Alien in the House

by Gini Koch

“King Alexander’s your friend. I’d count Councilor Leonidas, too. And I can promise the other dudes we know from the Alpha Centauri system like you, too.”

  “Fine, but without ACE we can’t contact them, so I can’t mention them, or what we actually want kept secret will quickly be all over the news and give our enemies free rein to try whatever they want.”

  “Surely you have more options than this. I mean, what about Brian?”

  “Really? Your ex who’s now married to Serene? The guy who hated me all through high school? Why don’t we see if we can bring Antony Marling back from the dead and have him in the wedding party, too?”

  “Airborne always stands ready. The flyboys live to be in wedding parties, and I’m sure Tim, as the Head of Airborne, would love to be involved.”

  “I don’t know that I’d go with the term ‘love’ for any of this,” Chuckie said dryly. “But I suppose they’re options. But none of them are best man material.”

  “Seriously, I’m in the room,” Jeff said, now adding annoyed onto the hurt in his tone. “I think, after all we’ve been through together, I count in the friend department.”

  Chuckie put his poker face on, but I knew him well, and I could tell he was shocked by this. I couldn’t blame him. “Dude, I realize the Martini-Reynolds Bromance only officially started during Operation Destruction, but Jeff’s right. You have more friends than you realize.”

  “You want Goodman as your best man, don’t you?” Jeff asked, and I could hear disappointment, hidden, but there.

  Chuckie shook his head. “Based on the political reactions to everything we want to do, I’m worried that if I ask Cliff to be involved in any way that I’ll then be forced to have other politicians involved. Standing up with Cliff is one thing. Having some of my worst enemies in my wedding party is another.”

  “What does Cliff think about that?”

  “He’s disappointed, but he’s clear on all the myriad political ramifications.”

  Jeff cocked his head. “Then it’s decided. You’ll have American Centaurion and Centaurion Division personnel with you. You know, the ones you can trust, even when they don’t like you right away. Right, Kitty?”

  “Um . . .” I had no idea why Jeff was tossing this one to me.

  “I mean, it would make sense for someone high up in Centaurion to be the best man. And since we can’t ask Alexander to come over from Alpha Four, one of us here will have to do.” Jeff had what I’d come to think of as his Happy Diplomat smile going strong.

  “Um . . .”

  “And, since the world is watching, perhaps one of the highest ranking A-Cs would be the right choice, right, baby?” Jeff was clearly trying to lead the witness, but I was clueless as to where he was going with this.

  Chuckie started to laugh. “Wow. I never thought I’d live to see the day. But, yeah, Jeff, if you’d be willing and it’s not against some A-C custom, it’d be great if you’d be my best man.”

  “Now see?” Jeff asked, clearly pleased beyond belief. “Was that so hard?”

  It was rare when I was rendered speechless, but, as with the Ballroom being turned into Planet Pink, this had managed it. Speechless twice in one day. Had to be a record.

  “Kitty, you okay with that?” Chuckie asked me.

  Managed to recover. “I’m still in shock and wondering when the calm, pod-people parasites landed on the two of you, but I’m happy with the outcome. So, yes, absolutely, great choice.”

  “Good. Of course, tomorrow, this could all change,” Chuckie reminded us as we left the room, heading back toward the front door.

  “No worries. We’ll just call it Musical Wedding Chairs until the actual minute the ceremony starts.”

  “Oh,” Reader said as he and the others came up from the basement level. “You’re talking about the wedding party situation. Yeah, it’s a nightmare. Paul won’t even discuss it with me, he’s so frustrated.”

  Chuckie shrugged. “It is what it is.”

  “It’s keeping people calm and focused on positives,” Cliff said. “So, all the pain will be worth it.”

  “If, you know, anyone ever lets Chuckie and Naomi actually tie the knot and consummate the marriage. Jeff, you and Chuckie get to join everyone else on the rest of the tour. I’m going to get Jamie taken care of.”

  Jeff looked like he was going to argue. Pierre cleared his throat. “We are looking to ensure all’s in readiness for the event tonight.”

  Jeff sighed and nodded. “Good point. If I’m not upstairs by then, call me when it’s time for her to leave for the sitter, baby.”

  I leaned up and kissed his cheek. “You got it.”

  The men headed off into the kitchen. I was about to head upstairs when there was a knock at the front door. Pierre was busy and I was right here, so saw no need to keep whoever waiting. Besides, it might be the UPS man—he’d been delivering a lot of packages, most of them for Jamie, and we were all on a first name basis with him by now. And because the doorbell was the loudest on Embassy Row, out of kindness to us and their own eardrums, our delivery folks tended to knock first and only ring the bell if the door didn’t get answered right away.

  Sure enough, a familiar man in the brown UPS uniform was standing there when I opened the door. “Hi Ted, what do you have for us today?”

  He smiled. “You mean, what do I have for you again. Found a package I missed earlier today.” He held out a small box. “Sorry about that. Been happening a lot today. I’ve pretty much done my route twice.”

  “Oh, bummer for you, but cool for us, so thanks!” Took the box and was about to look at it when something caught my eye. From where our front door was, I could easily see our street and a good part of Sheridan Circle. Sure it was the part with a lot of foliage, but it was quite visible.

  My enhancement had improved my vision, so I was able to spot what I probably wouldn’t have before Jamie was born—there was a man standing among the trees.

  Being someone now very used to having enemies attack at all times, I didn’t dismiss this. I took a better look, though I made sure I wasn’t staring straight at the guy in the trees. From the corner of my eye, the lurker looked familiar.

  In point of fact, he looked like someone I was pretty sure was dead.

  My eyes could easily be deceiving me, but if they weren’t, Clarence Valentino, A-C Traitor at Large and presumed deader, was hanging out in the bushes across the street.

  CHAPTER 6

  THE MAN IN THE CIRCLE who might be Clarence returned from the dead hadn’t caught me looking, at least I figured he hadn’t because he hadn’t disappeared. Wanted to be sure of what I was seeing before I alerted anyone, so I needed a better look.

  I smiled at Ted. “So, you think we should search your truck, in case anything else for us turns up?”

  He laughed. “You can come take a look if you want. My route’s almost done. Again.”

  We chuckled together and I went down the walk with him to his truck. I didn’t care if we had ten more packages Ted had missed or nothing at all left in his van. This angle meant I’d have a clear enough look to be able to tell if I was seeing things or not.

  Ted took me to the back of his truck and opened the doors. “Not much left, but I’ll triple check it if you want.”

  “Sure, if you have the time.” I lounged against the back of the truck, so that I could look around while seeming to be not paying attention. While Ted rummaged, I observed.

  It was hard to be sure if the man in the foliage was actually someone I knew and not just some random lurker. But considering one of the last times I’d seen Clarence had been when he was trying to lure the Gower girls into the trees by the Lincoln Memorial, I felt I was on the right track.

  “I don’t see anything else for you,” Ted announced.

  Turned to look inside the truck. It was in a decent state of disarray. “How do you find anything in here?”

  “Normally? No problem. Today I must have turned a corner too fast or driven over a bump I didn’t
notice, because about midday I get to a stop and bam, all my packages are on the floor or on top of each other.”

  Our UPS man didn’t normally get involved in high speed car chases, and there was no way he could have gone over a bump big enough to toss everything on the floor without his knowing. Ted might be lying, but I doubted it. An A-C moving at hyperspeed would be invisible to the naked human eye, and I had a good bet an A-C had done this. A specific A-C, in fact. The one hiding at the Circle.

  Why was the big question. I didn’t have a good answer. Yet.

  Said good-bye to Ted and watched him drive off. No sign of anyone chasing him at hyperspeed. Of course, if this was Clarence, he was enhanced. Which might be how he’d survived.

  Turned to face the Circle. This time, whoever it was seemed aware I was looking at him. He disappeared.

  I didn’t stop to ponder—I took off running. At hyperspeed.

  Christopher had been working with me a lot on control, so I didn’t slam my face into a tree. I reached the edge of the Circle and stopped. Then I trotted around at human level. I was quite proud of myself. Pity no one was around to see and rate this performance.

  “What the hell are you doing, Missus Chief?”

  Okay, someone was around. Point of fact, it was Malcolm Buchanan, aka the P.T.C.U. operative assigned by my mother to be my permanent shadow. Couldn’t complain—Buchanan had saved my life more than once already. He was also a big, tall, good-looking, muscular guy with deep blue eyes and brown hair. I never complained about that, either.

  “Hey, Malcolm, I thought I saw—” Clarence, and I saw him again, about a block away. I wasn’t dressed for dinner, so I was in my usual jeans, today’s concert shirt featuring Van Halen, and my Converse. I was good to go.

  I could grab Buchanan and take him with me, but hyperspeed was hard as hell on humans and even though I felt Buchanan possessed Dr. Strange powers, he wasn’t going to be up to a lot of hyperspeeding.

  Took off and decided I’d beg forgiveness later.

  Clarence saw me coming and he ran off as well. I wasn’t too far away, and was able to keep the distance apart fairly close. This meant Clarence wasn’t moving at the super-fast speeds Jeff and particularly Christopher could now hit, but he was still going at a good clip for an A-C. Whether this meant he couldn’t run that fast any more or was leading me somewhere I didn’t know. But I’d been a sprinter in high school and college and I’d been working on my stamina for the past few months, so he could run around all he wanted—he wasn’t going to lose me.

  We went back and forth around the Embassy Row area. Clarence didn’t seem to have a destination in mind other than “away.” Could mean he was trying to tire me out or trap me, could mean he hadn’t expected to be seen, could mean something else.

  Clarence ran across the Parkway. We both weaved in between the cars like they were standing still. He jumped off and crossed Rock Creek—we were both running fast enough that we splashed across the top of the water but didn’t go in—and headed for the Oak Hill Cemetery. It was an older, well-forested cemetery, and Clarence lost me quickly.

  Stopped running and considered my options. They seemed slim and I had an important dinner to hostess, a stealth bodyguard to reassure and apologize to, and a daughter to pick up from daycare. And, as I realized it, a package still in my hands.

  Took the moment to look at said package. It was addressed to me, but the return address was also the Embassy.

  The chances of anyone at the Embassy sending a package to me via UPS rather than handing it to me were pretty slim, bordering on none. Meaning this was a package that was potentially dangerous.

  Thought hard and quickly. Ted’s truck had been ransacked, most likely by an A-C. But if that was the case, was that A-C Clarence or someone else?

  Decided to vote on it being Clarence. Sure, I’d seen him when I’d answered the door, but I didn’t normally answer our door, Pierre did. And he’d never seen Clarence except possibly at my wedding, and I doubted the memory would have been top of mind for Pierre, especially not today.

  So, Clarence, or whoever was pulling his strings, wanted a package delivered to us today and was likely watching to ensure it was delivered. But why?

  Looked at the box. We were having a freaking huge party tonight loaded with the political elite. How hard was it to guess why tonight? Get the package into the Embassy, and then release whatever the hell was in it.

  This presented me with a new problem. What to do with the box.

  Curiosity might have killed the cat, but this cat wasn’t stupid enough to figure the box was safe to open. I was more concerned with what kind of bomb it was, or if it maybe contained venomous spiders or something. I put nothing past The Bad Guys League.

  I was, however, the least equipped person on staff to identify whatever it was, short of opening and therefore triggering the badness.

  My phone, which I had in the back pocket of my jeans, chose this moment to ring. I put the box down, walked a couple steps away, and answered the phone, ready to run if this was the trigger for the bomb. “Hello?”

  “Miss Katt?”

  There weren’t a lot of people who called me Miss Katt anymore. And I recognized the voice. It was my “uncle,” Peter the Dingo, also known as the most dangerous and effective assassin alive.

  CHAPTER 7

  “YES, ‘UNCLE’ PETER? What can I do you for?”

  “You can tell me where you are.”

  “Ah, why would I want to do that?”

  “Because I believe you are holding something very dangerous.”

  Huh. The plot thickened. Or rather, just got weirder, which was pretty typical for my life these days. “How dangerous?”

  “Causing much pain and suffering, and death, kind of dangerous.”

  “Well, I guessed as much, honestly. But how do you know about it?”

  He sighed. “I have been watching your Embassy.”

  “Why? Or rather, who in it or coming tonight is on your hit list?”

  “No one.”

  “I’d fall on the ground laughing, only I want to be able to run away should whatever’s in the plain brown wrapper go boom.”

  “Truly. This is . . . a favor.”

  “For whom?”

  “For you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because someone is being a . . . sore loser, I think you’d say. He was told to move on, but has chosen the path of revenge. Revenge is not a good choice for people in . . . my line of work.”

  Thought fast and furiously again. During Operation Assassination, there had been two assassination teams assigned to get us, me in particular. One had been Peter the Dingo Dog and his cousin. The other had been Bernie and her husband/partner Raul. Buchanan had taken care of Bernie, but Raul had been arrested. I’d never seen Raul in person. But I knew he’d seen me.

  Our enemies were released from prison all the time, because we had very powerful enemies. So Raul likely being out wasn’t much of a shock. And Buchanan had killed Raul’s wife to save me and Jamie, and that meant Raul had the best revenge reason in the world to disobey the Dingo’s cease and desist order.

  “Okay, so where’s Raul?”

  “You are so much smarter than you like to appear.” He sounded incredibly proud. The idea that the Dingo might actually be thinking of me as his niece, as someone to protect, crept up and waved quietly.

  “Thank you. Um . . . so, I appreciate you warning me. Should I dump the package into the river?”

  “You’re close to the Potomac? Again?”

  “Yes. Though like you and your cousin, I don’t want to go swimming in it again any time soon. How is he, by the way?”

  “Very well. He is also watching.”

  “To protect me or to finish the job? Or for a new job?”

  The Dingo sighed again. “Understand that there are . . . rules in our line of work. If there were no rules, then we would have anarchy, yes?”

  “Yes, right.”

  “When someon
e chooses to break the rules for personal reasons, those reasons must make sense.”

  “I hate to say it, but revenge makes sense.”

  “No, not for our line of work. The risks are high, but so are the rewards. Unprofessional behavior is for terrorists, for amateurs.” The way he said it, it was clear that the Dingo was only in favor of professional terrorists.

  “You’re worried that your business will dry up because if Raul offs me and potentially a lot of your customers, then word will get out that it wasn’t a paid hit but a revenge hit, and the Assassination Union will raise the rates or something.”

  “Something like that, yes. So, where are you?”

  “I ask again, why?”

  “I wish to find you and disarm the package.”

  Package, not bomb. “What’s in the package?”

  “Something very bad.”

  “I guessed. Tell me more.”

  “I don’t have to.” The voice wasn’t on the phone any more but behind me.

  Spun around to see the Dingo and his cousin, Surly Vic, standing there. They were both in dark suits and appeared unarmed, but I was positive they were both packing more heat than I could hope to count. Still had that Smooth Criminal Who Could Be From Anywhere look, but since I knew, I could spot the little bits of East Slavic in them both.

  Hung up my phone and shoved it back into my pocket. “Your GPS tracking is really good.” My phone started buzzing—someone was texting me. Decided that being rude right now would be the stupidest move of my life. Whoever it was could wait.

  The Dingo shrugged. “Yes.” He nodded to Surly Vic, who went and got the package.

  “Are you sure it’s safe for you to handle?” My phone rang. Ignored it.

  “We will exercise care and I appreciate your concern.” The Dingo smiled at me. “Please give my best to your sister, when it is appropriate. She was a lovely young lady, and I hope she’s doing well?”

  He meant Caroline Chase, my sorority roommate and bestie. The Dingo had been dating her, sort of, during Operation Assassination, though she’d had no idea he was an assassin. Our lives were just that kind of glamorous.