by Liz Lawler
After he left the room, Tess was unable to move a muscle. The situation had lasted no more than a minute, yet her energy was gone, as if she’d climbed a high mountain. His strange behaviour had completely wiped her out. Did he think she’d damage them? They were just an old pair of curtains. She was going to suggest they buy new ones, but was staving off asking him to spend more money as he must have already spent a fortune. A troubling thought crossed her mind. Had their new home cost him too much? It was a millionaire’s house so how had he afforded it, unless he was paying for it with an astronomical mortgage? If this was the problem he had every right to be a bit unbalanced.
Concern for him now overrode her qualms about his lack of intimacy towards her. He could be facing financial ruin for all she knew. The last thing on his mind would be his performance as a lover. If the cause was a financial predicament she would help fix it. They could sell this house and go back to London. She would work double shifts for the next year if need be.
By doing nothing, saying nothing, her deepest fear of all was she would lose him. Because something was definitely troubling her husband and she had to put that right.
Chapter Nine
He slept deeply the entire night. She knew this because she lay awake all night beside him, listening to his breathing, and taking comfort in knowing he was resting. They’d spent a pleasant weekend with him in his study catching up on paperwork and her occupying herself with cleaning and reading. Both evenings they went to bed early, but she’d slept poorly since Friday night. He made no further reference to the curtains once they were back up and in fact behaved beautifully following that bizarre episode.
After putting them back up she’d gone to find him to see how he was, and was greeted with a nice surprise. He’d nipped out to get their dinner while she was working and had it set out on trays. Fish and chips, a rare treat for them that they hadn’t had in a while, with a dollop of tomato sauce for her on the side. Seeing that small added thoughtfulness had swelled her emotions. They’d sat side by side on the sofa with trays on their laps like they used to in London, enjoying simple pleasures and him attentive to what she liked.
He put on an old black-and-white movie and this too nearly made her cry. Not long into their relationship he’d found out she loved them. She’d shared a secret, of how as a child she’d mastered how to unlock this great big metal cabinet and taken black-and-white films from it to watch in secret at night. Then afterwards she’d put them back and relock the cabinet with no one being any the wiser. After telling him the story he’d gone quiet and had asked her why she’d had to do it in secret. She’d told him about her upbringing in a children’s home but not about the rules.
He stirred in the bed, turning onto his side, and gave her a sleepy smile. ‘Big day for you, Mrs Myers.’
She felt a huge relief. He’d remembered she was starting her job today.
‘Miss Morris to you, if you don’t mind,’ she answered back mock-snootily.
He kissed the tip of her nose. ‘OK, Miss Morris. Just so long as Miss Morris doesn’t forget she’s married. That she’s a Mrs and not a Miss. I take it you’re driving in with me, then?’
She shook her head. ‘No, I’m taking the bus. I don’t have to start till ten. They’re giving me some induction days so it’s more like office hours.’
He stretched fully before climbing out of bed. ‘In that case, while I get ready, a cup of coffee made by you would be very nice indeed.’
She smiled at him, not trusting herself to speak. Her beautiful man was back. Overnight the person masquerading as him had gone away, and under the cover of blankets she crossed two fingers for him to stay away.
Lying there under the covers she watched as he walked over to the window to pull back the curtains and then get his dressing gown hanging on the back of the door. He looked back at her and did a hands-on-hips pose, trying to look stern but let down by his amused face.
‘Are you going to just lie there?’ he quipped. ‘That coffee won’t get made by itself, you know. Chop chop.’
She grinned at him, and then hoping she wouldn’t ruin this moment she said, ‘Can I ask you something a bit odd without you getting annoyed with me?’
‘You can ask,’ he said lightly. ‘But if it’s to make the coffee instead of you, then the answer is no!’
‘It’s not.’ She smiled. ‘The thing I want to ask you is this. You know all this furniture and stuff we have – did you have to pay an awful lot of money for it? Only I’d hate to think buying all of this, as well as the house for us, has put you under any financial pressure?’
She held her breath as he stared at her from across the room, and then felt her heart sing at his beautiful smile.
‘You are a funny one to come out with something like that,’ he said, sounding very amused. He sighed and shook his head at her, turning it slowly one way and the other, as if not knowing what to do with her. ‘If I’m short of a bob or two, Miss Morris, I’ll be sure to let you know, OK?’
‘OK,’ she mumbled sheepishly, waiting for him to be gone from the room before she smiled fully to herself. She felt gloriously full of energy as if she’d slept all night instead of none of it. He had given her a lovely start to the day, and the confidence to believe it was a new beginning. He’d implied they’d got off to a wrong start and said things needed to change. This change he was wanting could come by way of her working. Providing them both with a new outlook. Their lives would still be different than in London, where they were in a world of their own as new lovers, where work and normal things like washing and ironing and putting out bins was not part of it. They could have a new lifestyle here and build a home that people would love to visit. They could entertain new friends and become part of a wider community.
Thinking back to how they were, Tess could see now that the complex part of loving him hadn’t presented itself. They hadn’t uncovered enough layers to know one another well enough before taking the leap. She loved him as much as she did then, but would like to know more about him, instead of thinking sometimes she knew very little. It was September and she’d met him in February. This time last year they were still strangers and would have remained that way if there had been milk and bread and loo roll in the flat that day.
She’d almost decided not to go to the lecture when she looked out of the window and saw the weather. It was no milk, no bread and running short on loo roll that had her put on her warmest coat. She’d decided to go to the lecture and get provisions on her way home. That all changed when she heard him speak, when he made her toes curl.
The surprise was that neither of them had been aware of the other one working at the same hospital. While both worked in the same theatres, they’d never been in them at the same time. Tess had never assisted him as a scrub nurse during an operation. She’d heard of him, of course, but not once in the two years he was there had she spoken to him.
Their first date was arranged by him after that whisper in her ear. He wanted to meet her just two hours later to go for a walk and talk. They’d braved a quick walk through Hyde Park in the bitter cold and he’d held her hand in his coat pocket to get it warm, but they hadn’t talked as her teeth were chattering too much. They made love that same day, almost through the night, and she’d never felt closer to anyone. In the morning he asked how old she was and what was her surname and then from February to May they spent every moment they could together. They ventured out to pubs and bistros, museums and galleries, but cut visits short in their eagerness to get back home to bed. Sara was right about that, they were always in bed, though shagging wasn’t the word Tess would have used. She would have said, loving one another.
In May when he proposed, she imagined months of planning her wedding. He picked July, as why wait longer when they could just get on with being married, as nothing would change how he felt by having it later. So why wait? Tess wondered if his rush to be married had something to do with him getting a new job. That it was already on the cards then, and he
hadn’t wanted to lose her.
August brought her to this house. It put her at the beginning of a new life. Then September gave her a few surprises. She was no different to other brides, she supposed, she just needed to uncover more layers than most to know her new husband. Some layers she might not always like, but so long as she communicated this he would know. The same way he communicated he wanted different standards. She’d listened and not greeted him in pyjamas again. More layers, more knowing, was what marriage was about. And more tolerance too. Not every day could be lived happily ever after. They had to allow for blue days too.
Chapter Ten
Compared to St Mary’s in London, with its arches and gold lettering and busy red-brick walls dusted by London traffic, Bath Hospital, despite the busyness of its nature, was an oasis of calm. With cool colours of cream and sand and soft green buildings.
Tess breathed in the fresh air and stared at the wide blue sky, and was glad for the first time that they had moved to this city. She was smiling without realising until an old man in a wheelchair passed by.
‘Someone be happy,’ he commented.
She grinned. ‘Just starting here today.’
He saluted the side of the soft-cloth cap on his head. ‘Where’s ’ee to, then?’ he asked curiously, in a Somerset accent. ‘Heart ward?’
‘Theatre, where all the operations get done,’ she replied, in a solemn teasing way.
‘The blood-an’-guts place, then,’ he grimaced, before wheeling smartly away. His voice reminded her of Sara’s warning that she wouldn’t answer if Tess started talking like Pam Ayres. Tess had tried telling her Pam Ayres wasn’t from Somerset, but it fell on deaf ears.
It would be funny if it was Sara who picked up an accent and came back speaking like an Aussie. Sara loved letting people know she was a Londoner, usually while travelling on a tube after a night out, usually drunk, and usually for the benefit of some poor tourist. Without warning, she’d call out in the loudest voice ever, ‘Get the London Look’, the one-time popular thing to say by females after putting on their lipstick, as they posed, hand on hip, practising a catwalk, keeping alive the old Rimmel strapline even though their new slogan ‘Live the London Look’ was more suited to what she was saying. Sara was expressing a sense of what London gave to her – a boldness – as if dressing in bright colours and having crazy blonde hair wasn’t enough to already stand her out as having attitude.
Tess stopped reminiscing and stepped inside the main entrance of the hospital. The dome-shaped atrium with glass ceiling was home to an open-plan café, a shop, and a reception area. This was the hub. From here all wards, offices, and departments could be reached through a maze of endless corridors. She’d walked miles on her tour of the place at her interview.
Activity in the atrium was constant, people passing through the concourse to their various destinations. Some strode purposely, confident of where they were heading. Some took it more leisurely as they had a drip stand to consider, a catheter bag to remember – patients off the wards let out to roam half-dressed with bare legs and bare feet shoved into shoes. Invisible to those sat at the tables, the doctors, the nurses, the carers, having quick breaks, quick teas and breathers – a moment for them to be anonymous.
Tess breathed it all in – the noisiness, the busyness, the vividness – and felt a liveliness fire up inside her. It was a good feeling and confirmed for her she’d made the right decision to go back to work.
On the first floor a network of interlocking corridors all looked similar, but Tess knew where to go – she remembered from her previous visit.
She was approaching the end of the corridor when she saw the closed windowless doors set back a bit. Above them was the name of the department – Main Theatres. Deciding this was a good time to check on her appearance she fetched a compact mirror out of her bag. She checked hair, face and teeth.
She realised she was not alone. Turning her head she saw a man in blue scrubs. He was standing still observing her, and she blushed at being caught out. He had very fair hair and looked young, possibly early twenties. He was enjoying himself from the amused look he was giving. She snapped the compact closed and put it away.
‘Whoever he is, he’ll think he’s a lucky guy,’ he declared with a cheeky grin.
She stared at him and gave a small dismissive shake of her head, before turning her back on him – a brush-off to let him know she wasn’t interested. Then she proceeded to the doors ahead. A second later he was standing beside her, swiping his ID card. The door buzzed to unlock, and he pulled it open. He looked at her curiously, his eyes smiling, a little flirty as she stayed out in the corridor.
‘Were you coming in here, or were you following me? Or do you prefer corridors, I wonder?’
She gave a tiny huff, wondering whether to allow the doors to shut again so that she could present herself without him. Deciding it would be churlish she stepped into the department.
‘I’m here to see Stella Malloy,’ she replied.
‘Well, I’ll let her know you’re here, then, shall I?’ he said with exaggerated kindness in a sing-song sort of voice, as if she were a cranky old lady. ‘Shall I tell her your name, or is that something you’d rather not give me?’
Tess’s attempt to ignore him was proving difficult. Her clamped lips were holding back a smile. Aside from him being a little flirty he seemed very funny, and he was trying to help. And she was aware she could be working with this man today.
‘Please, could you tell her Tess Morris is here to see her?’
Saying her maiden name came naturally to her. It wasn’t that long ago she was using it all the time, and until she notified the Nursing and Midwifery Council of her married name she was legally obliged to use the name on the NMC register. She’d made Human Resources aware of that so it was all above board, so she hoped Daniel hadn’t thought she was joking about her being called Tess Morris.
He led the way through a second set of doors to a reception area, pointing out some seats where she could sit while he disappeared through more closed doors to fetch Stella. Tess smiled politely at the receptionist behind a curved desk, who’d looked at her briefly before focusing her eyes back on a screen. She stayed standing and straightened her jacket, one of the ones Daniel bought, which she’d jazzed up by wearing it with a pair of more flattering trousers than the ones he’d chosen, finding after trying them on they made her slim hips look wider than they were. Something to do with the pleats at the front probably, and the fact she was only five foot three, and not tall and leggy enough for them. A round-neck cream T-shirt beneath the jacket made it look less fussy.
Alerted by the doors opening, she cleared her mind of her personal concerns and waited. The man was back, accompanied by a woman in her late forties, wearing the same colour scrubs and a pink theatre cap.
‘Tess, so lovely to see you again,’ Stella exclaimed, giving Tess a warm feeling of welcome. ‘Did you find your way here OK? It’s like a labyrinth out there. It was so much easier to find one’s way around when departments and wards were just called by a name and didn’t have letters and numbers added to them. I get lost for days when I step out of this department. It’s a wonder any patient gets a visitor, their relatives get so lost sometimes.’
Tess lightly laughed. Liking Stella straight away, remembering her being nice at the interview. She liked the woman’s soft Irish accent as well, the lilt in her voice.
‘The instructions you sent me were perfect, especially the tip on what bus to catch. So thank you.’
‘Well, that’s good. The number four will get you straight here, whereas some buses will take you all around the houses.’
‘I wouldn’t mind that on another day,’ Tess said. ‘To get to know the area better. I still can’t get over how much countryside there is around here. It feels very green and airy after London.’
‘London?’ the man commented curiously, having been standing there silent.
Stella glanced at him. ‘Sorry, Cameron,
I should have introduced you.’
He stepped forward and extended his hand to Tess. ‘Cameron Gould. Lovely to meet you, Tess. I’m new here too, ST1 general surgery. But not new to Bath – I was born here.’
‘You’re not new anymore, Cameron,’ Stella remarked, scrutinising him with a wily amused look on her face. ‘You stopped making tea for everyone a while back.’
Tess was surprised. His position meant he must be older than she’d thought. If he was an ST1 he was already a doctor in first year of Speciality Training. Nearer to late twenties. His blond hair and boyish features made him look younger.
‘Nice to meet you, Dr Gould.’
‘Please, feel free to call me Cameron. And if you’d like a tour of the hospital grounds give me a shout later. I’m in theatre three all day.’
Smiling at them both, he disappeared through the swing doors and Stella glanced at Tess in a knowing way. ‘Bless his little cotton socks for trying. I didn’t think the poor man was going to leave us.’
Tess felt a slight awkwardness and hoped Stella hadn’t thought she’d encouraged Cameron. ‘I think he was just being friendly.’
‘He was,’ Stella replied, before changing the subject. ‘Come on, I’ll take you through to the changing rooms, get you sorted with your locker and where we keep scrubs and then give you a tour of the place. You’re with me all day, so ask as many questions as you want.’
Tess said she would, and kept pace with Stella while her eyes clocked everything she passed. She shivered a little with first-day nerves, telling herself that in a few days everything would seem less new. She would be familiar with these surroundings and be part of this place, just like she had been back in her old job in London. It was only now dawning on her she was never going back there. It had been like her second home for the last eleven years, three as student and eight as qualified. She had gone without any fanfare or a party, with hardly even a goodbye. Which said something about her. She’d been too much of a loner having only one friend. She now had a chance to change that. It would be good for her to make new friends, good for Daniel too so as not to be solely reliant on him for companionship. He had a busy life already without having a clingy wife adding to it. Otherwise he might get bored or feel suffocated. Independent. That would be the new her. An independent woman he was proud of.
