“Yes. The right to be equal to men.”
“But we’re not. That’s why we have to be sheltered and protected from outside forces. We don’t have the fortitude of men,” I answer, but even as I say the words I feel doubt stirring in my mind.
With a small smirk, Jane says, “You don’t really believe that, do you?”
A year ago I would have defended the beliefs instilled in me since I was a little girl, but not anymore. I once thought of myself as weak, and that my highest calling was to be a helpmate to my future husband. He would be strong, wise, and protect me while I had children and supported his endeavors. As everything in my life is burned away, I’m discovering I am not so weak after all. I have survived the Necromancer Trial twice. This time I don’t feel broken. Instead, I feel resolved.
“No, I don’t. Not anymore,” I reply truthfully. “Not after all of this. I’m much stronger than I thought.”
Jane smiles with satisfaction. “I’m glad you’re realizing that you’re much more than the Lost Texts dictates.”
I ask a question that I never would have asked before. “Are they true?”
Her smile fades and I fear I have offended her in some way.
“I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”
“No, no, it’s not that you asked. I’m uncertain how to answer.” Taking a deep breath, she visibly ponders how to reply.
“The truth, please. I’m so tired of people not telling me the truth.”
I watch my schoolmistress struggle with how to answer me. I dread that again the truth has been withheld from me. “Very well. The truth. The Lost Texts were discovered long ago in the remains of a church in the Irradiated Lands. There were just bits and pieces of the book left.”
“I know this story. Vanessa and Thomas Redgrave found them beneath statues of the mother, father, and child in the church. They pieced the fragments together to form the Lost Texts. The gods were pleased and spoke to them. The Redgraves were afraid at first, but then realized the gods had chosen them to be prophets. So they stayed in the church and listened. The voices of the gods guided them in filling in the gaps in the text.”
“There are some,” Jane starts carefully, “that believe the Lost Texts were actually a book of fiction. Bits and pieces of a book that belonged to someone who took refuge in that church, not an actual holy relic of the church itself. They believe that the Redgraves were inspired by the fragmented statues and faded paintings they found, and they melded icons from an old religion with the book they discovered. Some have gone as far as to suggest they hallucinated the voices of the gods.”
I stare at her in shock. It feels as though the floor beneath me is about to give way, but she continues.
“When they took their religion to the settlements in the Irradiated Lands, it gave people hope. The Lost Texts spread rapidly to the Outland Territory. Later, long after the Redgraves had died, people began to add their own interpretations to the Lost Texts and the stricter adherents became the dominate voice. The Atonement Settlement is a perfect example of the more rigid interpretation.”
“You don’t believe in the gods, do you?” I feel sick to my stomach and a piece of me recoils from her words.
“I believe in a higher power. A god, you may say. One with many faces, but with one truth: to be good and kind to one another. I truly believe that those who worship the gods of the Lost Texts are heard by the one god. Or perhaps the Three Gods are just three faces of the one god.” Jane smiles at me gently. “Faith that brings comfort in terrible times is to be treasured. But when faith is used to subjugate and hurt its followers, it must be questioned.”
“My entire life is a lie,” I whisper. The Lost Texts have been a central focus of my life, and I’m staggered by the thought of even doubting. But that’s what I’ve been doing bit by bit. It’s hard to tear away from the teachings that have been so central to my life.
“No, it’s not, Ilyse. The truth of your life is that you are a kind, smart, strong young woman unjustly accused by people who live in fear of what they don’t understand, and have skewed their faith to make them feel safer. I am here to help you escape from persecution.”
“How?” I ask helplessly. “How can anyone help me? Can’t you hear them out there screaming that I’m a murderer? How many people have they convinced?”
“Bale was not a pious man. We both know that.”
I don’t dare answer her out of fear that I’ll incriminate myself.
“Ilyse, I know Prudence tried very hard to convince you to meet with her brother. Another young girl overheard her and told me.”
“Oh.” Aspects of my life have not been as secret as I thought. I am very vulnerable in the face of that revelation. “I see.”
Jane takes a seat on the couch and pats the space next to her. I join her, feeling numb and detached from the world.
“Ilyse, I know all the young women in this settlement. Every young woman up to the age of twenty-eight has been my student. Many of them have confided to me about their troubles when no one else would listen or perhaps understand. I know about Bale, Ilyse. I have wanted for years to bring him to justice but couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“His victims would not speak out against him out of fear of losing their standing.”
“Victims?” I stare at her with dread building in my chest.
“About five years ago, a young student came to me because she was pregnant. She was desperate. Her family didn’t know yet and she was four years away from her Bridal Auction.”
Anger boils inside me. The girl would have been around Carrie’s age. “Was it Bale’s child?”
“It was. She was terrified. I was able to help her through my connections with The Republic.”
I stare at her in confusion. “I don’t understand. How could you help her?”
Jane hesitates. “I’m telling you these things because I believe I can help you, Ilyse, but you must not repeat what I say.”
I nod. “I won’t. I promise.”
“I got her medication to stop her pregnancy.”
My eyes widen in horror.
“She was several weeks along. If she had waited any longer, I wouldn’t have been able to help her and she would have been discovered. She would have been Unclaimed, had her child taken from her, and possibly exiled to the Deadlands.”
A part of me judges the girl harshly, while another piece of me wonders what I would’ve done if faced with such a future. It’s too awful to even consider.
“What would’ve happened to Bale?” I ask.
“Since the Atonement Settlement eschews technology, there would have been no way to prove he was the father. Worse yet, she refused to accuse him. He threatened to tell everyone she was sleeping with many men and seduced him. That he was the true victim.”
“Would the Elders believe that?” Even as I ask the question, I know the answer. Women are seen as weak and prone to evil deeds. “They would have believed Bale and punished her.”
“Exactly.”
“What happened to her?”
“She married four years later and is happy with her husband and their five children. She was the first student to tell me about Bale pursuing them.”
“But not the only one.” The memory of his fervent kisses, demanding hands, and demented confidence sends a shiver through my body.
“Some gave into his seductions, others he coerced. Most came to me to determine if they were pregnant or not. Most weren’t. And those that were…” She lowers her eyes. “The choice they made was not easy. I helped them out of compassion. You do see that, right?”
“I don’t know what I would have done,” I answer truthfully. “His family is telling everyone he was a devout young man and I’m a murderous whore! I can see why no one dared speak out.”
“That’s why I’m here, Ilyse. A few of the young women are considering speaking out but they’re afraid.”
“I understand. It would be too dangerous. If they’re married,
they’ll be considered tainted. Their husbands will have grounds to divorce them and marry a new wife.”
“Sadly, that is true for the ones who are married.” Jane faces me directly. “But the women considering speaking out are Unclaimed, Ilyse. Before they do, they want to know if you’re really his victim or not. The official story says Prudence accused you of killing Bale, but you have an alibi with your sister and claim you never met with him.”
“I didn’t. I never went to meet with him,” I reply, and it’s the truth. Bale had found me when I’d gone to visit Quade.
“So he never accosted you?”
I lower my eyes, unsure how to answer.
“What you tell me I will not tell anyone else unless you give me permission.”
“Why won’t they just come forward?”
“With Bale dead, they feel safer and their inclination is to remain silent. At the same time, a few are worried that you were one of his victims and they don’t want to see you unjustly punished.”
I nervously tuck my hair back from my face. “Do they think I killed him?”
Jane shrugs one shoulder. “I honestly don’t think they care.”
“Why do you believe the Elders will give any credence to what they say? They’re Unclaimed.”
“They won’t go to the Elders. They’ll go to the Wescotts. The family’s reputation is precarious in this settlement. A generation ago they were almost exiled due to an infraction against Lost Texts. They were smuggling liquor and other illegal contraband into the settlement. They paid recompense and have worked very hard to repair their standing. If half a dozen young women show up on their doorstep telling the same story about their son, they’ll have reason to reconsider their accusations.”
“So the Unclaimed would blackmail the family to stop them from accusing me.” It makes sense. If their standing is tenuous because of their past, the Wescotts have to preserve what’s left of their name to protect their younger children. Their oldest daughter is now Unclaimed, a mark against the family. If their son is an accused rapist, too, it will definitely sink their standing and sully their remaining children’s future.
Jane solemnly nods. “An appeal to the Elders may not work, but gossip would do wonders to bring down the Wescotts.”
“I didn’t have relations with Bale but he did try to speak to me during the attack of the Unblessed. When he spoke to me, he said I would eventually give in to him. That all Pious Standing girls do,” I say truthfully.
Jane’s lips tighten into a straight line.
“What is it?”
“He said that to more than one of the girls.”
Bale’s arrogance the night he died makes awful sense. More and more, I don’t regret killing him. “I didn’t meet with him, but he was convinced I would.”
“Of course. He’d successfully had his way, with or without their permission, with other girls. With the young women in our settlement desperate to keep their standing, he was protected. He was certain he wouldn’t get caught.” Jane sighs and grips both of my hands. “I don’t know who killed him but I am glad he’s gone.”
“It sounds like many families would have a reason to want him dead,” I reply. “Husbands, fathers, brothers…”
How easily I cover the truth. I’m not sure when I became such a good liar, but I’m glad I discovered the skill. It may keep me alive.
“Very true indeed. Which is why this will work. I will speak with the girls when I leave here. Your life will soon return to normal. I promise.”
I know it won’t, but I bob my chin anyway. “Thank you.”
“Oh, one last thing.” Jane reaches into her purse and pulls out a tablet. Activating the screen, she lays it on my lap. “For you.”
I stare at it in confusion for a second, then realize it’s a message from Quade. I look up at her sharply.
“Mr. Reed was your witness at the test, so I spoke to him. I wanted to know what happened. I was very concerned for you and Carrie. During our talk, I discovered he’s an intriguing young man. Like me, he sees your potential. He said you stood up for yourself before the Elders and he was impressed. He asked me about the Bridal Auction, so I told him about the tradition. He wants to help you, Ilyse.”
I return my gaze to the screen. I read the words over and over again. One simple sentence: Will you accept my marriage offer?
“This isn’t the same as going to the Academy but he believes you deserve a chance to find a life beyond the settlement.” Jane watches my response closely. “He can participate in the Bridal Auction since he’s a landowner even if he is a little young, but he wants your permission.”
How different Quade is from Bale. I appreciate him making the effort to contact me before acting. I’m especially pleased that we both came to the same conclusion about how to save me. “Tell him yes.”
“Excellent.”
“But can I go to the Bridal Auction? I never took my final exam.”
Jane smiles and pats my hand. “I passed you on merit. Don’t worry about your future. I’m making sure you have a clear path to your full potential.”
“Thank you so much.”
As I return the tablet, I’m surprised to see my hand isn’t shaking. My insides quiver with anticipation and fear. I’m uneasy at the alliances taking shape around me even though I’m not present. Of course, I should be happy that Jane is so staunchly on my side. Angelina was one of her best students. Jane had been devastated when she’d gone over the wall. I wonder if maybe that’s why she’s so determined to help me.
“Now, about the topic your father wished for us to discuss.”
“My aunt spoke to me,” I assure her. “She must not have told my father.”
With a sigh of relief, Jane tucks the tablet away. “Well, I won’t need to show you this information then.”
I’m surprised to see her blushing and I smile at her awkwardly. “Is it different for women out there? Are they embarrassed to talk about… relations?”
“It depends. In some places, people are very open about everything. Surprisingly so. I remember when we first went to The Republic, I saw women wearing skirts above their knees, blouses with no sleeves or that showed cleavage, shoes with high heels, and any color they liked. It felt so scandalous but after a while it just seemed normal. When we returned here, I missed that freedom.” With a weary sigh, she says, “I still do but I’m needed here.”
“I appreciate what you’re doing for me,” I say as we both stand.
“I’d rather see you fight back than die.”
I freeze where I stand. Her words are eerily similar to that of the necromancer. I stare at her with growing alarm as she picks up her purse and settles her bonnet over her hair.
“It’s terrible that someone so young has not only endured the test once but twice,” she says while tying her bonnet. “And now you face an accusation of murder.”
Cautiously, I say, “I feel as though the Elders still doubt me even though I passed the test and are looking for an excuse to prosecute me. All because my mother was a necromancer.”
Jane gives me a sorrowful look, her bonnet shadowing her face. I’m reminded of the necromancer watching me. “We live in a cruel world with death walking outside our walls. People fear what they don’t understand.”
“You mean the necromancers?”
“The power of the necromancers.” Jane sets a hand against my cheek and stares into my eyes. “What the people of this settlement don’t understand is that their fears will eventually destroy them.”
I’m uncertain how to reply. My hands have gone numb and icy.
“I’ll see you soon, Ilyse. Don’t be afraid. You have many people on your side.” Dropping her hand, she moves to open the door. I watch her depart the parlor with a sinking heart.
I find it difficult to move after her. I force my feet forward. I was taught to be courteous to guests, so I trail after her for a final goodbye at the front door. I watch her walk, her long cloak swinging around her. Is Jane the
necromancer? Have I been naïve? Is that why she’s trying to make certain I’m not judged a murderer? Is that why she sought out Quade? These questions and more buzz around in my head like insects, blotting out even her voice as she bids me farewell at the doorway.
With one last reassuring smile, she leaves while the protestors scream at me before I shut the door. I slump against it, completely shaken. I’m tempted to turn and fling it open and call her back to demand answers but fright keeps me rooted inside the house.
If Jane is the necromancer, it might be dangerous to confront her. And if she is the necromancer, what does she want from me? What if she is working together with Quade? What if all of this is some sort of trap?
I don’t know who I can truly trust anymore. Have I made a terrible mistake in agreeing to let Quade bid at the Bridal Auction?
When my father finds me leaning against the door looking pale and worried, he pats my shoulder gently. “All women are nervous about their weddings, Ilyse. Do not fret. I am certain you will be won by a good man who will be kind to you.”
I stare at him, and for a crazy moment, I want to tell him everything. I want him to protect me like he always had in the past. But then I remember that he stood by and let my mother be executed.
With a curt nod, I brush past him.
“Ilyse?”
I reluctantly turn to face him.
“Is something else wrong?”
There is suspicion and fear in his eyes. I realize he suspects me of hiding secrets from him but is trying to protect me anyway.
I shake my head. “No, of course not. I’m going to try on my wedding gown now.”
With a satisfied smile, he says, “You will be a beautiful bride. You have such a wonderful future in front of you.”
I force myself to return his smile. “Yes, I know.”
Another lie to add to the web of lies wrapping ever tighter about me. The only question is who is the spider about to consume me? Jane? Or someone unknown?
I fear I will soon find out.
Chapter 17
Warnings
Sitting on my bed, I lean my back against the wall and watch the early morning light seep through the curtains, turning the world gray. The muted light matches my malaise. I’m so lonely despite being trapped in the house with my family.
The Unblessed Dead Page 18
