“I’m grateful that I’m not. There’s no cause to hide yourself away. Why don’t you want me to see you? We are married.”
I don’t want you to see me because you make me feel strange sensations, things I don’t understand. “Ha!” she cried aloud. “Our marriage is a sham and you well know it.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” he said in such a husky, suggestive voice that her toes curled beneath the covers. “I’m willing to live up to my marital duty if you are.”
A primitive sort of yearning coursed through her as she imagined Tanner possessing her body, but possession meant pain to her and she’d never be hurt again by any man, especially Tanner. “How noble of you. Yet I fail to see what living up to that will avail you since you have already snared Briarhaven.” It was a shrewish remark and one she hadn’t meant to utter but she needed some ammunition. After all, he’d just left Gabriella’s bed, and now he intended to plant himself in hers. She wouldn’t allow him to use her body for his own gratification. She smiled a bit triumphantly at him to let him know she wasn’t a fool, but his reaction surprised her.
Tanner grew very still as he stood beside the bed. Nothing in his face expressed any emotion. At that moment he did resemble a museum statue, something made of stone, something so impenetrable that Diana’s heart constricted. His gaze never wavered from her face, but for just a fraction of a second she saw a sliver of pain surface within those dark depths. “I could have possessed Briarhaven long ago, Diana. I didn’t have to marry you to get it.” His large hand circled the bed post and squeezed. “In fact, Briarhaven was saved only because Rawdon knew it was mine. I gather you don’t think it odd that Farnsworth came to set up his headquarters there, but I assure you that Briarhaven wasn’t his first choice. No, Briarhaven was already mine because I asked Rawdon to make it a present to me. You see, if not for me, you and Harlan would have been cast out on the road and the place set ablaze. But it belonged to me then, as it does now. I didn’t need to marry you to possess it.”
He said all of this tonelessly and this was more terrifying to her than if he’d declared her an ingrate, an insufferable and silly woman. But she was shocked by his admission, never before having realized the obvious. Tanner had been instrumental in saving Briarhaven and seeing to it that she and Harlan had a roof over their heads, something to call their own, but it wasn’t theirs, not really. Briarhaven belonged to Tanner. She could only guess at the amount of influence he must have with Rawdon to arrange David’s release, but how much more influence must he have commanded in order for Rawdon to give him a vast plantation that had been designated for destruction.
Who was Tanner Sheridan that he could command such respect from a British general?
“Why did you marry me then?” she asked, refusing to humble herself by declaring herself grateful. “Evidently you coerced me into marriage when you knew all along that Rawdon would grant David’s release. Why did you want me? Why? I know very well that you haven’t been alone the last hours. When I visited my aunt today I met your paramour and she made it very clear that you wouldn’t be home tonight. So I don’t understand why you wanted me, why you think you might want me … now.”
Tanner came closer and bent near to her. Her fingers clutched the bed covers tightly, not knowing what he intended to do. His breath fanned her face and a bronzed finger snaked out and stroked her cheek. “I want what you gave to my bother. I want you rutting beneath me, Diana Sheridan, to know that I own you, now and forever. I’d think you’d understand that.”
His words knocked the wind out of her. That strange sensation was back again, turning her legs to jelly though she hated the thought of what he’d just said. Rutting. How horrible! He couldn’t mean that, could he? What about love? But then again, Kingsley had never loved her, and rutting was just what he’d done. Even so, a naughty shiver of something like excitement caused her to tremble, unwillingly surprising her.
“Ladies don’t … do that. I never will. Not with you.”
“With me you will, Diana. I guarantee you will.”
She shook her head in defiant denial, but Tanner ignored her and began to undress. Hurriedly she blew out the candle, and when he settled himself beside her in the large bed, she sensed he was smiling.
9
“Frigid bitch! You’re worthless to me in bed and out. You can’t even give me a son.”
Kingsley loomed over her, a maniacal gleam in his eyes. In his clenched fist he held the riding crop. She lifted a terrified gaze to him, begging him not to hurt her, but she couldn’t hear her own words. Instead she felt the blinding pain shoot across her back. A blood-curdling shriek cut through the air. It was her own scream, she knew, knew too that she must escape Kingsley, her tormentor, but her legs, frozen and paralyzed, wouldn’t move. This is a dream! her mind shouted, but she couldn’t wake herself. He was above her, shaking her and hurting her. She knew this time he was going to kill her…
“Diana, wake up!”
It was Tanner’s cry that finally wrenched her out of the nightmare and returned her to the reality of a misty dawn. Soft streaks of violet-blue light were creeping into the bedroom when Diana opened her eyes. From a distance she heard church bells, but Tanner’s breathing sounded ragged to her own ears and she whimpered softly from the night terror that still plagued her.
“Are you all right?” she heard him ask in the purple darkness and realized that he was bending over her, his hands holding her arms above her head on the pillow. “You were thrashing about, wild and screaming. I thought you were going to hurt yourself. As it is you gave me quite a wallop on the chin.”
“Oh!” Diana gave a great shuddering sigh. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Forgive me, Tanner, it’s just that I was dreaming, trying to run, to get away… .” Her voice drifted off, and she was aware suddenly that she must sound weak to a man who was always as controlled as Tanner. She doubted he ever had nightmares or that there was any situation with which he couldn’t deal. At the moment she felt like a frightened kitten, a weakling who couldn’t stop trembling from fear. But Kingsley’s dead, she reminded herself. He can’t hurt me again. Yet her body didn’t seem to know that and shivers taunted her. “I’m fine now,” she lied.
Doubt speckled Tanner’s response. “I don’t think you are. I tried to wake you but you kept hitting me and shouting ‘put it away.’ What were you dreaming about, Diana? What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything or anyone,” she insisted. “You’re making something out of nothing. It was just a stupid nightmare and I’m awake now. Your taking control of my life doesn’t give you the right to probe into my dreams. I am allowed some privacy, even in sleep.”
“God, but you’re the most infuriating woman I’ve ever known! You’re lying to me and you know it, but you’re too damned proud to share your fears with me. At this very moment you’re trembling, yet you pretend you’re not. Diana, don’t you understand that I want to know everything about you, that I want to know all of you — intimately? But you insist on treating our marriage like some sort of stupid mistake when you know in your heart you want me. Admit to your feelings, be honest with yourself for once. Is your body trembling solely because of a nightmare or because you realize that I’m lying atop you, naked and starved with desire? Do you know that your gown is open and nothing separates us?”
A strangled moan rose in the base of her throat as the realization of the situation struck home with lightning speed. Somehow during her thrashing about the tie on her gown had loosened and the gown was entirely open, and when Tanner had tried to waken her, apparently he’d positioned his hard, muscled body near to her. Now he was entirely on top of her, and for the very first time she felt the hugeness of his manhood nestled against the velvet nub of her femininity. He felt wonderful, awesomely strong, and every vein in her body seemed to suddenly ooze with liquid heat. But she fought this deceptive sensation, knowing it would bring pain, only pain.
“Get off me,” she hissed. “I don’t want you touching
me or saying such filthy things to me. I hate you, I’ll always hate you and you know that. Leave me alone.”
Diana expected him to release his hands, but he didn’t. Instead of saying anything further, he surprised her by gently kissing her. “Stop it. Stop!” she insisted, but Tanner was more insistent.
“Kiss me back, Diana,” he whispered, his face hidden in the depths of the violet shadows. “I want you to kiss me back.”
“No!” She turned her head away from his searching mouth, but Tanner managed to find her lips.
“I know you think I’m trash, not good enough to bed you, but you want me and I want you, so don’t deny your body’s cravings. You can hate me all you want later, but for now, Diana, give in to love.”
Before she could reply, Tanner’s mouth captured hers fully and completely in a kiss that set her pulse pounding and her head swimming. She squirmed, however, because this feeling was foreign to her and she wished to be free of the golden warmth that flowed through her, free to hate Tanner as she’d vowed to do all of those years ago. This treacherous man had broken her heart, promised her something she couldn’t name only to destroy her love with his need for revenge. And what better vengeance than to have Kingsley’s wife writhing beneath him. Even if Kingsley was dead, Tanner’s perverted sense of revenge would still be assuaged.
She wanted to fight him and herself, but the second his mouth left hers to find the peak of one of her nipples Diana’s eyes widened. Tanner’s lips seductively suckled the nipple, and she was shocked not by the fact that Tanner would do that, because Kingsley had done that very thing to her, but because this time she didn’t feel a sense of violation. Somehow Tanner had the right to suckle her, to lave her breasts, to increase the heat of her body, which now felt unbearably warm, no longer cold and shivering from fear but hot and trembling from something that frightened her in a different way. It was this difference that upset her greatly. She’d never felt anything like this before, and she was more afraid than she’d ever been in her life, because for the first time her body wasn’t her own.
“Tanner, stop … you must stop.” Was that her voice? It sounded thick and husky.
His tongue continued its search and he said nothing. Strangely, Diana didn’t want him to speak or to stop what he was doing, because nothing felt more wonderful than this man who taunted her breasts so expertly. Nothing seemed more natural than for his tongue to leave them and follow a downward path, moving lower and lower, still lower, until Diana gasped as his warm breath flowed over the intimate part of her and stirred up a heat wave within. “Oh, Tanner,” she murmured, not certain what she was going to say, not certain what she could say as he brushed aside a diaphanous piece of gown from her thigh. Without realizing it, she arched upward, somehow inviting Tanner’s full possession of her body. It was an invitation Tanner couldn’t refuse.
As if in a trance, she heard him softly say, “Part your legs for me, sweetheart.” And she did, lost in a slumberous, hypnotic world, waiting … waiting. Then he filled her with a deep plunge that took her breath away and she realized what she’d invited. Dear God, she was letting him have his way with her, blindly allowing this man who was now her husband to hurt her. The nightmare from which she’d awakened was becoming real again. Pain, pain awaited her, she knew it. Once more Tanner had lulled her into acquiescence with the promise of something glorious. She couldn’t bear for that feeling to be destroyed again. Not ever.
Diana strained against him, realizing how pitifully weak she was with this man atop her. “Tanner, no, no,” she murmured, fearful of what would come after he finished with her. She must think her way through this, put a mental distance between herself and Tanner as she had done with Kingsley, since it seemed Tanner was determined to have his way with her. Would he beat her like Kingsley had? Would he never free her hands? Or did he hold her so tightly because he feared she might retaliate? And when he finished having his way with her, would the pain be unbearable? These questions swirled around in Diana’s head, but then they somehow faded, for even though Tanner was invading her body, he wasn’t hurting her. No, he wasn’t hurting her at all. In fact, a tiny shard of something darkly pleasurable prickled within her and began to slowly build. She wasn’t certain if she cared for this or not, and at that moment she felt destined never to know, for Tanner plunged into her one last time and groaned her name over and over like a litany.
Diana stiffened beneath the limp weight of his body. Her mouth went dry with fear. He was finished with her.
He lay atop her panting, his warm breath sounding ragged in her ear. She felt his heart beating against her breast, then he kissed her again and released her hands. The sunlight that now streamed into the room perfectly illuminated his powerful and superbly built body as he suddenly rose from the bed. Diana tensed, barely aware that the front of her body was naked for him to see clearly in the morning light. All she cared about was that he was going toward the dresser and stooping down beside it. The crop! He’d found the crop!
“Don’t hurt me!” she cried and made a move toward the head of the bed, putting her hands up in an attempt to ward him off. “Please, I’ll do anything you want, anything, I’ll pretend to enjoy whatever it is you do to me, but don’t hit me with … that thing.”
Tanner straightened and looked so baffled that if Diana hadn’t been so frightened she’d have laughed aloud in relief. In his hand wasn’t the crop at all but the blanket.
“Why would I want to hit you with a blanket?” he asked.
“All I was doing was picking it up off the floor. You kicked it off during your nightmare.” He laid the blanket over her and sat on the bed, his dark eyes not leaving her face. When he joined her beneath the covers, he took her into his arms. “You’re tense,” he noted. “Relax against me. I won’t hurt you. I promise. Is that why you didn’t climax?”
“Climax? Whatever are you talking about?”
A slight blush appeared beneath the layer of Tanner’s bronze-colored cheeks. “You know, when I made love to you. But then again, I think I better apologize, for the fault is with me. I wanted you so badly, I’ve wanted you for so long, that I couldn’t control myself. I’m sorry, Diana, if you didn’t find any pleasure. I promise you that you will the next time, and the time after that and the time after that.” Tanner started nibbling on her ear and raining kisses down her throat.
“Tanner, stop,” she begged and gazed up at him with troubled blue eyes. “There won’t be a next time.”
He arched a brow. “Really?”
“Don’t patronize me,” she snapped. “You know full well why I married you. What happened between us this morning was unplanned. Evidently you needed a woman and so you took advantage of me.’’
“Stop playing the outraged and virtuous lady, Diana. You wanted me too, and allowed me to make love to you.’’
She shook her head. “I didn’t. I mean I did but I didn’t really want to. You seduced me into wanting you like you did that night by the river, and I went along with it because I was unstrung by the nightmare and can’t be held accountable for what happened.”
This time it was Tanner who stiffened. “Ah, I see. You’re not accountable for wanting me. Quite a lame excuse, I suppose you use that one with all your paramours.”
Tanner must be mad! What was he talking about? “I don’t have any paramours.”
He fiddled with a piece of lace on the nightdress. “Tell me about Captain Farnsworth. I heard that you and he struck up quite a friendship.”
“We’re reluctant acquaintances.”
Tanner laughed a deep, rich laugh. “That’s a unique way of putting it.” His laughter died. “Was Farnsworth able to satisfy you?”
“He’s been quite generous with sharing his rations and keeping his men in line, but then you already know that since you’re the one who has Rawdon’s ear. Yes, our relationship has been quite satisfactory.” After a few moments of scrutiny by Tanner, Diana blurted out, “Why are you looking at me as if I’m a simpleto
n?”
Sighing, Tanner shook his head. “Either I’m the simpleton or you’re the most conniving baggage I’ve ever come across. Sometimes, Diana, I’d almost believe you were untouched, a pure and innocent virgin.”
“I’m no virgin, as you well know!” she stated huffily and tried to pull away from him. Tanner, however, wouldn’t allow her to leave the circle of his arms and pulled her closer against him. She inhaled the manly scent of him and felt a bit dizzy because her hands were pressed intimately against his strong chest. Finally she was touching him and imagining she felt something stir within her, but again, the mind did play tricks upon a person sometimes.
“We’re man and wife now,” she heard him say, and he flashed her a smile that caused her silly heart to pound. “And you know what that entails.”
A ragged sigh split Diana’s lips. “Complete submission. Yes, I know very well what being a wife means, Tanner. I was Kingsley’s wife, and even with you my lot hasn’t changed. I suppose it’s a woman’s destiny to be submissive to her husband, to be humiliated.”
“Is that what you think I’ve done to you?”
Diana shrugged her shoulders. “At least you haven’t hurt me physically.”
Tanner grew very quiet, his eyes sliding toward the dresser and then back again to fix on her face. “So that’s why you hid the riding crop. You were afraid I’d beat you with it. Is that how you came to get those two thin scars on your back? I saw them last night when I was watching you dry off,” he explained. “Kingsley beat you with the crop.”
She nodded and turned her face away from him. Now her humiliation was complete. Tanner would know she hadn’t been a dutiful wife, a wife whom a man could be proud of, a wife who gave her husband fine sons.
“Never turn away from me,” she heard him say, as he gently cupped her chin in his hand and made her look at him. “You can’t hide anything from me. I want to know all about you, even the unpleasant times. My touching you must be quite a chore for you, because I’m certain your other lovers were gentlemen… .”
Savage Deception (Liberty's Ladies) Page 12
