by Magan Vernon
None of them looked like the dresses I pictured when I thought I'd someday be walking down the aisle. Not that I was always the girl that dreamed about her wedding, but now that it was actually about to happen, I just couldn't see myself in a sheet.
The first two sheets I tried on didn't fit so I resorted to the last sheet and the shag carpet. Both just made me look like an awkward pregnant woman.
Mom thanked Chelsea for her time, but didn't say anything about us coming back. I expected her to suggest another store, but instead she just walked to the car and sat in the passenger seat. I got in next to her and buckled my seat belt.
"The last time I saw you this worked up over dresses was when we were buying your dress for the Alpha Mu formal," Mom said, looking down at her fingernails.
"Yeah, that was a mess."
I went with my ex-boyfriend to his fraternity formal. My mom and I spent all spring break going to every store in Chicago to find a dress and ended up just getting a little black dress at The Limited. That night my date puked on it and then I caught him hooking up with another chick.
"That was when I first noticed you had a problem. I mean, I guess I always knew that you were pushing your food around on your plate or would spend an extra long time in the bathroom, but the way you would stare at your body in the mirror and curl your lip in disgust no matter how gorgeous you looked in the dress, that was when I took notice."
"Mom, that was months ago. I'm better now. I've been getting counseling and the nutritionist even has me on a plan for pregnant women."
She shook her head. "You know, your body is different now. You're growing a person inside of you. All the curves and changes are because you are creating life."
I stared down at my stomach. "It's just hard to see it sometimes."
Mom put her hand on mine. "I know. This must be so difficult for you to not equate what you see in the mirror with what it is. But, Libby, you are beautiful, even while pregnant. Your body is changing, and you know what? It's not going to go back to normal. You may have stretch marks, you may have scars, but they're all a badge of honor into motherhood. You probably don't understand it all now, but you will. And if you need anyone to talk to, I'm always here. Beth too."
I bit my bottom lip to try and keep my emotions at bay. I didn't know if I believed all of it right now, but just having someone tell me it was okay was all I needed. I never had that when I was struggling with my body issues in college. It was always about how I fit into something, now I had to come to grips with the fact that it wasn't just me that needed my body. It was one hell of a concept.
"Thanks, Mom."
***
After dropping Mom back off at her hotel, I headed to Aunt Dee's. Mom offered for me to stay with her, but I just wanted to curl up in my own bed for a while.
When I got in Aunt Dee was in the kitchen. "Hey, honey, did you find a dress?"
My face fell as soon as I made the few steps from the living room to the counter. "No. We didn't. Kind of hard to find something for a pregnant woman or just me in general."
Aunt Dee frowned. "You know, I could always make you something if you found a pattern. I do still have the sewing machine up in the closet in my bedroom."
I shook my head. "I couldn't ask you to do that."
"Or..." She walked out of the room before even finishing her thought, only to emerge about a minute later with a giant white box.
"What's that?" I asked, following her to the kitchen table where she set it down.
"This is my dress."
She opened the box and slowly pulled out a long sleeved lace dress with a satin bow tied around the middle. "Now it may not be your style, but if we capped the sleeves, shortened it and I loosened it to make it a wrap style, I think it would look beautiful."
I shook my head. "Aunt Dee, I couldn't ask you to do that to your dress."
Even as I said the words, I knew I didn't mean them. It was the first time I could actually imagine myself wearing anything, just from the way she described how she could transform it.
She smiled. "Joni never got to wear my dress and if Britt still wants to wear it, I can keep all the scraps and alter it again. I want you to wear it. It would mean so much to me."
I couldn't stop the happy tears that streamed from my eyes. "Okay, Aunt Dee. I will."
Chapter 17
Another reason why Mom came to Louisiana was to finally meet Blaine's family and help finalize wedding plans. This, of course, meant a big dinner at The Crabtrees'.
And, in true Crabtree fashion, when I pulled up to the house with my mom in the passenger seat, Abby was standing completely naked on the front porch and yelling at the top of her lungs while her siblings splashed around in a blow up pool beside her, all completely naked.
I glanced at my mom, wincing in anticipation of her reaction to my new country bumpkin family. But instead of looking horrified, she laughed. "Well, I guess that's one way to cool down in the south."
"Usually Abby is in a tutu." I pulled the car to the side and put it in park, cutting the engine.
"I'm sure being naked and yelling is much more comfortable."
I sighed. "Mom, I should warn you, The Crabtrees'...well...they aren't exactly..." I racked my brain, searching for the right word. I was never the best with words and pregnancy brain had hit me in full force. Half the times I couldn't even remember what I was going to say, so I just smiled.
Mom put her hand on mine. "I'm sure they're fine. You act like I'm some snob that's going to turn my nose up at everything. Lighten up, Lib. I was young once too."
I smiled, but really couldn't imagine my mom being the type of lady who would go mudding with the Crabtrees, but then again I couldn't see myself doing that either.
"Libby! Mrs. Gentry! You made it!" Blaine hopped over the side railing and came barreling toward the car. He may have been wearing his Sunday best button down and khakis, but there was no way anyone could take the wild boy out of him.
"I wanna jump over the rail like Uncle Blaine too!" Abby whined and hoisted her leg up, but dropped it again as soon as it was in the air.
"Abigail Mae, you put your leg down and put your swimsuit back on!" Meg's scratchy voice yelled as she came onto the porch.
Meg waved in our direction. "Sorry about my heathen children."
Mom smiled and approached the small pool where the kids were running in circles. "It's no trouble at all. I remember when Libby and her sister were that young. I couldn't keep them in clothes and it became a real problem when they started nursery school."
Meg laughed, breaking the tension. At least Mom broke the ice with one family member, but there were still a lot more to go.
Alicia came outside with her daughter, Callie, balanced on her hip. The five-month-old was starting to look more like her dad with her dark curls and huge blue eyes. "Hey, you must be Libby's mama." She embraced my mom in a huge hug.
At first my mom didn't hug back and the shocked look on her face said she wasn't expecting it, but then she slowly melted into her and hugged her too. Mom then pulled back and tickled Callie's toes, which caused her to laugh. "There are so many babies around here! It's wonderful! I just had my first grand-daughter in March."
Alicia smiled. "Yeah and she's going to be the little flower girl, I'm told."
"Hey! I thought I was going to be the flower girl!" Abby whined.
"You are, Abby, now shush!" Meg swatted her butt after pulling up her pink swim bottoms.
I smiled down at Abby. "Remember you and Braiden have the big job of pulling Luxx in the wagon."
"Ohhh...yeah!" Abby nodded and poked my belly. "And what about your baby?"
"He won't be here in time for the wedding, but you'll get to meet him soon."
"Mama said we were having this wedding because of your baby, so if we're going to all this fuss then why isn't he here?" Abby asked, putting her hands on her hips.
A blush crept up Meg's face as she scooped Abby up. "Abby, what did Mama tell you about ta
lking like that?"
"What? It's what you and Daddy said! You said because Libby's having a baby, they're having a shotgun wedding. Are there going to be guns and fireworks?"
Meg's face grew redder. "I'm going to take Abby inside and get her changed before supper, excuse me."
"Well, that wasn't awkward at all," Blaine whispered and put his arm around me.
"Why don't we head inside? I'm sure Ma and Dad are ready to meet you, Mrs. Gentry," Alicia said.
Blaine's dad and brother-in-laws were crowded in the tiny living room around the TV as usual when we walked in. Blaine's Dad gave his usual pleasantries and then went back to watching TV. Then we walked into the dining room where Meemaw was camped out in her favorite chair at the head of the table, her oxygen tank sitting beside her and the usual scowl on her face.
"Hey, Meemaw, this is Libby's mama, Kathryn. She's here for supper tonight," Blaine said, waving his hands at Mom like he was Vanna White.
Meemaw's face softened a bit as Mom gave her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Crabtree."
Meemaw patted Mom's hand. "Libby is a very lovely girl. My Blaine is lucky to have her."
My jaw practically dropped to the floor. I didn't think that Meemaw liked me, let alone thought I was good for Blaine. The woman didn't say much to me unless she was wanting me to get out of her way so she could go smoke.
Mom smiled. "We're very lucky to have Blaine and she's very grateful for you and your family."
Meemaw stared off wistfully. "They remind me of myself and my late husband, Abel. I was pregnant with Arthur's older brother at that time, but we lost him shortly after the wedding."
I blinked once then twice. I didn't know any of that about Meemaw and just hearing about it brought tears to my eyes and I found myself reaching for my stomach, just to make sure it was still there. Blaine must have felt the same way because his hand was on mine the instant I moved it.
"I'm very sorry about your loss, Mrs. Crabtree. Even today that must be still hard," Mom said. She was the best at empathizing. It's why she killed it in the courtroom with witnesses.
Meemaw smiled and looked at my mom. "That was decades ago. Now we're onto new life and new happiness."
"That we are Meemaw, That we are," Blaine said and kissed my forehead.
***
Dinner at the Crabtrees' was always an adventure.
Before Vicki, Meg, and Alicia could even finish setting the table, Abby already threw a fairy wand into the potato salad and Braiden knocked down the plate of cornbread while the dogs happily gobbled it up.
I thought Mom would be mortified but she laughed and even helped pick up the empty plates.
After prayers were said, and everyone gobbled down dinner, the boys retreated to the living room, and Mom and I helped clean up dinner.
Since we mostly got takeout at my parents' or threw everything in the dishwasher, I'd never actually seen my mom clear a table, let alone rinse and dry dishes after Vicki washed them.
After everything was cleared, Mom and I sat down at the table with Vicki. Meemaw was still there, sitting in the corner and staring out the window. I thought about asking her if she needed anything, but no one else did and I didn't know if this was just what she did.
"Okay, so let's talk wedding," Mom said, taking the seat next to me.
"Well, what do you want to know?" Vicki asked, folding her hands together on the table.
"Everything," Mom said. "Tell me the menu. What you still need. Anything at all that you need."
Vicki smiled. "I don't know if Libby told you, but it's kind of a tradition that all of us women get together to make the meal. Dee's offered to help as well so we'll be working on that Friday night, getting it set up and then after the wedding, the ladies from the church will come in and help us heat up the food and serve the meal."
"And what are we having?"
Vicki's face fell. "It's nothing fancy. I'm sure it's nothing like your Chicago dinners, but Libby and Blaine wanted to do a crawfish boil with cornbread and red beans and rice. And of course wedding cake and a king cake for Blaine's groom's cake."
"That all sounds wonderful, Vicki. You have done so much work. Are you sure there isn't anything more I can do? Rent the tables and linens? Anything?"
Vicki smiled. "Trust me, Kathryn, you've done enough for us. Your generosity has helped us out more than you know."
I raised an eyebrow at the smile they shared between them. I knew Mom said that they were talking, but I wondered exactly what Mom was helping them out with.
"Have you bought your dress yet?" Mom asked.
Vicki shook her head. "No, I think I'll probably just wear something that I have."
Mom waved her hand. "Nonsense, your only son is getting married. We should go into New Orleans tomorrow and pick you out something new."
"Oh, that won't be necessary. I'm sure I can find something. Maybe I'll head into one of the boutiques in Caimon."
"Oh, Lenora's? That's where we are going tomorrow to pick out the bridesmaid dresses. You should join us!" Mom clasped her hands together.
Vicki waved her hands. "Oh, no. That isn't necessary."
"Please, I insist."
Vicki chewed on her bottom lip and wrung her hands together, looking at me like I'd give the answer. This wasn't the usual, brassy Vicki I was used to.
"Oh, stop pussyfooting around and just say you'll go with the woman!" Meemaw yelled.
Vicki blinked quickly and I had to hold back a laugh.
"Okay. I guess I'm going with y'all to Lenora's."
***
While Elsbury had a downtown that consisted of one block of businesses, Caimon was a quaint, country setting.
There were little shops that sold things like candles and homemade jam that blended right alongside the brick facade of the post office and library. It was something that Elsbury could have used more of, but trying to convince the good ol' boys that ran the town of that was easier said than done.
"This is very chic!" Mom said as soon as we got out of the car and stepped onto the sidewalk. Britt followed behind us. Britt hadn't said a word the whole way. Granted, she didn't talk too much as it was, but when my mom was around she was virtually silent.
"Yeah. It's cute."
"Did you and Blaine look for a place around here? This looks very you."
It didn't look "me". It didn't feel "me". Caimon was pretty and filled with things that were Southern and people tried to put their own spin on it to make it cutesy, like Mason jars with burlap ribbons and pastel bow ties. I felt like I was more of the opposite, like the new car that was now tarnished with rust.
I'd come a long way in learning to accept myself and realize that I could be loved, but there were a lot of days that I found myself questioning everything. I never thought at twenty years old that I'd be pregnant, living in the south, and getting married in a maternity wedding dress.
I was in a better place than I was back home in Chicago, though. When I was in college, I was living a lie of being the girl who tried to fit in. The girl who threw up every meal to wear a new pair of jeans. In Louisiana, I could actually eat seconds and wear last season's shoes and not feel like I was going to be judged.
But sometimes old habits die hard.
"Yeah. It is cute, but a little far from work for Blaine and from school for me."
Mom squeezed my hand and then opened the glass door to the shop. The cool air was a welcome relief from the May heat that was already sweltering.
While the bridal shop on Magazine Street was put-together and matchy-matchy, Lenora's was a little bit more of a kitschy free-for-all with dark hard wood floors, lime green walls, and zebra furniture that was randomly placed around the room between racks of dresses.
"Libby! You're here!" Dina ran over to me, her heels clicking on the floor. I didn't know why she needed the high-heeled strappy sandals, or the flowered sundress. With her makeup painted on and her hair in a French twist, she looked like she was going out for a date instea
d of dress shopping. "And you must be Libby's mom. Howdy. I'm Dina."
"Pleasure to meet you, Dina. I've heard so much about you," Mom said, shaking her hand back politely.
The bell rang over the door and we turned around to see Alicia and Meg walk in with Abby on Meg's arm. Slowly coming in behind them was Vicki's mom.
"You're here!" Mom said, wrapping her arms around Vicki like they were old friends.
Vicki hugged her bag, but her face looked like she was about to burst at any moment. My mom could be a little overbearing.
I pulled her back. "Down, Mom. I know you found a new friend, but you could reel it in a bit."
Mom frowned at me.
"Sorry," I mouthed, half to her and half to Vicki.
A woman came out from behind a purple curtain at the back of the store. While the boutique on Magazine Street had a polished professional, this woman was a little bit more my speed with her jeans and plain white t-shirt, her dark hair in a loose bun. "Oh, it looks like y'all are here! I'm guessing this is the Gentry-Crabtree bridal party?"
I nodded and stepped forward shaking her hand. "Yes, I'm Libby."
She smiled, lighting up her whole face. "Pleasure to meet you, Libby. I'm Meledy."
Her eyes didn't roam over my stomach like everyone else's usually did, instead it stayed on my face and I knew that I instantly liked her.
"So, how many bridesmaids do we have? And what are you looking for?" She clasped her hands together.
"I have six, but two are back in Chicago. And two flower girls. I'm thinking shades of purple. Like a dark purple. Eggplant? If it's not all the same style that's okay with me too."
She tapped her fingers on her chin and hummed as if she was making mental notes. "Okay. That would be a lot of fun if we did the same shade and had each girl pick out their own dress. I can even get the brand and exact color if you want to send it to your bridesmaids in Chicago."
I grinned. "That would be perfect."
