by Ciara Graves
Derrick’s smile fell away. His eyes darkened. “You were raised in one of the demon slums. I am so sorry. Which one was it, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Sector 2.”
Derrick’s gasp of alarm was audible. He set his notepad and pen aside. “You have my deepest sympathies. Many were taken from there when Governor Rickshaw took over, but I know the death toll was high.”
“My parents were killed when I was younger,” I said, not even sure why I was telling this fairy anything, but a strange sense of calm came over me, the more I talked. I wanted to hold onto that feeling, even if it was some fairy hoodoo crap. “It was me and my brother. I made an oath I would keep him alive. I broke my promise to him, but made another when he died and now…” I exhaled. “Now, it’s like he’s haunting me. I see him everywhere. He’s inside my head, taunting me for not keeping my word.”
“That is not your brother. It’s your guilt manifesting. What else did you promise your brother?”
I shifted uneasily in my chair, sensing Antonio was close, inside my head or not. His presence warred with the sense of calm. I balled my hands into fists on my thighs, gritting my teeth as I willed him to go away and leave me be.
“Rafael? What other promise? This could be the root of all your problems. Talk to me.”
“I can’t,” I whispered harshly. “It’s something I can’t fulfill. I should never have said it. Now he’s angry with me. I can feel him.”
“We’re alone in this room, Rafael. It’s only you and me. Whatever you’re feeling from your brother is all inside your mind.” He scooted his chair closer.
I flinched back, unsure of what he was doing.
“Relax. I want you to close your eyes and focus on your breathing only. I’m going to get you into a calm, clearheaded state of mind so you can see what it is you need to see. So you can rid yourself of this torment. Breathe in… good. Now breathe out. Nice and easy.”
I breathed as he instructed, closing my eyes, too. Whatever was inside my head wanted to get out, but I was scared to see what darkness lurked inside my own mind.
Derrick’s fingers pressed into my temples. He sucked in a harsh breath as I went rigid in my chair.
Flashes of my nightmares appeared in my mind, each one worse than the first. Watching my parents slaughtered in the street, along with so many others. Seeing those who attempted to mount a rebellion executed. I jumped with a growl as my back was struck again and again as punishment for my crimes.
The flashes went on and on until suddenly there was nothing left except a solitary figure. He stood with his back to me. At first, I thought it was myself I was seeing, but then he turned. Antonio leered at me with an evil look, eyes black, bottomless pits. Fire sprang up around his feet as he came closer and closer, reaching out to me with a gnarled hand. A dagger appeared in his other hand.
My feet were stuck, and I was unable to move away.
“You failed me, brother.” His voice resonated. Each word threatened to send me to my knees. “You failed. Now you will pay for your failure.” He raised his hand to strike.
I yelled, bringing up my arms to block him—
“Rafael?” Someone shook my shoulders hard. “Rafael. Damn it. What did you do?”
“What I do for all who come to me,” Derrick’s voice replied, shaky. “There is something dark inside his mind, Chief. It must be dealt with.”
“Chief?” I mumbled, my eyes fluttering open. I was on the floor. How did I end up on the floor?
“Easy,” Nor said as he hoisted me up into a sitting position. “You alright?”
“Fine.” I glanced around, wondering if Antonio was there with the dagger ready to plunge into my heart, but it was only the three of us. “What did you do to me? What happened?” I demanded of Derrick who at least had the decency to pale in the face of my anger.
“It appears I underestimated what’s causing your nightmares, but with my help…”
His voice trailed away, though his lips kept moving.
I squinted, worried. Wondering why I couldn’t hear him.
Another voice whispered. “He’s lying to you,” Antonio told me. “He can’t help you. No one can. You know what you must do. It’s the only way to let me be at peace.”
“No,” I breathed.
Nor’s mouth moved now, but still, I heard nothing.
“You made a promise, and yet you let her live… you let so many of them live… Kill her, brother. Kill her and I will be able to move on.”
“No!” I roared.
Nor and Derrick both jumped at my sudden outburst.
“Rafael?” Nor reached for me.
I shoved past him for the door. “I need time off,” I muttered roughly then left, not caring if he followed or not.
I couldn’t be here, not around anyone.
Antonio cackled in my ear all the way back to my apartment. I shut and locked the door, closed the blinds, and paced madly around the living room.
“Please be there,” I whispered as I called Mercy on impulse, hoping her voice would shove my brother back in his dark abyss.
Her phone went straight to voicemail. I called again. Voicemail. And again. Every time.
I was on my own.
“Not alone,” Antonio whispered, and I turned slowly to see a shadowy figure standing a few feet away. “You’ll always have me, brother. I won’t leave you.”
The nightmare was no longer just inside my head. Whatever Derrick saw was far worse. Until I found a way to deal with it, I couldn’t trust myself around Mercy or anyone else with magic. I could never live with myself if she got hurt because of me.
Antonio’s eyes narrowed at that train of thought. “She’s a mage. They should all die, you said so yourself.”
“I was wrong,” I whispered, but then Antonio’s shadow was right before me.
“They all should burn.”
His furious yell slammed into me, and I fell backward, clutching at my ears to try and drown out the noise.
But it went on and on as the shadow of my brother watched my torment.
Chapter 4
Rafael
A week passed, at least I thought it was a week. Could’ve been less. Or more. I had no real way of knowing. Nights and days blended together. I hardly slept, not wanting to see what horrors lurked in my mind. My stomach rebelled at the notion of food. I ignored my phone. Didn’t matter, as none of the calls were from the one person I wanted to speak to. I didn’t answer the door.
The shadow figure of my brother had gone away, but his laughter taunted me nearly every hour of the day. His whispers of my unfulfilled promise kept me up. The only person I tried to call was Mercy, but whatever case she was working on kept her away. It was probably for the best. If she came here, I had no way of knowing what would happen, not with my memories driving me to the brink of insanity.
“You were so close that night,” Antonio said.
I groaned, pulled the pillow down over my head to try and drown him out. Not that it worked.
“You could’ve killed her then, but you stopped.”
The night Mercy found my scars. That’s what he referred to. I could have killed her, but I’d stopped myself.
“She’s innocent.”
“She’s a mage,” Antonio argued. “None of them are innocent.”
“Leave me alone,” I begged.
The voice didn’t come again, and I threw the pillow across the room, unable to lie still and wait for him to torment me more.
I thought that locking myself away had been the answer, but the urge to get outside, to leave this room, grew until I couldn’t stand it. I grabbed my boots and coat then rushed out of my apartment.
Where I was going, I hadn’t the faintest idea.
Mercy wasn’t around, and there was no way was I going to Iris or anyone else. I was borderline crazy. If they saw me like this, they’d lock me away. After a while of walking, I found myself near the Underground. More and more I seemed to be drawn to this plac
e. I passed several demons as I entered. They glared at me, but I returned their scowls.
The Wailing Siren was across the way.
Bowen stood out on the front stoop, so I made a sharp right down a side street I’d never gone down before.
What are you doing? my brother’s voice asked.
“Getting rid of you,” I snarled as I realized that’s exactly what I’d come out here to do.
For these past few days, he’d been keeping me in my apartment, away from anyone that could help me. No longer. I loved my brother, but I could not let him torment me like this forever. I wouldn’t.
His angry yell resounded inside my skull.
I cringed but pressed onward. A sign hanging from a post ahead of me advertised the services of a witch. It wasn’t Gigi, but I had no idea where her shop was and no time to find it.
You can’t get rid of me that easily.
“No? Watch me,” I muttered as I opened the door to the shop.
A bell tinkled overhead, and I bristled at the presence of such strong magic. Light green smoke hung in the air, swirling around me as I moved deeper into the room. Shelves were lined with vials of brightly colored potions, tonics, tablets, and ingredients for the craft. There was a counter at the rear of the shop and a curtained-off doorway beyond that.
“Hello?”
“Be with you in a moment!” a woman’s voice replied.
I stayed at the counter, grinding my teeth as I tuned out my brother’s threats to make me pay if I attempted to get rid of him. I was gripping the counter so hard, my knuckles turned white when the witch finally made an appearance. Her soft grey eyes narrowed the moment she spotted me, but not out of disgust or fear.
“Come with me,” she instructed and turned right back around, heading behind the curtain. “Hurry now! You don’t have much time.”
I followed her through the black curtain to find a small table and chairs in the center of a room. On the back wall was a plush couch and a black cat walking across the top of it.
“Sit down,” she told me, pointing to the couch.
“I haven’t even told you what I need.” I found myself sitting on the couch all the same. The black cat immediately jumped into my lap and settled down. It was warm, and I ran a hand down its furry back, the motion soothing my rattled mind.
“My dear, you don’t have to tell me a thing. I’ve seen that look plenty of times before.”
“You have?”
“Nightmares, yes? And perhaps a full manifestation of something from your mind?”
“A brother who should be dead,” I said roughly. “I keep hearing his voice, seeing his shadow… I can’t get rid of him and my past… All I see are the terrible moments from my past.” Why was I telling her this? Desperation, that’s what I told myself. I was exhausted from fighting against my brother, or my guilt, whatever it was.
“Hold this to your forehead,” the witch told me, holding out a small, round onyx stone.
I did, unsure of what it would do. I felt nothing but the smooth surface of the stone and then she was reaching for me to hand it back. She clutched it in her palms, and her greying hair blew back from her with a rush of power.
“My dear demon,” she whispered sadly, “those are not merely nightmares inside you.”
“Then what are they?” I demanded.
“Your brother’s death was violent, yes?”
“It was,” I agreed.
“And in his passing, did you make an oath of some kind? A promise?”
My chest tightened. “I did out of anger, yes, but I don’t understand. What’s inside me?”
Derrick had told Nor there was something dark within my mind. It wasn’t just memories there, but something more dangerous.
I needed answers. “What is it?”
“It would appear at the time of your brother’s death his soul was not ready to move on. When you spoke the words of your promise, he attached part of himself to them. To you,” she explained. “His anger and his resentment are trapped within your mind.”
“No,” I uttered in disbelief. “He’s been dead for years. This only started happening a couple of months ago. I would’ve known.”
“Not if it buried itself so deep you never would’ve thought anything of a nightmare, here or there. If I might ask, what changed these last couple of months? Did someone new come into your life?”
Mercy.
The first time I heard my brother’s voice whisper in my ear was the night I found out Mercy was a mage.
In my line of work, I bumped into those with magic constantly, but it was rare I was ever around someone who manifested magic as strong as hers seemed to be. As strong as those mages who killed my brother. They had the same type of power, white and gold flames, just like what she used. Seeing her power must’ve triggered this part of my brother and now he was furious I had let her go.
“She did,” I replied quietly.
“What were the words you spoke?” the witch asked. “Tell me.”
I looked down at the cat in my lap, its yellow eyes holding my gaze steady. “I pledged I would avenge his death,” I rumbled. “That I would destroy every mage I ever met.”
“And have you?”
“Those responsible, most were taken away, a few escaped… No, I haven’t upheld my word.”
“Your brother’s soul will not be at peace until you do,” she said.
I started to protest.
She held up a hand. “However, there is another way to help the rest of him move on and let you both find peace.”
“How?”
“You must go on a journey through your mind,” she said, holding the onyx stone to the light. “Through your memories and face the fragment of your brother’s soul. Face the truth that is hidden from you.”
“Face him? You mean destroy him?” I asked quietly.
“If you cannot speak reason to him, then yes. Else, you will lose yourself.”
Watching my brother die once had been hard enough to endure. Could I handle fighting him? There was no other choice. If I lost control, I could hurt someone. Like Mercy. That’s what he wanted. He wanted me to kill her, and I would not let that happen.
I nodded to the witch, unsure of what I was about to get myself into.
“It will take a few minutes for me to prepare the potion. If there is anyone you wish to call first, now would be the time to do it.”
I reached for my cell to leave Mercy a voicemail so at least someone knew where I was, but my pockets were empty.
In my rush to get out of the apartment, I’d left my phone behind along with everything else. No wallet, no badge, nothing.
“I’m afraid I have nothing to pay you for this,” I told the witch, standing to leave. “I left my wallet at home.”
“You can pay me another day. Money is not an issue with me. Not today at least.”
She pushed a small cauldron over the crackling fire in the far corner of the room and filled it with water.
I moved closer to watch.
After the water, she dumped several drops of a blue liquid, then a red. The potion frothed and bubbled. She tossed a few leaves of a plant in next, followed by what I was sure was a batwing and then an eyeball of some kind.
My stomach revolted at the notion I would have to drink that, but I’d swallow it down.
Lastly, when the potion had turned a vibrant shade of violet, she tossed in the onyx stone.
A quiet thud told me it sunk to the bottom.
I waited for something to happen, and when nothing did, my heart sank with concern that whatever potion she’d been trying to make failed.
Then there was a sharp crack, and both of us staggered backward.
The cauldron now contained a potion black as night.
“Is it ready?”
“That it is,” she said, pulling a vial from her apron.
She filled it, swirled it three times, then handed it to me. Smoke rose from the tiny opening, and it heated my fingers when I took
it from her.
“Bottoms up.”
“How long will this take?”
“An hour, a day, a week? Every person is different. It depends on what you will face and if you are successful or not.”
“And if I’m not?”
“You will lose yourself inside your memories with no way to return. The choice is yours, but I urge you to decide quickly. You do not have much time.”
I raised the vial to the light, but none shone through. The liquid was thick as I tilted the vial and opened my mouth. The taste was disgusting, and I gagged, forcing myself to swallow every drop.
The witch took the empty vial from me and guided me back to the couch.
I coughed and sputtered, but no words made it out.
The room spun around me, and I had the strangest sensation of being carried away even as my body remained right where it was, lying on the couch.
I looked up at the ceiling, but the colors bled, then faded altogether.
The witch’s face was the last thing I saw as I shut my eyes and fell into darkness.
I sat up, groggy and wondering what time it was.
The floor beneath me was hard. Had I passed out on the floor?
My eyes failed to focus, and all around me were blurry shapes and shadows. I reached out toward one, but my hand passed right through it like it wasn’t even there.
“What the hell?” I muttered, getting to my feet. I shook my head hard, and my surroundings came into sharp focus all at once.
All around me were figures, moving in and out of one another. Or passing through each other. Their faces were all in shadow and their voices too faint for me to hear. The lighting was dim, and when I called out, my voice sounded dull.
I’d been in my apartment and then… then what happened?
I shut my eyes, and the witch’s face came into view. The potion! I took the potion to transport myself into the deepest, darkest parts of my mind where Antonio’s soul resided.
“Antonio.”
He was here somewhere, and I had to find him, stop him. Where did I start? She said I’d be taking a journey through my memories, but there was no helpful arrow pointing me in the right direction.
