“Come again?” said Clarice, folding her arms. “Maybe you don’t care about what?”
“About fucking it up.”
“What?” she said, shaking her head. “Am I drunker than I thought? Because this whole thing was your idea, to save your life, remember? Why would you want to fuck it up?”
Harrison’s emotions came charging up through his body like a tsunami he didn’t even hear coming. He stalked closer to her. “I don’t fucking know, alright? I just… something’s happening to me, Clarice, and I don’t understand it. We were out on that dance floor and talking about the plan and you leaving back for New York and I just… it was like my mind just went blank, I couldn’t think of anything else.”
“Anything else but what?” said Clarice. “Harrison, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“I don’t know either, Clarice. Something just, it came over me. Something big and furious that forced me to listen, and so I just went for it. Like part of me just… just wanted to say it. I wanted to stand there and have that experience, telling them that this beautiful wife of mine was carrying my child. I saw that moment and I took it.”
Clarice froze. There was an emotion on her face that Harrison didn’t have a name for, but it pained his heart to look at. Sadness built like a quiet storm in her clear blue eyes. Her chest rose and fell in silent breaths.
“Clarice,” he said, if only to break the silence. “I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry I did it. It was stupid of me, and I should have trusted you. I fucked up. I am a fuck up.”
Clarice watched him carefully. Her lips moved like she wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the words. She took a deep breath and said softly, “I think you should go, Harrison.”
Harrison flinched as if he had been slashed with a blade. Her words hurt far worse than he could have anticipated. But he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on. She was right to want space.
He averted his eyes, unable to take the pain and blame on her beautiful face. He only nodded at her, muttered another apology, and then left their honeymoon penthouse.
17
Clarice
Clarice found the girls at the Emerald Pool, an enormous shallow pool with crystal water and a swim-up bar that was by far one of the most popular spots in the whole resort. The sun was beginning its descent behind the tall curved peaks of the island cliffs, setting the sky on fire in brilliant shades of orange and pink that Clarice knew she would never see on her side of the world. A giant flock of gorgeous white water birds took flight just outside the resort’s walls and called out in happy song over the jungle as they went.
Liz was the first to spot Clarice, and she waved her over to a stool they had saved just for her. The week had obviously been full of fun for all of them, because the ladies looked relaxed and even a little worn out from their adventures.
Clarice sighed as the warm water enveloped her body. “Christ, I didn’t know how badly I needed this.”
“Welcome to the party, senorita,” said Trudy as she gave her a sideways hug. “Where’ve you been?”
Clarice made a big huffing noise. “I don’t even want to talk about it. What are we drinking?”
“They’re called Adios Motherfuckers,” said Sophie with a hiccup. She held up a glass full of bright blue drink. “And they are not fucking around.”
“I’ll take four,” she muttered, before waving the bartender down and putting in a more realistic order of just one of the blue drinks. And a shot of rum.
“I’m sorry, miss, but I’m afraid I can only offer you our virgin selections,” said the bartender.
Clarice started. “Excuse me? Did you run out of booze or something?”
“No, no,” the bartender flushed red. He was a skinny ginger thing with a British accent even thicker than Harrison’s. “It’s my instructions, you see. Mr. Moore’s orders.”
“Harrison said I can’t drink?” said Clarice. Anger instantly rose in her heart at the thought that Harrison would try to be petty with her over their argument. She hadn’t spoken with him since he left the penthouse an hour ago. She only called up her girls and told them it was time to get drunk.
“No, not Harrison, miss—Mr. George Moore,” said the bartender. “For his future grandchild, he’s told us to make sure not to give you any alcohol.”
Clarice’s mouth dropped open and her face turned red, giving the bartender a chance to slip away and serve other customers. On the stools next to her, all the girls slowly turned to look at her with questioning, wide eyes.
“His future grandchild?” said Liz, hitting every syllable hard.
“Goddamn it,” said Clarice. She put her head in her hands.
“What in the what is going on,” said Sophie. “Did I miss something? Are you knocked up, Clarice?”
“No, of course I’m not,” said Clarice. “Babies take months to make, remember?”
“What the hell is the deal? You owe us details, and you owe them now,” said Trudy. “Plus, I need to know what’s got your mood so rotten. I’m going to take a guess it has to do with this, uh… unplanned pregnancy.”
Clarice sighed and gave a look to Trudy. “If you get me a real goddamn drink, I’ll tell you everything.”
The girls left the pool and found a quiet corner of the poolside to camp out in their own comfy davenports. Sophie and Liz returned alone to the bartender and ordered enough drinks for their whole party without telling the bartender Clarice was with them. Clarice happily took the shots of rum, and a few big gulps of the heavy blue drink, before she looked up and saw them gathered around, waiting for her to spill her guts.
“What all has Trudy told you?” asked Clarice.
“Duh, everything she knows,” said Sophie with an eye roll and a sip of her drink. “You’re playing pretend fiancée to that gorgeous British stud while his parents are visiting and you’re getting a sweet payday to do it.”
“Right,” said Clarice. “Harrison.”
“Such a babe,” said Liz to Trudy, who nodded heartily.
Sophie put a hand on Clarice’s knee. “So what’s wrong? Is the plan not working?”
“No, it’s… it’s working grandly,” said Clarice with a harsh voice. “That’s the problem.”
“I don’t follow, sweetheart.”
Trudy started laughing, her eyes to the sky. “Oh my lord, Clarice Blackburn. Are you telling us what I think you’re trying to tell us?”
Of course Trudy understood what was happening, Clarice thought. She always could see through Clarice like she was made of silk. “What is it you think I’m trying to tell you?”
“Don’t you play coy now,” said Trudy.
“Wait, wait, so are you really pregnant or what?” interrupted Liz.
“No, of course I’m not pregnant,” said Clarice with a dramatic gesture to her alcoholic drink. “I’m also not a monster. The pregnancy thing is… was part of the ruse. Harrison told his parents at the dinner last night that I was pregnant, and he didn’t warn me he was going to do it first. I almost wrecked the whole thing, I was so furious at him. It was such a dumbass move. He’s jeopardized the whole plan, now.”
“Why the hell did he do that?” asked Trudy.
Clarice sighed. “I honestly don’t know, Trude. One minute, we were out on the dance floor having a fine time. Then Harrison got all weird and upset, and excused himself to the men’s room. And when he came back, he just… blurted it out that I was pregnant with their grandchild.”
“Nice,” said Liz with an eye roll. “It’s like men never think ahead.”
“What did you do?” asked Sophie.
“The Moores were so goddamn happy, and we were in a room full of cheering people, what was I supposed to do? I just stood there like an idiot as his mother rubbed my stomach, trying to swallow my anger so that no one knew anything was wrong. Then I bitched out Harrison back in the room.” She shook her head and took a deep drink of the blue stuff. The feeling of alcohol warming her muscles was a welcome chang
e from the tension of the last twelve hours.
“That’s intense,” said Liz.
“I think this has gotten away from you, hun,” said Trudy.
“What do you mean?”
Trudy sat down on the thick arm of the chair Clarice sat in and put an arm around her shoulders. “Are you really going to pretend you don’t see what’s going on here?”
Some part of her heart clenched up at Trudy’s words; some part of her heart that was afraid of the truth. Clarice swallowed and blinked at her friend.
“I’m not pretending, I really don’t see what’s going on here,” said Sophie.
Liz suddenly softened and let out compassionate coo. “Oh, no… Clarice, you’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
Hearing it out loud was too much. Tears welled in Clarice’s eyes before she could do anything to stop it, and she started to sob uncontrollably. Trudy scooted her over so she could wrap her arms around her best friend, while Liz and Sophie slid closer to create a circle to block her emotional moment from the prying eyes of the other guests. The girls let her cry until she didn’t have any more tears left.
Clarice leaned against Trudy’s shoulder, her eyes puffy and swollen. “Man, I sure am a fun vacation guest.”
“Hey, this has hands down been the craziest, most fun vacation I’ve ever been on,” said Liz. “You didn’t do a damn thing to wreck that.”
“We’re just worried about you, sweetheart,” said Sophie. “You’re supposed to go home feeling better, not worse.”
“I know,” sniffled Clarice. “I feel like such an idiot. I should have known better than to think I could just… pretend to do something like this. Not with Harrison. He’s not the man I thought he was when we first got here.”
“What do you mean?” said Trudy.
“He’s a good man. He’s kind and decent and sweet… when we’re together, it’s like he can’t keep himself away from me. He genuinely likes me, you guys, in a way I’ve never felt before. In fact, Harrison makes my past boyfriends seem like they didn’t enjoy me at all. Like I was just someone to pass the time and fuck, someone to keep them from being lonely. Harrison doesn’t treat me like that and I don’t…” She could feel her emotions rising again, and the tears coming with them. “I don’t want to leave him. I love him.”
“Honey,” said Trudy with a hug.
Sophie sniffled, a few tears popping out of her blue eyes. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“But he acted like a total dick last night,” reminded Liz. “You have to be able to trust the man you’re with, Clarice, and Harrison broke your trust last night by leaving you out to dry with that pregnancy lie.”
Clarice shook her head. “You’re not wrong, Liz. And I told him that. Trust me, I told him very hard. But… but he was so immediately apologetic. He didn’t even try to make an excuse for it. He said he just got upset during our dance and it was like something came over him he couldn’t stop.”
“Upset about what?” asked Trudy.
“I don’t know,” said Clarice. “We were just dancing, talking about things. I told him it was going to be weird to take the engagement ring off because I was getting used to its weight, and that’s when he left to go to the men’s room.”
Trudy shared a look with Liz. “Clarice, c’mon. Isn’t this obvious? Harrison is totally devastated that you’re leaving and he acted out.”
“Be serious,” said Clarice, wiping tears from her face.
“I am being serious,” said Trudy. “You make a comment about how this little fairy tale is about to blow up, and Harrison basically runs off, and then comes back and makes an impulsive emotional decision like that?”
“Textbook,” agreed Liz. “Adults throw tantrums much the same way as children, if you know what to look for.”
“You guys are just trying to make me feel less pathetic,” said Clarice.
“We wouldn’t lie to you about this, hun, especially not when you’re in such misery,” said Trudy. “Just think about it with that big brain of yours. I think if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see that maybe you’re not the only one struggling with unexpected feelings.”
Clarice didn’t want to hear the truth of what Trudy was saying, not at that moment. Even though it made her heart soar to imagine, she was still far too fragile and unsure to just fall into this fantasy that Harrison Moore, of all men, was emotionally wrecked over her. It didn’t seem possible that any woman could wreck a man like Harrison.
“I don’t know what to do, guys,” said Clarice in a tired voice. “That Harrison had to make his outburst about a baby, of all things… it’s like this whole thing is one big cosmic joke being played on me.”
“What’s that mean?” asked Sophie.
Clarice hesitated. “When Tanner left, and I told you guys that it was because he cheated, that wasn’t… it wasn’t entirely true. I was too humiliated to tell you the full truth. He hadn’t been unfaithful yet—though there were certainly signs it was headed that way. What broke us was that Tanner suddenly told me one day that he didn’t want to have kids, ever. He used to see a future for it, or at least not shut it down, but I guess… I guess that changed.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” said Sophie.
“I couldn’t stay with him after that because I wasn’t going to close that possibility off,” said Clarice. “I don’t know what kind of mom I would be, if I ever was one, but I wasn’t ready to just say no to that life forever. So I had to break it off.”
“Honey, I can’t imagine how difficult that had to be for you,” said Trudy, tightening her embrace. “Tanner was a useless man. You are far better off without him.”
“I know. I am,” said Clarice. “But now I’m out of the frying pan and into the fire. I have no idea what to do about Harrison. The thought of just getting on that plane back for New York and never seeing him again…” She shut her eyes and shook her head like she was going to be sick. “I can’t do it. Goddamn me, I can’t do it. I don’t know if Harrison’s faking his feelings for me or not, but… I know that even though I was furious at him, I was also overwhelmed with gratitude that Harrison would be so willing—excited, even—about having a child with me.”
The girls exchanged glances that were filled with many emotions, chiefly among them love and worry.
“Clarice,” said Trudy. “Look, I’m going to tell you something, even though part of me is extremely against the idea of what might happen if I do.”
Clarice sniffled and met her best friend’s gaze. “What?”
She looked at Liz and Sophie, and said, “We have never seen you so happy as you have been here. We can all see it on you. Even when Harrison’s not around, it’s like he’s just… infected you with sunshine. You look like you’re in high school all over again.”
“It’s nauseating, if I’m being honest,” added Liz with a smirk.
Clarice raised an eyebrow. “What are you saying?”
Trudy shrugged. “Maybe none of this is a bad thing, hun. If Harrison makes you so happy that you don’t want to leave this place… and if you make him so happy that he can’t stand the thought of losing you, either… maybe it’s time you guys admitted that and see what happens.”
Clarice instantly shook her head. “This isn’t a goddamn movie; I can’t just run off with a suave rich guy. There’s no way this is happening. This is just a sick joke.”
“That’s loser talk,” said Liz. “And you are not a loser.”
“Remember when we were in high school and they wouldn’t let girls try out for the wrestling team, and you gathered all that attention and support until they did?” said Sophie. “That’s a movie plot, right there, Clarice.”
“Or that one weekend in the city when we ran into Chaz Mercury at the Snakebite Club, and spent the whole weekend drinking on his tour bus?” said Liz with raised eyebrows and a smile. “That’s definitely a movie plot.”
“Crazier shit has happened,” agreed Trudy. “The world is a weird, weird
place. But you know goddamn well that you are a catch of a woman, and it makes perfect sense to the three of us why Harrison’s head over heels for you. Would it be the end of the world if you believed it, too?”
18
Harrison
Harrison spent the next day alone, without even bothering to try and contact Clarice. He knew she was furious at him, and he didn’t want to make things worse by encroaching on her space. But he would be lying if he didn’t admit it was torture for him. All he wanted was to have her back in his arms, and kiss her smiling lips again. He made excuses to his parents about her needing a day in bed to rest, and they were all too happy to provide it. His father took a helicopter to Denpasar to conduct some business, and his mother said she would likely take a spa day to herself.
The first thing he did when he woke up was hit the waves. Sharks were sometimes a problem in the early morning hours, but he didn’t give a shit. Secretly, he almost hoped one tried to make a meal out of him. Either it would kill him and end this damn misery, or he would get to take down a predator with his bare hands, and something about that felt oddly satisfying at the moment.
As the afternoon ticked by, and he had still not heard from her, his mood continued to sink. Desperate to make it up to her, Harrison scoured every single damn shop on the resort, and a few on the other side of the island, and he still couldn’t find anything that he thought would help demonstrate how sorry he was for his mistake. Not a single thing felt good enough to give to Clarice to make up for how stupid he acted.
He had replayed that moment over and over in his mind ever since it happened, because something about it felt like the end of the world; like the floor was falling out from underneath his life and he was hanging on to the cliff’s edge by his fingernails, delaying the inevitable plunge. That was what the whole outburst had really been, hadn’t it? Some pathetic attempt at wielding control over a situation he never controlled to begin with. He acted out like a toddler and even now the thought of it embarrassed him.
PRIDE: A Bad Boy and Amish Girl Romance (The Brody Bunch#1) Page 49
