“We'll see.”
Chapter Twelve
~Kade~
Aug. 5 - I was just coming out of the registrar's office after having to fix a few problems with my reinstatement when I heard my name being yelled. “Holy shit, bro, I thought the world finally swallowed you up whole last semester. Sasha didn't even know what happened to your sorry ass!” Andy Walker took a minute to catch up to me and then gave me a quick manly hug before settling back and waiting for me to fill in the blanks. Sadly, I was stuck on the mention of Sasha's name though.
“Yeah, ended up having fires to put out in the family. It took me out of town for a few months.”
“Dude, I'm not sure what went down with you and Sash, but she was destroyed last semester. I didn't realize it was about you until I asked where in the hell you'd been and she said she wished she knew, broke down crying, and ran off.” Andy looked pained just recounting the experience.
“There was a huge mess that happened with my phone, and I guess hers too at the time. We fucking lost touch in the middle of my family drama.” I scrubbed my hand down my face as I recounted the simplest version of our story.
“Damn, that's a bad situation. Hope everything worked out with your family though.” I didn't miss the undertone. He hoped fixing my family drama had been worth losing the girl. Andy, as much as I liked him, had always been one of the idiots in high school that I kept having to run off from Sasha, because even if she hadn't ever been into me he was not good enough for her. “Maybe you'll see her around, and be able to fix that shit. Although, her new boyfriend might have something to say about that.”
“New boyfriend?” I asked.
He actually looked elated to be telling me this. “Yeah, she's always with some dude these days when she's not with Kristin. Tall dude, about your height. Dark hair, built pretty big. I'm thinking he's new, definitely not a local, because he did not go to school with us.”
“Gotcha.” Yup, I was down to one-word responses. I was also picturing a rather big dude with dark hair who had been holding her in a certain couple pictures that Jason had sent to me. “She's still here in school though?”
“Far as I know. I haven't seen her around much since spring semester ended, but you know, not everyone does summer session.” A girl, who I just now realized had been waiting down on the path a little ways away from us called up to Andy then. “Sorry, babe.” He looked back at me, “I gotta run. She's freaking waiting on me to buy her a latte.” He rolled his eyes before heading in her direction.
“Yeah, don't mess with a chick's caffeine intake first thing in the morning,” I tried for a laugh with the joke. It fell flat to my own ears.
“You know it, brother!” Andy replied over his shoulder as he bound off toward her. “I'll catch you around Kade,” he called back over his shoulder.
I double-timed it back to my Jeep after that, because if I didn't get to the gym and hit something soon I'd probably go off on the first person that tried to speak to me. She had a boyfriend. Whether she ever cheated or not wouldn't matter now. Trying to fix things wouldn't matter either. She was seeing someone and it was confirmed by a guy we both new from high school who wasn't Jason. I banged my head into the steering wheel for a minute, trying to hold back tears as my frustration percolated under my skin.
A knock on the side of my Jeep caught me off guard for a minute, but then I looked up to see the blond girl from the diner smiling down at me. “Jenn?” Her name was a question on my lips, because while I had given her a tour of the town a few days ago, I hadn't really committed her to memory.
“Hey handsome, everything okay over here?” Her smile dipped into a concerned looking frown. “I saw you looking like you could use a friend and thought I'd come check.” She tipped her head back to the diner then. “They owed me a break about now anyway.”
Now, I was seeing that she had an apron on with her nametag today. Yep, definitely a Jenn. Glad I got that one right. “Thanks for checking. I'm good, just got some crazy news is all.”
She looked over the Jeep then. “About school?”
I didn't feel like going into the whole Sasha story so I took the out that was offered. “Yeah, I had to leave last semester for family issues, and they didn't have everything squared away like they were supposed to. No big, just frustrating.”
“I understand that. I had to fix some things in my schedule yesterday thanks to big mix up with my transferable credits from the other college.” She rolled her eyes, commiserating with me. “I get off at five tonight. I was supposed to meet up with some friends of mine at Flux tonight for Karaoke. You could join us and blow off some steam with shots.”
“Yeah, I'm not sure about that. I'm probably the only 19 year old male in these parts without a fake ID.”
“Well, normally that would be a problem, but my friend, Mara, has a brother who tends bar there and a boyfriend who works the door. They always turn a blind eye for us.”
“Well, in that case, I can definitely do with a few shots and relaxation.”
“Great, we're all meeting over there around nine. She took out her pad with the diner tickets, and wrote down her number for me. Text me so I have your number, and I'll see you later handsome.” She turned to go, but whipped around faster than I could track, pushed in the opened window of the Jeep, and plastered a kiss to my cheek before running back over to the diner.
It wasn't the gym, but it looked like I found a good distraction from my situation at any rate. I hadn't had sex in… well, since Sasha, so maybe that's just what I needed to do. She apparently got over me quick enough to have a boyfriend she's rarely seen without. Why shouldn't I have a little comfort too?
I didn't dismiss my gym idea. It was still my next stop in my day. I beat myself up doing circuits and then a long round between the heavy bag and my fists. Frustration just seemed to brew deep inside me though, and no amount of pounding the bag helped with that. Finally, I just got tired and went home to take a nap and re-energize for a night out with Jenn and her friends. It just occurred to me that she had said something about Karaoke night. Damn it, I hated Karaoke. It just meant a bunch of drunken fools getting on stage and making people's ears bleed all in the name of fun, and worse hangovers than imaginable.
Once I was showered, shaved, and dressed for a night out my mom finally stopped me in the kitchen. “Hey, where are you off to looking so handsome?”
“Some chick from the diner downtown invited me out tonight.”
“Some chick?” Worried lines sprouted up on my mom's forehead. “But,” she hesitated then decided to dig in. “What about Sasha?”
“Yeah, well, while I was gone she went and found herself a new boyfriend.”
“Oh, Kade!” My mom's eyes were growing suspiciously shiny and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle her emotions on the subject on top of my own.
“I gotta go,” I called out as I turned so I couldn't see her tears pooling in her eyes.
“I'm so sorry,” she whispered. I wasn't sure if she intended for me to hear her, but I did. In a way this situation was her fault, and she would carry that guilt. Even though I knew it was my own doing, I was going to let her carry it, because I needed someone else to blame for tonight. I shut off the thoughts in my head that told me I could have charged a plane ticket to my mom's account, and come back sooner to explain what was going on to Sasha in person. Then I reminded myself how quickly everything blew up and how little time I had until I thought it was too late. My biggest mistake had been taking Jason at his word about Sasha cheating. That was what held me up from flying back and telling her. If I had just thought things through instead of letting my dad's past action color my beliefs in people I might be going out with my girl tonight.
Instead, I had to prepare myself for a different world. One in which I was going out with a hot blond tonight instead of the beautiful brunette who haunted my dreams. Jenn was no one I could ever have a serious relationship with. She was just too bouncy, crazy energy for me, but I could at least
lose myself in her particular brand of crazy for a bit. Something had to make me forget. Just as I was pulling away out of the driveway my phone buzzed an incoming message.
JENN - Hey handsome, Mara and I are waiting outside for you.
ME - On my way now, be there in 5.
Suddenly, I was driving myself into a new life. One where Sasha definitely wouldn't have a starring role. My heart sunk deep down into my stomach and stayed buried there for the rest of my drunken night.
~*~
The weight of her arm across my chest was a heady thing. I'd been dying to feel that again for months. Her dark hair, draped across me didn't feel as silky smooth as it usually did, but maybe that was just because I had been without her for far too long. A strange smell was tickling my senses too, almost a vanilla and cinnamon combination. It wasn't unpleasant, but it definitely wasn't her scent. She always smelled like cherry blossoms thanks to the shampoo and lotions she used. My girl was not into perfumes at all, but damn if she didn't always smell like a million bucks anyway. “Sash, I gotta get up,” I called out to her before I opened my eyes.
“What?” A strange voice asked me, startling my eyes to an open position. Glancing around the foreign room just made the sick feeling in my stomach intensify. The room began to spin, I felt far too warm all of a sudden, and then whatever was sloshing around inside me from last night started to pitch and roll, demanding to be let loose back into the world.
“Bathroom?” I managed to squeak out as I jumped up, completely nude. The blond that had been lying on me in bed pointed to a door on my right. Luckily, she had an en-suite bathroom because I didn't have time to get my ass dressed. I hurled myself through the door and started praying to the porcelain gods.
When I came out, after cleaning myself up, Jenn was laying there with the sheets tucked up under her arms. While she gave herself some modesty this morning, she wasn't shy at all about ogling my body that was on full display. In another lifetime I would have owned that moment so hard. In this one, I had just been dreaming of holding Sasha only to wake up to an alternate reality where I don't have her anymore. This fucking sucked. “Apparently, I went too hard at the shots last night,” I moaned while holding my head as I looked around for my clothes.
“You called me Sash,” Jenn snapped indignantly.
“Look, I wasn't even awake yet. I think I'm still slightly drunk, with a massive hangover trying to steamroll its way in, and I was dreaming of my best friend from childhood. It's nothing more than that.”
“And that's all this girl was? Your best friend?”
“That's all she'll ever be,” I admitted while my gut rolled again.
“Hmm,” Jenn huffed out as she pointed across the room to my jeans.
“I don't mean to sound callous here, but I don't really remember last night, and I certainly don't remember getting here. Please, tell me I didn't drive.” Not exactly the question I wanted to ask, and by the look on her face, she knew exactly what I was getting at.
“No, you did not drive. And yes, we fooled around, but you were too piss drunk to actually do anything more than a little oral.” She smiled then. “At least that part was nice. I will give you credit there, I got off before you passed out.” Her lilting laughter actually made me feel sick again.
“Um,” okay, I was speechless. It didn't matter that two people had told me now that Sasha had moved on without me. I still felt like I had betrayed her by being here. Hell, maybe it was myself I was betraying, because I was still so very in love with that girl. If I could find a way to turn it off… Hell, I didn't know if I would even spare myself this misery. Turning it off would be impossible unless I could go back and not know the girl, and my life would have been compete shit without her in it.
“Fuck, my head is pounding.” I pulled my jeans on, found my shirt, pulled it on as well, and then started tucking my feet into my socks and shoes. “I need to get back home and check in with my mom. She's been sick, and I never told her I wasn't coming back last night.”
“Aw, that's sweet that you look after your mom,” Jenn spoke softly. “I'll give you a ride over there. Your Jeep is still parked at the bar, and you don't look like you're in any shape to drive.”
“I'm not, thanks.” I noticed the tell tale golden wrapper of a condom sticking out from under the bedding that was sliding off the bed. “Uh,” I pointed, “are you sure we didn't get up to a little more?” Her face turned a little red with the question, but she shook her head.
“No, tried and failed.” She sighed then. “I believe the term is whiskey dick. Your little guy was out of commission.” I flinched at someone calling my junk little, also at the fact that he failed to launch. While I was glad I hadn't had sex with Jenn, I was a little discouraged by the fact that for the first time in my life my dick didn't work. Jenn was laughing. “Don't worry, you're not the first guy in history to drink too much and pass out. I'm sure your ego will recover. Hell, I'll give you a second chance just based on that tongue of yours alone.”
“Great,” I sputtered out as I left the room. “I'll wait out here so you can get dressed.”
“Oh look, it's stud man.” Mara, I think her name was, called out to me as I moved into the living room-kitchen combination. “You guys kept me up past my bedtime with all your antics last night.” She snickered.
“I um, I don't think you heard what you think you did.”
“Oh, I did. Jenn was doing a lot of screaming then a lot of complaining that you couldn't get other parts to work.” The smirk on her face was one I really wished I could wipe off. If she was a guy, I would have punched her for that comment.
“Yep, well, that's what happens when you drink a lot, I guess. First time for me.”
She eyed me then, “Jenn likes you. I heard you this morning, calling out another woman's name. You did it last night too. Luckily for her, I don't think she heard you that time. Don't fuck with my friend. If you're still hung up on someone else, walk away until you get your shit straight.”
“Look, I don't mean any offense, Mara, but Jenn and I aren't in a relationship. Never even talked about it. I went out with her last night as a supposed platonic group thing. Period.”
She looked taken aback by my honesty. Then she looked over my shoulder and her features took on a grim tone. Apparently, Jenn had been standing behind me to hear that. “It's okay, Mara, he's right. We were just having fun. It's not like we sat down and had a talk about being exclusive or something.” Jenn was saying the right words, but there was a demand in them somewhere too. She wanted me, for whatever damn reason, to be with her. Exclusively. I huffed out a sigh. It was definitely time to get my ass home.
Chapter Thirteen
~Sasha~
Aug. 23 - “Do you think everyone will notice?” I asked Kristin as I stood in front of her wearing maternity jeans and a football jersey with Brad's name and number on it. “I really need to go shopping for new clothes at this point. It's not like I'm trying to hide my pregnancy. Obviously, people are going to know, and they'll be talking about it by the end of the semester anyway, but I really just wanted to stave off all the questions for as long as possible until then.”
“You look fine. The jersey was a brilliant work-around, because now you can show your school spirit, and hide your baby bump all at once.” Kristin smiled as she patted my belly gently. “How many classes do you have today?”
“I only have two this morning and then the one at night.” I pulled my messenger bag with my laptop in it up close to myself, around the front, to hide what my baggy shirt did not. “I'll be at the coffee shop in between though, pulling a short shift.”
“I don't understand why you're still working there right now when your mom released your whole trust to you.”
“I don't know, I guess because it keeps me busy. Plus, I wanted to keep putting the money I earn back into my account. I have no clue how expensive babies are, but after looking in the baby store with mom last weekend, I'm beginning to think the answer to that is
VERY.”
“Oh, are you finally going to work on getting the nursery together?” Kristin clapped her hands together excitedly. “I can't wait.”
I smiled. “This weekend, I was thinking of doing some painting. If you know of anyone…”
“Me, me, me!” She squealed. “I want to help paint Lily's room!”
“Great, well that worked out better than having to ask you for help,” I snickered.
“Crap, I'm all ready wrapped around her finger and she's not out here yet. See you later today, baby girl,” she called out to my stomach.
I spent the next few hours dodging snickers and smack talk from the mean girls on the college campus. I would have thought I could have left that petty bullshit behind in high school, but no. The number of comments about how I was overachieving while putting on the freshmen 15 was astounding. Obviously, hiding my baby bump worked, but now people were just picking up on the fact that I had indeed gained weight. I groaned through the last few minutes of my shift at the coffee shop as a couple truly heinous bitches decided to dole out some unwanted advice. “You know, just because you work here doesn't mean you need to snack on all the pastries,” one of them said.
“Seriously, just say no. You were in my Lit class last semester, and girl, if I didn't know you were all broken hearted and man-less I would think you were pregnant.” The others snickered. One even tossed out, “Damn Stace, that was kind of a low blow.”
I knew why. Stace was one of the skanks who had hooked up with Kade during fall semester, and she was trying to get him to be more with her when he finally decided he saw me as more than a friend. She was bitter. I wasn't exactly sure why, because it obviously hadn't worked out well for me either. All the years of me being Kade's best friend ticked a lot of girls off though. They always saw me as the reason he wouldn't get serious, or the reason they broke up, or whatever. If they only knew how far from the truth their thinking was. It took all those years for Kade to finally see me for more than a buddy, and when he did, he just walked away. I'd switch places with them in heartbeat so they could feel the kind of pain that came with a lifetime worth of loving someone and meaning nothing to them. It certainly trumped unrequited crush any day.
Letters to Lily (Letters to... #1) Page 12
