This should have launched Aditi into action—or compliance, or something. But it just made her plant her feet firmer. It made her an immovable block of concrete. “The books are printed. I’ve held up my end of the promotion, which the Jezebel post sprang out of. I’ve signed and sent out ARCs and done interviews, reviews are out in the world. If Faraday wants to take me on, let them. Don’t forget, I’ve got Druv. And the ear of women across America.”
“We have lawyers, too,” Michelle sighed. “But I don’t want it to come to that.”
“Then don’t let it,” Aditi replied, her tone flat. “Let us make books together. Good books.”
“Good books that aren’t based on other good books?”
Aditi took a deep breath. “I can’t talk to you now, I’m sorry.”
Michelle started to say something, but Aditi ended the call and let her friend’s voice fall away. She was done listening to this crap.
TANEESHA
Starwisp was still deciding Taneesha’s fate. Walking out of the HR meeting felt like being liberated from an alien ship. A place where every hallway was foreign, and the creatures spoke some language so unique she couldn’t even grasp the vague concepts. And she knew it wasn’t one-sided; they saw her this way, too, especially since the doxing. Taneesha was a Problem, with a capital P. Something to be solved, if only they understood what to do.
She wasn’t worried about getting fired anymore. She wouldn’t be, not as a goddamned unicorn, and not as a woman in a high-profile job who’d been victimized in a high-profile way. It would be too dangerous to make that kind of move. Still, at this point, Taneesha would’ve found that a relief. She hated to admit this, but it was true.
But then she would’ve had to leave Diego, and Lord knew, that was just getting interesting. She wouldn’t have stayed in Austin for just any guy at this early stage of a relationship, but she was glad she was getting an opportunity to feel it all out.
As excited as she was about seeing him later that night, Taneesha was anxious. She’d waited with fevered anticipation to finally nail this guy, but now there was a different element to it. It was a responsibility she wasn’t sure she could handle or even wanted to. He’d waited nearly thirty years to have sex for the first time. Taneesha wasn’t worried about his expectations, exactly. Their first time would likely be fast and a little awkward and they could build from there. That’s how everyone lost their virginity. She could be patient, and like Aditi said, she could teach Diego.
But she was the person Diego would always remember giving his virginity to. It was an active, conscious choice. And if he’d been so selective, he’d also be more disappointed if things didn’t work out. There was no way to know where their relationship would end up. She liked him—so much it was a little crazy—but she couldn’t predict the future. She didn’t want him to regret having chosen her.
The anxiety dissolved the moment she saw him. He’d cooked dinner for her, and she could tell he thought this was going to be “the night.”
Just a few steps inside the door, Diego pulled Taneesha toward him, fiercely kissing her. Feeling his warm, tickling breath and his lips against her skin, Taneesha forgot to be anxious. She also momentarily forgot they were supposed to have dinner and was more than a little disappointed when he pulled away again.
“We have all night,” he told her, tugging her lightly along toward his dining table.
“We could take all night,” Taneesha responded.
Diego laughed. He squeezed her hand but kept moving. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
So was Taneesha, but in an entirely different way. “All right,” she grumbled.
An hour later, they were finishing a chocolate tart that Diego had picked up from one of his favorite bakeries on the way home. Taneesha was still feverish and ready to rip his clothes off, but she had to admit that relaxing into dinner conversation was the right way to go. Things were perfect until Diego asked about her meeting at Starwisp.
“It’s just tiring,” she told him. “Always wondering what they’re thinking about me, saying about me behind my back. What decisions they’ll make about my future.”
“They’re probably not thinking about you that much at all,” Diego replied as he made short work of his dessert. “For them, I’m sure it’s a business decision. Much less emotion than you’d think.”
It was an odd thing to say, but men sometimes had these kinds of flat reactions. They meant them to be objective and rarely recognized that their words could actually be read as dismissive. But Diego had responded differently than Bobby and her friends when it came to the doxing; that wasn’t her imagination. He’d seemed duly protective but also less concerned about possible adverse outcomes than the rest.
“Are you saying I’m forgettable?” Taneesha asked, laughing.
Diego picked up her hand and kissed it. “Come on, now. That’s not what I’m saying. But we get this idea in life that people are so focused on what we’re doing, but think about your own life. You’re mostly focused on yourself. And your friends. And me, which is exactly where your attention should be placed.” He winked and this made Taneesha laugh again.
“Like the people driving in the cars next to us aren’t real people with real lives,” Taneesha replied.
“Exactly. We’re all playing a massive multi-player RPG and for all we know, the people we don’t directly interact with are AI. You don’t worry what the AI thinks of you.”
“You do worry how they’ll react and behave in relation to you,” Taneesha pointed out.
“True.” Diego shrugged. “But only insofar as it directly impacts you. Believe me, the guys you work with don’t care about the doxing, except as it relates to their own comfort and daily lives.”
Taneesha took a long sip of wine. It was an interesting thought, but it neglected an important part of the story. “Which I’d understand, except that some of them are responsible for the doxing. They actively caused this issue, and for petty, idiotic reasons.”
“What they did was wrong, no doubt, but I’m sure they don’t see their reasons as petty.” Mirroring her, Diego took a drink.
She stared at him for a moment, surprised that he was showing empathy to Steven and the trollbags, however flippantly. “Having your shit taken in WoW and retaliating in real life isn’t petty?” she asked. “You’re defending GamerGaters.”
Diego offered her another smile. “Of course it’s petty. But just because I don’t agree with the methods doesn’t mean that there aren’t larger issues at work here.”
Taneesha’s libido suddenly tanked. She could feel the heat drain down her body, replaced with daggers of ice needling her veins. He’d managed to turn her into a White Walker with a single sentence. “Enlighten me.”
Diego clearly didn’t notice that he’d stepped in it. He took another sip of wine and relaxed into the conversation, gesturing with his hands like they were talking about something silly and fun. “GamerGate isn’t all threats and hate. There are genuine criticisms they feel are being ignored. Everything isn’t about misogyny and bigotry.”
Taneesha stared back at him, feeling impossibly colder. “There are?”
“Yes,” Diego continued. “I agree that there are questions of journalistic ethics and political correctness run amok.”
“You’re a GamerGater.” It wasn’t even a question. Taneesha already knew the answer, though she supposed she needed Diego to say it out loud.
“I hate that label. I support women in gaming—and everywhere else,” he said. “What I don’t support is everything being turned upside-down to be PC. We didn’t get a female Assassin’s Creed character because, in the end, we didn’t really need one.”
“You don’t think it’s important for little girls to see themselves—or who they’d like to be—represented in media?” Taneesha asked.
“Yes, but does it need to permeate everything?”
“Gee, I don’t know,” Taneesha shot back, more sharply than she intended
. “Women are only fifty-two percent of the population. It’s not like our presence in the world permeates everything.”
“Neesha!” Diego seemed both irritated and perplexed. “You know me. You know I’m a good guy. You know I support women. But I’m trying to make a genuine criticism here and you’re shutting me down because it doesn’t fit with your agenda.”
“My agenda?” she asked incredulously. “Oh, Jesus. You really are an MRA.” Taneesha bit her lip, thinking for a moment before asking, “Do you troll?”
“I’m not an MRA and I’m not a troll. I’m an involved, concerned gamer. That’s it.”
“Are you an Internet commenter? A negative one? Do you say nasty things to people?” Taneesha pressed.
“No! Of course not!” Diego responded. He threw up his hands. “I don’t say nasty things to anyone, in real life or online. But I would wager most men don’t mean the things they say on the Internet.”
“You don’t think they mean it.” That was bullshit, if ever she’d heard it.
“It’s hyperbole.”
“Threatening women is fucking hyperbole?” Taneesha was repulsed. She wanted to get away from him, and as fast as she could.
“No one should be threatening anyone. But women threaten too. Does that make it okay?” he replied. She watched his face, which betrayed honest confusion. That was the hardest part. He wasn’t being deliberately obtuse; he really didn’t get it.
“No, it doesn’t,” Taneesha replied, her own tone rising. “But women have more reasons to be afraid than men. We’re followed and groped all the time. How do we know that the asshole on the Internet isn’t finally going to be the one to take it even further? These people have pictures of me that were taken only a few yards away. Why would I trust that they wouldn’t hurt me?”
“You’ve been groped? Like, in real life?” Diego looked truly shocked.
“Yes. When I was sixteen, a man brushed up against me on the bus and used the opportunity to reach up my skirt and stick his finger in my vagina.”
“What?” At least Diego sounded outraged by this. It pleased Taneesha.
“When I was nineteen, I offered to help a classmate study for a test. He thought that was an invitation to pull out his dick and try to forcibly shove it in my mouth,” Taneesha continued. “Nearly every time I’ve been to a club with friends, a guy has pressed his erection into my ass, or my hand. When I tried to dress up one day at work, people seemed to think I was ‘open for business.’ Those are just the ones that came right into my head, and I’m one of the lucky few who hasn’t been a victim of rape. Some of my friends don’t have the luxury of saying that.”
“I’m sorry, Taneesha, but I’d never do those things. That’s… that’s horrible.”
“It is! And that’s why it’s so upsetting to hear that you’re excusing these same men, who threaten and cajole, thinking we somehow intuitively know they don’t mean it!”
“I imagine it must be upsetting, yes, but that’s not all of it. Aren’t there just as many women who exaggerate and are too sensitive about everything?”
“Oh, hell no.” Taneesha would not be derailed by any #notallmen shit. “You said yourself. You have sisters, a mother, a grandmother, aunts. So here’s a heads-up—we’ve all dealt with it. Constantly. We just don’t talk about it because it’s the background noise of our fucking lives.
“Well, let me tell you something,” she continued, standing up. Taneesha had to be away from him, and quickly. “We’re so fucking done with it. This kind of hate, it isn’t funny. It isn’t cathartic. And women can’t get away with doing these things ourselves, but we’re expected to take it. Men rile each other up until someone actually feels entitled and furious enough to try to ‘take back’ what they think is theirs, and it’s always by force. And I’m a capable goddamn woman, but it’s not like I can physically stop some piece of shit who has six inches and fifty pounds on me.”
“Taneesha, please. You have to know—” Diego sounded both panicked and confused.
“I know you’ve got your head in the sand,” she replied, whipping her purse off a chair. “Or up your ass. Either way, pull it out and look at the world for what it really is.”
She walked out the front door and slammed it behind her. Despite the late hour and the dark night, Taneesha needed to escape on her own, without an escort. She assumed Diego would try to chase after her, but he didn’t. As she unlocked her car on the street and hurriedly climbed inside, she saw Diego’s curtains move. He was watching her, but he didn’t even have the courage to follow.
Starting the car, she began to shake. Taneesha was angry and sick and utterly shocked. Not sure what else to do, she dialed Christina and let the car’s Bluetooth pick up the call.
“What’s up?” Christina asked, answering on the first ring.
“Who’s that?” Vivi’s voice was muffled in the background.
“Taneesha,” Christina responded. “I’ll be in in a minute.” After a short pause, she continued, “Neesha, are you okay?”
Taneesha began to cry. “Diego is a GamerGater.”
“What the fuck?” Christina replied. It wasn’t the most elegant response, but it was appropriate.
Still crying, Taneesha also began to laugh. She couldn’t get a handle on her emotions. “Not only does he think I’m overreacting to being doxed, he thinks those assholes threatening women aren’t being serious. He thinks they’re just expressing irritation and doesn’t believe anyone in their right mind would act on that stuff.”
“Well, he’s right about that,” Christina agreed. “But most people aren’t in their right minds.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Taneesha replied, the tears flowing again. “I really liked him.”
“Go home and order the shittiest, greasiest pizza you can, then turn on FaceTime and your Roku and watch Die Hard with us. It’s streaming on HBO NOW this month.”
“I’m not going to interrupt your date night,” Taneesha said.
“Well, you don’t have to watch the movie, but you are staying on the line until you’re locked inside your own apartment,” Christina replied. “And I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“You know I love you, right?”
Christina grunted in assent. “Of course you do. I’m a fucking delight.” She hesitated, then added, “I love you, too. And Diego’s a fucking moron.”
CHRISTINA
It took about twenty-five minutes for Taneesha to get home, apologizing for holding Christina up the entire time. Christina knew that Neesha’s problems weren’t her own, nor was she trying to make any part of the immensely fucked-up situation about herself, but she was angry. Taneesha was one of the coolest, kindest chicks she knew, and Christina wanted to torch anyone who so much as looked at her friend cross-eyed.
She’d had the conversation on the balcony so as not to disturb Vivi, who was chatting with her mother about some upcoming family trip to Mexico. When Taneesha begged off the call, saying she just wanted quiet and alone time, Christina went back inside.
“Who do you love?” Vivi said.
“Huh?” Christina was confused.
“You said, ‘I love you, too.’” Vivi’s tone was polite, but Christina sensed a land mine.
Christina realized she was talking about Neesha and laughed. “Oh, that was Taneesha. I told you about her. She’s just a friend. But I do love her—as a friend.”
“Did you tell her you were busy?”
“I wasn’t,” Christina replied. “You were on the phone, too.”
“For, like, a second,” Vivi said, pouting a little. “Then you were gone. Is Taneesha the hot one from Texas? The one you’re always texting about that weird British sci-fi show?”
“Doctor Who. And Taneesha’s pretty, but straight. I promise you, we’re just friends.” Belatedly, Christina heard the reference to her texting. “Wait… Did you go through my phone?”
“I was waiting for you and you were ignoring me,” Vivi continued, her whining more
pronounced.
Christina wasn’t going to let this go. “Seriously. Were you looking through my phone?”
Vivi shrugged, not appearing to care that Christina knew. “It was on the couch while you were in the shower.”
“And how did you get past the lock screen?” Christina was bewildered. This was weird. She was basically an open book, but going through her phone was a huge invasion of privacy.
“It’s a four-digit code,” Vivi laughed. “I watch you punch it in all the time.”
“Um, I’m not comfortable with that.” Christina felt very out of sorts in that moment. She was insecure and uncertain—not at all what she was used to. She felt like she couldn’t get her bearings in this relationship. Was it just because she hadn’t been in a real, bona fide relationship before? Or was it Vivi herself? It was a little crazy to break into someone’s phone, wasn’t it?
“Babe,” Vivi replied, switching into her sweet mode. “Do you want to read my texts? My boring emails from my business manager? Or go through the Snapchat stories from my exes?” Vivi slid her phone out of her pocket and tossed it at Christina. “Two-six-two-nine.”
Christina caught the phone reflexively and stared down at it. “No. That’s your business.”
Vivi crossed the distance between them and grabbed Christina by the hair, pulling her in and fiercely kissing her. “I don’t care if Taneesha is hot or straight or if she’s into you and makes your eyes roll back up into your head. It’s just that our time together is our time. As for the stupid phone thing, I don’t care if people read my shit. I guess I assume everyone else is like that too.”
Okay… Was that an apology? Christina wasn’t sure. But she didn’t want to be mad at Vivi. Oh, God. She sounded like Elli. Having a girlfriend had turned her into fucking Elli. “So is mine. And if you want to see something, I’d just like you to ask.”
“Done.” Vivi kissed her again. “Now let’s get dressed. We have that dinner with the producer from Fox.”
“Is that tonight?” This relationship was a trial by fire. Her first paparazzi experience, her first step-and-repeat, and now her first high-level business dinner. Christina didn’t feel cut out for this kind of shit.
Geek Actually Season 1 Omnibus Page 38
