by Aven Ellis
It’s all I can do not to laugh as I take the picture with Cade’s phone.
“Got it,” I say. I hand the phone back to Cade.
“Now to send it to Jupe,” he says gleefully.
I watch as his fingers fly across the phone screen.
“I told him he has ten minutes to get here with his costume on or we start cutting,” he says mischievously.
“Awesome,” Gavin says.
Buzz!
We all look at Cade’s phone, knowing it’s probably Jude with a string of British swear words for Cade.
“I should put this upstairs,” Gavin says, lifting up the costume.
“Tremblay!” a male voice yells. “We need you on the deck for pictures!”
“Here,” I say, taking the costume from Gavin. “Just tell me where I can stash it.”
“Thank you, that would be great. You can put it in my room,” Gavin says. “Second floor, third door on the right.”
“Callahan, come on,” a guy dressed like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shouts. “You, too!”
Cade glances at me as if to see if I’m okay with him leaving my side.
“Go,” I say, nodding. “I’ll put this upstairs and meet you on the deck.”
“Don’t be too long,” Cade says.
I make my way through the party toward the floating staircase. I head up to the second floor and locate Gavin’s room. It’s completely modern, like the rest of the house—decorated in shades of gray, white and black with sleek furniture. It’s obvious it’s the purse dump spot because there are some dropped on the floor next to his bed.
I stop when I see a beautiful woman dressed like Khaleesi from Game of Thrones. She must be Veronica. She’s talking with Madison, a girl I sat next to at a game who is dating the other alternate captain, Paul Phillips.
“Excuse me, I’m just going to place this here,” I say, smiling at them.
Madison smiles. “Hi, JoJo, good to see you tonight!”
I smile back. Madison was pleasant, but I got the impression she isn’t interested in getting to know me beyond superficial conversation.
“You, too,” I say.
Veronica smiles at me. “So you’re the new Cassidy. I’m Veronica, nice to meet you.”
My stomach tightens when I hear the name of Cade’s ex pass her lips, but I refuse to let my anxiety filter to my face. I force a smile on my face and lock eyes with Veronica.
“I’m Cade’s girlfriend, JoJo Rossi,” I say.
Her icy blue eyes flicker with interest when I say “girlfriend.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” Veronica says. “And surprising at the same time. You’re completely different from Cade’s usual type.”
“Pardon me?” I ask, confused.
“Cade’s previous girlfriends have all been blond,” Madison clarifies for me. “You’re the first brunette.”
Girlfriends? I knew Cassidy was the last one, but how many have there been before her? I realize I have no idea.
Am I one of many?
An icy cold feeling fills my chest.
“The last break up hit him hard, according to Gavin,” Veronica says knowingly, stroking her cascading locks.
“Paul said that, too,” Madison confirms.
I realize if guys in the locker room knew Cade was broken up about the relationship falling apart, he must have been completely in love with her. His pain must have been obvious.
My panic continues to rise. Unlike me, who realized Marco was a mistake and the breakup was a gift from the heavens above, does he secretly wish he could be with Cassidy now if he could have her back?
“Cassidy was everything he wanted,” Veronica declares as she continues to play with her hair.
My panic is replaced by anger. I want to cross-check her.
“Sometimes what you want changes over time,” I say, challenging her.
“Yes,” Madison interjects. “And I’m sure you have so many of the qualities that are important to Cade. Like I bet you are a really adventurous girl, right?”
I’m going to be sick.
“Um, no, I’m not,” I admit, as Veronica has somehow hit on my one insecurity.
Veronica’s eyes widen in surprise. “Really? Cade is such an outdoorsy guy. I swear that is what he and Cassidy did every free moment. Mountain biking, kayaking, hiking, fishing. Those two lived outdoors. They invited Gavin and me camping once but I was like ‘hell, no’. I think Cade thought there was something wrong with me.
“He bought her this amazing Christmas present—an adventure at an eco-camp in Greenland this past summer,” Veronica continues. “Kayaking with whales and hiking on the tundra. He was so excited about it. Too bad she broke up with him right before he could give it to her. I heard he was going to propose to her there.”
I feel as though my world is collapsing around me. These girls were around during the Cassidy period of Cade’s life. I know he says he doesn’t mind that I’m not outdoorsy, but he never mentioned the elaborate trip he planned for her or the fact that he was going to propose. Is that true?
Nausea rises in my throat.
Cassidy fit him in ways I do not.
In ways I never will.
Maybe that is the real reason why he wants to take things slowly.
Not because he was hurt before.
But because he’s unsure if I’m the sort of girl he wants as his forever.
“Um, if you’ll excuse me,” I say, working with every power I have to keep my voice from breaking, “I’m going to head back.”
“Oh, okay, well, nice meeting you,” Veronica says, smiling at me.
“I’ll catch up with you in a bit,” Madison says, not meaning it.
I nod and head out. I go down the hall and find the guest restroom empty. I slip inside and lock the door behind me.
Facing the mirror, I take a good hard look at myself.
But it’s hard to see through my tear-filled eyes.
I’m in love with a man who might never love me back.
And with that thought, I burst into tears.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
I reach for a wad of toilet paper and blot my eyes. I have to pull myself together. I mean, what am I going to do? Pull Cade aside right now and ask him if he’s falling in love with me? Is he going back and forth in his head wondering if he sees a future with a girl who falls on hiking trails and runs fishhooks through his knee? Am I a novelty choice? Maybe he’s trying me out as something new. What happens when he wants to explore the side of some mountain in a remote area and I tell him I can’t because that kind of vacation sounds like a nightmare to me?
I lift my eyes and examine my swollen, blotchy face in the mirror. If I lived Skye’s mantra and waited to fall in love, I wouldn’t be crying right now. I’d be drinking a beer by Cade’s side on the deck, having fun and not worrying.
But I’m not Skye.
I don’t want to wait and see.
I want it all from him.
I want his love.
And there’s no guarantee I’ll ever get it.
“Dammit!” I yell at myself. I throw the toilet paper in the wastebasket and bite my lip.
How can I be so together at work and such a mess when it comes to my heart? How?
Buzz!
I sniffle and retrieve my cell phone out of my bag. It’s Cade.
Did you get lost? Where are you?
I drop my phone back in my purse. I need to act like nothing is wrong, put on a smile, and have fun with my boyfriend. This is not a conversation we should be having while we are still supposedly taking our time and figuring things out. If I want to keep Cade, I’m going to have to swallow my feelings and insecurities, as hard as that will be for me.
But I’ll do it for him.
For a chance at us being forever.
I pull open the door and find Maxime on the other side.
“Oh!” I gasp, surprised.
“There you are,” Maxime says, smiling at me. “Cade’s looking for you.”
“Right,” I say, my voice thick.
Maxime’s expression turns serious. “What’s wrong, JoJo? Have you been crying?”
I blink. Oh, God no. Maxime can’t know about any of this, nobody except Nonna and Sierra can.
“What? Oh, I’m fine, just allergies,” I lie.
Veronica and Madison come down from the third floor, and Veronica stops at my arm.
“So lovely getting to know you,” she says, smiling. “I look forward to talking more later.”
Then they head to the first floor.
Maxime watches them and turns back to me, his eyes intense. “What did she say to you?”
“What? Nothing,” I say quickly.
Maxime takes my elbow and guides me back to Gavin’s room. I don’t fight him, as his quiet determination tells me blowing him off isn’t an option.
He guides me to the edge of the bed, and I sit down. Maxime sits next to me.
“What did she say to upset you?” Maxime asks again.
“Nothing.”
“I know you don’t really know me, JoJo. You don’t have to trust me or tell me anything, but Cade is one of my closest friends, on and off the ice. You’re important to him, which makes you important to me. And if I can dispel any crap Veronica said, I’d love to do it.”
I study his blue eyes, and I see nothing but sincerity in them. Maxime loves Cade, and he’s made me a part of his tight-knit circle because of that bond.
I know I can trust him.
I clear my throat. “You can’t tell Cade this.”
Maxime nods. “Okay.”
“She brought up Cassidy. Pointed out how different I am from her.”
Maxime’s expression gives nothing away. “And that upset you?”
“I don’t know if I can be everything Cassidy was for Cade,” I admit. “Adventurous. Athletic. That’s not me, Maxime. It never will be.”
He is silent for a moment before speaking.
“Don’t you think if Cade wanted those things he’d find them?”
“What if he’s just looking for the opposite of Cassidy?”
“How is that bad?”
I shake my head. “But what if I’m not enough, Maxime?”
To my surprise, Maxime stands up and walks toward the door before turning toward me and locking his eyes on mine.
“But what if you’re everything?”
Then he turns and walks out.
My heart stops. His words repeat on a loop in my head.
What if I’m everything?
Could Maxime be right? Could my differences from Cassidy be a positive, rather than a negative? Cade could have an adventurous woman, but maybe that’s not everything to him.
If Nonna were here, she would smack me for doubting Cade in the first place.
Has he told me he loves me yet? No. But he does want to be my boyfriend. He chose me, knowing I’ll never climb a physical mountain with him.
Maybe that’s not the mountain he wants to climb with me.
I spring to my feet and catch up with Maxime, putting my hand on his arm and bringing him to a stop.
“Why don’t you have a Maid Marian?” I ask. “Because you’re one amazing guy.”
“I don’t need Maid Marian to put a chink in my armor,” Maxime teases.
Oh, you so do, I think to myself. I have a feeling Maxime will be tough to crack, but the right woman can do it.
Just like Cade cracked my resolve to not be involved with anyone after Marco.
“There you are!”
We look up and see Cade coming up the stairs. He flashes me a huge smile, and love for my aviator pilot fills my heart.
“I got sidetracked with girl talk,” I say, thinking I had better girl talk with Maxime than I did with Veronica and Madison. “Maxime found me.”
Cade links my hand with his. “Come on. Jupe’s downstairs in his Pot Noodle cup. It’s better than I imagined.”
I grin at the man I love, trying to push away my fears and focus on what we are building together.
“Is he still calling you a knob?” I ask.
“I’m the knob of the year. A grade A wanker. And a few other choice words that may as well have been French because I have no idea what they mean. But come on, you have to see it!”
Cade leads me down the stairs, and I turn and look over my shoulder at Maxime. He winks at me, and I have nothing but gratitude for him.
I’m in a good place. I have an amazing man. I have a welcoming group of new friends. I have a fantastic job with a boss I can handle. I’m learning new things every day. And I’m doing it all in a city I want to call home for the rest of my life.
It’s okay if Cade hasn’t told me he loves me yet. He doesn’t have to.
I just have to believe he’ll get there. And he will, but on his own time, not mine.
And if waiting means I’ll get my forever, I’m more than okay with that.
***
“So are you okay with Skye crashing on our couch tomorrow?” I ask Sierra while finalizing plans for Skye’s tasting tomorrow.
It’s a rainy Sunday in November, and there’s no hockey game on the schedule. We’re lounging around our apartment before going out to dinner and a movie with Cade and Jude.
“Of course,” Sierra says, flipping through channels on the remote from her seat on the sofa. “She’s so nice, and I’m sure she gets sick of hotels.”
“I think she wants more time to hang out with us,” I say, tucking my legs underneath me as I sit in an oversized chair.
“Jude will taste the brownie batter on my behalf,” Sierra declares, pausing on Say Yes to the Dress.
“So will Maxime. He’s a chocoholic,” I say.
“Ugh, I can’t imagine anything grosser.”
I grin. Sierra’s intense hatred of chocolate never ceases to amaze me. Who can hate chocolate?
A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts.
I glance at Sierra, whose brow is furrowed.
“I’m not expecting anyone,” she says.
I get up and go to the door. I check the peephole and am surprised to see it’s Cade, holding a Pyrex glass dish.
“It’s Cade,” I say, and I open the door.
“Hi,” he says, his eyes sparkling at me.
“Hi, yourself,” I say, grinning as I let him in.
“I know I’m seeing you tonight, but I have a surprise for you,” Cade says, putting the glass baking dish down on our table. “I just made this myself. For you. It’s pumpkin crunch.”
“For me?” I ask, moved by his sweet gesture.
“Well, you hiked and fished for me, so I thought I’d try baking for you,” Cade explains.
Oh, I love this man.
If only he knew how much.
“Cade, this is so sweet,” I say, staring at the cake in disbelief. “I can’t believe you went to all this trouble.”
“I wanted to show you I could try my hand at your passions, too.”
I’m so moved I want to cry.
“Thank you,” I say, hugging him tightly. I press my ear to his flannel shirt and hear this heart beating, and wish I could stay like this for the rest of the day. In his arms, hearing the heart of this soulful man beat against my ear.
Cade kisses the top of my head.
“You’re welcome. I know it’s probably not Josephine quality, but I’m dying for you to try it.” Then he looks over at Sierra. “You too, Sierra. There’s no chocolate in it.”
“You’re a good man, Cade Callahan,” Sierra declares, rolling off the couch and heading into the kitchen. “I’ll grab plates and forks. Is Jude coming up?”
“Yeah, I need to text him that you girls are here,” Cade says, taking out his phone.
“It smells amazing,” I say, inhaling the sweet scent of warm pumpkin and spices. “What’s in it?”
“You won’t break up with me if I say cake mix, will you?”
I laugh. “No.”
Cade lets out an exaggerated breath. “Whew. Good.
I was worried about telling you that part. It’s cake mix, pumpkin, evaporated milk—I Googled that ingredient, thank you—sugar, and spices.”
I love the image of Cade sitting on a flight somewhere looking up a pumpkin crunch recipe and trying to figure out what the hell evaporated milk is.
“You’re cute,” I say, leaning over and kissing his cheek.
There’s a quick knock on the door, and then we hear a key as Jude lets himself in.
“Is it time for cake?” Jude asks, stepping in through the door.
“It is, and there’s no chocolate!” Sierra declares excitedly, handing Cade a spatula.
Jude moves to Sierra’s side and wraps his arms around her waist. “I know that is reason enough for you to celebrate,” he teases.
I watch them together and can’t help but smile. Jude loves her so much, and I’m so glad they found each other.
And that I found Cade.
“Josephine gets the first piece,” Cade says, cutting into the cake and putting a piece on a plate.
I hear pride in his voice, and my heart swells with happiness. I still can’t believe he made this cake just for me.
“Here you are,” Cade says, handing me a plate.
I grab a fork and take a bite. Oh, no. Oh, no. I nearly choke because it is so dry. Like sawdust! I can barely swallow it, but I somehow manage to force down the powdery, dry cake. I know Cade has forgotten an ingredient, something to bind it and add moisture.
Cade is watching me eagerly, so anxious to please me, and I can’t bear to tell him the truth.
A white lie is definitely in order.
I clear my throat, trying not to cough. “It’s full of pumpkin flavor! So good, Cade!”
I pray Sierra and Jude will play along.
Sierra takes a bite, and I will her to say it’s good. I watch her, and I can see in her eyes she’s detecting the same problem I am. I bite my lip as she starts coughing.
“Yum!” she spits out. Then she falls into a coughing fit due to the sawdust texture of the cake.
Shit.
Jude pats her back. “You okay, love?”
“Wrong pipe,” Sierra covers.
“I’ll get you some water,” Jude says, quickly going to the fridge.
I watch as Cade stuffs a bite into his mouth. His expression changes to one of complete distaste. He knows the cake is hideous. He begins coughing and puts down his plate.
