“Go away, both of you!” I cried.
They went out and I put my hands to my throbbing head and wept.
* * *
I FELT BETTER at Cheshunt but I was wondering all the time what was happening at Sudeley Castle where my stepmother had gone to await the birth of her child. The Admiral was with her. I wondered what he had told her about that encounter with me, how he had explained the lover-like embrace? I had no doubt that he would have done his plausible best to talk himself out of a distressing situation; but somehow I did not believe that even he would be able to do it this time.
Being Katharine Parr she would not upbraid him publicly and would doubtless try to give the impression that all was well with them. She was not going to give Anne Stanhope the chance of rejoicing in her humiliation. There was something else too. In making advances to me, Thomas was not only committing a moral offense; in view of my position his actions could be a crime against the State. Katharine would be well aware of that. She loved him truly, I believed, and whatever sins he committed she would never place him…or me for that matter…in danger.
I tried to imagine what their lives would be like at Sudeley Castle. At least, I thought, if she is thoroughly disillusioned with her husband, she has the child, and I knew how desperately she had always wanted to have a child of her own. I prayed that she would have a successful confinement and that the child would bring her that joy which Thomas and I with our reckless behavior had snatched from her.
I began to feel a little easier. I was beginning to see what a lucky escape I had had, and lying in my bed night after night I warned myself that never again must I permit myself to indulge in such folly just for the sake of temporary sensations of pleasure. I made that vow to myself then.
The sad death of my tutor William Grindal took my mind off my stepmother for a time. I had been fond of him and he had been such a good mentor to me; but to my great joy Roger Ascham begged for the post and his request was granted. He was so delighted with me. He told me that my French and Italian were as good as my English; and that if I could not converse quite as well in Greek as I could in Latin, that too would come with practice. We read all of Cicero together and a great deal of Livy, and each morning we would spend some hours studying the Greek Testament and Sophocles. I could scarcely wait to get to my books, and it was as it had been when Edward, Jane Grey and I had vied with each other over our lessons. Moreover Master Ascham had a love of music which rivaled my own so this was an additional joy. I discovered to my gratification that he said he had never known such learning in a person of my age and that it was one of the greatest pleasures he could ever know to instruct me.
So, gradually, I began to think less of what was happening to the Queen and the Admiral. Lessons with Roger Ascham, and lighter moments with my beloved Kat, helped time begin to pass tolerably well.
August was turning toward September and I was again thinking of Katharine. This was the time when the child should be born.
“We must have news soon,” I said to Kat.
I was right. A few days later we had a visitor at Cheshunt. It was a servant of the Admiral whom I remembered as Edward. I saw him coming and hurried down to the hall to hear what he had come to tell, and I knew at once from his melancholy countenance that it was not good.
“Oh Edward,” I cried. “How is my lady? What of the child?”
“The Queen gave birth to a fair daughter,” he said. “My lady Elizabeth, I have grievous news of the Queen.”
“She is dead,” I said slowly.
He nodded. “My lord is a sorrowful man.”
“Oh Edward,” I said, weeping, “not the good Queen my friend. How was it? I pray and trust she did not suffer.”
“She suffered greatly, my lady. But the child is well. We thought that my lady's joy in the child would restore her quickly to health. But seven days later… that was the end.”
I could not speak. I could only remember that the last time I had seen her, she had ordered me to leave her house. I was overcome with sorrow and remorse. Sorrow for my loss in her whom I had loved, remorse that I had given her cause for grief.
I bade the servants look after Edward and I went to my room. I pulled the curtains about my bed and lay down with a heavy heart.
* * *
SOON I HEARD the whole story from Kat. She had managed to prize it from Edward, the messenger. I was shaken with further remorse, and into my sorrow for the death of my stepmother there crept a certain uneasiness akin to fear.
“The Admiral was with her at the end,” said Kat. “He was most tender and loving and did all he could to make the Queen comfortable. And when the child was born…a girl… and you know how he wanted a boy, and indeed astrologers had all told him that he would have a boy…he showed no anger and declared that though he had prayed for a boy, now that he had this girl she was exactly what he had wanted. The Queen was grievously ill, but it was thought that now she had her child she would get better quickly. But she did not. She wandered in her mind. Lady Tyrwhit was with her and she saw and heard it all. The Queen seemed to have lost her love for the Admiral and she cried out to Lady Tyrwhit, ‘I am most unhappy because those whom I have loved love me not. They mock at me. They laugh at my love. They wait for my death so that they may be with others. The more good I do to them, the less good they do to me.'”
I shivered. “Did she really say that to Lady Tyrwhit?”
“She did indeed, my lady. There were witnesses. The Admiral was quite put out and said she wandered in her mind. He sat on the bed beside her but she shrank from him as though she feared he might do her some harm. ‘I shall die,’ said the Queen. ‘I have no wish to live.’ The Admiral talked of their child, but she turned away from him.”
“I do not believe this, Kat,” I said. “She loved him dearly.”
“That was before…”
“Be silent, Kat.”
“Yes, my lady,” said Kat meekly.
After a while she went on: “My lady, should you not write a letter of condolence to my lord Admiral?”
“Do you think he needs condolence, Kat?”
“It is the custom and it would show correctness.”
I could not shut out of my mind the thought of him as he had looked at me in the chamber. And his wife Katharine had seen that! What had those weeks been like while she waited for the birth of her child, the child of her faithless husband? Condolence? How much had he ever really cared for Katharine Parr?
“No,” I said firmly. “I will write no letter of condolence because I do not think he needs it.”
“I shall write to him then,” she said and waited for me to forbid it; but I did not. Let her write or what she wished.
She did and I allowed the letter to be sent.
* * *
THE WEEKS PASSED. Rumor abounded and it chiefly concerned the Admiral and myself.
It was widely believed that now his wife was dead, the Admiral would marry me. I was not at all sure how I felt about that. If the Council gave their consent, perhaps there would be no reason why the marriage should not take place. Sometimes I was rather inclined to romanticize about that prospect. On the other hand, I drew back; I had no desire to be dominated by a man. I preferred those little skirmishes, those approaches and timely retreats. It seemed to me that while they persisted, it was the woman who was in control; it was she who said no. Once she had said yes, it would appear that she gave up her power and submitted. Look at my dear stepmother who had given her heart so freely. It was a battle between the sexes, and I was beginning to realize that I was of a nature which preferred conquest to being conquered.
And yet… the Admiral was a very exciting man.
If only I were a little older. Fifteen is really very young, and a knowledge of Greek and Latin does not help one to solve the problems which arise between a man and a woman.
Kat was excited.
“He keeps on the Queen's household,” she whispered. “Perhaps he wishes to have that ready and wait
ing for his new bride.”
“Methinks she would want to choose her own,” I said curtly.
“Oh yes…in time, but just at first…”
“You talk as though a new marriage is imminent.”
“Who shall say?” said Kat dreamily.
I knew that she and Parry gossiped constantly. Mr Ashley tried to curb his wife's chatter, but who could stop Kat? If I could not, no one could.
Parry even had the temerity to ask me whether, if the Council approved, I would marry the Admiral.
I hesitated for a second or two. I knew I must speak with caution even in my own household, so I said: “When the time comes to pass, I shall do as God shall put into my mind.”
“The Admiral will surely ask for you, my lady,” went on Parry. “I know that the matter is on his mind for he has spoken to me, as your cofferer, of your estate and possessions and the number of persons you keep in your household and of their cost to you.”
“He seems to take a great account of these matters,” I said coldly.
“He does indeed, my lady, and he is pleased that you are to have three thousand pounds a year as arranged in your father's estate. He asked so many questions about your lands and whether they were on lease or whether you had them for the term of your life that he must indeed be serious. I told him that these were matters beyond my knowledge.”
I was silent. The Admiral is a rogue, I thought. But I had always known that. Had I not seen him with my stepmother? And I knew what his plans were for me.
I would be wise to have nothing to do with the man.
“There is one other matter, my lady,” went on Parry. “The Admiral has asked me to suggest to you that you write a letter to his brother's wife. She has a great influence with her husband, and the Admiral thinks it would be an excellent idea if you sought her friendship. He has it in mind that you might be successful in persuading her—and through her, her husband—that you have a great eagerness for a marriage with the Admiral.”
“I do not believe he said that, Parry,” I said angrily.
“By my faith he did, Madam.”
“Then,” I retorted with indignation, “you may tell him that I will do no such thing.”
I dismissed him, feeling very uneasy. I wondered how much he knew of what had happened. That Kat Ashley was very well informed I had no doubt, and of course she could never stop her tongue wagging.
* * *
I SENT FOR HER.
“What have you told Parry?” I demanded. “Do you often speak of me?”
“My lady, he was in the household. He would have seen much for himself.”
I gripped her arm so hard that she winced. “But you have tattled,” I said. “You have told him, have you not, why we left the Queen's household so hurriedly?”
“Well, my lady, he asked so many questions…”
“And you told him! That was traitorous to me.”
“My lady, he would never tell. I made him swear secrecy and he said that if he were torn asunder by wild horses, he would never tell a soul.”
I dropped her arm, but my fear deepened. “There are times,” I said, “when I am uneasy about the Admiral. And all to do with him.”
“No need to be, my lady. He is a lovely gentleman. Parry and I agree that there is no other man in the world we would want for you.”
I was very unsure. The handsome gentleman did not have the same charm for me when he was absent. Then I could see all manner of dangers arising from my association with him. And as he seemed as equally interested in my possessions as in myself, I had no doubt that these possessions included a possible crown of England. I knew I had to tread very warily.
DURING THE NEXT WEEKS I was to realize as I never had before how many awesome dangers lie in wait for those who have a claim, however slim, to the crown.
* * *
It was a cold day in January when I was at Hatfield that I heard Thomas Seymour had been arrested. I retired to my room; I could not stop shivering and my head was aching so violently that I had to lie down. Kat came to me and lay on the bed with me and we talked of the Admiral.
Kat said: “It is that brother of his. He was always jealous because the Admiral is so much more handsome and popular.”
I answered: “Methinks the Admiral is not without envy of his brother either. But watch your tattle, Kat. It can be dangerous now… more so than ever.”
I think even Kat realized that.
We learned what charges had been brought against him. Indeed he had played a very reckless game. I knew he had always wanted to get command of the King and to marry him to Jane Grey, who would be as meek as young Edward; they would have been perfect puppets in the hands of Thomas Seymour who longed to govern the realm.
But one does not govern a country with good looks, fair words and jaunty manners. One needs subtlety and judgment, and it seemed to me that Thomas had neither of these very necessary qualities.
He had made an enemy of his own brother who, as Protector of the Realm, was the most powerful man in the country. He had resented the fact that his brother Somerset should have power over the King simply because he was the elder uncle when he, Thomas, was the King's favorite.
We heard that he had sought to turn the King against Somerset. Edward had been kept short of money and Thomas had supplied him with some. Somerset had laid down a stern rule in Edward's household because he thought it necessary for the upbringing of this important boy. Thomas had visited him, condoled with him and, most foolishly and recklessly, had discussed with him the possibility of ridding themselves of Somerset—killing him, if necessary, it was reported—so that Edward could be a real king with Uncle Thomas beside him to help him rule.
Somerset had some time before quarreled with his brother over the marriage to Katharine Parr, and when Katharine died the matter of her jewels was revived. They belonged to the Crown, said Somerset; but Thomas would not relinquish them.
Thomas had believed—as he had shown in his domestic life—that his charm would always extricate him from difficult situations. He always kept several irons in the fire—to see which way to jump. He could control Edward—or he could marry me. Therefore he was quite ready to take on his powerful brother. He started to gather a group of friends who saw an advantage in overthrowing Somerset and setting up Thomas in his place. He boasted that he would create “the blackest parliament that ever was in England,” words which were overheard and repeated to Somerset and the Council. He began to collect arms at Sudeley Castle. He had become involved with Sir William Sharington, who was the Vice Treasurer and Master of the Bristol Mint. Sharington was later found to have brought about a tremendous fraud by buying church plate and turning it into coins with two-thirds alloy, and in addition he had falsified the records of the Mint, which had enabled him to rob the Crown of some four thousand pounds. The Admiral had discovered this, but instead of bringing Sharington to justice, he had blackmailed him into continuing the fraud—and giving the greater part of the profit to Thomas to help raise an army of mercenaries.
Sharington, however, while feigning to accept these terms, went to Somerset and confessed what he had done and what the Admiral was forcing him to do. Sharington was pardoned. He had given the Protector what he needed—that evidence which would allow him to arrest his brother as a traitor.
So Thomas Seymour, my would-be lover, was in the Tower.
I thought about him a good deal, and there was a terrible misgiving in my heart. I was old enough to realize that because it was known that he wished to marry me, and because of my position in line to the throne, I could be drawn into this.
* * *
I HAD BEEN RIDING in the woods, my thoughts still with Thomas Seymour. I wondered whether the Protector would stand by and see his brother condemned to death. After all there was a blood tie between them. Did men, for ambition's sake, forget those early days when they had played together in the same nursery?
My brother Edward had told the Council that Thomas had indeed brib
ed him with money, and he admitted to the conversations they had had about the Lord Protector. I wondered at Edward. He was such a calm, serious boy, and I thought he had loved Thomas. How could he have betrayed him—and without a show of reluctance? I did not understand my brother. In the nursery days he had seemed so loyal. Yet it was true that Thomas had used and exploited him. It was long since I had been close to my brother. They had taken him away and made a king of him. A boy king vulnerable to the wiles of these shrewd Seymours as I was beginning to characterize them.
When I reached Hatfield House, a quietness seemed to prevail. The grooms took my horses and I went into the house. A strange man and woman came to greet me. The man bowed; the woman curtsied, while I looked askance from one to the other.
“My lady,” said the man, “I must tell you that I am Sir Robert Tyrwhit, and this is my wife. We have been sent by the Lord Protector to have charge of your household.”
“I…do not understand.”
“There have been changes,” he said.
“Changes! Without consulting me?”
“Yes, my lady.”
“I shall want some explanations.”
“Your servants John and Katharine Ashley with Thomas Parry have left Hatfield.”
“Left! But they were here—”
“They left on our arrival.”
“They left! Without my permission! This is my household. I give orders here.”
“No, my lady. I have orders from the Protector and the Council. My lady will take the place of Mistress Ashley.”
“Where is Kat Ashley?”
“My lady, she is on her way to the Tower of London for interrogation.”
The hall seemed to swim around me. My head was pounding and I could feel one of my dreadful headaches coming on.
He went on: “Her husband and your cofferer Parry are with her. They are to be questioned too.”
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