by Amber Garza
“No, it’s all right.” I lift my head, gathering strength. “Dusty got angry, accusing me of trying to trap him with the pregnancy. It’s like he was possessed or something. He’s been mean before. Even abusive. But that night he flew into a rage.” A tremor runs down my spine.
“Don’t,” Cal says firmly. “Please don’t give me details. I don’t think I can bear it.”
“Thank you,” I breathe out in relief, grateful to move past that part. “At first my parents wanted to press charges, but the more we talked about it we realized we could leverage it. I wasn’t hurt that bad. Nothing was broken or anything. Just some bruising. Luckily, Dusty was pretty high that night so I was able to outsmart him, and get away before any real damage was done. So my dad went to him with a proposal. He made my injuries sound worse than they were. And he told him that if he didn’t sign over rights to the baby that we would press charges. So Dusty signed.” At first it hurt my feelings that he would sign away our baby, our future, just to save his own ass. But after coming here, I felt nothing but relief to have him out of my life. I should have known I’d never get off that easily. Not when it comes to Dusty.
“If he signed over rights, how can he get them back?”
“I don’t think he can,” I say. “Besides, I know Dusty. He didn’t hire an attorney. He’s just bluffing. It’s what he does.”
“Then why is everyone so worried?” Cal asks.
“Mom and Dad aren’t worried that he’ll legally be able to take the baby, but they’re worried he’s going to come after me.”
Cal’s eyes flash. “Does he know where you are?”
“I don’t know.” This is the part that concerns me. “But he made some cryptic statements to my parents. Said things like ‘you might think you can keep Taylor hidden from the world, but she’ll never stay hidden from me’ and stuff like that.”
Cal’s eyes lower to my stomach. “How far along are you? It can’t be much. You don’t even look pregnant.”
“I’m starting to show, but I’ve been covering it up with baggy shirts and leggings.” Without meaning to, I reach down and touch my swelling stomach. “I’m actually almost five months along. I’m due in late fall.” I pause, searching Cal’s face. “Are you okay? I know it’s a lot to take in.”
His face is unreadable. “Honestly, I don’t know what I am right now, Taylor.”
It’s what I expected, but it stings a little. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he says, and my heart lifts. “I’m not angry with you.” He stands, his knees cracking with the effort.
Desperation blooms inside of me, and I hoist myself up too. “Are you leaving?”
Wearing an apologetic expression, he nods.
“But I thought you weren’t mad.”
“I’m not,” he says. “I think I just need to go…I need to get some space and process everything.”
“I should’ve told you sooner, huh?”
“I don’t know.” His eyebrows knit together. “Maybe not.” He stares at me as if trying to decipher some hidden meaning in my face. “When I first met Dusty I couldn’t picture you with him, you know? I could pretend that he never meant anything to you. But now I can see you with him. I can see how much you wanted him. If he had embraced you and the baby you’d be starting a family with him right now.”
Tears prick my eyes, annoyance surfacing. It’s one thing to be upset with me for lying, but to be upset that I cared for someone prior to him doesn’t seem fair. “That was in my past. We were both with other people before. I know you were. Your sister told me about Ashley, and I’m sure there were others. How is that different?”
“Taylor, I’m not stupid. Of course I know that we’ve both been with other people. It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know.” His face is ravaged, conflicting emotions raging like a storm. “I just see you differently now.”
It’s the worst thing he could say, and I recoil from the statement.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. Not now. Not after everything you’ve shared with me.” He steps closer, curving his hand around my cheek. It feels good. So good I pray he’ll never let go. He swiftly presses his lips to my forehead, then backs away from me, his hand falling from my face. “We’ll talk later. Just give me some time, okay?”
“This isn’t goodbye?” Even if it destroys me, I have to know.
“I hope not.” He flashes a sad smile before hurrying toward the car in the driveway. When he turns on the engine, it sounds like goodbye.
CAL
I feel like a jerk for leaving Taylor like that. She was right. She had tried telling me the truth numerous times, but I hadn’t wanted to hear it. Hell, I wish I hadn’t heard it now.
But I had.
And I can’t get it out of my head.
I was honest with her. I’m not mad. Not at her anyway. I’m fuming mad at that ex of hers. But something changed when she told me everything. I feel differently now. I’m not even sure how or why. I just know that I do. And that’s why I need to get away; to get some space. Not because I want to hurt her, but because I don’t want to.
Now I understand exactly how Chris felt when he found out his dad died. I mean, I always knew he was upset, but I didn’t get why he pushed my sister away when she tried to help him. In fact, it pissed me off. She didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I’d given Chris an earful about it, and I’d do it again if I had to. However, now I know that he was trying to protect her. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us, and instead of saying something we’ll regret, it’s best to step away for a little bit.
That’s why I end up at Chris’s. When I pull up in front of his house, I’m glad to see his car parked out front. I half expected him to be at my house, or at his mom’s shop. As I hop out of my car, I’m grateful that at least one thing is going my way today.
Chris answers the door after only a few knocks.
“Hey, man.” His eyebrows leap up in surprise. “What’s up?”
It’s kind of sad that he’s so shocked to see me here. I used to show up at his house unannounced all the time, but ever since he and Emmy started dating that rarely happens. Mostly because I figure if he’s not with me, he’s with her, and I don’t want to interrupt anything.
“Is Em here?” I ask, hoping she’s not. As much as I love my sister, I don’t want to talk to her about this. At least not yet.
“No.” His eyes widen. “Why? Is something wrong?”
Oh, crap. He probably thinks Em’s missing or something. “No. Not with Em.” I hesitate a second. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Chris steps out of the way to let me enter. After I walk inside, he closes the door. The house is quiet and dimly lit. When I make my way into the family room, a video game is paused on the TV, a controller sitting out on the coffee table.
“You and your video games,” I tease, shaking my head. For some reason, I never got into video games the way most boys do. When I was younger, I played with Chris sometimes. I even had a game system at home. But I always got antsy after more than a half hour of playing. I suppose even the best video game is no substitute for baseball, in my opinion. But Chris loves video games. I sometimes wonder if he likes them more than baseball, and I joke with him about it a lot.
“What’s up?” Chris asks, plunking down on the couch.
I sink down on the other end. “I just came from Taylor’s.”
“Wow. It must be serious if you’re hanging out at the preacher’s house. What was it like there?”
“Fine.” I shrug. “They’re nice.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I guess I’m not doing a great job hiding how I feel. “Taylor told me some pretty heavy stuff tonight, and I just don’t know how to deal with it.”
“What kinda stuff, man?”
I pause, wondering how much I can say. Even though I trust Chris completely, Taylor hardly knows him
. “I can’t really say. It’s personal stuff. It’s not mine to tell.”
“Fair enough.” Chris nods, and I know he gets it. After all the shit with his dad and the scandal with his mom, he understands the need to keep things secret. “But whatever it is, it’s clearly eating you up, man.”
“It’s stuff from her past.”
“With the ex, you mean?”
I nod, gritting my teeth.
“Hey, I know it’s hard. I have to face Emmy’s ex every day.”
Chuckling, I remember Chris pounding in Josh’s face at practice earlier this season. “It’s not like I didn’t know she had a past. But now that I know the whole story, it’s clear that she was really hung up on the guy, you know?”
“You think she still is?”
“No,” I say honestly. “Not at all.”
“Thank god for that.”
“Yeah.” I try to sound enthusiastic, but instead I sound sad, defeated.
Chris studies my face and then shakes his head. “I don’t get what’s going on. I know you can’t tell me everything, but you gotta give me something. Help me out here, man.”
I know I’m not making any sense. “I don’t know what my problem is,” I say candidly. “I guess I just always had this certain perception of her. And now that I know everything, I see her differently. Like I can picture her with him, and I don’t like it.”
“I feel ya. I still remember seeing Josh and Emmy together. Hell, I even had to witness the two of them making out before she and I got together. Little bastard knows it too. Tried to throw it in my face a couple of times.”
I laugh. “I’m sure that went over well.”
Chris throws me a knowing look. “Yeah. Really well.”
“So you know what I’m saying. It’s not like I’ve seen them together, but now that she told me about them, I feel like I have. Before, I could almost pretend the dude didn’t exist. Now that’s impossible. I’ll always be reminded of him now.”
“It’s tough,” Chris agrees. “So now you have a decision to make.”
“What’s that?”
“Do you care about her more than you dislike him?”
“Is that what you had to decide when you got together with Em? You had to figure out if you cared about her more than you hated Josh?”
Chris nods, and it becomes even clearer to me how much he cares for my sister. Josh and Chris have a history, and they dislike each other a lot.
But I don’t have a history with Dusty. I only met the guy once. “Well, it’s a no brainer for me. I care about Taylor more than I dislike her ex.”
“Then you have to let this go, man.” Chris says. “You have to leave her past where it belongs – in the past.”
Nodding, I know he’s right. It sounds so simple when he says it. However, it’s not. Chris doesn’t know the whole story. How can I leave her past in the past when she starts showing? When her stomach starts growing and I know it’s his baby kicking around inside of her? Squirming in my seat, I’m not sure how to do it.
“I’d like to, but I’m not sure I can,” I finally say.
“Why not?”
I may not be able to share everything, but this I can, since he sort of knows it anyway. “For starters, because he hasn’t let her go. You know the dude was in town a few weeks ago looking for her, and I’m sure he still is.”
“All the more reason for you to stick with her,” Chris points out. “She needs you right now.”
When did Chris become so smart when it comes to relationships? “Is this my sister’s influence?” I tease him.
“Probably.” He grins. “But don’t tell her. She thinks I’m wise all on my own.”
I shake my head. “I seriously doubt that.”
“Screw you.” Chris punches me good-naturedly in the shoulder. I know it’s good-naturedly because if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to feel my arm.
“You kiss my sister with that mouth?”
“As often as I can,” he banters back.
“Dude.” I shove him.
He flops backward and chuckles. “What about you? You gonna keep kissing that girl of yours or are you gonna let her ex tear you apart?”
His words hit their mark. I can’t let Dusty break us up. Then he keeps winning. He’s already controlled enough of Taylor’s life. I can’t let him manipulate us too. In fact, that’s what he’s trying to do. He’s stirring things up as a way of getting back into her life. As a way of hurting her again. Even his cryptic words to her mom were meant to spark fear.
You might think you can keep Taylor hidden from the world, but she’ll never stay hidden from me.
My body goes numb, my mouth dry. A vision of Taylor’s room at her aunt and uncle’s house fills my mind. Her window is hidden behind the large tree in the front yard. A chill skitters up my spine.
He knows where she is. He’s been watching her.
Shit.
I leap up. “I gotta go.”
“You okay?” Chris stands up, eyeing me warily.
“Yeah.” I rub my hands down my face. “Thanks for everything. I’ll call you later.” With that, I race out of Christian’s house and hurry as fast as I can toward Taylor’s. The entire drive, I pray that I’m not too late.
Taylor
After Cal leaves, I sink down onto the porch swing. Hugging myself, I stare out at the quiet property and the vast expanse of land surrounding it. The dark sky is sprinkled with shimmering stars, a crescent moon hovering high above them. It’s like something out of a painting. But instead of reveling in its beauty, I only feel sadness. My heart is hollow and empty, as if Cal has taken what filled it when he sped out of here.
The road at the end of the driveway is vacant, but I half-expect to see Cal driving down it. Driving back to me.
I know it’s stupid. This connection I have with Cal doesn’t make any sense. I’ve only known him a short time. I shouldn’t be this wrapped up in him. It shouldn’t hurt this much that he took off tonight.
But it does.
Mostly because he made me believe that my past didn’t matter. He made so many empty promises about only caring about who I was now. But that was a lie. He does care about my past. He made that painfully clear when he tore out of here after I finished telling him my secret. For a moment it seemed he might be able to see past it. He appeared soft and gentle, understanding.
But then he left.
The front door pops open, Aunt Molly’s head sticking out and craning in my direction. “Taylor? You okay?”
I start to nod, but then my emotions get the better of me. Lips quivering, I shake my head gently. Man, I’ve turned into a blubbering idiot.
“Oh, honey.” Aunt Molly steps outside and moves swiftly toward me. Sitting beside me, she hesitantly reaches out. Blinking back tears, I fall against her and her arms come around me, hugging me tightly. This only causes me to cry harder. I’m not even sure I cried this hard when Dusty and I broke up. What is wrong with me? “So he didn’t take it so well, huh?” I sniff against her shoulder, figuring that’s a good enough answer. “I’m sorry. I honestly thought he’d be more understanding.”
“Me too.” My voice is muffled against her shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay.” She rubs my back in a circular motion.
I nod, desperately wanting to believe her. She holds me for several minutes. The only sound is my own ragged sobbing and the leaves skittering in the gentle breeze. Several lights flick off inside the house. The front door opens again, and Uncle Alex peers out.
“I’m heading to bed. You two okay out here?” He asks.
Aunt Molly lifts her head. “Yeah. We’re fine.”
“You sure?” He hesitates.
“Yes,” Aunt Molly responds firmly.
“Okay. I’ll see you soon.” He glances over warily. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Aunt Molly parrots.
“G’night,” I mumble through my tears and stuffy nose. I feel like an idiot. They both must think
I’m ridiculous, crying over a guy I hardly know. Shoving off Aunt Molly, I sit up straight and wipe frantically under my nose. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
Aunt Molly smiles sympathetically. “It’s hormones. I remember when I was pregnant.” She swallows hard, a tragic look painting her face. “Even though it was only a short time, I was super hormonal, crying about everything. In fact, one night I was making twice baked potatoes, which are Alex’s favorite. Anyway, I poured in too much milk and ruined them. You would’ve thought I lost the baby with how hard I cried over those potatoes.” Once the words are out, she clamps her mouth shut, her eyes shining.
“I’m so sorry.”
She shakes her head, fighting back tears. “Poor choice of words.”
After Aunt Molly lost the baby, she learned that she probably could never carry a baby to full term. We’ve never really discussed it, and I don’t know all the details, but seeing the pain on her face now claws at the recesses of my heart. I’m not good at comforting people, but I’m determined to try. Reaching out, I place my hand over hers.
“I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.”
“Ruining the potatoes?” She jokes.
I let out a tiny chuckle, then grow serious. “You know what I mean.”
“I do.” She nods.
“I bet you think I’m pretty stupid crying over a boy when you’ve endured something so much worse than a break up.”
“No, I don’t think you’re stupid, Taylor. I never have.” She pauses, biting her lip. “I know you think the only reason we took you in is because of the baby, but that’s not true. Your uncle and I care about you. We would’ve let you stay here no matter what. Baby or no baby, we want to help you.”
“Why?”
“You’re family,” she says simply. “And we love you.”
A lump forms in my throat. “I love you” isn’t a phrase I hear often, and it affects me in a way I’m not expecting. I turn my head and swallow hard.
