by Karina Bliss
He clearly wasn’t up to hearing the truth today. But for both their sakes, there was something she had to do.
Pulling free, she got her bag, scrambling through the contents until she found the small velvet box zipped into the side pocket. “This belongs to you.”
Lee took the box and opened it almost perfunctorily. Under the sunglasses, his full mouth twisted. “I’d forgotten how big and shiny it was.”
“I had it cleaned,” she said awkwardly. “And insured.... I’ll forward the papers when you have a permanent address.” He was staying with Rob in the short term.
“How much did you insure it for?”
“Ten thousand.”
“Quite a sum. Sure you want to return it?”
“Yes.... Do you have to wear sunglasses for an eye problem?”
“No.” He snapped the box closed. “Remind me why you’re returning it?”
“I don’t want you feeling any sense of obligation,” she said, reaching up to his shades. “Can we take these—”
He caught her fingers. “Or is it that you don’t want to feel obligated to me?”
Her stomach lurched. “This isn’t rejection, it’s about giving you a clean slate.” His palm was rough. She glanced down and gasped at seeing the missing fingertip.
Lee released his hold. Mortified, Jules grabbed his right hand before he could hide it in his pocket, and clasped it tightly. His fingers trembled. Or hers did.
“I’m not rejecting you,” she repeated.
“So you love me.” The cynicism, the doubt, the bitterness in his voice stripped her bare.
“Yes.” Ironically she loved him more now than she had when she’d turned him down. But that didn’t make him any more right for her.
Lee smiled. “You are incredible,” he said. Jules frowned because the smile didn’t match his sharp tone. He strode to the window and her vision blurred, watching that familiar loping stride. All she’d had for nineteen months were freeze-frames of memory. “The guys are very protective of you, say you’ve been through a lot. And Rob and Connie consider you part of the family.”
“None of that matters,” she said. “Only what you want.”
He opened the box again and the sun caught the diamond, and refracted its light off his shades. “Yeah,” he said harshly. “Let’s give me what I want.”
In two strides he was beside her, catching her by the wrist and tugging her through the door, down a passage and outside where soldiers milled with relatives and camera crew. A military man, someone senior, Jules guessed by the brass on his uniform, was being interviewed on camera. “Great to have one of our own returned to us, and I’d ask you to respect his privacy while he reintegrates—” Catching sight of them, he paused. Cameras swung in their direction.
One hand still gripping her wrist, Lee held up the black velvet box. “Hey, everyone, my girl just returned my ring.”
The conversation trickled into silence. Jules weathered the stares. As long as Lee understood her motives it didn’t matter what other people thought.
“This wonderful woman has spent the past nineteen months comforting my family and friends.” Jules squirmed but his fingers tightened. “Now she’s suggesting she quietly disappear so I won’t feel pressured by a proposal my friends made on my behalf. What do you think? Shall I let her walk away?”
“No,” the crowd howled.
“I don’t think so, either.” He dropped to one knee and she saw her face, wide-eyed and startled, reflected in his upturned sunglasses. The wind ruffled his hair, revealing a jagged scar across his scalp. As if she needed another reminder of what he’d been through.
“Juliet...what’s your middle name?”
“Carmen.” Jules dropped her voice to a whisper, conscious of their audience. “What are you doing?”
“Juliet Carmen Browne, who loves me.” The box opened with a snap and the big diamond glittered. It seemed almost gaudy. Lee lifted his shades and for the first time in twenty months she looked into eyes the extravagant green of a tropical rain forest. Glittering like the diamond he lifted out of the box’s white satin interior. Feverish. “Will you marry me?”
Appalled, she looked beyond him to the expectant expressions of her friends. Claire was smiling and nodding through brimming tears, the guys were grinning, Lee’s brother and sister beaming.
She looked back at his upturned face.
“Or you can end this right now,” he said. Sunlight illuminated every hollow, every scar, every suffering-etched line of his. The diamond sparkled.
Swallowing hard, Jules held out her hand, watched as he slid the ring onto her finger.
“Kiss her,” Connie shouted. Lee pushed to his feet. Cupping the nape of her neck, he pressed his mouth to hers, hard. A stranger’s kiss.
“So,” he said. “Let’s go home.”
CHAPTER SIX
HE’D LET ANGER get the better of him. Lee splashed water on his face in the men’s room of the airbase thirty minutes later, then studied his scowl in the mirror. You think? With a growl he reached for a paper towel.
“Don’t resist the emotions that come up,” the shrink had advised. “Let them wash over you like waves and they’ll pass.” He hadn’t mentioned waves the size of tsunamis.
Trouble was, he’d been blindsided by the upsurge of longing when Jules had pressed her forehead into his jacket. I have to make you real. Through long months of captivity, he’d never expected to see her again, hold her. Breathe her in. Fall into those brown eyes with the gravitational pull of Jupiter.
Crushing the paper towel, he torpedoed it into the bin.
How dare this goddamned liar still make him feel something for her. With a straight face, tell him she loved him. You want to make this real, Jules? Then let’s get real in front of witnesses. He’d expected her to crack and confess when he’d put her on the spot with a proposal. Hey, it wasn’t as if she didn’t have practice saying no to him.
He’d seen the hesitation, her brief—too brief—struggle with the truth. Before she’d squared her shoulders and coolly accepted the ring. No doubt she figured she’d quietly dump him when the media spotlight passed on to the next novelty news item—a weather-forecasting goat maybe.
A public denouncement would hurt his family and friends, monkey in the middle of all this. The resulting publicity would also make it more difficult for him to sink into anonymity. He’d torture Jules’s conscience for a while before he dropped the “I know what you did last summer” bomb. Who knows, he might even win a confession. He needed her to own up to what she’d done, to take responsibility. Dammit, he deserved that much.
Grimly, Lee checked his watch, did a time conversion and popped a tablet of miltefosine. He washed it down with water straight from the faucet and tried not to gag. Determined not to sit around in a hospital, he’d insisted on oral drugs. Unfortunately, nausea was a side effect for the first few days, but he was doing his best to hide it. He’d had enough of being treated with kid gloves.
He stripped off his new, smaller uniform—his old size had made him look like a teen in his dad’s borrowed suit—and hauled on a T-shirt he’d borrowed from Ross and new jeans, which he still had to tighten around his lean hips with a belt. Then he inspected the weakling in the mirror. Clearly, he was months from combat fitness even if the idea didn’t send him into a cold sweat.
“There are noncombat options,” the C.O. had said privately. “Talk to Ross about them.”
Staying in t
he military didn’t appeal to Lee, but then again, nothing did. Now that the initial euphoria of his release had worn off, Lee found himself exhausted and strangely rudderless.
“Rebuild your health, rest, play, spend time with your loved ones,” the boss had ordered. “Then we’ll talk about your future with the service. And in the meantime you’re on full pay. I’m also chasing back pay, though red tape means it’s a couple of months away.” He grinned. “There isn’t a form for resurrection.”
Lee hadn’t been expecting that. “Thank you, sir.”
“We look after our own,” said the C.O. Lee had had to struggle to hide his skepticism. “I’ll see you in Auckland next week, now go home with your fiancée.”
His fiancée.
Savagely Lee replaced his shades. He wouldn’t tell Jules about the money. Not when there was interest to collect. Striding out of the men’s room, he told himself there was an upside to his impulsive gesture. He got to torture her longer.
Besides, he didn’t have to stay with his siblings. Both had expressed hurt when Lee hinted at staying with one of his buddies, but they couldn’t pull rank over a fiancée. Lee wasn’t sure he could do normal yet and with Jules he felt no compulsion to try.
He embraced this anger at Jules; it gave him purpose and soothed his uncertainty.
Guess he did have a purpose. Teaching his erstwhile fiancée that karma was a bitch.
He’d already said goodbye to his siblings so he was surprised to find his sister still there, waiting for him.
“Phil’s parked outside with the kids,” Connie said. “But I had a thought. Why don’t you and Jules come stay with us tonight? It doesn’t seem right parting so quickly.”
His relatives weren’t as good as his buddies at hiding their shock over his changed appearance. Harder to accept was Connie’s attempt to take his arm.
“Thanks but, as I said earlier, Jules has to work tomorrow.” Evading his sister’s help, he hitched up his loose jeans. “While I remember, did you keep any of my leather jackets for the boys to grow into?”
“Hardly, that would have been macabre.... Dad took them. Then after he passed—” Her green eyes filled. She regarded him helplessly.
Throat tightening, Lee tucked her into a comforting embrace.
“I’m supposed to be consoling you,” she wailed into his chest as he rested his chin on the top of her head. So little, his big sis. “It’s okay,” he rasped.
Patting his bicep, Connie pulled away and wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. “Anyway,” she said shakily, “I think your clothes ended up at a thrift shop.”
A thrift shop. Great. They’d given them away.
“Jules will know.”
All roads led to Jules.
They stepped outside. The sky was overcast. Lee lifted his face and breathed deeply. He could smell rain in the air. After months in a dank, dark cell he yearned for it. Misreading his hesitation, Connie guided him down the steps. Meekly he accepted her help. Thank God, he was leaving town.
“Won’t you reconsider?” she wheedled. “I made a welcome-home cake and the Jacksons were coming over specially to see you.” Lee frowned. How the hell did his brother-in-law’s parents constitute immediate family?
“We’ve talked about this,” he said patiently. “Give me a few weeks to settle in then we’ll do the homecoming reunion.”
He’d found he could only handle thirty, forty minutes of company before he flamed out. So his minders, both official and self-appointed, had kept this initial meet short. Fifteen minutes with the press, an hour with his nearest and dearest and then home with Rob. In Auckland. Near the resources of the NZSAS headquarters. It had all been carefully managed until he’d done the unexpected by proposing to Jules.
The proposal had changed plans substantially. The maverick in him liked the disruption he’d caused. The realist wondered what the hell he was doing. All he knew was he had to reassert his independence, his freedom. Scary as that was.
They reached Connie’s people-mover. Engine idling, Phil sat behind the wheel with the stoic expression of a man used to waiting for his wife. The three boys were iPodded to the max in the backseat. “I told her you’d say no,” Phil commented as Lee opened Connie’s passenger door. “You and Jules will want to be alone for a bit.” He winked.
“You betcha.” Only not for the reason you’re thinking.
God. Sex.
“No harm in asking,” Connie retorted, then visibly brightened. “We’ll celebrate your engagement at the homecoming party, too.”
“Great.” Lee dropped a kiss on her cheek. Just great.
As she secured her seat belt he noticed his three nephews staring at him as if he were some kind of alien. “Boo!” They jumped.
“For heaven’s sake!” Connie clutched her chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“Sorry, sis.” He and his brother-in-law shared a grin as the boys’ faces cracked into wide smiles. “Still the fun uncle,” Lee reminded them. Fake it until you make it. “I’m relying on you guys to bring me up to date with technology, too.”
“Jules and the guys are waiting for you in the parking lot.” Phil pointed over his shoulder.
“Thanks.” Lee held his smile despite a sudden wave of nausea. “See you all soon.” As soon as the vehicle disappeared, he leaned against the building, kneading his roiling stomach. He waited it out and straightened his shoulders. Unfortunately, there was still one set of gatekeepers between him and freedom.
He found the gang waiting next to Nate’s new four-wheel drive—the flight home had been spent discussing Lee’s vehicle purchase options. Pro-Ford Dan was driving south to Beacon Bay; pro-Holden Nate and Claire were heading north to a beachside settlement thirty-five minutes east of Lee and Jules’s destination, Whangarei. Only Ross, who’d nearly been jettisoned for insisting real men bought Land Rovers, lived here in Auckland.
Lee’s tribe circled Jules like a protective wagon. It should have been so different. Yeah, well, get over it.
Dan spotted him first. “We were just saying that your capital with the press will have gone sky-high with the on-camera proposal. If it becomes too much we’ll find you a bolt-hole.”
“I finally have freedom of movement and you’re suggesting hiding again? After the Taliban, I think I can handle a few journalists.”
“You’re underestimating—”
“Then I’ll call for backup.” Lee reached in his pocket and pulled out his new cell. “You programmed every number personally, remember, Shep?”
His buddies looked at Jules. “I’ll phone if we need you,” she promised. It was a changing of the guard, and Lee didn’t like it.
Ross leaned against Nate’s Holden, taking the weight off his lame leg, which had stiffened through the long flight. “Feed him up, won’t you, Jules?”
“I will,” she promised nervously. His sweetie was a soup-and-salad queen.
“I’ll courier some protein powder and bars,” Ross reassured her. “Along with the meal plan I used through rehab.”
But Lee didn’t want Jules reassured. “I can’t wait to exchange these ugly nurses for a pretty one.” He hooked an arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “Love’s the best medicine isn’t it, darling?”
She responded with the blank smile she’d defaulted to since she’d accepted his proposal. “I’ll go fetch the car,” she said, and hurried off. His gaze followed her, pulled like a dog on a leash, he thought disgustedly. He hadn’t
factored libido into his scheme because it had been dormant for nineteen months. Would Jules maintain this charade as far as sex? Would he? His body suggested it might consider the idea.
“You look beat,” Nate said. “Stretch out in the backseat on the way home, take a nap.”
“Next you’ll be asking if I’ve used the little boys’ room before my big drive.”
“I already know you have.”
Everyone laughed but when Nate put his arm around Claire, Lee glanced away. He’d never get used to seeing his buddy loved up with Steve’s widow.
“Come for dinner when you feel up to it.” Flicking her blond ponytail off her shoulder, Claire smiled at him. “My son is longing to see you. And if you need us at anytime—”
“Yeah.... A few quiet days first, hey?” Lee let his weariness show in his answering smile because it made everyone back off.
“Of course.” There were new layers of wisdom in the way she looked at him, as though she understood what he was doing—and why. He blinked. Then she kissed his cheek before hooking an arm around Nate’s waist. “Ready to go home, Wyatt?”
“Home sounds good.”
Grief hit Lee in an avalanche. He had no home. His unit had disbanded, his father had died and the love of his life was a liar and a fraud.
“See you and Jules at the farm next weekend, mate.” Dan gave him a light hug. Distracted, Lee hadn’t steeled himself for it and instinctively shoved his friend away. There was an uncomfortable silence as everyone scrambled to put a game face on.
Trying to make a joke of it, Lee managed a weak smile. “Since we’re in New Zealand how about we default to a Kiwi bloke’s farewell. See ya.” Don’t make a big deal of this. Please don’t make a bi—
Ross grabbed his jaw between his two large hands and smacked a loud kiss on his forehead. “See ya.”
Everyone laughed and the tension broke. Lee swatted the Iceman away. “I know you need practice but save it for your wedding night.” Where was Jules with the damn car?
