“Do you think Sam might escort me?”
“I’ll ask him.” Esta rang the bell for her maid.
Which was how Kat came to be seated with James in the cozy private dining room of The Laughing Dragon. Sam stood guard outside the door, and a young serving girl was at their beck and call.
“You have a remarkable sense of humor.” Kat swirled the mulled wine in her goblet before taking a mouthful. “I thought you would do anything to avoid dragons.”
James laughed. “It was recommended, and I couldn’t ignore the irony. But I don’t wish to talk about the dragon. I want to talk about our future.”
Kat stared into the fire. “I don’t see a future for us at the moment.”
“Why, Katrine? I can see you have deep feelings for me.”
“Perhaps they’re only feelings of desire, nothing deeper.”
“It’s not just that!” James stood and leant on the back of his chair.
“Keep your voice down, or Sam will be in here.”
He took a deep breath as though trying to bring his temper under control.
“You said you needed to trust me. I invited you here to tell you something I should have revealed and didn’t. Or perhaps I still shouldn’t reveal, but need to, considering our relationship.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
He paced across the room and back, his eyes darting about as though searching for escape. Finally, he stopped before her, his hands clasped in front of him. “I’m a spy.”
Kat’s heart gave a giant thud, the room around her jerking off kilter. James reached for her as she swayed in her chair. “What do you mean?” She had suspected James kept still more secrets even after she learned of his fiancée, but never had she imagined he harbored a secret second career. And as a spy!
“I’m actually a spymaster. I collect information from my contacts in Wildecoast, Costa, and Brightcastle, and convey it to the throne.”
“What type of information?”
“Anything relevant to the security of the kingdom.”
“My witchcraft could be, as well as the dragon.” It was another nail in the coffin of their future. How could he contemplate marriage to her when this giant complication guided his life?
He nodded. “I would never expose you. As for the dragon, I need to decide what to do. The King must be told about the beast.”
Her mind ran riot, imagining how James could reveal the dragon without divulging too much. How could they ever be together with him in a position that was directly opposed to her very existence? He would be compromised.
“We can never marry if you continue as spymaster, James.”
His face turned pale, and a tremor ran through him. “It might be a difficult thing to walk away from.” He paced again, talking as he walked “I don’t know if I can walk away. I know too much.”
She grabbed his arm as he made to walk past. “Would your life be at risk?”
“I’d like to say no, but …”
“You might try to refuse the King and find yourself dead in an alley! Please tell me there is provision for those who no longer wish to serve!”
“I don’t know anyone who has turned their back on this role,” he hissed, eyes wild.
“Look at me,” she said, rising from her chair and reaching for his hands. “This question requires an answer. I can’t take you into my heart and my life if this will come between us. And it will, James. You know it. This secret is another reason I can’t accept your proposal.”
“So, you’ll allow my other life to thwart what we have? I treasure you beyond words.” He clutched her to his chest, and his mouth descended on hers as though he were a starving man. There was no tenderness, only desperate passion, as his lips mastered all of her resistance. She had longed for this those restless nights. Her body sang, her heart pounded with desire for this man who had made her a woman.
Her arms crept up his chest and around his neck to play with the long hair at his nape. She wove her fingers up the base of his skull, and the breath caught in his throat.
“I wish we could be together this night, beloved,” he said. “I’d show you what you deny yourself.”
“Don’t you think I understand what I’m missing?” She closed her eyes, clawed her wits back to the moment, then gave him her full attention. “I remember our magic, James, I remember it well. I also recall what happened afterward.”
She pulled back, hoping he might disagree but knowing he could not.
He gripped her forearms. “I would do anything to turn back time, anything to repair the hurt I did to you. I can’t. I must move forward and hope you can one day forgive me.”
She sighed. James was difficult to deny when he stood before her, rubbing her skin with his callused thumbs. It was exquisite torture. She longed for him body and soul. Why shouldn’t she have all he offered?
“I fear we will never be together, James. Perhaps we can exist on fleeting moments like this which would torture us more than nurture. I don’t think I could stand walking away after each encounter. Could you?”
He frowned at her. His shoulders slumped, and all the passion of a moment ago fled in the cold light of reality.
“I must go,” he said. “But know this. I will never give up on us.” He drew her to him. “I will find a way, and, when I do, your only choice will be to say ‘yes’.” He kissed her with a fierce longing then wrenched his lips from hers and left the room.
The darkness welled up in James as he walked the streets determined not to enter an inn and drink to forget. His lips burned from his last fierce contact with Katrine, and his body hummed with unsated desire. How had his world gone so askew from the ordered existence it had been before Katrine barreled into him?
His whole life focus had changed from work and order to love and chaos. He didn’t welcome the turmoil, but he yearned for Katrine. He suspected her love would make the chaos worthwhile. Nothing else would matter.
Did she feel anything as deeply as he did? When he kissed her, she responded with passion. How then could she refuse his proposal? He had crushed her, it was all he could reason. The hurt led to mistrust of her instincts and of him. And even when he confessed to his hidden life, it had only made things far worse. Perhaps he should have kept his mouth shut? He should have continued his espionage and not told Katrine. She would have been safer in ignorance. But that was no way to start a marriage!
Damn the circles his mind was taking! He had never been uncertain before this woman scrambled his brain, made him want things he had never desired—like love. His current dilemma was exactly why he craved order, and now order was gone forever. Katrine had pushed her way into his heart and possessed it.
How could he bring about a resolution? He must persuade her to take a chance on him. She would never regret it, but how could he convince her? They could work the rest out–the magic, the hounds, his secret career, and the danger–all of it.
Chapter 17
Kat’s mood was low as she, Esta and Sam left Wildecoast for home. One part of her longed to get back into the normal routine of the estate and stay busy. At least then she might put thoughts of James from her mind. Her heart lurched at the memory of his kisses last night and at the realization she may have enjoyed her last embrace with the man who had awakened her. She groaned softly.
“What’s the matter?” Esta asked. “You made a strange sound then.”
She turned from the window to look at her sister. “I was thinking of all the chores awaiting us at home.”
Esta laughed. “You’ve been quiet since your dinner with James. I’ll bet it’s him you’re thinking of. His eyes, his arms, and his—.”
“Esta!” Kat’s face radiated heat. Her sister was so tactless at times, too indelicate for the head of an estate. It was amazing how being married had changed her. Might it do the same for Kat too? She already felt transformed since her experiences with James, and she longed to explore more of her sexual side. But pleasuring herself was the closest
she would come to sex. Unless she took a lover. The idea held no interest for her.
“Seriously, Kat! The man seems perfectly suitable. He’s the head of his guild, for goodness sake. He’s handsome and fit, and he seems to adore you. I don’t understand what’s holding you back.”
“He’s all those things, but he chose another woman and dallied with me even though he was unofficially betrothed to her. It’s not something I can forget. He can’t flip and flop between women as he chooses.”
Esta regarded her with warm brown eyes full of understanding. “I appreciate how one can trap themselves into that circumstance. I committed my life to Reid even though I was falling fast for Sam.” She reached for her husband and rested her hand on his cheek. They gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment.
“Matters of the heart are not so easily settled, Kat,” Esta continued. “This relationship James had with his lady was of long standing, and he didn’t expect the love of his life to come along and upset all his carefully laid plans.”
“You make it sound simple, and it’s not.”
“It’s as simple as saying ‘yes’. I want you to be happy with a man you yearn for more than anything else in this world. I think James is the right man.”
Kat turned back to the window and watched the farmland roll by. An object in the distance caught her attention. Something white. As she drew closer, she spied a bouquet of white roses and asked the coachman to stop. A note was attached to the stunning flowers.
Forgive me. You will never regret it. All my love, James.
She climbed back on board with the bouquet, and Esta squealed.
“Where did he find flowers like this?” she asked. “It’s one of the most romantic gestures I’ve ever witnessed.”
Sam smiled from his seat. “I may have given him a little help.”
Esta hugged him while Kat hid her face in the bouquet, drinking in the perfume she had always adored but enjoyed only on the rarest of occasions. Tears welled, a lump caught in her throat, and her traitorous heart shoved against the bindings she had wrapped around it.
She was reminding herself of all the reasons she and James couldn’t be together when, next, a posy of red roses appeared, tied to a fence post at the side of the road. The note with it said:
Marry me, Katrine, and you will make me the happiest man in the kingdom.
“He knows how to make the grand gestures,” Esta said, as Kat climbed back on board. “Did you help with this one too, Sam?”
He smiled. “I like the man, and I want to see Kat happy. I agree with you, my love. They make a good pair.”
“I’m right here in the carriage with you,” Kat said, glaring at them. “It’s not that simple. The roses are a nice touch, but two bunches of flowers will not tip the balance.” White roses were unusual, but the red were so rare that Kat had never actually seen them let alone been given a bouquet. She steeled her heart against the gesture—after all, what were roses when measured against a lifetime of commitment?
They continued until they were almost home. Kat couldn’t believe what she saw tied to the estate arch. Red and white roses were intertwined across the arch, and a red satin cushion lay on the ground below the decoration. On it rested a white satin box. Kat’s heart beat fast as she alighted and stood before the cushion. When she glanced over her shoulder, Esta and Sam were watching from the coach, grinning from ear to ear.
Kat let out a long sigh and bent to retrieve the box. When she flipped open the top, a stunning silver engagement ring, complete with a large blue sapphire the exact color of her eyes, sparkled back at her.
The breath left her body and refused to return. As the edges of her vision turned black, Kat gulped a breath and stood, hands trembling. The ring, nestled within its box, glared up at her as if all her life depended upon it. Prickles of fear skittered up the back of her neck. It was too much to take in. The trouble he had gone to…he was serious, and she was in no state to make this decision.
Kat snapped the box shut and shoved it into her bosom, then kicked the cushion into the bushes at the edge of the arch.
“Drive on,” she snapped at the coachman, then turned and stalked ahead of the coach right up to her front door. James must be here, waiting for her answer. Well, she would give him a piece of her mind for assuming so much as to leave her an engagement ring. She had told him how it stood between them, and he ignored everything she said!
She barged through the door, startling the maid who was about to answer it.
“James…James!” Kat called his name as she searched the estate house, opening every door in the place. “Where are you hiding?” She entered her mother’s room, breathing hard.
“Where is he?”
Lady Aranati senior peered at her over her sewing. “Where is who, dear? More like ‘where are your manners?’”
Kat fought down a caustic remark and bent to kiss her mother’s cheek. “Hello, Mother.”
She stood, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “I’m looking for Master James Tomel. You must have met him. He’s been to the estate. Even he daren’t ride by without stopping in to pay his respects.”
“Oh! Yes, Master Tomel. He stayed to luncheon and has only just left.” Her mother patted her hair as if recalling complements paid to her. “What a nice young man, and so accomplished. He seemed rather fond of you, Katrine. He asked me to forward his regards to you, and your sister and brother-in-law.”
Kat’s shoulders slumped. “Why did he leave me gifts and depart before I could speak to him?”
“If you don’t mind me saying, my dear, you can be rather caustic; even downright rude.”
Kat rested her hands on her hips. “He’s a coward. And he won’t take no for an answer!”
Her mother stood. “Katrine, hold your tongue. I can’t think why you would criticize him. He cares deeply for you. If you ask my advice, I urge you to find him and accept his proposal.”
“So! You know all about his sneaky tactics! He has been here trying to influence you, show you his good properties while leaving me a trail of gifts he imagines I can’t say no to. Well, if he thinks I’ll cave in for a pretty ring and some roses, he has another thing coming!” She turned to leave the room, but Esta stepped in and closed the door firmly behind her. A tremor ran through Kat’s body, and tears welled. Damn her emotions! Why must she always cry when she was angry?
“Please don’t be cross,” Esta said, her warm brown eyes infuriating Kat all the more because she so rarely lost her composure. “James loves you, and he’s a good man. If you spurn him, you’ll regret it.”
Kat lifted her nose in the air. “This is between James and me, not my whole family. You made a bad enough mess of your own romance with Sam.”
“And that’s why I can’t see you throw away your chance at happiness. Things have been difficult for you. There were times in the past when I feared you wouldn’t return from one of your trips, when I thought you didn’t care if you lived or died.”
Kat’s stomach clenched at her words and shame swirled up to choke her. She had felt like that for months, had pulled herself through life without joy or direction until the day in the meadow. Making love with James and being spurned had unleashed a potential within her that she had thought was burned out in the Crystal Cave. And then her white-hot anger on learning of his betrothal had sealed her recovery. She had him to thank for searing away her sadness and replacing it with determination. She would never return to despair, not now she had found this new strength, this fresh purpose.
Esta continued. “Since James came along, you are strong and determined…you even smile now and then. Don’t turn your back on him, Kat. You and he could be a formidable team, and he could make you happy.”
“I don’t need him to make me happy, Esta. I thought I did, but I’ve remade myself like a newly forged sword. You don’t know the half of what I am.”
Esta’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve grown as a sorceress an
d even more as a woman. Within me is all I will ever need to be happy and successful. But the less you know of the sorcery the better.”
“But you’ve told James?”
Kat nodded. “I’ve revealed all there is to know about me—there is nothing that can defeat us from my side. But I’m not so sure about James. He has been like an onion, peeling back the outer shell to find another hidden entity below. There is no telling what else he has to reveal.”
“What if there is nothing?” Esta asked. “What if your suspicions kill the love you share?”
Kat shook her head. “You don’t understand. Aspects of his world will come between us just as my magic will. We are such different people—to share a life will present challenges no couple should have to overcome. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to risk everything to have him. Hetty has said I must choose between my magic and James.”
Esta made a most unladylike snort. “Hetty is not all-knowing. She doesn’t have a man to call her own, does she?”
Kat shook her head. Her sister didn’t need to know about the countless men Hetty had shared her life with, all of whom died well before her. The old witch had experienced both sides of this. If she couldn’t rely on Hetty for advice, she could rely on no one.
Esta took her hands and looked into her eyes. “Please don’t throw this away. Think long and hard about your answer. I can’t express how happy Sam has made me. I don’t understand how you can doubt James.” She fixed Kat with a challenging stare. “Perhaps you don’t love him after all?”
Kat realized what her sister was doing, but she couldn’t stop the flood of anger that rose like a wave. “When I’m with him we are one. When we’re apart it’s as though a piece of me is missing. I dream about him each night and all day which is why I’ve kept so busy. But it’s not working!”
Esta pulled her close. “You do love James, Kat.”
Kat shook her off. “I love him. That doesn’t mean it’s the right choice to marry him.”
“It’s the right choice. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
The Master and the Sorceress Page 17
