thinking about myself, not thinking about Kai being in the same situation. I love him too much to place the burden of being alone on him.
“It’s not going to be easy. My classes will demand more of my time.”
“What exactly are you getting at?”
Ripples of sadness wash through my body as my chest tightens.
“I don’t think it’s fair to either one of us to hold each other back.”
“I’m holding you back? Is that what you think?”
“No! This is coming out wrong. Two years, Kai. That’s two years of asking you to be with me and not be with anyone else. I can’t ask that of you.”
“Dammit, Kayla, don’t do this. Let me worry about me. I love you, and if it takes two years, then we’ll ride it out.”
“Kai, we were only together for three weeks. And it wasn’t even a full three weeks. You have to admit this is hard.” I hold my breath, waiting for his answer.
“The only hard part is dealing with how much I want to be with you. To hold you. I—”
“Two more years, Kai. Then, I can’t guarantee where I’ll be living afterward. I can’t ask you to stay loyal to me; it’s not fair.”
“Kayla—”
“I can’t keep this up any longer. I love you so much. But between studying and Mom, I don’t want to keep this up anymore. I’m exhausted.”
“Is this what you really want?”
“It is.” I swallow past the lie lodged in my throat. This is so frickin’ hard. But I know it’s for the best. I can’t ask him to commit another two years to me. It’s not fair for him.
“You don’t want to do this.”
No. No, I don’t.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t keep going at this rate.” My voice cracks at the end. If I don’t get off the line, I’m going to change my mind or lose it altogether. “Goodbye, Kai.”
I hang up before he can respond and talk me out of my decision. Sinking into the couch cushion, I turn my phone off and glance over at the picture Mom took of Waimea Canyon. That’s all it takes before the pain compresses my chest, and I double over in self-pity.
Chapter Forty-Two
Kai~
What the hell just happened?
I shift on the couch and quickly press her number. “Pick up. Pick up. Pick up,” I keep repeating until the line connects and goes straight to voicemail. Shit. I sit dazed, my heart thrashing against my ribcage, as I stare at the display until it darkens. The reality of the situation sets in. We broke up. That’s what happened.
My vision starts to cloud, and all I want to do is yell and punch that fucking Brian. I squeeze my phone with all my strength before throwing it across the room as if it’s the root of the problem.
Fuck! I didn’t mean for us to break up, not at all. Why did I have to become a jealous asshole?
I rest my elbows on my knees, dropping my head into my hands as I try to even my breathing.
The creak of the front door alerts me to an intruder, but I make no effort to move. I don’t fucking care who the hell is here. Let them murder me. At least, I’ll be out of my misery.
“What’s going on?” John’s cautious voice says behind me. “Everything okay?”
I grunt as his heavy footsteps near. He pauses momentarily by the couch before taking a seat in the recliner. I raise my head and glance at him. He’s eying the phone lying on the floor. Letting out a long sigh, he turns to meet my gaze.
“You want to talk about it?”
I work my jaw and contemplate what to say. I’m sure he’s figured out who would drive me this mad.
“Spoiler alert. Your daughter got accepted to grad school,” I finally say.
“And that makes you angry?”
“No, but apparently it got her thinking. And she doe
sn’t think it’s fair for us to drag this out for another two years. So, she broke up with me.” My voice quivers toward the end as my eyes flood with moisture. I blink repetitively. Jesus, I hate being a pussy, but I feel as if someone’s ripped me apart.
John sighs. “You really do love her, huh.”
I stare straight into John’s eyes. “More than my next breath.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Sixteen Weeks apart
Kayla~
Trekking across campus toward my dorm, I pull out my phone and read the “Happy Birthday, baby girl” text Mom sent. She always sends me a text every year at two thirty-two in the afternoon—the exact time I was born. I type back a quick response.
Dad texted an hour ago, which made me feel good considering that would’ve been five a.m. his time. He thought of me first thing in the morning. I smile, but it drops immediately. Kai hasn’t texted at all. His lack of recognition can only mean one of three things: he forgot, he remembered but doesn’t care, or he’s over me. Okay, maybe the last two coincide together, but I don’t like either scenario.
It’s been four weeks since our break-up. I miss talking to him. I miss his texts. But I know I did the right thing. With another two years of school, I can’t keep him from dating other people. It’s not fair to him. And even though the thought of him even smiling at another girl makes my stomach churn, I know it’s what I had to do.
But this is so freaking hard. Every brain cell I have screams we can’t be together, but my heart weeps for him.
I honestly thought it would get easier, but that hasn’t happened yet. Not when I picture us together on the shore. His hand in mine. My hand automatically reaches for my necklace and thoughts of our last night together flood my memories.
A gust of cold air sends shivers through my body. Mid-April, and it’s still in the fifties. I bundle my jacket around me tighter and mumble under my breath. I really hate this weather. The foul mood stays with me until I reach my dorm room.
“Are you going home this weekend?” Staci asks as soon as I step inside.
“Definitely. It’ll be the last birthday I get to spend with her. Dad is flying in as well.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Oh?”
“Yeah, it’ll be weird, but I’m looking forward to him being there. He texted me today. It’s a little surreal. I’ve wanted a dad for so long.”
“Pfft. So do I,” she deadpans.
I purse my lips and study her for a moment. “Didn’t your dad come over for Christmas?”
She harrumphs. “He’s about ten Christmases too late. And he canceled last minute.”
I don’t know what to say. I thought he’d been trying harder. Not knowing the complete details makes it hard to formulate an opinion, but I’m not going to pry. If she wanted me to know what happened, she would’ve told me.
“Oh, my bad,” Staci says. “You have a package. They wouldn’t let me take it, of course.”
My eyes perk up. “I do?”
She nods, and I don’t waste time making my way to the main hall office.
“Package for Kayla Cannon,” I tell the lady.
After showing her my I. D. badge, I smile as she hands me the padded envelope. My heart races when I notice it’s from Kauai. Then I chastise myself because I’m sure it’s not from Kai. The return address doesn’t have a name. Only an address and I honestly don’t know the name of the road Dad or Kai lives on.
It takes all my will to not tear into the packaging. As soon as I barge through my door, I rush to my bed and rip the top off the package.
My breath stills as tears well in my eyes. He remembered. Not only my birthday but what I had wanted.
“What is it?” Staci asks quizzically.
I pull out the black faded like T-shirt, along with a note, and hold the shirt against me. “The T-shirt is lava-dyed.”
“That’s…interesting. Who’s it from?”
I laugh, grinning while tears form. “The shirt’s from Hanapepe. I mentioned wanting it during our second date. I left the island before getting the chance to buy one.”
“He still loves you, you know.”
I still love him, but our circumstances haven’t changed.
I reach for the note but frown upon reading, “Happy Birthday. Thought you needed this. ILY.” Ily? Who the hell is Ily? It’s Kai’s handwriting, but I never heard him referred to as Ily. And the note is so short.
What can I expect, though? It’s not like he’s going to write me a love poem. He wouldn’t do that even if we were together. But I can’t stop my heart from wanting more. These are the only words spoken to me in over four weeks, and this is all he says? Maybe he is over me. Maybe he had the shirt for a while and just wanted it gone.
“That’s nice he remembered, though.” Staci’s tone is soft.
She’s always been good at judging my mood. Admittedly, my mood hasn’t been too good ever since our break-up, but she’s been a great friend through it all.
“I’m going to call him. I want to thank him.”
“I’ll leave the room. You’ll need some privacy.”
“You don’t have to. I can go somewhere.”
“No, that’s fine. I’ll go to the library and work on that paper that’s due Friday.”
I groan. “I need to work on that too.”
“Good luck,” she says as she leaves.
I can do this. I suck in a breath and dial Kai’s number. That deep velvety voice commands me to leave a message, and I close my eyes. I fight the wave of sadness threatening to encapsulate me while I swallow hard. The beep sounds and I open my mouth to speak.
**~~**~~**
Kai~
“I wanted to say thanks for my birthday gift. I guess you’re too busy getting ready for work. Anyway, thanks for remembering.”
I’ve listened to those words about a dozen times. I don’t know why. She never even says that she loves me. I told her. Well, I left the initials I.L.Y., but still, that counts, right?
I didn’t pick up when she first called, allowing it to go to voicemail. It was a dick move, but I couldn’t bear talking to her.
“Anything you want me to tell her when I get there?” John asks.
We’re at the airport, and he’s getting ready to go past security to board the plane.
“No. She doesn’t care.”
“I highly doubt that. Give her time. She’s going through so much emotional turmoil right now.”
I nod, but I know Kayla. Once her mind’s made up, she sticks to her plan. I’m just screwed.
**~~**~~**
Kayla~
My gaze roams over the people coming out of the terminal, and a smile develops when I spot Dad. Or, at least, I think it’s Dad. The trimmed haired gentleman is actually wearing jeans. I didn’t know Dad owned a pair. But there’s no denying that signature Hawaiian shirt.
“Dad,” I say as he greets me with a hug.
“Happy Birthday, sweetheart. I wish I could’ve been here for the actual date.” He peers down to me with nothing but adoration in his gaze.
“It was a crazy week at school. I wouldn’t have been good company. Believe me.”
We move along to the car. Once he packed his suitcase into the trunk, we drive back to Monticello. It doesn’t take long before Dad asks the inevitable.
“How’s Cara doing?”
“Uh…” I hesitate. “Not good. She’s having a rough time. Hospice nurses are helping, but it’s not looking good.” My voice squeaks at the end, but I’m not sure what else to add.
Dad takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. “I’ll help where I can.”
My gaze shifts to his momentarily. “Just being here will do so much for her.”
He smiles, but his vacant stare is haunting. I want to cry. Instead, I swallow down my threatening wail and press forward.
“Did you want to check into the hotel first?” I ask once our exit gets closer.
“If you don’t mind. I’d like to drop o
ff the luggage.”
A few minutes later, I’m pulling into the Best Western’s parking lot. As Dad lifts his suitcase out of the trunk, my mind resorts back to Kai and the day he helped when I found out about having a dad.
Dad hasn’t mentioned anything about Kai. And I haven’t asked about him even though I’m dying to know how he’s doing.
I follow Dad inside to the reception area. He checks in, and we walk to the hotel room. He opens the door, and I shiver. The room is quiet except for the hum of the air conditioner. Efficient in size, the room fits his needs. Dad’s staying a week before flying back home, but then he’ll return for the actual funeral. That’s the plan, anyway.
“We can go in a sec. I’ll just place my suitcase down and adjust the temperature setting. Why is the air even on? It’s so cold outside.”
I chuckle. “It’s not that bad. It’s in the sixties.” I lie, I hate the cold. There’s always a dampness to it that chills you to the bone.
“I’m not used to these cold temps. Sort of why I moved in the first place.”
As he adjusts the thermostat, the island comes to mind. Everything I miss—the temperatures, the warm ocean breeze, and Kai…especially Kai—compresses my chest.
“How’s Kai?” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Dad’s back straightens, and he slowly turns a weary face to me.
“Uh…you want the truth?”
“I’m not an idiot. I know Kai was a manwh…player before meeting me. You can tell me if he’s moved on. That’s what I want him to do.” The sharp pain that cuts through me states otherwise, but I keep a straight face as I stare at Dad.
Dad’s expression softens while he shakes his head.
“I know all about his manwhoring days, but he’s not moving on, honey. If you want to know the truth, he’s miserable.”
“Do you expect me to believe he’s still pining over me?”
Dad lets out a sigh. “After your mother left, it took me a long time before I could even think about another woman, and I knew there wasn’t any chance for reconciliation. Your situation is different.”
Impossible Love: An Unforeseen Destiny Novel Book One Page 23
