by C. A. Harms
I looked to the left to find Sawyer leaning against the doorway to the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest and her lips pursed. I’d gotten so used to kissing those lips over the past few weeks that it was hard to withstand a day without them. I hated my nightshifts at the station.
“I knew that when I started,” I assured her with a wink just before I lowered a happy little girl back to my chest. She immediately began chanting for more.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Sawyer move in closer and sink beside me onto the floor. “Abigail,” she tried to gain the attention of the determined little lady who clawed at me, saying her new favorite word. “Watch Mommy.” Sawyer leaned in, and just when I was about to ask what she was doing, she rested her head against my chest. I still choked up every time she did that. And as if that wasn’t enough to weaken any man, I was fucking lost when Abby laid her head opposite Sawyer’s.
The tightening in my chest threatened my control as I held them. I watched as they stared at one another, and soon Abby’s eyelids drooped.
When her breaths evened out and her body grew heavy, I knew she was asleep. I remained silent as I watched Sawyer stare at her now-sleeping daughter. It was another one of those beautiful moments I knew I would never forget.
“I love you,” I whispered, gaining Sawyer’s full attention as she tilted her head back a little more, allowing me to see all of her face.
“And I love you.”
That had quickly become something we’d say often throughout every day.
“She loves you too.” Sawyer placed her hand on Abby’s back just over mine.
For a few seconds we remained just like that. It was enough. Hell, it was everything to be allowed to share moments like these.
“Stay.” I looked back at Sawyer and found her watching me with hopeful eyes. “I want you to.”
My heart sped like a teenager’s at the mention of spending the night. We’d not crossed that line yet, but at the pace we were going, it felt right and it was what we both needed.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she reassured me, “I’m sure.”
I followed Sawyer into the bedroom, her hand in mine as she led the way. I shook with the adrenaline coursing through me. She paused at the side of the bed, and her shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath before she turned to face me.
“There’s no rush,” I assured her as she stepped closer and placed her hands on my chest.
“I know,” she replied with a smile that soothed my worries. “I’m not rushing, I’m just feeling.”
I knew exactly what she meant because I was feeling it too.
She slowly lowered her hands and gathered the hem of her shirt, then lifted it up and over her head. My breath rushed out and I withheld the moan boiling inside me.
I was mesmerized as she unhooked her bra and glided each strap over her shoulders and down her arms. Only when the silk garment fell to her feet did I let out a groan. My reaction triggered a smile from her just before she moved closer, this time lifting my shirt up and over my head.
I allowed her to lead, because quite frankly I found her courage sexy.
When my own shirt was lying on the floor with hers, she pressed a kiss over my heart and I lost a small bit of control. I gripped her waist and lifted her feet from the floor, bringing her body flush to mine. Without pause I placed her on the bed, then crawled on after her and held her tight.
With my lips pressed to hers, I moved my tongue over them and swallowed the moan that escaped her. “You’re perfect,” I said, only moving away for a second before going back for more. I glided my palm over her hip, then along her waist and traced the contour of her breast, and smiled when she arched her back and pushed herself against me.
“Please don’t stop.”
Part of me wanted to assure her I had no intention of stopping, but I showed her instead. I kissed along her jaw and the side of her neck, and with each flick of my tongue, she gripped my shoulders tighter. Her nipple tightened against my chest and I shook with anticipation as I descended and covered her left one with my lips. With a gentle suck, she ignited and shifted her hips upward, almost begging for more.
With each kiss and touch, she whimpered and made needy little moans that made it hard to not grab her and take what my body demanded. Damn, I was a ball of lust, but I wanted to take my time memorizing each curve of her body.
When I reached her waist, I carefully unfastened her jeans as I watched for her reaction. When I slowly slid them down her hips, she egged me on, wiggling from side to side as if to speed up the process. The urgency of her movements intrigued me.
“In a hurry?” I said with a smile, and she gave me a quick nod. Apparently I wasn’t the only one fighting for control. To taunt her and give myself the satisfaction of knowing just how much she wanted this, I slowly unfastened my own jeans. Just before I lowered them, I reached inside my pocket and retrieved the condom.
She watched, her chest rising and falling with each needy breath, and I realized that prolonging this wasn’t only torturing her. Fuck, I was so hard it actually hurt when my jeans slid over my erection.
“Please,” Sawyer pleaded as she lifted her legs and pulled of her panties before lowering her legs once more and parting them.
I had never wanted a woman more than the one splayed out before me. She was perfection, so beautiful and ready.
I yanked off my jeans and boxers and tossed them to the floor. I lifted the condom to my lips and tore the packet open, then rolled it over my cock. When I looked up we were both focused on my movements.
I wanted to worship her, taste her, and touch every inch of her, but that would have to wait. We both needed this; we needed to feel the other. We had forever for the rest.
As I positioned myself before her, I looked her in the eyes and silently asked for one more sign that this was what she wanted. She nodded as she reached out for me, and with slow and careful movements, I moved forward and slid inside her. My eyes rolled back as I held my breath and tried to hold on to my last ounce of control.
But it was lost the second she whispered, “Gage.”
I gripped her face in one hand and braced the weight of my body on the other as I began to move. Her eyes locked with mine, and we shared so much between us with just that look. Fuck, I felt so many things all at once that I thought I was going to explode.
“I love you,” she whispered, as if she knew in that moment that I needed to hear it. I could feel myself slipping, and those three words pulled me back to the present.
“I love you, so much.”
My movements slowed and I watched as she fell into the pleasure I was giving her. Her walls tightened around me and she felt so good, so perfect.
“Let go,” I whispered, encouraging her to give in to what she was feeling. “Show me what I do to you.”
I could sense the way her body reacted to my encouraging words, almost like a trigger. Her fingers dug into my flesh as her back arched and her hips jerked.
“Let me feel you, baby.” I continued feeling the powerful rush each twitch of her body gave me, and the way it tightened around me as her pleasure grew. I was like a starving man, needing—no, demanding—her release.
“Yes,” she cried out as her legs tightened around my waist and she thrust her hips upward to meet mine. “Oh my God, yes.”
I let her seek what she needed while I watched her face closely. The crease of her forehead, the way she bit her lower lip hard. She was even more beautiful when she lost control.
Chapter 41
Sawyer
I felt like I had a fever as I attempted to roll to my side, only to find I was pinned beneath something heavy and unwilling to move.
I opened one eye and found not only the thing holding me in place, but the source of the heat. Gage was like a blanket, one that wrapped around me so tightly I wasn’t sure where he ended and I began.
“Gage.” I nudged his shoulder, and his displeased groan made me la
ugh. “You need to move.” I nudged him again and he squeezed me tighter.
“Stop pushing, woman,” he mumbled with his eyes still closed. “I’m comfortable and you’re trapped. We both already know you’re not winning, so stop trying and lie still already.”
I lay there for a few seconds trying to come up with anything that would prove him wrong. A memory popped into my mind that I knew would definitely be useful in my current situation. I carefully repositioned my body, as if I was actually agreeing, then glided my hand along his shoulder and along his back, then shifted it to his side and attacked.
I had never in my life heard any man make the noise that ripped out of Gage. It reminded me of the way Abigail squealed when she was excited. His large frame tensed as he curled away from me, and within seconds he was standing on the opposite side of the bed, his chest rising and falling as he stared at me.
I shrugged, still trying to hold back my laughter. “Thought you said I wouldn’t win?” I was playing with fire, but it was just too satisfying to stop. “Looks like I won this round.” I slid back and stood opposite him as I grabbed the sheets and covers on my side and pulled them up. I could feel his gaze on me but chose to ignore it. Right now, I’d throw a little more gasoline on that fire.
I slipped my feet into my house shoes and turned my back to him in search of my robe. Spotting it across the room, I made sure to wiggle my hips a little more than necessary as I walked toward it.
“You’re pushing it,” he growled, and with my back still to him, I could smile with satisfaction.
“I’m not doing anything.” I looked back over my shoulder just in time to watch as his eyes raked my body. I twisted my hips and jutted my ass toward him, making it his prime focus as I bent forward and grabbed for the robe.
My eyes widened as he growled again, and before I could register what the hell was happening, my body was heaved into the air and tossed onto the bed. I bounced on impact, and then he was hovering above me, holding my wrists in his strong hands as he looked down at me with a heated stare.
“I told you that you wouldn’t win.” He leaned in closer and skimmed the side of my nose with his own. “Here you are now, right back where you started.”
When he kissed along my jaw and down the side of my neck, nipping and tasting along the way, I arched upward against him, and he smiled against my neck. “I don’t know, Gage,” I whispered, “it still feels like I’m winning.”
“We both are.” He shifted his hips as his lower half moved against my own, and the friction made me gasp.
He was right, we were both winning this battle.
Chapter 42
Gage
We walked across the grass toward the iron gate. Abby was between us, and I held one of her hands and Sawyer held the other. She was mumbling as she always does about dollies and dirt. She was the perfect mixture of sweet and tough.
Sawyer and I stared ahead, focused on our destination.
I’d come here what seemed like a million times and so had she, but this would be the first time we’d come together since the day we buried Patrick. I still felt as if the way things had worked out was so unfair, but the feeling was getting better. Today, we’d decided it was time to visit Pat as a family.
That felt strange to say, but they were my family. Frankly they had been even before everything changed, but now the word had so much meaning. I would do anything for either of them. They were mine now, to hold safe and love with everything I had.
As we stepped up to the space where we’d stood together over a year ago, I looked at Sawyer to find her looking back at me.
“It’s still so hard to believe, you know,” she said.
“Yeah.” I looked back at the headstone, and my throat tightened I read the words etched there. Loving husband, father, son, and friend. Remembered by his family always.
Abigail sat on the ground and dug in the grass as I sat beside her. “Come ‘ere, sis.” I patted my legs and motioned for her to join me. She crawled into my lap and held up the grass she had torn away in the process.
“Pretty,” she squealed, pushing it in closer to my face, and I realized she’d captured a small flower in the center of the mess in her tiny fist.
“Flower,” I told her and she smiled. I lifted it to my nose. “Mm.” I pretended to smell something good, yet all I could really smell was grass.
Sawyer’s arm brushed against mine as she sat next to us, and together we stared ahead. The only sound was the light breeze rustling the leaves.
“We miss you, brother,” I said, unsure of just how loudly I spoke. Sawyer’s hand gently squeezed my forearm as she rested her head on my shoulder.
We sat there for as long as Abby would allow. When she grew tired of remaining in one place, we shifted to another, yet remained close to Pat. At one point I looked over to find Sawyer with her palm pressed against the ground as she bowed her head. Her lips moved, though I couldn’t hear what she was saying.
I imagined she was sharing stories about Abigail or about their life now and how she missed him. I wasn’t jealous of her love for Patrick, and I never would be. I knew she loved me, and I’d never question that, either. Patrick was and would always be a part of our lives. A man like him stayed with you, tucked safe inside the deepest part of your heart. I’d always cherish my time with him, the years I’d gotten to know him. I would also be forever grateful for the trust he had in me, and for seeing something in me that I hadn’t even seen myself.
I stood near the gate with a sleepy little girl in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder as her beautiful mother walked toward us. Sawyer’s blond hair blew around her shoulders and face as the breeze picked up. She focused on the ground, and with each step, I found she stood a little taller and her shoulders lifted a little more. By the time she reached us, she smiled and stepped right in to my awaiting arms.
“Is it crazy to think that he’s happy for us?”
“Not at all, babe.” I kissed her head, allowing my lips to remain there for a few lingering moments. “You ready to get this little one back home so she can take her nap?”
She nodded against me, and I turned around and led them back to my truck.
I’d give anything to have Patrick back so he could have the life he’d always dreamed of, even if it meant letting go of my love for Sawyer. But in his absence I swore as I walked away from him that I would honor his memory and guarantee that neither of our girls would ever feel as if they weren’t my top priority.
Epilogue
Five years later
Sawyer
I stood just outside Abigail’s room, leaning against the wall as I listened to Gage tucking in my little girl. Each time I eavesdropped on them, I fell in love with him all over again. He was such a beautiful man with an amazing heart.
He’d given us so much over the last five years that at times I felt like I would burst. Each day of our lives was intertwined with Patrick in some way, and Gage never made me feel as if Patrick was unwelcome.
“Were you and my daddy always friends?” I closed my eyes as Abigail’s sweet little voice echoed into the hall. She’d always referred to Patrick as her daddy—Gage made sure she understood that—but she called Gage her daddy too. She had two daddies, she’d tell everyone. One was in heaven and he was the angel who watched over her every day. That always brought a tear to my eye, because I, too, thought of Patrick as an angel watching over all of us. Gage, though, was Daddy Gage, her best friend, and I loved to watch them together. They had such an amazing bond and shared everything so freely.
“Your daddy was my best friend. We did everything together growing up.” Gage had told her this so many times, yet I never got tired of hearing him share the funny, crazy stories of their childhood. “He was more like a brother really, because we were always side by side. We played the same sports and had the same friends. If one of us got into trouble, we both did. It didn’t matter if we were actually involved, we just stood by each other through it all.”
/> “I wish I would have been able to meet him.”
I closed my eyes tighter at the sadness in Abigail’s voice.
“You did, sweetheart. You were just so tiny that it’s hard for you to remember.” Gage was silent for a moment. “He loved you even before he met you, but that day he saw you for the first time, he was overflowing, Abby. You stole his heart. I never saw anyone with so much devotion in their eyes.”
“Do you miss him?”
“I miss him every day,” Gage confessed without hesitation, and my heart ached so much with the love I held for him. He was selfless and strong for the both of us. Every day he gave and gave without resistance.
I ran my hand over my stomach, feeling my son kick against my palm and smiled. Any day now, we’d meet this little angel and he, too, would be told of Patrick and how amazing he was. Though the stories would be different, of course, as he learned of Uncle Patrick and the influence he’d had on Gage.
A shadow cast over me and I looked up as Gage stepped out of Abigail’s room and pulled her door closed. He looked down at where my hand remained and his grin widened. “Little man keeping you up?”
“No,” I assured him, “I was just listening to the two of you talk. I love hearing the stories you share with her.”
“I love telling them.”
“Do you realize just how amazing you are?” I watched as the same look washed over his face that always did when I tried to tell him how great he was. “You never let me compliment you.”
“Because the things I do aren’t done for praise.”
“And I know this,” I assured him as I stepped closer and placed one hand on his forearm. “But I need you to know that I adore you and everything you give us. I love you so much, and find that each day I love you even more for every selfless act you do. Your heart is so giving, and I feel so lucky to have it.”
