Josh had run more in the past few days since his near-argument with Sofia than in the past few months combined. It took him about two hours to run from his hotel to the eastern hills and back. In the early morning, when traffic was lighter and most people were still in bed, it was easy to forget how much he missed her.
The hope he’d had before that he and Sofia could ever be together was gone. Their expectations were too divergent. At least he’d learned from his past mistakes and knew better than to start a relationship on such conditions. If only he hadn’t kissed her. That was going to be hard to forget.
How did it feel to be back in church? Sofia’s question still rang in Josh’s mind.
He wouldn’t have said no to Paulo, but he’d made a mistake staying for the block of meetings. The three longest hours in his recent past. It had been familiar to him but it had also been so much more foreign. He was the outsider looking in, a mere spectator who was unworthy of participating and who had no business being there. And, for some reason, Sofia thought he should have different feelings about it.
Definitely not the kind she wanted. He didn’t belong in the church anymore, not with the decisions he’d made with the divorce and after. Instead, he’d made a new life for himself, away from the reminders of his life before, away from things he didn’t want anymore. And that was the way it had to be.
Then why couldn’t he just move on and get her out of his thoughts? He spent the rest of the day trying to distract himself with work and failing quite spectacularly.
Against his better judgment, Josh had asked Paulo for the name of the café where Sofia worked. It was located in the historic downtown area and it had an outdoor seating area under white parasols. He ducked into the shade of a nearby building and waited.
Why did his chest squeeze at the sight of her? His own heart betrayed him. He watched her from afar as she came in and out of the establishment, carrying out pastries and drinks on a round platter and carrying in the dirty plates and glasses, back and forth, with a large smile on her face and wearing a black skirt that hugged her curves. He stepped back so she wouldn’t see him.
He liked to punish himself, that was for sure. She hadn’t tried to contact him since Sunday but he couldn’t blame her, not after his reaction to her words.
Josh left after a few minutes to photograph some historic buildings with façades covered in traditional Portuguese tiles. There were enough of them to make a catalog, another project if he had the time.
He returned at the end of her shift, when she left the café in the direction of the English-styled gardens next door. The sun had just dipped behind the western buildings and the street lights had come on, one of his favorite times of day. She sat on a stone bench and pulled out her phone.
His phone pinged and he got it out from his pocket.
Are you coming to say hi or just to watch me from afar?
Oops. Not as stealthy as he thought.
He walked over to the bench, taking his time and trying to think of what to say to her.
Sofia had a little smile on her face. “You didn’t really think I couldn’t see you, did you?”
He stopped to the side of the bench. “Sorry.”
“Would you please sit down? You’re giving me a crick in the neck.”
He sat at the edge of the bench and Sofia cut him a glance but didn’t comment on his distance.
“What’s going on, Josh?” she finally said. “You’ve been watching me all day.”
“Not all day.”
“But why?”
“I just wanted to see how you were doing with the new job.”
“I’m doing well, thank you.” She flicked at the skirt. “Even if I have to wear this silly uniform.”
“It looks good on you,” he replied quickly.
Sofia blushed and turned away for a second. “You really think so?” Her voice was timid and her fingers rose to her collar bone until she touched the chain around her neck.
Of course he thought so. Didn’t she know how beautiful she was? Josh turned to her more fully and scooted over a few inches. He hadn’t planned to be caught watching her, but now that they were talking to each other, maybe it was time to set a few things straight. It couldn’t hurt any more the way things were already, could it?
“You’re a very attractive woman, Sofia, and I’m very attracted to you.” Maybe that didn’t come out the way he wanted but at least he was being honest.
Sofia’s cheeks heated again but she didn’t comment on his words, and when Josh reached for her hand, she withdrew it.
She cleared her throat. “I think we’ve both been through enough to know that attraction doesn’t sustain a relationship.”
True. He nodded. “There’s more. You and I know that.” Why did it have to be so complicated?
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man coming up the garden path in Sofia’s direction. Something about the guy set off an alarm for Josh. He couldn’t pinpoint the reason but it didn’t feel right.
He stood from the bench and took Sofia’s elbow. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your car.”
For a moment, Sofia looked up at Josh with a question in her expression. He nodded in the other direction and she turned to see. The guy had stopped by the fountain, probably aware that Josh had spotted him.
Once Sofia started walking, Josh kept close to her side. Even if the guy was harmless, it was better to take precautions.
“Do you know who he is?” Sofia said once they reached the street.
He shook his head. “Never met him.”
“Maybe he recognized you from your page.” She looked back. “Have you received any more requests?”
“Only a few. I put an announcement on my Facebook page saying the Ferreira family was the only charity project I could take in Portugal.”
“I saw that.” Sofia’s voice was soft. “It’s sad, isn’t it?”
Josh glanced at her. “What is?”
“That most people work so hard and are so desperate for money.” She crossed her arms. “Do you regret what you did for the family?”
He thought about her question. “I don’t regret it. They needed it and they were deserving.” Some things had not turned out the way he wanted and he’d learned a lesson for next time. “I’m sorry I can’t do more for the ones that could use some help, but it’s hard to pick them from all the other ones who just want an easy way out. And who am I to judge that?”
Sofia sighed. “I know. It makes me more grateful that I was able to get a job and that I still have enough for Mother and I. We’ve been blessed.”
She was blessed with a good attitude. Even with all the difficulties in her life, Sofia didn’t complain about her situation, and he was the one wanting to do more for her. Josh glanced at her, wishing he could take her hand and tell her how he really felt. But he had no right to claim anything towards Sofia when they had problems in the way.
They arrived at the underground parking garage and she led him down a flight of stairs, then another. They had passed a parking lot that was both closer and more illuminated.
“Why didn’t you park at the other parking lot? It’s closer than this one.”
Sofia walked ahead of him and got the keys out of her purse. “Yes, it’s closer and also more expensive.” She stopped at her car.
He glanced around, noting the broken light bulbs in the far corner and the few cars around on this level. “I’m just concerned for your safety. Do you get out at this hour every day?”
She nodded. “When I work the afternoon shift. The morning shift ends at four in the afternoon.” She held up her car keys. “See this here? It’s a canister of dog spray.”
It wasn’t much, if that was all she had to defend herself. “Is there a way you can park on the upper level closer to the entry?” That would help minimize the risk.
Sofia opened the passenger door. “I do when I come for the morning shift but it fills up pretty quickly and at lunch time it’s hard to get a spot anywhere
else but here.”
His mind went back to the guy at the garden. What if he was someone trying to establish a pattern to Sofia’s comings and goings? All he needed was a few minutes with no one else around and he’d have the perfect moment to attack her. Josh’s apprehension level went up.
“Are you coming?” She gestured to the car.
“Can you drop me off at the other parking lot?”
“Sure.”
When Sofia left him at the curb, Josh watched the back of her car. She didn’t know it yet, but she’d be moving to the above ground lot very, very soon. And until then, he’d make sure she was safe.
Sofia woke. There was a noise in the apartment somewhere. Loud and repetitive and unlike anything she’d heard before. Her heart thumped in her chest and she swallowed hard. She reached a hand to the bedside table and felt around the top until she found her phone. A swipe at the screen showed the time as 3:22. Not even the sun was up yet.
The noise came again. Sofia turned on the light and sat up, throwing the bed covers off. Before the noise could wake Mother and scare her, Sofia got up from bed to investigate. When the same sound came for the third time a minute later, she hurried into the hallway, feeling less brave with each step she took, and wishing she had the umbrella in her hand. If umbrellas were effective at keeping intruders at bay.
The light was on and Mother’s room was empty. What was going on? Dread swelled in Sofia’s chest.
Mother stood in the foyer holding on to the knob to the outside door with both hands, pulling at the door over and over. For a moment, relief coursed through Sofia that she didn’t have to deal with a stranger trying to invade the apartment. She stepped closer as she tried to understand the scene before her.
Mother had managed to unlock the door but the chain was still on and she couldn’t get out, thank goodness. Sofia was grateful that Josh had modified the door to prevent Mother from escaping and hurting herself. Frustration contorted Mother’s features. She clenched her teeth and held a tight grip on the knob, and with each tug, the door rattled on its hinges with the thump-thump-thump noise Sofia had heard before.
“Mãe?” she called, raising her voice against the pounding, but Mother didn’t react to Sofia’s voice. Sofia tried again and Mother grew more violent in her efforts against the door. She was going to wake the neighbors, if she hadn’t already. Sofia had to stop her and convince Mother to return to bed.
“Mãe. It’s very early.” The yanking continued. “We need to go back to bed now, all right?”
Cautiously, Sofia approached Mother from the side and placed a hand over her forearm, attempting to coax her away from the knob, but on contact Mother let a low growl and renewed her pulling, her face turning red at the effort.
Her strength surprised Sofia. Foregoing gentleness, Sofia grabbed both of Mother’s arms and tugged with more and more strength to match Mother’s. When the door creaked, Sofia looked up to where the chain was anchored to the door frame. It would soon give way if Mother continued. She had to stop her now.
With one last effort, Sofia planted her feet apart and yanked at Mother’s arms just as Mother let go of the knob. Sofia gasped and her eyes went wide. Não, mãe!
Sofia screamed as her head struck the brick wall. Her vision blurred and she fell into darkness.
*
Sofia needs you.
Josh bolted upright in bed, his heart pounding. When he turned on the light, he was alone, as usual. No one else in the room. The voice had been as loud as if someone sat on the chair by the window. The radio clock on the bedside table read 3:25. He got up and walked to the bathroom, where he splashed cold water on his sweaty face. He filled a glass with water, then drank it slowly.
Once his heart rate returned to normal and his hands stopped shaking, Josh went back to bed and turned off the lights. That must have been one crazy dream about Sofia. Too bad he didn’t remember it. For now, he had to go back to sleep and try to catch some much-needed rest.
But the feeling wouldn’t leave.
Sofia needs you.
After tossing in bed for some minutes, he got up.
Why did Sofia need him? And in the middle of the night? The feeling of urgency from before was now stronger and Josh took a deep breath. Even though it was too early, he reached for his phone and sent her a text.
Are you up, Sofia?
If she weren’t before, she would be now, and most likely very unhappy that he was trying to reach her so early. He waited for a few minutes but the reply never came. He sat up in bed and looked at the screen one more time, willing it to show Sofia’s answer to his text.
Just a blank screen. Maybe she was a heavy sleeper. But how many times had she mentioned her Mother didn’t sleep well at night? If her Mother didn’t, then Sofia didn’t get much sleep either. She should have replied to him. He got up from bed and pulled the rolling blinds to the top, then tugged at the sliding door. He leaned an arm against the metal frame, clutching the phone and letting the night breeze fan his body, tense with worry for Sofia.
If you’re up, please reply. Just need to know you’re okay.
Nothing. He punched her number and let it ring, but she didn’t answer either. Well, he wasn’t waiting around any longer. Something was wrong and Sofia needed his help; he could feel it. Within minutes he was dressed and out the door.
The streets were empty and bore the wet marks of a street sweeper. It was just him and his car. Josh sped through the intersections, being more careful at the stop signs and red lights, praying the night cops patrolled in other parts of the city. With each street he passed, the sense of foreboding grew, urging him to drive faster.
When he arrived in front of Sofia’s building, Josh parked on the street and jumped out. He shook at the main door. Closed. How was he going to get past it? He shoved his hands in his pockets and drew out his key chain. The tiny Swiss army knife. Josh inserted the tip between the jamb and the door and forced the lock open.
The elevator button indicated it was parked on the sixth floor and Josh bolted to the stairs. Sofia lived on the second floor and he could get there faster on foot. He climbed the steps two by two and ran toward her door, pounding on it.
“Sofia! Sofia!” He called her name and shook at the door. It was open but held back by the chain he’d installed a few weeks ago.
“O que se passa?” The next door neighbor peeked out.
“Chama a polícia!” Josh yelled. He couldn’t remember the emergency number but the neighbor would know it.
Josh reared back and rammed the door with his shoulder. Once. Twice. At the third strike, the chain anchor gave in and he fell into Sofia’s foyer.
On his knees, he gulped a breath and called for her again, sweeping his eyes around. Sofia was crumpled on the floor by the opposite wall. Josh pulled himself to her and reached for her pulse. It was strong, even if a little fast.
“Sofia?” He said softly, touching her cheek.
There were no visible cuts or blood on her. He passed his hands along her arms and legs but didn’t find any broken bones.
There was a knock on the doorjamb and the neighbor walked in. “The ambulance and the police are coming.”
Josh nodded, holding on to Sofia’s hand. Her eyelids fluttered and she moaned. “Don’t move, Sofia. Help is coming.”
The neighbor glanced down at him and Sofia then walked to and knelt in front of the sofa in the living room. She started speaking in hushed tones. Sofia’s mother. Josh had forgotten about her. She sat rigid and unresponsive. What had happened here tonight?
Sirens. At last.
As the paramedics and police arrived at the building’s entrance, Josh looked down at Sofia’s pale face. The knot in his chest squeezed tighter and his heart filled with the regret of a thousand lives.
She needed a blessing right now and he couldn’t give her one. If something happened to Sofia, he would never forgive himself.
*
Josh paced just outside the waiting room. The hospita
l was new, built right after he left the area when he was a missionary. It was located on the northeast part of the city, overlooking the valley. The first light of day peeked over the hills, not yet reaching the ground floor and the ER entrance. A few people waited on the chairs but it was otherwise quiet.
They hadn’t let him in to see Sofia, of course. He was no relation to her, and friendship didn’t count when someone was in the emergency room. Josh called Paulo, who’d said he’d be right over with another priesthood holder so they could administer a blessing to Sofia.
Never before in his life had he felt the weight of his choices as he had tonight at her apartment. Josh had wanted to place his hands on her head and use the power of the priesthood to bless her to wellness. His hands clenched at the memory.
But his choice to leave the church behind him six years ago came with the heavy consequence of losing the right to administer any kind of priesthood ordinances. He was no longer worthy, and he had no one to blame for that but himself.
“Josh.” Paulo approached from the parking lot, an older man with him, someone Josh remembered seeing in the ward. “Tell me what happened.”
“I’m not sure.” Josh followed Paulo inside the hospital. “When I arrived, Sofia was unconscious on the floor. I think she might have hit the wall.”
Paulo went straight to the checkin and explained the situation. After a few minutes, they waved him in.
He turned to Josh. “They’re letting us in to give her a blessing.” He settled a hand on his shoulder. “Hang in there, okay?”
“Can you find out what happened to her mother? She was taken in a different ambulance and Sofia will want to know what happened to her.”
Paulo nodded. “Of course.”
After Paulo left, Josh found an empty chair in the far corner and pulled his phone from his jeans pocket. His work schedule was flexible and his email inbox held nothing that required his immediate attention. He yawned, feeling the effects of missed sleep. His body wanted to relax but his mind was still wound up from the earlier events. With his legs stretched out and his arms crossed over his chest, he leaned his head against the wall behind him.
The Secret Life of Daydreams Page 19
