by Lily Baxter
He rubbed his cheek against her damp hair. ‘One day you’ll admit you love me, Meg.’
‘You never give up, do you? You’re a stubborn fool, Gerald,’ she said, smiling.
A sudden movement in the doorway made them leap apart as Lieutenant Nordhausen strode into the room. It was impossible to tell from the set of his thin, bird-like features what he had heard or seen, but he said nothing, merely giving them a calculating look before helping himself to the remainder of the coffee.
*
Simone’s baby was born in the spring just as the daffodils and narcissi engulfed the lawn with their golden trumpets. Marie and Jane had been up all night, doing what was necessary, with Meg running errands and making tea from leaves that had been used and reused until the pale straw-coloured infusion was more like hot water than a restorative beverage. Meg had finally dozed off in an armchair by the window when the last loud moan from Simone was followed by the wailing cry of her son.
‘Jeremy Eric LeFevre,’ Marie said, smiling proudly as she showed the baby to Meg. ‘Isn’t he just beautiful?’
Meg looked at the crumpled red face and tiny flailing fists and nodded, wondering how anyone could be so besotted as to think this monkey-faced infant was anything but ugly.
‘He is so gorgeous,’ Marie said, cuddling Jeremy and kissing his bald head.
‘At least he looks more like the LeFevres than his father,’ Meg said, speaking her thoughts out loud and instantly wishing she had kept her mouth shut.
Marie clutched the baby to her. ‘Hush, Meg. Someone will hear you.’
Instinctively Meg glanced over her shoulder but the ubiquitous Nordhausen was, for once, not lurking in the shadows. ‘Don’t worry. No one outside the family knows about Brandt,’ she said, stroking the baby’s cheek. ‘And I’m sure he’ll grow into a lovely little boy.’
‘I heard that,’ Simone said, from the bed where Jane was making her comfortable. ‘Give him to me, Mum. Don’t let Meg hold him.’
Meg was about to protest but Simone’s drawn face and sickly pallor brought back memories of the long painful night when her screams had shattered the silence. ‘He’s a fine baby, Simone. You should be proud of him.’
‘Hadn’t you better get about your business, Meg?’ Jane said, plumping up the pillows behind Simone as Marie placed the baby in his mother’s arm. She jerked her head in the direction of the door.
Meg met her eyes and understood the unspoken message. ‘Yes, I’m going or Nordhausen will be waiting to pounce on me for being late on duty.’
‘That man is almost as bad as Grulich,’ Jane said. ‘He makes my flesh creep.’
Meg glanced at her watch as she left Simone’s tiny room, which had once been the place where a seamstress had found full-time employment mending the family linen. The house was already alive with sounds of movement and she would have to creep out of the side door if she wanted to avoid bumping into Nordhausen or one of his spies. Using the servants’ staircase Meg had reached the ground floor without seeing anyone, when suddenly a grey figure loomed out of the shadows. She stifled a cry of alarm.
‘Meg, it’s me.’
‘Rayner, you scared me half to death. I thought it was Nordhausen.’
‘That’s only the second time you’ve used my name since Oxford.’
He smiled and Meg felt the mysterious chemistry begin to work, but lack of sleep and the shock of meeting him unexpectedly made her edgy. She glanced nervously over her shoulder. ‘Sorry. Perhaps I should say Captain Weiss.’
‘You’re afraid of something or someone. Has Nordhausen been bothering you?’
‘No more than the rest of your compatriots. I can handle him.’
‘You must tell me if he has been abusing his position. Neither Major Jaeger nor myself will tolerate that kind of behaviour.’
‘Thank you, but as I said I can look after myself. And if I don’t get to the milking parlour on time I’ll be in trouble, and neither you nor Major Jaeger will be able to do anything about it.’
‘I know you’re worried that we might be found out, but it doesn’t have to be like this, Meg.’ He took a step away from her as the door that led to the stable yard opened and a soldier trudged in carrying a sack of potatoes.
‘I think that proves my point, Captain.’ She slipped past Rayner, avoiding the curious stare of the soldier as she hurried out into the stable yard. ‘Bloody war,’ she muttered. ‘And bloody Germans, I hate them all.’ But she knew that was a lie. Whatever happened now or in the future, she could never hate Rayner.
Nordhausen was in the kitchen when later that morning Meg came through from the scullery carrying a jug containing the family’s meagre milk ration. He sat with his booted feet on the kitchen table watching Marie kneading the grey sticky bread dough, consisting mainly of potato flour.
Nordhausen turned his head to look Meg up and down. ‘Captain Weiss is a good friend. No?’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
He slid his feet off the table and stood up. ‘You address me as Lieutenant Nordhausen. You are not the lady of the manor now.’
‘I don’t know what you mean, Lieutenant Nordhausen.’
‘Be very careful, Fräulein. I’m watching every move you make. You won’t get rid of me as easily as you did Captain Grulich.’
‘I don’t understand.’ Meg forced herself to appear calm but her mind was racing.
‘I think you do. I believe that you and your brother know a lot more about Captain Grulich’s accident than you care to admit.’
‘You are mistaken, Lieutenant.’
‘We shall see. Don’t rely on your friend Captain Weiss to save you when I have proof.’ He strolled out of the kitchen and slammed the door.
‘He knows something.’ Marie’s face had paled to the colour of the dough she was kneading.
‘He’s just trying to trick us.’
‘If he finds out about Gerald and how he disposed of Grulich, there’ll be hell to pay.’ Marie met Meg’s startled gaze with a wry smile. ‘My son tells me everything.’
‘Then let’s hope that Nordhausen was bluffing.’
‘I don’t like this,’ Marie said, sighing. ‘I wish we could get Gerald to the mainland.’
‘So do I, but it’s out of the question. We’ve just got to go on as we are and not let a bully like Nordhausen trick us into giving anything away.’
After a week of summer storms and heavy rain, Meg’s birthday dawned clear and fine. Her father gave her a diamond brooch that had once belonged to her grandmother, and Gerald presented her with a wicker basket filled with wild strawberries. He had risked breaking the curfew to search for them in the woods and they were still pearled with dew. Jane presented her with one of her few remaining handkerchiefs wrapped in a yellowing copy of the Guernsey Press, and Maud had painstakingly unpicked one of Bertie’s old pullovers and had knitted the wool into a scarf. It was slightly wider at one end than the other, but Meg said it was beautiful and just what she needed for the winter. Marie’s contribution was a boiled egg and soldiers for her breakfast. Only two hens and the old rooster were left now, the others having ended up in Corporal Klein’s cooking pot, and the eggs were earmarked for Hauptmann Dressler only, but one of the hens had found a secret laying place and Marie had come across it by accident. With everyone looking on, Meg could only imagine their thoughts as she carefully sliced off the top. Spoon poised, she was about to eat the egg, but suddenly her appetite deserted her and she pushed the plate towards Simone.
‘Here, give this to the baby. He needs it more than I do.’
Birthday or not, there was no getting away from the drudgery of the work roster that Nordhausen had laid down for them. Meg went straight to the greenhouses after breakfast. She began by filling heavy cans from the butt and watering the growing plants. The first tomatoes were ripening nicely and it was tempting to pick and eat one ruby red globe, warm from the sun and sweet as honey. She hesitated, instinctively looking over her shoulder in case N
ordhausen was lurking outside. She was hardly surprised when she saw him standing quietly by the open door.
‘It’s your birthday, Fräulein.’
‘How did you know that?’
‘I know everything that happens in the house.’
‘Good for you.’
‘I understand sarcasm. You would be wise not to annoy me.’
‘Heaven forbid.’ Meg carried on with the watering.
‘Look at your hands.’ Nordhausen leaned against the greenhouse door, watching Meg heave the heavy cans of water. ‘Not the hands of a young lady now, are they? Before the war you would have scorned to do such work.’
Meg tried to ignore his jibes, but she had of necessity to squeeze past him in order to refill the cans.
‘My good friend Captain Grulich knew that there was something not right here. He suspected but he couldn’t prove anything. I think you or your brother know more about his so-called accident than you have said.’ Nordhausen stretched his booted foot across the doorway and Meg stopped suddenly, spilling a can of cold water down his leg.
‘Oh dear, how clumsy of me.’
‘You bitch.’ Nordhausen caught her by the wrist and twisted her arm behind her back.
She bit her lip so that she would not give him the satisfaction of hearing her cry out. He twisted her arm a little harder and this time she yelped.
‘Don’t play games with me.’ He emphasised his words with a savage jerk. ‘Do not cry out, Fräulein. Your brother is digging potatoes far away in the north field where I sent him this morning and he cannot come to your aid. But you and I need to talk.’
‘I have nothing to say,’ she gasped, wincing and biting her lip as he increased the pressure on her arm. His fingers dug into her flesh and through the red mist of pain she thought vaguely that one more move on Nordhausen’s part and her bones would snap.
‘You have plenty to say to Captain Weiss, but he won’t be able to save you if I can prove what my friend Grulich told me.’
Meg closed her eyes and felt the cold sweat trickling down her face as the pain intensified. Nordhausen’s breath was warm and sour on her face.
‘Very convenient for you that poor Grulich died in the accident and strange that he appeared drunk when I have never known him take more than a glass of wine to toast the Führer.’ He punctuated his words with sharp savage jerks on Meg’s arm and she cried out in agony. ‘So tell me, Fräulein Colivet, how exactly did my friend die?’
‘I – I don’t know.’
His fingers tightened on her wrist. ‘Such small bones and so little flesh. If you don’t tell me the truth it will be so easy to break them.’
‘Lieutenant Nordhausen!’
Rayner’s voice rang out bringing Meg back from the brink of unconsciousness. Nordhausen released her so suddenly that she stumbled and would have fallen if Rayner had not caught her.
‘Fräulein Colivet deliberately threw water over me, Captain.’
‘It was an accident,’ Meg said, leaning against Rayner’s shoulder as her legs threatened to buckle beneath her.
‘It was an accident,’ Rayner said, eyeing Nordhausen with barely concealed dislike. ‘She has said so. You may go, Lieutenant. I’ll deal with this.’
Nordhausen cast a vicious look at Meg as he leapt to attention and saluted. He marched towards the house, his whole body quivering with affront.
‘Are you all right, Meg?’ Rayner’s voice was deep with concern.
She nodded even though the pain was still intense. ‘I think so.’
He examined her arm and wrist with gentle fingers. ‘At least it’s not broken.’ He kissed the red weals left by Nordhausen’s fingers.
She wrenched her arm free. ‘Don’t. He might be watching.’
‘Even Nordhausen can’t see round corners, my darling Meg.’
The warmth in his voice brought a rush of scalding tears to her eyes and she turned away. ‘Don’t be nice to me, I can’t stand it.’ She stumbled into the greenhouse and leaned against the wooden staging, trembling violently, more shaken by Nordhausen’s terrifyingly accurate guesses at what had happened to Grulich than the physical pain he had inflicted on her.
‘If he touches you again, I’ll kill him,’ Rayner said, twisting her round to face him. His eyes glittered with suppressed rage, but Meg knew that his anger was for Nordhausen and not for herself. He pulled her roughly to him and kissed her on the mouth, softly at first but with mounting fervour. She knew that she should resist but instead she slid her arms around his neck, closing her eyes and parting her lips. She relaxed against his hard body, giving herself up to the sensuous delight that made her heart feel light and caused her head to spin. He held her so that it was impossible to push him away but that was the last thing on her mind. The long-denied feelings she had tried so assiduously to crush burst to the surface like the bubbles of air trapped beneath the murky waters of the Thames when Rayner had saved her from the clutching fronds of the weeds. She was beyond reckless.
‘I’ve wanted to do that for so long, Meg. You’ll never know how much I’ve wanted to hold you and kiss you and tell you that I fell in love with you from the first moment I saw you in Oxford.’
‘I can’t believe it. You were always so aloof and so – so grown-up. I felt like an awkward schoolgirl.’
He kissed her temples, her eyelids and her cheeks, running his fingers up and down the bones of her spine beneath the soft cotton folds of her shirt. ‘My poor girl, you’re so thin, but even more beautiful. I loved you as you were then but I adore you now and it hurts me to see you living like this, a prisoner in your own home, forced to work in the fields like a common labourer.’
‘This is crazy.’ She clung to him, knowing that what they were doing was close to insanity but reluctant to end the magic. ‘If we’re caught, God knows what they’ll do to us.’
‘You mean Nordhausen?’ Rayner smiled grimly. ‘I’m still his superior officer. I think I can handle him.’
‘He suspects Gerald, and he thinks that Grulich’s death wasn’t an accident.’
‘He is just trying to frighten you and I won’t stand for it. I’ll speak to Major Jaeger and get him transferred to another unit.’
‘You could do that?’
‘I can do anything now, my darling.’ Rayner brushed her lips with his and his stern features dissolved into the boyish smile that made Meg’s heart contract with desire. ‘But I must go before someone sees us together. We must find somewhere else to meet.’
‘I’ve told you before, Rayner. It’s too dangerous.’
‘Do you think I could walk way from you now pretending that nothing has changed between us?’
‘It’s impossible.’
With a swift movement he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair, which had come loose from the confines of her headscarf. ‘Nothing is impossible. I love you, Meg. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you.’
‘I love you, too.’
‘Say that again.’ He held her away just far enough to study her face, a smile of delight making his eyes dance.
She threw back her head and laughed. Suddenly nothing mattered. The world began and ended here amongst the pungent tomato plants that they had accidentally crushed. ‘I love you, Rayner Weiss. I love you.’
When finally they drew apart, Rayner brushed her tangled hair back from her face. ‘I have to leave you now, sweetheart, but we must find a safe place to meet.’
Gazing deeply into his eyes, Meg knew she had fought and lost the battle to stop loving him. Nothing mattered now except being with him and no risk was too great. ‘It’s my turn to go to market this week. I always go to the café in the High Street to meet Pearl. I’ll be there at eleven o’clock tomorrow.’
‘Can you trust this woman?’
‘Of course, or I wouldn’t suggest it.’
‘Then we might meet by chance tomorrow morning.’
Pearl almost choked on the sawdust-dry cake that was all that the café
could offer that day. She swallowed convulsively. ‘Meg, are you crazy?’
‘I think I must be.’
Pearl leaned across the table, lowering her voice to a whisper. ‘If you start an affair with a German officer you’ll be in the same position as Simone LeFevre.’
‘We’re not having an affair.’ Meg felt herself blushing furiously and she glanced over her shoulder to see if anyone had heard, but the other occupants of the café were too busy with their own conversations to take any notice of them.
Pearl curled her lips in a cynical smile. ‘Come off it, Meg. You mean you’re just going to hold hands and go for moonlight walks amongst the barbed wire and gun emplacements?’
‘I know it’s dangerous and I know it’s foolish, but I have to see him alone. Will you help me or not?’
Pearl crumbled the remains of her cake into small pieces and she avoided Meg’s eyes. ‘I shouldn’t condone such madness. If you get caught it will be serious. And if you get …’
‘I won’t,’ Meg said, feeling her cheeks flaming. ‘It’s not going to go that far. I just want to see him alone and be able to talk and get to know him again. I had a schoolgirl crush on him in Oxford but it’s different now.’
‘I’ll say it is. I’m afraid for you, Meg.’
‘Then you’ll do it? You’ll let us meet at your house?’
Pearl smiled reluctantly. ‘I must be mad but yes, you can tell your father you’re visiting me and I’ll fix it with my folks. As long as it’s within the curfew.’
‘Oh, it will be, Pearl. And I’ll be in your debt forever.’ Meg had been glancing nervously out of the café window but when she saw Rayner’s familiar figure striding up the Pollet on the other side of the street she barely suppressed a cry of delight. ‘There he is. Isn’t he handsome?’
Pearl craned her neck to look. ‘Well, he’s certainly tall and he walks with a swagger like a buccaneer, but does he always look that stern?’
‘He looks quite different when he smiles.’ Meg leapt to her feet and made a grab for her shopping basket. ‘Quick, give me a day and time to come to your house.’
