by Lexxi Chase
Then why can’t I get her outa my mind? He’d closed his eyes, finally giving in to his fluctuating emotions, and let himself remember Amanda in all her splendor. He reveled in her gorgeous blue eyes, absolutely perfect centerfold body, velvet smooth skin, luscious full lips and soft, shiny incredibly long blonde hair draping like an alluring veil down to her waist and across her firm, inviting breasts. Her radiant smile, innocent laugh, intoxicating perfume...Then, with a gasp he’d sat bolt upright. I can still smell it, he thought, and knew Jake would too if he came into the room. He’d doused the sheets, chairs, virtually everything in the room with his cologne before bolting into the bathroom for the most cleansing shower he’d had in his life.
Tossing the towel over the shower curtain rod, he glanced again into the mirror, certain he’d calmed down, then almost literally leapt out of his skin at the knock on his hotel room’s door.
“Who is it?” Can I sound any less uptight, he berated himself silently, standing frozen waiting for a response.
“Billy.”
Yanking the white hotel robe on as he walked, he hastily tied the belt before swinging the door open.
“What’cha up to?” Billy asked as he sauntered inside.
“Nothing. Why?” Zack looked like a deer in headlights.
Billy stared at him, amused for a moment, then simply said, “Relax man, no one’s gonna tell Jake that Amanda was here. We’re not sayin’ nothin’. When’d she leave?”
Fuck, Billy will wonder why she stayed so long.
“’Bout an hour ago. Had to wait to get a flight.”
“Mmmm...bet you were sweating buckets whole time she was here.”
Zack’s heart jumped, “What d’ya mean?!”
“Relax bud,” he said laughing, “Jake’s got you petrified. Shit, you only got the bitch some clothes dude. Not like you fucked her or anything.”
They both laughed, Zack more easily than he would have thought. Thinking, no I sure didn’t fuck her. Christ, if Billy only knew.
“’Sides, Jake’ll have a whole shitload ‘a more important crap to worry ‘bout than you helping his bitch get home once he hears ‘bout the newest bullshit flyin’ all over the internet. About him and Amanda and that crazy motherfucker Wade.”
“What you talkin’ about?” Zack literally felt the blood drain from his face.
Billy pulled up Wade’s Facebook on his phone for Zack to read. Shayne had sent him the link soon after all hell broke loose in cyberspace.
“All we need is for Jake to flip out again. I swear, it’s gonna be worse than last time. It’s lucky Amanda’s already gone,” Billy shook his head. “You know Jake. He never leaves things alone and this’ll just get him juiced up again. Shit, it’s not like Amanda’ll ever admit she fucked this dude, even if she did.”
Zack’s stomach churned. They both jumped at the knock on the door. Billy walked over and opened it. Jake strolled inside, his newest whore in tow.
“What’s up guys?”
Both Billy and Zack looked like they needed a serious shot of rye. Regaining his composure first, Billy spoke. Better to get this over with, he thought. Hearing it from us might soften the blow. And not hearing it from us will only make Jake ask why in the hell we didn’t tell him. He’ll never believe we didn’t already know.
“Just heard there’s a whole bunch of bullshit on the internet. Guess your tweets with Amanda got things goin’ again.”
“Things?” Jake’s eyebrow arched. “What things?”
Lifting his arm, he casually swept his bangs from his pensive, warm green eyes. The attentive brunette beside him sighed as he ran his fingers through the length of his long brown hair, sending it cascading down his shoulders and down past the middle of his back. He was calm. Calm, Zack was thinking, things are always calm before a hurricane. We’re in the fucking eye of the storm.
“Uh, ‘bout all the things, y’know the shit that led to ya bein’ arrested,” Billy said, careful to specifically not mention Jake’s more than three day brutal attack on Amanda. Vigilant to not lay any blame.
Jake stared at his two bandmates, dumbfounded. He’d fully expected his tweets, especially his pic of himself with Amanda, strategically gagged and bound with his black silver studded belt, to incite shitstorms on the internet and within his already chaotic world, and hers. More rocket fuel to blast Heart of Steel further over the top, deeper into the ranks of legendary autobiographies and the timeless novels that had come before it.
Not like I’m doin’ this to quadruple her sales or boost her already flourishing career, he’d been thinking. He’d done it, he knew, to show his fans, her fans, the world, that he wasn’t the monster she and the bloodsucking press had made him out to be. He’d shown everyone Amanda’s true nature, her ulterior motives, and set the record straight that he’d been, and still was, simply giving her another good long swallow of the particular type of bad medicine she felt only he could provide, the addicting venomous elixir of infused pleasure and pain she refused to live without and endlessly craved.
So why was Billy being so hesitant to elaborate? And why did Zack look like he’d just been cornered by a rabid hyena and was about to throw up his own spleen?
“Get to the point,” Jake demanded, unnerved, irritated, and anxious to find out what the hell was actually going on.
At an uncharacteristic loss for words, Billy scrolled through his phone to Wade’s challenge and handed his cell to Jake. Without even realizing it, he and Zack both stepped backwards anticipating Jake’s response. The brunette leaned in innocently, entwining her arms in Jake’s to read with him but he roughly shoved her aside. Wonder if he’s hit her yet, Zack pondered, but wisely kept his thoughts and questions to himself.
Jake’s expression darkened as he read. His face tightened. His normally light green eyes flared brighter, widened, then narrowed and stormed. His lips set firmly in heightening rage as he read, then re-read, the conclusion of Wade’s impulsive tirade. I’m who you got the real beef with. Ready anytime you got the balls to try.
Silence weighed heavily but no one stirred or spoke. Zack realized he’d been holding his breath and forced himself to breathe, as quietly as he could. Billy stood rigid and motionless, quickly glancing at Jake and then back down at the floor. Even Jake’s newest whore knew enough not to move a muscle or look right at him or anywhere in his vicinity at all.
Everyone scrambled as Jake broke the silence, his mocking voice growing louder as he raged, “Well isn’t this just motherfucking priceless?! That fucking disgusting rancid piece of insignificant stinkin’ dog shit thinks he can talk to me this way? Who the goddamn fuck does he think he is?! No one knows him. No one cares! He’s nothin’ to me,” he paused, leaned forward and stared at the floor. When he raised his head, looking up just a few moments later, his eyes were shadowed, piercing, and his voice, now a gravelly whisper, was racked with pain. “He’s nothin’ to Amanda,” he said and handed Billy back his phone.
Still, no one spoke. No one moved, even as Jake paced around them, crazily tangling his hands in his long hair, sweeping his bangs roughly from his eyes, breathing hard as his face flushed redder by the moment with simmering, boiling, erupting, engulfing rage.
Then finally, gaining strength and the momentum to act in the face of impending disaster, Billy stepped forward, but just an inch, towards Jake and said, “Relax man. Don’t give this asshole what he wants. He’s just tryin’ to get a reaction outa ya. He just wants to upset you, but he’s not even worth it.”
Jake spun and glared at him. He knew that by now all the social media, especially Facebook and Twitter, must be going absolutely berserk with rantings yet again about Amanda’s well-publicized play date with Wade and his own iconic “final incident” with her that followed. After all, it was the most popular, widely publicized and discussed real life horror since O.J. allegedly slashed his ex-wife into so much mincemeat. The goddamn paparazzi, regular press, TMZ, the rest of the bottom feeders and multiple Steel Demon fan forum
s were for sure on orgasmic fire by now with this new and latest development.
Wade. Jake’s stomach rolled. That parasitic colossal mistake from Amanda’s past just kept re-emerging like some sick diseased maggot that refused to die. He’d caused everything. Amanda’s sleazy fall from grace when she slunk back to Conroy in a hysterical daze instead of dealing with shit like a mature rational human being. His own total and utter loss of control in dealing with her degrading antics and just the thought of Wade even laying so much as a finger on her. Her recent groveling belated confession when their reunion wasn’t going her way and his current engulfing agony of betrayal and festering, eviscerating emotional wounds.
Wouldn’t the entire world just love to fucking know what Amanda had left out of her book, how sickeningly low she’d sunk in Conroy and what type of gutless, filthy revenge she was capable of. Wouldn’t that piece of scumsucking shit Wade just love to tell the whole world all about it? It was just a matter of time. That fucking cheap cunt whoring bitch! Amanda’s responsible for all of this too, Jake thought. And now they were both making him look like some sort of stupid gutless idiot.
“They’re both gonna goddamn pay!” he screamed at Billy who stood nervously in front of him, “I’m takin’ ‘em both fuckin’ out!” he raged, then stormed over to the nightstand, grabbed a lamp and smashed it over and over and over again into smithereens against the wall.
“Jake please...”
“Fuck, you’re destroyin’ my room!”
Billy and Zack pleaded together. Jake’s newest ride slithered off the dresser where she’d been sitting and, momentarily indecisive, headed towards Jake. Zack saw her from the corner of his eye and reached out to stop her but she slipped past him and ran, stopping uncertainly just in front of Jake. He glared at her, his eyes storming, spewing hatred.
“What the fuck do you want, cunt?!”
She gasped. Billy quickly yanked her backward and stepped ahead. I gotta calm him down. Before he does something stupid. Before he goes after Amanda. Before he absolutely slaughters Wade. Before he’s arrested again and Steel Demon implodes and disintegrates into meaningless, useless mythical dust.
“Fuck, Jake. Wade’s nothin’. Just some crackhead dickless loser itchin’ to get into the limelight. Amanda doesn’t give a shit about him. She just wanted to get ya worked up, get ya jealous. That was ages ago. He’s just still tryin’ to use that for his five minutes of fame.”
Jake straightened, breathing deeply. He raised his arm and brushed the long wisps of bangs that were hanging into his turbulent moistening eyes.
“She fucked him,” he said, his voice low, bitter and defeated.
Here we go again, Zack thought, but remained silent. All the while his mind was racing about how the press would handle this new explosive situation, now and once it played out. He shuddered. With Jake it was likely to play out in only a limited number of barbaric ways and each was worse than the choices before it.
“She told me,” Jake continued, resigned, “Last night when I pissed her off. She admitted everything. Amanda can’t stand to keep anything from me forever.”
Zack gulped.
Jake’s face flushed and then he was screaming, “I told you goddamn motherfuckers that I was right! She got what she deserved then and she and her ass-licking backwoods boyfriend are both gonna get what they deserve now!”
“She actually said that? She told you she fucked him?” Billy asked, stunned, even as he knew he should be trying to diffuse the situation, not fuel it.
“What’d I say?!” Jake screamed at him.
“Oh my God...”
“Fuck...” Billy and Zack moaned in unison.
How the hell did she make it out of here alive, they both wondered. So did the brunette. She’d heard enough, and now seen enough of Jake, to pretty much have her fill. Well, almost. He looked so incredibly sexy when he was angry. So remarkably sweet and refreshingly innocent when he was in pain. So vulnerable and real. She sighed but catching herself, was careful not to make any other noise. Jake’s labored breathing, his fury, was the only sound in the room. Until Zack’s cell rang making everything that came before the call nothing but a simple nightmare in the face of the blazing apocalypse that followed.
***
Rachel leaned back and closed her eyes, letting the warm silken soothing water rise up and slowly encircle, then cover her breasts. This is a rare treat, she thought, and one I need, she told herself as she leaned further back in the tub to escape her frazzled day. I should be cleaning, cooking supper for when the kids get home from school, for Matt when he gets home from work. But she quickly pushed those thoughts aside. I don’t do enough for myself. And then unexpectedly, in stark realization, I don’t really think I deserve it.
Doing her best to concentrate on how inviting, safe and comforting the water felt, she struggled, then unsuccessfully gave in, to the thoughts and emotions invading her mind. Would I be happy with my life, my children, Matt, if Alison hadn’t metamorphosed into Amanda? That transformation was certainly something she’d never expected, never conceived would happen in a thousand, a million years. I used to be the special one, she remembered. I used to be the gifted daughter mom and dad reserved the highest aspirations for. I used to be the one to get all their attention, the one most likely to succeed. But not now. Not anymore.
Although their dad passed away just around the time Amanda’s big cat show began to gain notoriety and momentum, their mom remained to witness her overwhelming success and rapid rise to fame. While on the most base level Rachel received accolades from their mother for being the most rational, down to earth and stable of her two now mature children, on another, deeper, subliminal level, she knew their mom reveled in Amanda’s raunchy but respected success.
Damn her and her enhanced boobs, shimmering long blonde hair and beguiling good looks. Fuck her for her natural talent at bewitching wild animals and for her precious symbiotic relationship with her big cats. I liked her better, but not all that much, when she was simple white trash like the rest of us, insecure, struggling and jaded when Wade ditched her for Brittney, kicking her to the curb like so much used garbage. And then she fled. Escaped Conroy in tatters, in the depths of despair and headed for L.A. and Hollywood with that leeching wannabe Kathrine in quest of fortune and fame, at the very least to alleviate their pain and mortification at their life of sustained mediocrity.
And Alison, Rachel corrected herself, the idolized Beast Mistress Amanda, found it all, grasped the gold ring glittering in the sky and flew with it to ride stardom and adulterated wealth in all its glory. Even Kathrine, who got to call herself Katelyn, is above me, Rachel stewed, basking in her parasitic status as confidante and assistant to the revered Queen of the Jungle. Fuck them both!
Rachel slid under water to drown her thoughts and came up splashing, gasping, and raked back her long brown hair from her face and eyes. Whatever. She sunk back to try and enjoy her mid-afternoon delight that with the intrusion of her thoughts wasn’t turning out to be such a treat after all. Her indulgence ended anyway, abruptly, with frantic, deafening pounding at her front door.
***
Wade tossed the log into the largest pile and leaned over to grab and sort another. Normally this type of repetitive work was a welcome change from his more demanding tasks at Dawson’s, the sawmill just outside of Conroy. He usually enjoyed the chance to work at his own pace and liked the opportunities it gave him to think. About his plans, his dreams and his band. The songs he wanted to write and the tunes he was already working on. More often than not, his mind would drift to the women in his life, the ones he wanted to screw and the ones he’d already done or was currently doing. Both lists were long. But today Amanda dominated both of them.
He’d had her plenty of, really countless times, before and after they’d graduated high school. And of course he’d really given it to her like a panther exploiting heat as the grand finale to their infamous play date just over five years ago. And although he wrest
led to deny it, Jake’s mocking, debasing, self-righteous tweets made him realize just how much he wanted to be with Amanda again, even if it was just to spend time with her. She was warm, sweet nectar, an addicting gift from the gods. She got under his skin until her hypnotic essence coursed through his veins. He never should have dumped her so long ago.
“Bring your lunch or you wanna go for a burger?”
Jesse headed towards him, smiling.
Wade thought of the bland, flat cheese sandwich and apple in his lunchbox and quickly said, “Burger it is and at least a couple beers. What are you lookin’ so happy about?”
Jesse laughed cheerfully, producing the dimples at the corners of his mouth the ladies loved so much.
“You know me, man. I’m always fuckin’ happy.”
“Yeah, right. You sneak a joint on your break?”
“Nah. Thought we’d have one now on the way to Bernie’s.”
They strode across the parking lot and climbed into Jesse’s Dodge Power Ram 1500. Jesse grabbed a joint from his glove box and lit up as they pulled out of Dawson’s side lot. By the time he went to hand it to Wade he had to jab him in the shoulder to get his attention. Wade was busy with his cell, engrossed on his Facebook page.
“Hey! Present for you asswipe.”
Wade grabbed it and took a long drag.
“Anything interestin’? Facebook still goin’ nuts?”
“Shit’ll take me an hour to go through, but nothin’ amazin’.”
They were passing Mustang Cherry’s on the right and Wade turned his head for a good long look. Same familiar red-and-gold-lettered sign, the words squeezed between a rearing buckskin horse and a huge red cherry with a bite out of it. How fucking tacky, he thought, and much worse when it glittered at night. What creative art school graduate thought it up, he wondered, even while admitting to himself that he usually liked the place. When it wasn’t slapping him in the face with bittersweet memories and irreparable regret, when Heartbreaker, his band, played there on occasional weekends. He felt Jesse’s eyes on him and turned his head.
