by Dorie Graham
A low light over a side sink near the bathroom cast a bluish-white glow over the room. The heart monitor and blood pressure cuff maintained the same steady rhythms they’d kept when she was last here, but the hiss of the oxygen was missing. The mood was subdued, quiet.
Robert stirred, moaning softly. Alex moved to his bedside as he rolled to his back and opened his eyes. He fumbled for his water glass on the nightstand. She resisted the urge to help him, until his straw sucked air at the bottom.
“Here,” she said as she refilled his glass from a pitcher on his bedside tray that was pushed off to one side.
He nodded and drank a little more before collapsing back on his pillows. “Hey.”
“Hey. How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been worse. I think they’re going to let me go home tomorrow.”
“That’s great, Robert. I’m sure Dad’s happy about that.” She gestured to Megan, asleep in the chair. “I’m glad to see he went home. I was going to boot him out if he was still here.”
Robert squinted at the wall clock. “He just left maybe an hour ago.”
She nodded again to Megan. “Maybe I should wake her up and send her to Dad’s. She’s going to be sore when she gets up. I know you don’t need a babysitter, but I can stick around for a while, but only if you’d like.”
“You and I seem to be on the same no-sleep schedule.” He shifted over and patted the bed. “Sit down, so you aren’t towering over me. I don’t like having to crane my neck to look at you.”
“Wow,” she said as she took the offered seat. “I feel honored. I’ve gone from family pariah to honored bed guest.”
“Don’t get your head all puffed up. Like I said, you were hurting my neck.”
“So, you’re still mad?”
“What would you have done if that guy had been alive?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I hadn’t figured that part out.” She was quiet for a moment. “Chase’s aunt Rena showed me a picture of him, of him and Mom. They were in this nightclub and she was all dressed up and was holding this martini glass and she was looking at him with this expression of rapt adoration.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I hated seeing that picture. Like, who was that woman? It certainly wasn’t Mom, not our mom. I think... I think if he’d been alive it would have been really hard to go to him after that. I don’t know. I might have for you—for the chance of him being a donor.”
Expecting an outburst from her brother, she paused.
“Go on,” he said.
“Well, it’s funny, because when I started I went solely for you, to find you a donor, even though you didn’t want that particular donor.” A short laugh escaped her. “I think if I’d actually found the guy, gotten him and you both somehow to agree to the transplant, your body would have rejected his stem cells. You didn’t want him on a cellular level.”
Robert chuckled with her. “You’re probably right about that.”
“Anyway, somewhere along the way it became more about Mom and more about me—about finding out how she could have done that. I just really wanted to understand who that woman in the photograph was, because she was some stranger to me.”
She inhaled slowly. “And then I guess I started to question who I was. I mean my own mother wasn’t who I thought she was and possibly my father was this Charles guy she loved in some way that didn’t fit with the rest of her life. What if he was my father, too? Who did that make me?”
“It makes you a royal pain in the ass.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Megan stirred behind her, sitting forward and rubbing her eyes. “What time is it?”
“Almost midnight, past your bedtime,” Robert said. “You should have gone with Dad. It freaks me out to have someone in here watching me sleep.”
“You don’t sleep,” Alex said.
“Are you going to stick around?” Megan asked Alex.
“I don’t know.” She looked questioningly at Robert.
He shrugged. “Suit yourself. Do you have a tablet or laptop or something I can go online with?”
“I’m sorry,” Alex said. “I have my laptop at Dad’s.”
“I have a tablet.” Megan pulled the device out of her bag. “Here you go.” She handed it to Robert. “I’m going to Dad’s, if that’s cool.”
“Sure,” Robert said. “You heading out tomorrow?”
She nodded. “I’ll stop by on my way out if you’re still here. My flight isn’t until one. I’ll be back for the tablet one way or another.” She leaned over and gave him a hug. “You have a good one. Try to sleep.”
“You, too,” Robert said as he turned on the tablet.
Alex scooted over into the chair her sister had vacated.
“Where are you going?” He patted the bed again. “You can see better here.”
“Oh? Okay,” she said, curious about what he wanted to show her. She settled again next to him as he logged into a website.
“I created this,” he said, handing her the tablet. “I wanted to rant and be miserable and all these sites have all these stupid rules and they want everyone to be all fucking nice about the fact that they have cancer and life sucks.”
She scrolled through his website. She’d thought he’d created a blog, but here he’d established an entire community of grouchy cancer patients just like him, where they could swear and spew all the anger they wanted and the other participants just cheered them on.
“Wow,” she said. “This is really incredible, Robert. Fight Club for Cancer Warriors. ‘It’s not pretty and we don’t sugarcoat it.’” She met his gaze. “This is what you’ve been spending all of your time on?”
He grinned. “Yeah, bitching online. I’ve had a lot to bitch about. I didn’t think you’d approve. There’s some pretty foul stuff on there.”
“I like it and it looks like you’re helping a lot of people on here.”
“I didn’t have a choice. I kept getting censored on these other forums and I got kicked out of a few. I just needed a place to vent and I wanted it to be to other people who felt the same way.”
She covered her mouth to quiet her laughter.
“Why is that so funny?”
“The other night when I came up and you were working on this and I could tell you weren’t feeling well. Probably because you’d caught a virus that morphed into pneumonia, so the next time I want to take your temperature, we’re bloody well going to take your temperature, by the way.
“Anyway, Becky had recommended that I let you vent to me and I was trying to give you that opportunity then, but all you cared about at the time was this website.”
“I felt like shit and you were bugging the crap out of me. I was on a huge rant that night.”
“Well, I can only imagine if you had actually vented to me the way you vent on that site. I would have been stunned. I mean, I totally get it, but I would have probably burst out crying and run away.”
“See, that’s why we need a safe place to get all that crap out where it can’t hurt anyone.” He touched a tab on the site. “Here’s my favorite, The Hurl Pool.”
She glanced over some of the posted topics. “Wow, you guys just really hurl it all out there.”
“And girls. We’ve got some pretty pissed-off women on here, too.”
“I’m so impressed. I can’t believe you did this. And I’m really glad you didn’t vent to me. In fact, I’m okay if you never vent to me. Why did I think just because Becky lives here, she’d be the one to ask for advice on how to deal with you?”
“Ah, Becky’s okay, but I don’t think I’ll share this with her.”
“Oh, but you felt compelled to expose me to that,” she said, laughing. “Gee, thanks, I feel so honored.”
“Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to ever show that to you, especially not to you.” He shrugged. “You know, you’re always so clear on what’s right and what’s wrong. Everything is black-and-white with you. I didn’t think y
ou’d understand this.” He gestured to the tablet.
“I understand that,” she said. “I know that’s the way I am—black-and-white—at least the way I was before the past couple of weeks. Everything’s gotten so muddy since then. I’m starting to see gray in a lot of places I didn’t before.”
“So.” He turned off the tablet and set it aside. “What the hell is going on with you and my buddy?”
Shit. Just when they were starting to get along. “Look, he broke things off with me this time.” She shook her head. “We didn’t even make it twenty-four hours. That must be some kind of world record for the shortest relationship.”
“Let me guess, he got all bent out of shape when you walked out of here yesterday.”
“Yes.”
“He railed at you for not being here for your family.”
“You guys kicked me out.”
“I was going to vent, to spew out a whole lot of nastiness if you stayed, and that wouldn’t have been good for anyone.”
“Okay, I see that now.”
“Look, Alex, I see that you were well intended, that in your eyes what you did was right. I don’t want to argue and evidently, you got a lot more out of the experience, so we aren’t going to harp on it, but in my eyes, what you did was a huge waste of time and money, because there was no way in hell I was going to use that guy as a donor.”
“Okay, fine, I don’t want to argue, either.”
“See, you and I always know where we stand on things. But for Chase, he has to weigh things out. He’s always been really cautious about that and for him the only thing that matters is family, which is kind of funny for a guy who doesn’t really have much of a family of his own. I get that his dad is trying and that he has a problem he’s working on and that he’s a great guy when he’s sober, but for Chase it’s that he really values family. Mostly, that’s because he hasn’t had one outside of what he’s had with us.”
“I know, he’s all about family and I haven’t been so much, and it’s a big issue between us.”
“Look, he’s a good guy. I know I don’t need to tell you that. But it takes him forever to commit to something. Part of it is because he had a shitty childhood, but part of it is because once that guy commits it’s really hard for him to break that commitment and it’s really hard for him to see other people break their commitments.”
“Right, I get all that about him.”
“Did you know it took him a freaking entire year before he’d ask you out?”
“Really?” A sliver of joy washed through her. “I knew he was into me way back then.”
“Yeah, but you were only fifteen and he was all freaked out, because it was you and he didn’t want to screw anything up with the family. I kept telling him to ask you out, that it was totally cool.”
“Well, he took his freaking time,” she said.
“Exactly, and when that man committed to you, he committed to you and then you stomped all over his heart. So, yeah, I get that he freaked out about you being anti-family, because my guess is that’s more important to him now than it ever was.”
“Right, so what are you trying to tell me. He broke it off with me, remember?”
“But why?”
“Because you guys suck,” she said, but she smiled.
He laughed softly. “Right, so what do you need to do to get him back?”
She cocked her head. “You’re assuming I want to get him back. What about me heading back to Baltimore when all is said and done? Why get attached to him again, if I’m just going to leave?”
“Is staying here really not an option?” He held her gaze.
What would it be like if she stayed? “I don’t know, maybe. I’ll have to figure it out.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Make you guys not suck.”
“I think he’s going to have to settle with that.”
She yawned. Robert frowned. “Are you getting ready to ditch me?”
“Oh, no, I’m good,” she said. “I can plant myself in this chair if I need to.”
“You’ll get a sore neck. Why don’t you head home? I think I might actually sleep.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“But, Alex, there’s something you should know about before you walk out that door.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“The first rule about Fight Club for Cancer Warriors is we don’t talk about Fight Club for Cancer Warriors.”
She grinned. “Got it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
THE ALARM SHOCKED Chase from sleep the following morning. He pried open his eyes and stumbled his way through getting dressed. Kara had already left for school, but on the breakfast bar he found a plate of scrambled eggs with cheese, toast and turkey bacon with a side of grapes. He dropped his briefcase and devoured the food without even sitting. How was it possible he was hungry after he’d eaten all that Chinese food last night?
How was it possible when he’d walked out on the love of his life the night before eating the Chinese? He closed his eyes and groaned. How had things gone from stellar to cellar so quickly with Alex? And now they were polite friends and she’d be happy to accompany him to the gala as his friend, if he wanted her to.
Well, of course he wanted her to, but not as his damn friend.
Nearly an hour later, thank you Atlanta rush hour traffic, he pulled into the museum parking lot. He had to get his head around work this morning. He stopped in the little downstairs bistro, dying for coffee. He’d just placed his order when a tap on his shoulder had him turning to face Paula Dixon.
“Mrs. Dixon,” he said, schooling his features into a pleasant smile. “How are you this morning?”
“I’m doing well, Chase, thank you.”
“What will you have?” he asked.
She leaned over him and ordered her skinny latte from the young barista, and then she turned to Chase. “Have you been avoiding me?”
“Now, why would I do that?”
She narrowed her eyes on him as the barista handed them their drinks. “Come sit with me then.”
“Fine, but I can only stay for a minute.”
“I’ve been thinking with all the requests we’ve gotten, instead of waiting for the existing exhibition to travel we should split the collection into smaller groupings to send out. We can cover more ground that way. With so many university museums out there that are interested, we shouldn’t be stingy.”
He hesitated for a very long moment. There was no way in hell he was going to agree to that, but he still needed to keep on his white kid gloves with Mrs. Dixon, even though her annual endowment was late in coming. Again, he pasted on his smile. “I will certainly take that under advisement and will look into it.”
Her sculpted eyebrows arched. “Look into it? I expect you to make this happen, Chase. Think about it. How fun would that be? I’ve been thinking I should travel more. I have a granddaughter who will be starting college next year. We could accompany you on the exhibition installation trips and view the various campuses. We could all travel together. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?”
It sounded as if he was going to lose that wonderful breakfast Kara had made him. “I’m not sure, Mrs. Dixon—”
She grabbed his hand. “Please call me Paula, Chase. I don’t know why you insist on being so formal. I think we are closer in age than you realize.”
“Mrs. Dixon, my schedule simply can’t take the additional travel for the increase in exhibitions you’re suggesting, let alone the museum budget or the rest of my workload.”
Determination glinted in her eyes. She patted his hand. “You can manage anything you set your mind to, darling.”
“As I said, I’ll give it due consideration.” Again, there was no way in hell he’d support this plan.
“I will, of course, go to the director with my suggestion. Agnes and I are having lunch tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll be happy to consider the smaller exhibitions.”
Damn i
t. He was going to have to find a way to limit her control. “I’m sure she’ll be supportive. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to work.”
“Wait, Chase, I think I understand. The travel is too much, isn’t it?”
Thank God she was going to be reasonable. “Actually, yes, especially if you insist on my overseeing every installation and setup. Frankly, we don’t have the budget for the additional travel.”
Her gaze slipped away the way it did when she was up to trouble. “I could probably look at having you travel less.”
Suspicion filled him. Was she being a considerate soul, or was she up to no good? “Thank you, that would make my life so much better.”
“Maybe if I do that, you could do me a favor.”
Uh-oh. She was up to no good. “What kind of favor are you talking about?”
“Oh, nothing major. As we discussed, I need a little help with appraising and finding a buyer for the new pieces.” She pulled a manila folder out of her bag. “I brought you the provenance, as promised.”
“Oh.” He stared at the folder. He had a funny feeling about those artifacts. “And the provenance is good?”
“Oh, yes,” she said and slid the folder to him. “Why don’t you hold on to that and think about it?”
Well, I’ll be damned. This felt too much like blackmail. Why was she wanting to sell and why did he have a bad feeling about all of this? Slowly, he picked up the folder. “Very well, let me review this and I’ll get back to you.”
“Thank you, Chase.” She smiled that ruby-red smile. “Please make that sooner rather than later.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” he said.
“I’m putting together some research on the pieces for you. I thought that might be helpful.”
He shrugged. “I’ll look at whatever you have. When I have the time, that is.”
“I’ll also update some of what you have on the original collection. I found some new sources you didn’t include in your initial research. We can update some of the tagging.”
“My research isn’t all included in the tagging.”
