We made our way through town, trashing everything in sight. When we got near my house, I split from my group, supposedly to destroy a dark alley I said had been asking for it. I hid in the alley until the future fighters got tired of waiting for me and moved on, then I headed for home.
A few streets from my house, the Mayor and the Police Commissioner spotted me and came running towards me, yelling at me to get to work and stop this invasion. The way they had it figured out, I still owed the city four and a half days work. And they expected me to live up to my obligations. Before I could give them and the horse they rode in on my answer, they disappeared down the gullet of a future fighter. So I guess they have more important things to worry about now than my contract. Digestive juices, and so on.
I was relieved to find that my house hadn’t been damaged so far. The scary footprints all over the floors made it plain that the future fighters had been there, but nothing had been disturbed. The place had always looked trashed, so anybody looking to destroy something would think somebody had already been there and beaten them to it and move on to the next house.
Several times that evening I heard future fighters approach the house, look in the door, then grunt and leave, as I sat there reading my smelly newspaper in my own filth. Okay, so I ain’t neat. But at least nobody bothered my place.
The city fathers didn’t know what to do to stop the invasion. They tried raising their own salaries, but that didn’t do any good. They tried it again. Still no luck. At that point they just raised their salaries a couple more times and fled. The police weren’t any help either. They refused to come out of their police stations. Wouldn’t even answer their phone. So nobody in authority was doing anything to stop the carnage.
I suppose you’re waiting for me to fix all this – make it so everything is back the way it was before. I know my mother is. But it isn’t going to happen.
I tried to figure out a way to do it. For awhile I assumed The Time Nozzle would eventually pop the future fighters back to the future, and I could take credit for it, maybe run for office on the strength of it, but then I remembered wrecking the 2265 end of the tunnel. And the future fighters had wrecked the end located in this time period. So I don’t think we can expect any help from The Time Nozzle on this one.
And I don’t think there’s anything The Flying Detective can do. This doesn’t look like a job for him. I don’t have my costume anymore, anyway. The last time I saw it, one of the future fighters was parading around town in it.
I ran into the Devil a couple of days ago, when we both happened to be downtown leaning up against lamp posts. He said he could fix everything up for me just like it was before. The world would be saved and I would be everyone’s hero. But I decided against it. He wanted a little too much in return. He wanted my soul and the highest I would go was my personality. He didn’t want that. So we didn’t have a deal.
So I’m out of ideas. Maybe the whole thing will blow over someday. Most things do. Let’s hope so, anyway. Oh, and sorry. Sorry, everyone.
One last thing before I go. During my travels through time I showed up briefly in 2266 and 2264 and there was a universe in both time periods. Just not one in 2265. If I knew more about how these things worked I’d let you know, but as near as I can figure, when December 31st, 2264 rolls around, we’re all going to have to jump.
BOOKS BY JOHN SWARTZWELDER
THE TIME MACHINE DID IT (2004)
DOUBLE WONDERFUL (2005)
HOW I CONQUERED YOUR PLANET (2006)
THE EXPLODING DETECTIVE (2007)
DEAD MEN SCARE ME STUPID (2008)
EARTH VS. EVERYBODY (2009)
THE LAST DETECTIVE ALIVE (2010)
THE FIFTY FOOT DETECTIVE (2011)
Copyright © 2007
by John Swartzwelder
Published by:
Kennydale Books
P.O. Box 3925
Chatsworth, California 91313-3925
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
First Printing February, 2007
ISBN 13 (paperback edition) 978-0-9755799-6-1
ISBN 13 (hardback edition) 978-0-9755799-7-8
ISBN 10 (paperback edition) 0-9755799-6-7
ISBN 10 (hardback edition) 0-9755799-7-5
Library of Congress Control Number: 2007900417
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Printed in the United States of America
THE EXPLODING DETECTIVE
John Swartzwelder
Kennydale Books.
Chatsworth, California
Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
BOOKS BY JOHN SWARTZWELDER
The Exploding Detective Page 11
