Alien in the House

by Gini Koch

  After I got my requisite hugs from the Lewis kids, Raymond gave me a very serious look. “I’m not sure this dinner party is such a good idea.”

  CHAPTER 9

  I GAPED AT RAYMOND. “Um, why?”

  “Daddy says that he’s concerned about the security.” Raymond was dead serious, and he looked ready to go downstairs and join the other men in the verification of our Embassy’s safety set-up.

  Of course, Kevin was my mother’s right-hand man, meaning he was second in command of the Presidential Terrorism Control Unit, or P.T.C.U. Until I’d run into the gang from Alpha Four, I hadn’t known this government agency existed, nor that my mother was the head of it. The past three years had been full of fun facts like this one.

  Kevin and his family had taken up permanent positions at our Embassy, so Kevin had the “fun” of reporting in to two different bosses and doing two different jobs. He handled it smoothly, because, well, he was Kevin and smooth was his natural state of being. In the Embassy, he was our Defense Attaché. Denise was running the daycare and Embassy School because she was both qualified and didn’t want to be bored every day of her life.

  Denise shook her head and laughed. “One stray comment and someone thinks he knows better than his father.”

  “Is Kevin worried?”

  She shrugged. “It’s his job to be worried, and to act on those worries. Don’t you worry, though, Kitty. Everything’s under control. And Gladys will be with us, babysitting.”

  “Oh, good news.” It was. Gladys was the head of all Security operations for Centaurion Division, and that included the Embassy, Pontifex’s residences, Martini Manor, where Jeff’s parents lived, and any other big A-C owned or operated facility. I’d still never met Gladys. Because I was kind of afraid of her. She was considered one of the most formidable, if not the most formidable, of all A-C personnel, and she had sarcasm down to an art form.

  “So, you get Jamie’s dinner taken care of, then let me know when she’s ready for fun times.” Denise tickled Jamie’s tummy, as Jamie squealed with laughter.

  “You’re getting out of the uncomfortable formal affair again?” Was this woman’s luck truly never-ending?

  Denise winked. “The perks of being the Daycare Mom. I have to do it because it’s my job.”

  “You are so lucky.”

  “I know. Believe me, I like going to fancy things as much as the next gal, but not these kinds of things. I’m much happier with the kids and Gladys is really fun to hang out with, and these are the only times I get to see her.”

  Gladys was someone Denise wanted to hang out with? Never a day went by when I didn’t score new information like this. Decided it was in the interests of my longevity to not mention aloud that I found it hard to believe Gladys was a party animal. “Where will all of you be, here?”

  Denise shook her head. “We’re going over to the Pontifex’s residence. That way, no one can sneak out to see their mommies or daddies.” She shot Raymond an amused but exasperated look.

  “Just trying to help,” he said under his breath.

  “And we appreciate your efforts.” Hey, I had no issues with Raymond questioning our safety. In most cases, he was probably wise to do so.

  I considered my options. I could try to get all of our animal kingdom and my daughter back upstairs alone, or I could call for help. “Com on!”

  “Yes, Chief?” Walter asked.

  “I need Len and Kyle here to help me. Like now.”

  “They’re advised and on their way, Chief.”

  “You’re the best, Walt.”

  Len and Kyle were human C.I.A. agents permanently assigned to be my driver and bodyguard, respectively. They were also young, cute, and former members of USC’s Trojan Football team who’d come into my orbit during the excitement surrounding my wedding. Instead of pursuing pro careers, they went straight from college to Chuckie’s side of things and, therefore, were swept right back up into my orbit.

  Len had been the quarterback and Kyle had been on the line, which was why when it came to who got to handle what, Kyle got the four dogs and Len got the Feline Winnebago. I kept the cute little girl because I could.

  “You boys ready for tonight?” I asked as we squished into the elevator. The dogs ensured that they took up a lot of room.

  “Yes,” Len replied. “It’s supposed to be a fun night. And we’ll have friends attending.”

  “I know. Olga doesn’t want to miss any hilarity that might ensue.”

  Olga was the wife of the Romanian ambassador. The Romanian Embassy was across the street from ours, and through a variety of circumstances, we’d become close with Olga and her granddaughter and personal assistant, Adriana. That Olga was former KGB and training Adriana in all the skills was a secret we were all happy to keep.

  Olga was suffering from multiple sclerosis, so she was mostly confined to a wheelchair. This didn’t stop her from somehow knowing everything that was going on in D.C. and many other places as well. My personal goal was to surprise or know something, anything, before her. It happened, but very rarely. Hoped that she wasn’t aware that the Dingo was in town, but I wasn’t willing to bet on it.

  “Since Pierre’s been here, we haven’t had any really disastrous social events,” Len reminded me.

  “True enough. I’m thankful for Pierre every day.” I chose not to mention that an interstellar invasion definitely counted as a disastrous event.

  We reached our floor and entered our palatial suite. I was adjusting to living in a portion of a huge building that was larger than the house I’d grown up in, but I still wasn’t a hundred percent comfy with it, and I didn’t know if I ever would be. Had we not had the Elves, I’d have hated this place based solely on having to keep it clean.

  But we had the Elves and they’d prepared Jamie’s dinner for me. Because the Elves wisely didn’t trust my food prep skills. I didn’t always make the smoke alarms go off, but I was close to batting a thousand.

  The boys let the cats and Poofs out, and then I sent them to take the dogs for walkies. The Peregrines had their own areas, courtesy of the Elves, both in our rooms and at the Zoo, where they did their business, so to speak. They were really good at acting unlike every other bird out there and holding it until they were in their Dump Zone. I was grateful for this for a variety of reasons, Jeff’s reactions to the idea of casual bird poop dropped in his home being number one.

  Jamie was midway through both her dinner and the recounting of her exciting day spent with the letters of the alphabet, the colors of the rainbow, and the numbers one through ten when the boys and dogs returned, bringing Jeff along with them.

  “Daddy!” Jamie was still in her highchair. Or rather, she’d been in it. But I blinked and she was out of it and in Jeff’s arms. Her plate and cup hadn’t moved. At least not that I’d seen. Meaning she’d used hyperspeed.

  Heaved a sigh. Had to determine if this was a battle worth fighting while Jeff gave Jamie tons of Daddy Kisses and she started telling him about her day—at hyperspeed.

  When A-Cs talked at their normal speeds, it made the humans in attendance woozy. While I was enhanced, my hearing had yet to catch up and I got nauseous fast. I could tell the boys, cats, and dogs weren’t enjoying it either.

  “Slow down, Jamie-Kat,” Jeff said soothingly. “We need to talk slowly so we don’t make everyone else here feel sick.”

  “Too late,” Len said quietly. He sat down at the breakfast bar. Kyle followed suit. “You know, has anyone considered you guys just talking at what you’d call normal speeds as a viable weapon?”

  Jeff and I looked at each other. “No,” he said slowly. “But it’s an interesting idea.”

  “Bad idea if publicized,” Kyle said. “It makes you scarier than you already are. I mean, I’m not scared of you guys, but that’s because I’m on your side and you know it.”

  Jamie looked at all of us, a worried expression on her little face. “Sorry.”

  I got up, took her from Jeff, and gave
her a snuggle. “It’s okay. But that’s why we have to practice being more like Mommy than Daddy sometimes. Okay?”

  She hugged me. “Okay, Mommy. I’ll talk to the kitties and puppies more.”

  “Um, the kitties and puppies don’t like it when you talk fast, either, Jamie-Kat.”

  Jamie shot a look toward me I was becoming familiar with—her “oh, Mommy, you see but you do not observe” look. “I meant like you do, Mommy. In their minds.”

  CHAPTER 10

  HAD TO SAY this for Len and Kyle—they knew, absolutely, when it was time to make a hasty retreat.

  “We need to dress for dinner,” Len said as he stood quickly.

  “Right,” Kyle agreed. “Call us when you need help getting the animals over to the Pontifex’s residence.”

  With that, the two of them took off. They didn’t run, but they definitely didn’t stroll, either.

  The front door closed and Jeff and I looked at each other. “You talk to the animals in their minds?” he asked finally.

  “I guess.”

  “I mean, not giving verbal commands you thought of, but by thinking at the animals without speaking and them understanding you?”

  “Um, sorta.”

  “Sorta?” Jeff sounded like he was working to keep his voice nice and calm. “And is Jamie saying that this talent has extended to the Earth animals, too?”

  “Ah . . .”

  “You know you do, Mommy,” Jamie said patiently, while I did my best to ensure that my expression, body language, and upper level thoughts didn’t betray how freaky it was to be having this conversation, with this level of language clarity, with my almost-one-year-old. “Just like you talk to Fairy Godfather ACE.”

  “Right.” Now I had to hope my worry about ACE wasn’t getting through to Jamie. Prayed Jeff was doing some sort of mind block or something, though he looked like my Dr. Doolittle-ness had sent him to Freaked-Out Land with me.

  Jamie shook her head. “Fairy Godfather ACE is tired and busy. You shouldn’t worry, Mommy. He’ll never leave us.”

  “We can’t talk about this with other people, Jamie-Kat,” Jeff said quickly. “Daddy doesn’t want you to talk about ACE unless it’s only with Mommy or Daddy. And the same with Mommy being able to talk to the animals, that’s just for us to talk about.”

  “I know, Daddy.” Jamie looked back and forth between us. “Are you mad at me?”

  I hugged her tightly. “No, we’re not. Mommy and Daddy have been worried about Fairy Godfather ACE, that’s all. And other things.”

  “Other things you don’t need to worry about,” Jeff said quickly.

  “Okay, Daddy. Mous-Mous wants everyone to come with us tonight.” Mous-Mous was Jamie’s Poof, which, at the sound of its name, appeared from wherever it had been to perch on Jamie’s shoulder and purr loudly.

  “Everyone?” Jeff asked. “Daddy and Mommy have to entertain the other grownups.”

  “No Daddy, Mous-Mous wants all the other pets to come.”

  Jamie’s saying that it was her Poof who wanted the other animals along was actually normal. Lots of little kids said their stuffed animals or favorite pet wanted to do the thing the little kid themselves wanted to do. Mom claimed that I’d used the cats they’d had when I was born, Sugar and Spice, as my excuse for anything and everything.

  Now, however, I wasn’t sure if Jamie was just being a little girl or if Mous-Mous was actually weighing in on the evening’s animal arrangements.

  Didn’t matter, because all roads led to every animal we had heading over to the Pontifex’s residence anyway. “No worries, Jamie-Kat. Every furred and feathered beast we have will be with you and Mous-Mous tonight.”

  “Yay!” Jamie gave me a big hug, which was always nice.

  Jeff got her settled and her dinner finished up. Then it was bath time, and into a Minnie Mouse pajama set. The A-Cs loved black and white and Armani. However, Reader had managed to ensure that Jamie’s baby shower registry had contained actual color. I didn’t know how long before she’d be put into the white oxford shirt and black slim skirt that was the female uniform of A-C choice, but I was going to do my best to ensure that day was a long time coming.

  Jeff finished getting Jamie ready to go while I fed the dogs and cats and packed Jamie’s bag. She’d potty trained herself a month ago. Per Denise, Jamie had asked about it, Denise had explained the concept, and Jamie had done her thing. It made some things easier, but I almost dreaded what she’d do weeks, months, or years ahead of schedule next.

  However, among the things it made easier was packing her for babysitting gigs like this one. All the room diapers and wipes would have taken up in the still awesome and reasonably pristine diaper bag was filled with changes of clothes, toys, and, as I looked inside, Poofs.

  The cats were herded back into the Feline Winnebago along with whatever Poofs weren’t in the diaper bag. The dogs went back on their leashes. We called for Denise, Len, and Kyle. And then I called for the Peregrines. As Jamie had said, in my mind.

  “Whoa!” Jeff jumped as twenty-four big birds just sort of appeared. “I hate it when they do that.”

  Contrived to look innocent. “Yeah. It’s sort of freaky.”

  Jeff gave me the hairy eyeball. “You called them, didn’t you?”

  Considered lying. Knew he’d know. “Yes. It’s easier. You’re handling this really well.”

  “I’m screaming and freaking out on the inside, but am trying to avoid having a huge fight with my wife about things neither one of us can control right before we have what is, according to James, the most important dinner party of our lives.”

  “Oh. Go you.”

  “But if you want to talk about all of this, feel free. I can handle it. I think.”

  Chose to circumvent the chat about my newly expanded Dr. Doolittle abilities and looked to Bruno. “So, we expect the flock to head over to the Pontifex’s residence. Your thoughts?”

  “I married the smartest girl in the galaxy.”

  Bruno winked at Jeff, then cooed, fluffed his feathers, did the weird, fast head bob thing birds seemed to love doing, and clawed, gently, at the carpet.

  “Huh. Okay.”

  “What did he say?” Jeff asked. “And he winked at me, didn’t he? Why does that bird wink at people?”

  “Yes. Despite your misgivings, Bruno’s your counterpart and he likes you. He only winks at a select few. Anyway, they want some of the flock with the kids, and some here, on duty. All the girls are going with the kids; all the boys are staying here on duty. Bruno says we won’t even know they’re there unless they need to be seen. Or need to save the day.”

  “There’s not some kind of chance I can win an argument with them, is there?”

  “No, not really. And, all things considered, it never hurts to have the Peregrines along in stealth mode.”

  “How many Poofs are staying behind?”

  Managed not to look guilty. “A few. You know, same thing, just in case.”

  Jeff ran his hand through his hair. “We live in a zoo. I’d ask how this happened, but I know. I just don’t always believe it.” He heaved a sigh. “Okay, fine. Keep the Poofs and Peregrines out of sight. We’ll figure out something if they’re seen.”

  “Fake it ’til we make it?”

  “As you like to tell me, baby, whatever works.”

  Denise and the boys arrived, we handed Jamie over with lots of kisses, then she and the pets were trundled down to the basement level to take a gate to the Pontifex’s residence.

  During Operation Confusion, before we’d moved in as the new Heads of the Diplomatic Corps, I’d been certain we’d find another gate in the Embassy. But searching had turned up only the one gate in the basement level. Everyone else had dismissed this as being normal, even Chuckie after a thorough search had turned up no additional gates.

  But the feeling that there were other gates here we just hadn’t found yet still tickled me now and then, and this was a now moment.

  “Jeff, wha
t if there’s a gate we can’t see because it’s hidden with the same sort of technology used to hide all those underground rooms in the Earth?”

  “Then Reynolds, your mother, our NASA Base Team, our squatters the hackers, or someone else would have identified it, based on the new information we have since the invasion.” He said it patiently, which was yet more proof that he was a wonderful husband, because I knew he was tired of me worrying about this.

  “Hacker International isn’t squatting here.”

  “They’re living on the top floor of the Zoo, rent free, with our Operations Team taking care of them like they do the rest of our facilities. I call that squatting.”

  “They’re performing useful services.”

  “You mean they’re playing around. Because that’s all the useful I see out of their services.”

  “Let’s not do this, especially because I know we’re doing it because we’re both nervous. Like you said, we need to avoid fighting before this event. Let’s get dressed for the party neither one of us wants to be hosting and hope that nothing explodes.”

  Jeff stroked my face. “True enough. But I have a better idea.”

  “Yeah?”

  He got the expression on his face where he looked like a big jungle cat about to eat me. I loved that look.

  “Yeah,” Jeff purred. “Let’s get undressed first.”

  CHAPTER 11

  WE WERE MOSTLY NAKED, I was in Jeff’s arms with my legs wrapped around his waist, and he was doing wonderful things to my breasts, when the com activated.

  “Chiefs, you’re needed downstairs.”

  I stopped yowling like a cat in heat. “Why? No one’s supposed to be here for another couple of hours.”

  “Actually, the first guests are set to arrive in forty-five minutes or less, and Pierre wants everyone prepped on what’s going on where. Commander Reader also wants to ensure that we have the right teams assigned to the right politicians.”

  Jeff sighed. “We’ll be down shortly, Walter. Just have to change into our formalwear.”