Strictly business, Robin. Strictly business with a nice co-worker. Even if it does oddly feel like he’s been your friend for a long time. Remember: He has a girlfriend. A girlfriend. And you’re pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.
“How about next week?” Bobby asked, opening the door for me.
“Next week? For what?” I clicked the car unlock button on my key ring.
“For lunch. Next Monday sound good? Or are you taking some vacation for the holiday?”
I rattled my brain, trying to remember if I had anything planned for Monday.
“I think that should work. Sounds great,” I said somewhat nervously. Maybe this “strictly business” thing wasn’t as strict as I’d thought. He did seem eager to make sure we had another lunch planned. This one had happened by chance, and I didn’t think he’d enjoyed it that much that he’d really want to do an official repeat. So soon. I mean, don’t get me wrong—I could easily stare at him and breathe in his cologne over another lunch.
“Then next Monday. Noon. It’s a date,” he said, shutting my car door for me and giving me a small wave. “See you back at the office,” I heard him say through my closed door.
Date? It’s a ‘date’?
I didn’t like the sound of that. I’d been that girl who stepped in between a relationship before. There was no way in hell I was about to make a repeat mistake like that again. I quickly started my car engine and rolled down the window.
“Monday. The date’s the ninth?” I sounded like a moron, but I was trying to squirm my way out of believing, or agreeing, to anything that connoted a “date.”
He chuckled. “Last I checked my calendar. See you back at the office, Robin.” He got into his own car, still laughing.
Well, you may have made yourself look like a babbling moron, Robin, but at least you feel better about this “date” thing. I do feel better. Don’t I?
Though I wasn’t keen on the mere mention of a date (whatever that was supposed to imply), I did like the idea of having another lunch with Bobby. I didn’t need to be the cause of a potential breakup, however, or any relationship discord with Bobby and his apparent girlfriend. Sure, we could do a lunch together. A planned lunch. A business lunch…
I started to pull out of the driveway. Enough time spent at Quiznos that afternoon; enough time being tortured by images of that sweet, curly-haired blondie standing in Trafalgar Square, cuddled up close to Bobby, clawing my eyes out and choking the life out of me for stealing her boyfriend.
I needed a vacation, and I needed one fast. Things were already strange in my personal life. Work didn’t need to become awkward too.
Chapter Twelve
“Is this exciting or what?” Jackie screeched from the front passenger seat of Lara’s luxurious Audi. Even the back seats were lavish and comfortable. I stretched out my legs and leaned my head back on the soft pillow of a headrest. Friday had finally arrived and in all its fabulous glory brought with it a holiday weekend filled with nothing but R & R—stylish R & R.
Lara wound her way through the nearly endless turns and hills and picturesque streets as we made our way into the Green Lake district, mere minutes from Chad’s parents’ home. I watched the vivid green of the tree-lined streets pass by, thinking not only of how surreal it was that in only a handful of months I was going to have a baby, but also about the simply stated fact that I was going to be doing just that—having a baby! Was I really ready? I don’t think anyone is ever fully prepared to have a baby—to go into labor, to bring into this world another person, to be responsible for it in every way imaginable. Yet prepared to love it? Absolutely!
As the weeks had passed, I continued reading You’re Going to Be a Mother and learning of my baby’s size each week (“approximately the size of a kidney bean,” “just about the size of a pearl onion now,” “Wow! The size of an apple!”). And as time went on, the love and adoration for my baby only grew. Yet with love, excitement, and sheer joy at the idea of finally meeting my son or daughter came naturally the overwhelming fear and uncertainty. I’d never done this before. I had never fathomed I’d be doing it so soon in life. And without the father here. When a girl dreams of her love life, of her happily ever after, and of having her first baby, she usually doesn’t picture my whole scenario.
But hey, the past is the past and there’s nothing I can do about it. Like Lara had told me: The future is yours and it will be whatever you choose to make of it. Whenever I grew weary thinking about going into labor and facing motherhood straight-on so soon, I’d remind myself of Lara’s prudent advice. So simple but oh-so-true.
So, little baby. I rubbed at my stomach, wondering if its head was on the right side of my womb right now, or maybe the left. Was he doing somersaults? Was she stretching her little arms or moving her tiny fingers? Well, your mommy will do the best that she can.
I sighed and looked out the window, the vibrancy of Seattle’s landscape (positively breathtaking in the summer season!) continuing to whoosh on by as Lara made her way closer to the mansion.
“I’m so glad Chad invited us all up here this year,” Lara said. “It feels like it’s been a while since we were all up here together, just chilling.”
“This is it!” Jackie practically screamed, pointing at the home that was undoubtedly the Harris mansion. Its opulent brick columns on either side of the privacy gate, complete with a key-pad and intercom, displayed the home address in sleek metal numbering on one, and a giant, ornate ‘H’ emblazoned on the other.
We waited for the gate to open once Lara buzzed the speaker, and as it rolled away a voice sounded over the intercom. “Where the fuck have you been?” Conner. And tipsy, from the sound of it. The loud thumping of bass could be heard in the background, accompanied by a tinny rapping voice. “The party’s started, girls. Get the hell up here. The par—”
Claire’s voice came on. “Sorry girls. Gate’s open. Park wherever.”
Jackie turned in her seat and gave me a huge grin. “Are you excited or what? Oh, I can’t wait to get my drink on!”
I laughed. “Oh, definitely. That’s what I’m most excited about.”
Lara peeked at me in the rearview mirror. “We don’t have to drink to have a great time, Jack,” Lara said, more to me than to Jackie.
“Speak for yourself, sister! I’m partying like there’s no tomorrow.”
“Do you party any other way, Jackie?”
No sooner had we gotten out of the car than Claire ran out of the house, a beer bottle in-hand, screaming. “This weekend is going to rock. I am so excited you’re all here!”
Once we unloaded the car (and after Claire yelled from the top of her lungs, over the pounding music, for the boys to make use of themselves and “carry their crap already!”) we made a beeline for the pool.
“You girls hungry?” Chad asked. He strode into the outdoor, poolside kitchen and tossed his empty bottle of beer into the recycling bin. “Mom likes to keep this place stocked when I’m home and have friends over.” He helped himself to another drink from the refrigerator.
Though the rest of the girls said they were all right, I had other plans. “I’m starved.” I found a bowl of fruit and immediately went to town.
“Hey, beer me already, will ya, man?” Conner called out from his floating lounge chair in the pool. His tan chest was oiled up like he came out of a tin of sardines.
“Conner getting his sexy man tan on for you?” I asked Claire, who was helping herself to an ice-cold beverage.
“Oh, I don’t know what he’s doing,” she said with a flip of her tight, blond curls. “He bought this oil when we stopped at Walgreens on the way up. He’s going to fry his ass.” She yelled to Conner, “Hey! Boyfriend! Don’t burn yourself to a crisp, all right?”
He tossed a carefree wave at her.
“I’m serious! We just got here. Last thing you want is to be all crisped out this whole weekend. And I’m not going to spend my vacation putting aloe all over your sorry ass.”
“You wan
t something else to drink, sugar?” Chad asked Sophie.
Sophie swayed up to the kitchen bar wearing the most adorable bright pink sari wrapped loosely around her hips, her long legs already looking as if they’d gotten some sun. She was wearing one of my favorite bikinis of hers: a white, very James Bond/Ursula Andress-style number, minus the whole knife-on-the-hip thing.
“Don’t call me sugar,” Sophie replied curtly. (Although Sophie probably wished she had the knife right about now…)
Chad flashed a toothy grin as he sauntered off.
Perhaps in an effort to avoid another possible Sophie and Chad incident, or perhaps to simply strike up conversation, I said to the girls, “Did you all read Emily’s email that I forwarded you?”
***
As dusk disappeared and as the poolside activities continued, even after a hardy picnic dinner, everyone tossing back cocktails or chilled beverages, lounging around, cranking up the music, and enjoying, well, youth, I started to wonder about what life would be like once my baby was born. Life had already taken a strong turn for me; it wasn’t going to become any more “normal,” nor were things going to return to “as usual” once I had my baby.
None of my friends were married and none of them had children. Even though Conner and Claire were practically married, they still technically weren’t, and the topic of children, as far as I knew, was not in near sight for them. Sophie, Chad, and Lara were single, and Jackie, too, although who knew how long that would last. Certainly none of them were even conceiving of having children in the near future. And Emily. She may have frequently been in and out of relationships that often became long distance or eventually fizzled, but she wasn’t going to get hitched or pop out a baby anytime soon, either.
And then, there was me. All right, so I wasn’t going to be hitched anytime soon, either, and that part of my life wouldn’t be changing drastically. But I was going to have a baby. The dynamics were going to change considerably. Would I still be able to randomly drive over to one girl’s place and hang out for the heck of it? Still be able to hit the clubs and the bars with the girls like I used to? Okay, so we didn’t go out all that much when I really thought about it. We all had careers that kept us busy, and in the few years that had gone by since we all graduated from college, we had found ourselves going out less and less often. But we still managed our girls’ nights, wherever they led us and whenever they happened. We could still put everything on hold for a night or a weekend and hang out, just us girls.
Now everything was going to change. I was going to be a mom and that whole young and fancy free lifestyle would no longer be what it was. Could my friendships withstand such a test once my baby actually came? Or would all of my friends still go out, still party, while I’d be left at home taking care of the baby? What would happen to me? To my friendships? To my life? Even thinking a few minutes about this made me feel awful, like I didn’t want or care about my baby. The contrary. It’s only natural, though, that these kinds of thoughts creep up. Would everything as I knew it really change? Could I really manage it? And would my girlfriends honestly be there for me? What would life be like after December seventh?
I suddenly felt extremely depressed. Sitting there, poolside, staying for a weekend in one of the most palatial homes I’d ever seen, among my best girlfriends, and I oddly enough felt terribly depressed. On the one hand I adored my baby and was thrilled that something so special and important was happening to me. On the other, I was terrified and a little sad about the things that I liked in my life that would most likely change.
“I want to go windsurfing!” Jackie said from her seat at the edge of the deep end of the pool, running one foot along the water’s edge and smoking a cigarette. I forced myself to crack a smile at her enthusiasm, trying to abate my sudden bout of depression.
“We can do that tomorrow afternoon,” Chad said. He flicked his lip ring with his tongue a couple of times, then stretched his arms overhead, yawning heavily. “By the time we get the gear out now it’ll be dark. And tomorrow we should have some nice breeze. Perfect for windsurfing.”
“I say we hang out by the pool, crank up the tunes, get in the Jacuzzi later…” Lara suggested.
“Yeah, get in your suit already, girl!” Chad said, tossing a beach ball at Jackie’s pixie-styled, bleach blonde head.
As much as I wanted to protest slipping into my suit (like that was going to help my mood), I knew the girls wouldn’t hear of me being a grouch. And I was among friends; no one was going to cast judgment on my ever-growing belly, my newly-arrived stretch marks, and my misshapen bathing suit form.
“Now, you look adorable!” Lara gushed at me. I emerged mopey-faced from the guest bedroom Lara and I were sharing on the first floor. I’d slipped into my favorite bikini, a navy blue number with large white polka dots. The bikini top fit tube-style, with a small knotted half-bow tied in the center. Simple and somewhat classic, but it was certainly more attractive when I wasn’t busting at the middle.
“Save it,” I said.
“You do look really cute,” Jackie said. “The preggers look suits you. Now come on, let’s get into the Jacuzzi.”
“I can’t,” I replied glumly. “Remember? Pregnant?” I made a drawn out face and pointed at my stomach.
Lara gave me a hug from the side and rubbed my arm, trying to cheer me up. “Come on, Robin,” she encouraged. “You look beautiful. Enjoy yourself. Don’t be bummed.”
Jackie plopped down on my bed and curled her legs up tightly into her chest. “Yeah, don’t be saddsy-waddsy, Robin.”
I dabbed at my unexpected forming tears. “I’m fine.”
Lara gave me another hug before pulling me over to the bed. I sat down next to Jackie, who immediately started to rub my back and asked what was wrong.
“Oh, these stupid hormones, I think.” I sniffled. “I don’t want to ruin anyone’s time. Can’t be a grouch. We’re on vacation, after all.”
“Oh, bullshit,” Jackie said with a floppy flick of the wrist. “Girl, troubles come before vaca. What’s wrong?”
“Well,” I started. I looked from Jackie, to Lara, then down at my lap. “I was thinking about how things will be totally different once the baby comes. That’s all.”
“Things will be different, yeah,” Lara said. “Of course they will be. But it’s nothing you can’t handle. And nothing we can’t help you with.”
Jackie: “Yeah! We’re here for you, girl.”
Lara: “What would make you think differently?”
“I—” I sniffled back the rest of the tears and stuffiness from my sudden crying spell. “I know things will be different. There’s no escaping that. I don’t want to lose you girls, though. You know?”
“You’re talking crazy talk!” Jackie said.
“Things will be very different with the baby and I guess…I guess…I don’t want to be left behind. That’s all. I don’t want to be that boring girlfriend who has the whining baby and can’t meet up for a drink or go to the movies or come and hang out randomly. And I know that sounds totally selfish.”
“It’s natural,” Lara said.
“Yeah. I figured that.” I pulled my hair into a sloppy bun. “I was only getting to thinking. That’s all. About how things will change.”
“Listen,” Lara said. She looked me straight in the eyes. “Listen to me. We know things are going to be very different for you. Different for all of us. But that doesn’t mean we’re bailing on you.” She pulled herself further up onto the bed. “We’re not going anywhere, whether you have a baby, two babies, a whole slew of babies. And Mr. Dreamboat down the road, too.” I let out a subdued laugh.
“What do you think our friendship is like?” Lara asked. “We’re only friends when we can all meet up at the bar, stay out all night, act like we’re still back in college or something?” Jackie was nodding vehemently. I think the cocktails were starting to get to her. “Anyway,” Lara continued. “We’re best friends for a reason. Our friendship will stand the tes
t of time, and that means when we all get married, have kids, and grow old, we’ll always be friends. We’ll always be in each other’s lives.”
I smiled, feeling the awful heaviness of my depression start to peel away. “I suppose it’s only normal that things change.”
Lara nodded, her head cocked to the side. “Of course they do.” She pushed a loose strand of hair from my face and tried to stick it in my messy bun. “Now, let’s get you to the pool. Just because you can’t use the Jacuzzi and or have a cocktail doesn’t mean you can’t hop in the pool and have a smoothie or something. Come on. Let’s have fun.”
Jackie hopped off the bed. “Yeah! Come on!”
“Even though I don’t look super hot?” I guffawed and looked down at my figure. It wasn’t horrible, but I still hadn’t gotten used to being pregnant and carrying around the extra weight.
“Puh-lease,” Lara said, exasperated. “I’m pushing thirty, babe, and I’ve got hips and an ass that refuse to quit.”
I laughed loudly. “What are you talking about?”
“Look at this!” Lara smacked her rear end. “What they say about the big three-oh approaching is all true, sadly. I can’t run enough to shed this unattractive poundage.”
“Whatever,” I said. “Come on. You’re right. To the pool. And girls.” Jackie and Lara turned to me as they were about to head out the door. “Thanks for cheering me up.”
Lara grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the room with them, and said, “That’s one of the many things we girlfriends are good at.”
She looked to Jackie, who was doing a small, childish dance on her toes, itching to get back to the party, “Duh!” she said. “Besides, did Carrie and Samantha blow off Miranda and Charlotte when they got preggers? No!”
When Girlfriends Step Up Page 14
