by JK Ensley
“What did he say?”
“He questioned me on what I was saying to myself… inside my head.” I leaned back in my chair and looked at my Guardian. “I’d been thinking about leaving this place for good, allowing Merodach to use his magic to free me from my gifts, from my rewards. He wanted to know why I would wish for such a thing.”
“You actually considered letting the Prince do that?”
“He’s no longer the Prince. He is now their King.”
Varick only stared at me in disbelief. He shook his head, trying to clear his darkening thoughts. “Is that all?” His voice was colder than it had been.
“No. I felt frozen in place. I couldn’t move. When I determined my course and decided I would return to Merodach, take him up on his offer… I set my mind at ease with the resolution and used Vareilious’s training to center myself, regain use of my body. That’s when he first spoke to me. He questioned my reasoning, told me I needed to watch out for Ahriman, and that I should be his celestial Queen. Then he told me not to struggle so much. He said it was futile, said I had a dark gift inside me only he could appreciate. He determined to take me, show me how to use it.”
Varick leaned back in his chair, releasing a long breath. The glow that had drained from his face at my recollection, slowly returned.
“Then you are not wholly powerless against him,” he said with a sigh. “That’s a great relief.”
“So, was he a Merman?”
“No, he was not.” Varick rubbed his hands down his regal face. “You should be so lucky. The Merfolk do not claim such power as this.”
He stared blindly at the ceiling, his hands behind his head, lost in painful thought. I was now the one wishing I’d been blessed with the power to read minds.
He let out a long breath. “Where have you been since—”
Varick’s words halted when I gently placed my hand on his knee. He cut his eyes toward me, furrowing his brow. I stayed as I was, continuing to look into his troubled eyes.
“Tell me what you were thinking just now,” I said. “While you were focused on nothing… answer me true.”
The look on his face softened. “Why would you even consider asking King Merodach for help? I am your Guardian and you count me less than nothing.” The pain in his voice caused me to tremble. “Not only am I the last man you would ever think of turning to, you count my feelings worthless as well.”
“But not a single word of that is truth.” I desperately tried to will him to believe and understand my words. “Why would your noble mind run through such madness as that?”
“Did you not just tell me you had determined to leave this place, return to Ashgard, ask the man who cursed you to magically remove your gifts? And all this you would do without consultation or opinion from me?”
His words hit hard, ringing loudly in my selfish ears.
“…Yes.” The word fell out like a choked whisper.
“Then, how is it you say my words are not truth? How do you claim me mad?” An unfamiliar fire rose in his amber eyes. “Had you gone through with your intended plans, you would have destroyed us both. Think about the ramifications for once, Jenevier. Think about someone besides yourself.”
I looked away then, visibly cringing at the truth he now challenged me with. Varick slapped the table and I jumped. A sharp jolt of panic pierced my tightening chest.
“Use your head and not your selfish heart for a change. If you had gone to Merodach, you would have severed me from your life completely. You eventually would have ended up as his plaything, his bed toy.” He grabbed my arm, squeezing hard. “Tell me. How is that future any different from the one you ran away from all those years ago? The result would have been exactly what you sacrificed your entire life to avoid. Yet you would have willingly thrown away everything, absolutely everything. Can you not see that? The utter madness that goes through that damnable head of yours is beyond sane comprehension.” He released me, yet the bruise would remain. “And you wonder why I wish to be able to read your mind. Ugh, I just want to shake you until it finally clicks.”
We sat through a long moment of painful silence as all his passionate words slowly sank into my betraying heart.
My voice sounded tiny in my pounding ears. “Why do you not speak thusly to me, always?”
He sighed. “Because, little Angel. I am constantly afraid of scaring you away.”
“You mean… because when things start to get bad, I run away.”
Varick didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. He was right, mostly, especially where we were concerned. Neither one of us could be accused of making our relationship an easy thing. But I was a volatile child and he knew it.
“Do you feel as if you must walk upon eggshells when you’re near me?”
He looked at me, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Guardian Angels should never lie.” I squeezed his knee and sat back in my chair. “I do not wish you to have to wonder about my thoughts any longer. I will spill them to you as they pop in my head. Okay? Then you will always know what I’m thinking. But be careful what you wish for, Guardian. It may be more than you can handle.” He snorted and I smiled. “Now then, I know not where I was the moment before those damn clouds brought me home, brought me here. But it was absent all light, absent breathable air, terrifying beyond all reason. I flew out as fast as my wings would carry me.”
He released a heavy sigh. “That’s what I was afraid of. And exactly what I did not want to hear. He must have followed you.”
“Who? Who followed me? Who was talking inside my head?”
“Are you finished eating already?”
“I lost my hunger,” I admitted. “And, Varick, I meant what I said before about never leaving your side again. I cannot help my wicked heart. No matter how ridiculous it may seem to sane people, I still love Vindicus and I do not wish to be parted from him. I know I’m horrible for saying such to you, but I cannot deny it either.” I took a deep breath and gathered my courage. “I love him as much as I still love you. It’s the most confusing thing I’ve ever tried to sort out. He is a physical part of me, as are you, and I cannot undo what it is I’m now made of.” I looked at him sheepishly. “Do you continue to wonder about my secret thoughts? Would you see my vile mouth now closed in this regard?”
“Never stop, my love. I will never regret wishing for the open honesty you share with me now.” He reached for my tangled curls. “Don’t try to explain unexplainable things; it will only bring your tears. I do not wish to see your tears ever again. It hurts me. I hate him. But I cannot deny you are the woman you are now because of him. Many things play into it, yes. But you are an incredible creature, and he had the biggest part to play in that. Besides, Apollyon cannot come here, and you have sworn never to leave my side again. I will not hold ill toward you concerning the affairs of your heart as long as I am a part of them… a very large part.”
Varick pulled me onto his lap and ran the tip of his nose up the side of my neck, sending deliciously painful chills to my breasts and beyond.
He whispered his sweet breath in my ear. “You are so young. Eternity is an exceedingly long time and I am an incredibly patient man. You will be my Anicee again one day. You cannot yet fathom forever, but the years lain out before us are endless. I will have you again, all of you. You may no longer be the woman you were. But know this. I am no longer the man I was. You have vowed to stand by my side as a warrior. I now vow I will not rest until you are my lover as well.”
I shivered. Varick moaned, and then chuckled devilishly at my involuntary response to his promised words.
“Come. Let us go to the springs. We have much to discuss and I know how you are refreshed by your baths.” He kissed my cheek and helped me stand.
“Hang on. I want to get the fresh potions I made while I was home. Where did you put my bag?”
He pointed to the tattered old tapestry tote sitting next to the doorway. “Did you pa
ck any clothes?”
“…No.” I mentally berated myself for another careless oversight.
“Good.” He beamed.
Oh my dear heavens, he is sooo beautiful.
“Let’s stop by the house on our way,” he said, taking my hand. “I acquired many lovely things to fill your room during your absence. I wanted you to feel welcome and at ease when you returned.”
“But, Varick, I had no intention of returning.”
He smiled. “I always knew you would. Playing around with intention is all well and good, but dancing around with destiny is a whole other matter. Your feet would once again tread our floors whether you willed it or not. I’m thankful it was so much sooner than I thought it would be. What pulled you back into my arms, my love? Was it my handsome face? Or did you just miss me for my hair?”
“No… I mean, yes… Your face is stunning. And you already know how I envy your heavenly tresses.”
I giggled. I couldn’t help it. He was flipping his hair around in front of me. Absolutely nothing like the Varick I knew.
“But I decided to travel on faith alone,” I continued. “That’s what winged me here.”
“Exactly as it should have.” He tapped the tip of my nose with his finger. “If you choose to fly by faith, I’ll never fear you fleeing my side again.”
“I wasn’t fleeing… not really. And besides, I made you a promise.”
“Yes, you did. Side by side, always.”
“Always,” I echoed.
*****
When we finally arrived at the promised hot springs, I was surprised to see how many Vanir were gathered there. I’d always wondered where they went to unwind. Now I knew.
“Why did I never hear of this place before?”
“You were satisfied with the pool. This isn’t a place for healing. It’s for relaxing. You on the other hand… you always seemed to be damaged in some way or other when you returned. You went straight to the waters on your own, my love.”
“Ha ha.” I crinkled my nose at him. I wanted to stick my tongue out as well, but I didn’t. I wanted to, but I didn’t. “I wasn’t always damaged.”
“Of course you were.” The deep guttural voice came from a nearby pool of steaming warriors. “It’s like you were a magnet for all the danger in the universe. Whew… And now you smell like a magnet for all the filth of the universe.”
“Gratitude, Vareilious. You always knew just how to set my heart to fluttering.” I rolled my eyes.
Varick smiled. “Come, my love. Let me wash away your worries.”
“Aye, Lass, we’ll stay over here until ye nae longer smell like a five-day-old corpse,” Vittorio yelled.
I threw my hand up in acknowledgment towards my jeering friends and followed Varick to a nearby spring. The water was so hot it caught me off guard. I slipped out of my destroyed dress and eased into the blessed warmth.
“May I?” Varick asked.
“All is well, sweet Guardian. I can manage.”
“May I… please?” he asked again.
I smiled and relaxed my shoulders. “Yes, I would be grateful if you did.”
He tenderly scrubbed me clean and then washed my tangled curls. For a moment, I was a Princess being waited on hand and foot by her handsome Prince. I returned the favor, washing my former lover as meticulously as he’d bathed me. His hair was like metal silk. I marveled at its beauty as I poured clean water down its length, watching the bubbles softly glide from it, disappearing within the constant flow.
“Will you do my hair once more?” I asked.
“As many times as you wish.”
After two more washings, I felt like my old self again. I reached for the rosewater. Varick asked me to wait until we went into a still spring. He took my hands, slowly pulling me out of the steamy pool.
“You take my breath away,” he confessed.
“And you mine.”
He lifted me up to match his awesome height. “Can I kiss you, beautiful lady?”
“I gave you my permission long ago, never ask me for it again.”
I saw the fire rise up in his eyes. His kiss was always my undoing, it proved true once again.
“Make me stop, I cannot on my own,” he rasped. “We will need more privacy for what my mind now plays upon.”
I reluctantly pulled away and handed him a towel, wrapped one around myself, and sat down to apply the potion #4 onto my refreshingly cleansed skin. Varick joined me on the soft grass.
“It’s magical how that blends so well with your body’s own scent. It makes it hard for me to concentrate on anything else. I have never known a perfume so enticingly in-tune to an individual.”
“It’s magic. My aunt’s magic. Its secret followed her to the grave, but she left the recipe.”
“Then I shall thank her fervently if ever we should meet.”
His unexpected kiss fell hard upon me as his angelic body covered mine. I begrudgingly resisted him.
“Varick, I thought you wanted your mind upon other things. This we will save for another time, another day.”
He moaned and rolled off me. I finished my perfumed pampering; breathing in the very aroma that always pulled my mind back to that tiny cottage and my precious aunt.
“So where are the still waters?” I asked. “Are you ready, my love?”
He didn’t even raise his head, he just pointed. I started to stand when he grabbed my wrist, pulling me to him.
“Do I no longer make your breath catch within your chest? Have I lost my magical hold over your heart? Does it beat now only for Vindicus? Does that absent dark Angel possess even my time with you? Do you no longer feel I’m the other half of your soul?”
I touched his flawless cheek. “I am yet manacled. Now is not our time. Fret not, dear Guardian. We yet have eternity. Remember? We have only just promised to be honest and truthful with one another, keeping no secrets. Varick, I understand how hard this must be on you. In your heart, nothing has changed. I was gone but now returned. You wish to pick up where we left off. I truly do understand that. But for me, things are different. Although you never wronged me, never left me in any way, I thought otherwise. That bitter lie and all that happened because of it… it changed me. I am sorry. Forgive me for that… but it is what it is. I cannot undo the past. I swore to stand with you in battle, guard you always, never leave your side. That did not mean we are now what we once were, not just yet.” I looked upon his deflated countenance. “But… do you wish for me to show you now, right now, what you truly do to me, on the inside?”
“Yes, good or bad, I will die if I know not the truth of it.”
I straddled my angelic Guardian’s rippled abdomen. He looked at me with mingled passion and fear. Slowly unwrapping my towel, I let it fall and ran my fingers purposefully up his chiseled chest. Leaning down until my breasts barely brushed his skin, I licked his neck.
Yes, Reader, I am changed. I am now that wicked.
I could feel his heartbeat racing within him, pulsing through his veins. He sat up quickly, wrapping my towel around me once more. I had never seen him quite so red.
“Do you still wonder about the unspoken desires in my mind, Guardian? Or are you convinced I still carry you in my heart and that I yearn for you as well? You are not alone in your torture, not alone in this hell we now find ourselves. Do you doubt me, even in the slightest?”
“No, my love. I will never doubt you again. But please, do not show this enticing vision to others. They are enjoying it way too much.”
I laughed softly. “Then do not ask me in public again. I have taken a vow within my heart to always be honest with you. Good or ill, my intentions will never be hidden from you again. Since you cannot read my mind, I will forever be an open book. It is as I said, be careful what you wish for. Honesty can often be as painful as it is glorious.”
I heard the bestial sound start deep inside his massive chest. I was caught off guard momentarily.
“What is this, my love?” I giggled. �
��Never have I heard such sounds from you. I thought you not capable.”
“Not capable? Shall I not desire you as well? Do you leave erotic passions to the likes of Vareilious and Vittorio? No, I don’t lick every woman who walks by. My desires are for you and you alone. We didn’t get to truly enjoy but one night of magical lovemaking. I will no longer restrain myself.” He held my face in his hands. “When I thought you dead, I cursed my heart for not showing you how much love it truly held for you. I hope you are ready, for I have vowed never to make that mistake again.”
“You err, dear Guardian. You showed me exactly how much you loved me, in every possible way, every single day. Passion is only the tiniest part of what we will always mean to each other. Alas, I do wonder. Where has the reserved and regal man I once agreed to wed gone? Where is the perfect gentleman who treated me as delicate porcelain? Has my absence changed you so much, Prince Varick?”
“Yes. It made me honest and open with my feelings. The loss of you forced a bond between my suppressed desires and my reserved demeanor. Each has its place and both will be used to worship and honor you properly. You deserve nothing less. One day, you will accept the truth. One day, you will realize you are forever parted with the Prince of Hell, tragically separated by what is reality. A reality that cannot be changed, my love. And when that painful day comes, I’ll be there for you. It will be these arms that catch you when you fall. Jenevier, I will be your regal Prince in public… and when the time is right, your ravenous lover when our doors are latched.”
“And which is this, my love? Private or public?”
He blushed. “You must forgive my inexperience with this recent enlightenment. I only just realized how hard it’s going to be to control these passions, these desires, this ever-present infinite hold you have over me.”
“Only just?” I couldn’t help but torment him just a little more. “But your speech was so eloquent. I presumed it many times rehearsed.”
He yanked one of my curls. “Tease me all you want. It only serves as fuel to the flame growing inside me.”
“Well, before it has grown past the point of concealing, we’d better slip back into the waters. I desire the warmth, I chill.”
