The Secret Life of Daydreams

by Whitney, Lucinda

She reached for the pill first and drank the whole glass of water. Even half-asleep and with a headache, Sofia ate most of the soup. When she was done, he carried her to her bedroom.

  “I can walk, Josh,” she said. Her words were slow.

  “I’m sure you can, but I’m not taking any chances.” He sat her on the edge of the bed and placed his hands on her shoulders for support. “Do you need help to the bathroom?”

  She tried to straighten and swayed a little. “No. I can do it by myself.”

  “I meant to the door.”

  “Okay. Just to the door. But then leave.”

  “If you promise to call me when you’re done.”

  She nodded.

  While waiting, Josh cleaned the few dishes in the kitchen sink, wiped down the counters and table, and swept the floor. When he heard the bathroom door unlock, he hurried to help Sofia back to her bed.

  She settled against the pillows and her expression relaxed, her eyes closed. “Where are you going to sleep?”

  “On the couch.”

  “It’s too small for you.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t want to get too comfortable.”

  “Why not?” Her voice was low and a little slurred.

  Josh knelt by the bed and brushed her hair away from her eyes. “Because I have to wake you up every hour to make sure you’re okay. Doctor’s orders.”

  Her eyes squinted at him. “No.” He nodded and she squeezed her face in displeasure. “Why?”

  “Because I care too much about you.” Josh brushed a beijinho on her cheek.

  Sofia’s lips curled in a little smile. “Okay.”

  Josh left her bedroom door open, and the one to the hallway as well. With the warm temperatures during the day, the apartment was hot. He pulled the rolling blinds halfway up on all windows and sliding doors for the night breeze to cool the air inside, like he’d learn to do when he was on his mission to compensate for the lack of air-conditioning units.

  After changing into shorts and an old t-shirt, he found an extra pillow in the linen closet, put a pillowcase on it, and laid down a flat sheet on the couch. Then he got his cell phone and set alarms for one hour apart until five o’clock in the morning, when her medicine was due.

  Josh folded his arms behind his head and watched the sporadic lights of cars passing by on the street below fall in long patterns on the ceiling.

  Sofia lay in her bed a few feet away, and he yearned to be with her.

  Josh let out a deep breath. It was going to be a long night.

  Something pinned Josh down on his right side and arm. Something warm and soft and very comfortable.

  Josh’s eyes shot open and he sucked in a breath.

  Sofia.

  Tentatively, he reached with his left hand and touched her hair and arm, confirming what he already knew. He was in Sofia’s bed, separated from her by a thin white sheet.

  Oh crap.

  Josh scrambled out of bed and Sofia fell against the mattress. “Ow. My head,” she said.

  The digital clock on her dresser read six twenty-three. Almost an hour and a half past the time for the medicine. Josh sat on the bed and touched her arm. “I’m sorry. I’ll bring your medicine right over.”

  When he returned, Sofia was slowly walking back from the bathroom, with a hand to the wall. Josh set the glass down and hurried to her side. “Hey, you’re supposed to call me.”

  She sat against the pillows, closed her eyes, and took a breath. “I couldn’t wait any longer.” She opened her eyes. “Did you have to push a glass of water at me every time you woke me up?” Hands trembling, she took the pill from his hand and swallowed it.

  “The release papers said to keep you hydrated.”

  Sofia nodded slowly. “How did you end up in my bed?”

  His neck heated. “I’m so sorry. You must know I’d never take advantage of you.”

  “I know, don’t worry. I’m just curious.”

  “You were crying in your sleep when I came in around three-thirty.”

  Sofia cracked her eyes open and gave him a puzzled look. “I can’t remember.”

  “I sat in bed and held your hand for a little while and you calmed down. I must have fallen asleep after that.” What a sorry excuse.

  Josh walked to the bedroom door and stood at the opening, rubbing his temple. “I’m really, really sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  “I don’t know how my stink didn’t drive you away.” She wrinkled her nose. “I need a shower really bad.”

  He hadn’t noticed any stink. “Don’t even think about it.”

  Sofia blew out a breath. “I know I can’t.”

  “I’ll get started with breakfast.”

  Josh rummaged through Sofia’s pantry shelves, looking for ingredients. He gathered them onto the kitchen counter. Then he found a large bowl in the lower cupboards, filled it halfway with warm water, and carried it to Sofia’s bedroom.

  He knocked on the doorjamb and she opened her eyes. “If you take it easy, I’ll let you take a sponge bath.” Josh scooted the chair closer to the bed and placed the bowl of water on it. Sofia watched him.

  In the bathroom, he gathered her comb and an elastic, the bottle of shower gel, and the deodorant. It felt weird to poke around into Sofia’s things, but she needed help. In the linen closet, he found two washcloths. He returned to the bedroom and set them all down on the bed, close to her.

  “Remember, take it easy and don’t try too hard,” Josh said.

  Sofia gave him a little smile and brought her fingers up in a mock salute. “Sim, senhor.”

  He smiled and saluted back. She was making jokes. That had to be a good sign, right?

  *

  Sofia finished braiding her hair and tied the elastic around it. Josh’s thoughtfulness and kindness had warmed her heart when he had brought the water and supplies without making her feel any more uncomfortable than the situation was. The sponge bath would have to do for now, since taking a shower was out of the question until she felt better. At least now she’d recovered half her dignity after washing, changing clothes, and braiding her hair. Combing or brushing still made her head hurt too much so she’d used her fingers, hoping the tangles wouldn’t grow too unmanageable.

  Josh knocked on the door.

  “Come in.” She sat against the headboard.

  “Feeling better?” He smiled.

  “Yes, thank you.” At least he hadn’t had to look in her underwear drawer.

  “Do you want breakfast here?”

  Sofia swung her legs over the edge of the bed. “As nice as that sounds, I need to get up and start walking again.”

  Josh rushed to her side. “No marathons yet, please.”

  He extended his arm and Sofia used it for support. When she finally sat down at the kitchen table, Sofia blew out a breath. “Who knew a concussion took so much out of you?”

  Josh turned to the stove. “I had a mild one in my junior year when I played basketball. It took me a few days to feel back to normal, so you definitely have to take it slow.”

  Yes, recovery took time, but each day away from work was a day less of pay. If they hadn’t replaced her already.

  When Josh set a plate in front of her, Sofia’s eyes widened and words failed her.

  “I hope you’re hungry,” Josh said. “You do like pancakes, don’t you?”

  Three perfectly round, fluffy pancakes, smothered in syrup and peach slices. She raised her eyes to him and smiled. “I’ve never had any before.”

  “Yikes. That’s a lot of pressure.”

  After offering a prayer, Sofia took the knife and fork and bit into it. “These are really good; thank you.” She savored the flavor and texture. “I thought you needed special ingredients to make pancakes. And where did you get the syrup?”

  “Pancakes are easy. Just flour, sugar, eggs, and water to mix.” Josh took a forkful and swallowed. “The syrup took a little more thinking. It’s usually store-bought, but I did a little research online and foun
d an easy recipe for a sugar-based syrup. The peaches are from a can at the back of your pantry shelves.”

  “This is really good.” She was impressed with his cooking abilities. Apparently, there wasn’t much Josh couldn’t do.

  After breakfast, while Josh cleaned the kitchen, Sofia settled down in the living room with the phone in her hands. First she had to call her boss at the café, then the social worker with Mother’s case, and lastly, Margarida.

  Forty-five minutes later, Margarida answered the phone.

  “How are you feeling today, Sofia?”

  “A little better, but I have to do everything really slowly. I’m still too dizzy and my head hurts. And you?”

  Margarida sighed. “I either stay in the bathroom or I take a large bowl with me.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “It’ll be worth it. How are you spending the time?”

  Sofia blew out a frustrated breath. “I just got off the phone with Mother’s social worker and my boss.”

  “Paulo went by the café and talked to her.”

  “She mentioned that. I was afraid she was going to fire me, but she put me on leave. Unpaid, of course.” At least Sofia had a job to get back to. “And I also talked to the social worker about Mother.”

  “How did that go?”

  “She said they did a psychiatric evaluation and admitted Mother for long-term care.”

  “Can they do that?”

  “They can, especially since I’m unable to. But Josh is taking me to see Mother as soon as I’m feeling a little better.”

  “I’m sure you’re looking forward to that.” Margarida’s voice took on a curious tone. “How is it working with you and Josh?”

  Sofia craned her neck but couldn’t see where Josh was. She lowered her voice. “He cooked breakfast this morning. American pancakes from scratch with syrup.”

  “I’m impressed.”

  “I was too. He also cleaned and he checked on me during the night.” She better keep from Margarida the part where Sofia and Josh woke up together in bed. Too many ways to be misinterpreted. “I think he also did a load of laundry and put it out on the line, but I haven’t checked yet.”

  “You can’t go sticking your head out the window to look at the clothesline.”

  “I know.” It was so frustrating not being able to do things for herself. “I just hope there weren’t any pieces of underwear in that load.”

  Margarida chuckled. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “Maybe it’s okay for Paulo to hang your underwear on the line, but Josh and I aren’t married.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to take him? He sounds like a good catch. Cleaning, cooking, fixing things around the house.”

  “Ana Margarida, it’s not funny.” Sofia definitely couldn’t tell her about the bed episode. Margarida would have a rushed marriage license in their name the next day.

  A muffled sound came over the phone, followed by a low moan. “Margarida?”

  “I’m not feeling well. I gotta go.” She hung up.

  Sofia stared at the screen. That didn’t sound like fun. She didn’t even have time to say goodbye to Margarida.

  The sliding door opened and Josh came in from the balcony carrying his laptop.

  “I didn’t know you were out there,” Sofia said.

  His beard was a few days past the stubble stage, the dark hairs contrasting with the blue of his eyes. “Just working on some pictures and some other business stuff.”

  “Do you need your equipment?” she asked.

  “It can wait.” Josh sat next to her and rubbed a hand on his chin.

  The scruffy look and old jeans did nothing to hide his appeal. Quite the contrary. Sofia raised a hand to her face, hoping to cover the blush on her cheeks and the wave of attraction that swirled in her chest. Too bad she couldn’t hide her frumpiness.

  His forehead wrinkled in concern. “Does your head hurt?”

  No, but her heart did. “It’s okay,” she replied in a small voice.

  “I think it’s past the time for your medicine.” Josh rose and walked to the kitchen and returned a few moments later with a glass of water and the pill.

  Sofia swallowed it and drank the water while Josh watched her. Was it her medicated mental state or did his eyes stray to her lips several times? She broke eye contact and set the glass down on the coffee table. “Obrigada.”

  “De nada.” Josh cleared his throat. “Are you tired? Do you need a nap?”

  Maybe that would be the way to get him out of her apartment to get a break from caring for her. “I’ll take a nap if you promise me something.”

  “Anything you want.”

  That’s all she needed. Sofia smiled. “While I’m sleeping, you’ll go out to your hotel room and run errands and do whatever else you need to do.”

  Josh stood. “What if you need help while I’m gone?”

  “I’ll be sleeping, which means I’ll be fine. Besides, you just said you’d do anything I wanted.”

  He shook his head. “That’s not fair.”

  “It’s what I want.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “To get rid of me?”

  Sofia matched his eyebrow. “To let you have a break.”

  “You drive a hard bargain.”

  She sat sweetly waiting for his agreement.

  Josh walked back to the sofa and extended his hand. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your bedroom.”

  Once in the bedroom, he lowered the blinds while she got under the sheet. “I have to go shopping anyway. Your fridge is empty.”

  With the sunlight blocked, Sofia closed her eyes and settled against the pillow. Maybe a nap wasn’t such a bad idea. The dreams would be welcome.

  *

  What Josh needed was a couple of hours away from Sofia to put his thoughts in order. The poor girl was recovering from a severe concussion and he’d wanted to kiss her. Again. What was wrong with him? What a creep.

  It had been some years since he’d been close to a woman. He’d consciously avoided relationships with the opposite gender, the kind that could lead to intimate situations. Despite his inactivity in the church, he’d never consider physical intimacy unless he was married, and marriage was the last thing he’d wanted after the divorce. He’d almost forgotten the force behind physical attraction, the all-consuming fire and need to be together with the one special person. Temptation was real and it burned fast, especially when he wanted Sofia as much as he did.

  Being with Sofia in her apartment, around her belongings and caring for her, was too much like playing house and too easy to forget he couldn’t have her. So Josh went back to his hotel room for a quick—mostly cold—shower, a beard trim, and a change of clothes.

  Before he left to the grocery store to stock up Sofia’s fridge, he checked his email inbox and found his older sister’s name at the top. Laureanne lived in Utah and he hadn’t seen her in a while. Curious, Josh clicked it open. The email was longer than he’d anticipated and he scanned the lines for bad news. But she only asked when he was coming back to the States, saying how they were planning a surprise birthday party for Grandpa Conrad. He’d be eighty-five in a few months.

  Josh sat in front of the laptop and pondered her request. Did he want to go back to Utah, even if just for a visit? He hadn’t returned since the divorce, hadn’t seen mom and dad, his older sisters, or Grandpa. There had been phone calls and emails, but not in-person contact. After a few minutes, he turned off the computer. He could write back to Laureanne later, after he warmed up to the idea.

  If he found the courage to return to Utah.

  In a few more minutes, Sofia would arrive at the psychiatric hospital where Mother had been since the episode. Almost a week now.

  Josh had come early for Sofia and waited while she got ready. Not wanting to reinjure herself, her movements were still a bit slow and measured, and some dizziness persisted. Josh kept a close watch on her, giving her room to be independent despite his overprotective te
ndencies.

  After caring for her for two nights, Sofia had convinced Josh she’d be all right on her own. He’d spent two more days at her apartment during the waking hours but having him around to share the day-to-day life like a couple had been hard on her. Josh was an attentive and kind roommate. How easy it would have been to get used to this pretend life. Four days was all she could take.

  The doctors hadn’t cleared her to return to work for another week and even though she’d been inside since the accident, Sofia couldn’t go another day without visiting Mother. Anxiety was a constant and she feared for Mother, not knowing the hospital or the situation.

  Josh drove up to the main door. “I’m going to drop you off here while I park.” He looked at her. “But please wait for me in the foyer.”

  “I’ll be all right.”

  “I’m sure you will, but this is your first time outside. Plus, it’s a stressful situation.” A car behind them honked. “Please, for my peace of mind.”

  The concern in his eyes and the pleading in his voice undid her last resolve, and she nodded.

  Sofia walked to the reception desk and inquired about Mother. Then she found a seat nearby and waited for Josh, catching her breath. Her head didn’t hurt as much anymore but the dizziness was a problem, more than what she was willing to admit to him.

  Josh walked in a few minutes later and when he made eye contact with her, his shoulders visibly relaxed and his face opened in a smile.

  “Thanks for waiting for me, Sofia.” He took her hand and she stood. “Are you feeling okay?”

  Holding hands with him, yes. “I am.”

  They took the elevator to the fifth floor. As the doors opened, a sense of dread filled her heart. Sofia stopped. The nurse’s station was halfway down the brightly illuminated hallway, flanked by closed bedrooms on each side. At the opposite end, someone moaned loudly. Closer, someone else sang a prayer to the Virgin Mary. Sofia’s heart skipped a beat and her hands started sweating. Why had they placed Mother in a mental institution?

  Josh squeezed Sofia’s hand and when they reached the desk, his arm came around her waist. He had no idea how much she needed his support.

  “I’m here to see Manuela Monteiro.”

  The nurse wore a white uniform. “You may have a few minutes with her before the doctor comes.”