by Louise Hall
Kian pushed his jeans down his thighs and moved closer, his cock brushing against her inner thigh. He wrapped an arm around her waist, just underneath the swelling of her bump. Cate felt the heat of his skin against her buttocks; her hands gripped fistfuls of the sheets. She felt a gush of air and then “oh,” she couldn’t help the sharp cry that escaped her lips. Kian could feel her struggling to accommodate his thick girth. He’d taken her so fully with that first thrust; he could feel her cervix against his blunt head. He looked down at their fused bodies; Cate’s skin was so much lighter than his.
Greedily, he wanted more. He reached underneath Cate and tore open the front of her dress, ripping it from her body and tossing it to the floor, so the only covering she had was her bra. He deftly unsnapped her bra and it slithered down her arms, pooling on the mattress beneath them.
Cate gasped as her painfully full breasts were freed from their constraints. With each hard, punishing thrust, her nipples grazed the sheets and the rough lace of her bra. She could feel the gossamer thin strands of Kian’s control snapping one by one. She felt him curve above her, his heated skin sticking to hers. He pressed his lips against the love-bite he’d given her earlier and slid a hand underneath her torso to cup her breast. He was so close and he wanted her with him. With the next stabbing thrust, he pinched her nipple, causing a fresh burst of arousal to trickle down her thighs. She tried to arch upwards, crashing back into his unyielding chest.
Cate felt his other hand trail over her belly and down, scratching her skin lightly with his nails. He pushed his fingers through her slick flesh until he found her core. Cate put her head down on her folded arms, surrendering to the climax until she felt like she’d splintered into billions of tiny pieces strewn across the sweat-soaked sheets.
Sex gave her the validation that she so desperately craved; it made her feel like the Cate she recognised again. In every other area of her life, she might have felt like she was failing but she could do this. As Kian ground out his own release between her parted thighs, every grunt, every bite of his fingers into her hips, every drop of his molten release filling her insides and spilling down her legs felt like tiny, gold stars. She might not be the perfect wife or the perfect mother to their children but she could do this, she could bring her husband to orgasm.
After putting Lola and Mateo to bed, Nate made himself scarce. “What do you want to do tonight?” Kian asked Cate. She looked a little pale and he cursed himself for having been so rough with her earlier.
They curled up on the sofa to watch a movie but Kian soon realised that Cate had fallen asleep. She looked exhausted; there were dark crescents under her eyes. He reached for their wedding quilt which was folded over the back of the sofa and tucked it around her.
He leaned down and brushed his lips against her forehead, inhaling the intoxicating scent of blackberries. “How can I get through to you, angel?”
He’d thought that sex would fix their problems but it hadn’t. As always, sex with his wife was fantastic but it made him realise that he didn’t just want physical intimacy with Cate.
Kian walked into the back garden and took deep breaths of the clean, crisp air. He noticed a lone figure sat on the dock.
“Let me guess,” Nate said as Kian joined him on the dock. “You’re firing me?”
Kian smiled a little, “you and I both know that Cate would never let me do that.”
Nate looked out across Puget Sound, “can I give you some advice?”
“If I say no, you’re going to give it to me anyway, aren’t you?”
“You need to talk to your wife, Kian.”
“What do you think I’ve been trying to do?” Kian scowled. It hurt to admit but, “she laughs when she’s with you. I can’t remember the last time I made her laugh.”
“There’s nothing going on between me and Cate,” Nate said. “I’ve never known anybody who loves their husband more than Cate loves you.”
“I know,” Kian crossed his arms defensively across his chest.
“You don’t have to worry about me either,” Nate said quietly. “I’m gay.”
“You’re what?” Kian spluttered.
Nate blushed, “keep your voice down; I don’t want anybody else to know.”
“Like who?” Kian looked around; they weren’t exactly in the middle of a busy street.
“You’re only the second person I’ve told,” Nate admitted. “Cate was the first.”
“Um, thank you?” Kian was at a loss for words.
At least it made Nate smile, “thank you?”
Kian pretended to be offended. Now he knew the guy didn’t have designs on his wife, he could see why Cate and the children liked him so much. “What the fuck was I supposed to say?”
“I don’t know,” Nate giggled, “maybe anything but that?”
Nate hiccupped, “and before you ask, no, I don’t fancy you. You’re not my type.”
“Why the fuck not? I’m a very attractive guy just ask Cate.”
“I don’t need to ask Cate, I could see just how attractive she finds you when she came downstairs this evening with messy hair, flushed cheeks and walking a bit funny.”
Kian laughed, flushed with masculine pride that he’d taken such good, physical care of his wife.
Nate looked serious for a second, “promise me you’ll talk to her.”
Kian nodded, “I’ve got an idea but I’m going to need your help.”
CHAPTER 19
Cate blinked open her eyes; the early morning sunlight was shining too brightly through the large windows. She could smell rich, black coffee and it was the worst kind of torture; her taste buds were begging for a cup. She shifted awkwardly on to her side, feeling her heavy bump sag against the mattress and pulled the quilt up over her head. Her back was aching again. Pregnancy sucked big-time.
As she wriggled, trying in vain to get comfortable, her foot kicked out and found something hard and unyielding. “Ow,” Cate yelped, throwing back the quilt.
She rubbed her sleep-encrusted eyes and looked around, realising that she wasn’t in bed. She must have fallen asleep on the sofa last night while she and Kian were watching a movie and he’d just left her there.
She gulped, trying to swallow the huge lump which had formed at the back of her throat. Even if he wasn’t going to be home, Kian had always insisted that Cate sleep in their bed. Had she pushed him so far that she’d finally lost him for good?
She hauled herself up from the sofa and folded up their wedding quilt.
When she looked out of the front window, Kian’s car wasn’t in the driveway; he must have left for training already. She couldn’t blame him for not wanting to be around her right now.
She’d been punishing Kian for not being there for her at the doctor’s office but she knew that she wasn’t being completely fair. The scary thing was that at the time, her anger towards Kian had felt completely justified. It had been black and white; she’d needed him and he hadn’t been there. But with Dr Chen’s help, she was starting to realise that she couldn’t trust her emotions.
She felt like one of those Whack-a-Mole games at the arcade. Happy? Thwack! Sad? Thwack! Angry? Thwack!
Kian hadn’t even known about the appointment until afterwards when he’d read Sinead’s e-mail. He’d already left for L.A. when Dr Swift’s office had called that morning with a last-minute cancellation. Cate had decided not to text him; she’d thought that it was just going to be a routine appointment and she could tell him about it when he got home. It was laughable now but she’d been so proud of herself for finding a good OB-GYN. It had felt like progress; like she’d finally accepted that her life was here in Seattle.
Deep down, she knew that Kian was right. She could have called him at any time during those sixty plus minutes when she’d thought that their unborn baby had died and she had no doubt that he would have caught the first flight back to Seattle. He’d been frantic when he’d finally got the message that Mateo was missing, almost halfway to the a
irport. He was a devoted father; it was one of the things she loved most about him.
Cate went to the downstairs bathroom to relieve her bladder. She felt sore between her legs and winced, thinking about how roughly Kian had taken her the previous evening. She looked down at her bare hips and ran her hands over the fingertip-shaped bruises, which were just starting to darken against her pale skin.
Cate took small comfort in the knowledge that Kian might not like her very much right now but at least he still desired her. Cradling her heavy bump, she slowly walked upstairs to their bedroom to get dressed. As she removed her t-shirt, she noticed the yellow duck whistle that Nate had eventually managed to wrangle away from Mateo, which now sat on top of the dresser.
Kian had always been very possessive about Cate. She thought back to the arguments they’d had when they’d first got married, about Nick, her former boss at the Book Tavern. That was what their lovemaking the previous evening had been about; it was because she’d spent the afternoon with Nate. Cate felt foolish for thinking anything else. Kian was just marking out his territory.
When she came back downstairs, Nate was back from dropping Lola off at school. “What do you fancy doing today?”
“I don’t mind,” Cate shrugged, pouring herself a fresh cup of herbal tea. She quietly resented it for not being the black coffee she craved. She knew she wasn’t very good company at the moment. For what felt like the thousandth time, she wished she could just click her fingers and snap out of it.
Unfortunately, Dr Chen had confirmed that she was suffering from depression.
“It’s a nice day,” Nate suggested, “why don’t we go across to Volunteer Park?”
They took the ferry across to Seattle which delighted Mateo. While he and Nate chatted about the boats, Cate stood by the railings and let the wind whip her hair up off her shoulders. The winds weren’t as strong as they’d been when they went across to the Gum Wall.
As they neared Seattle, she looked across at the main cruise terminal. She wondered how easy it would be to just sneak on board one of those huge ships and sail far away from Seattle and all of her problems. She quickly shook her head; she couldn’t leave Kian and the children. It wouldn’t matter anyway because her depression wasn’t attached to Seattle, it was attached to her – it didn’t matter where she went, it would always be there.
“Next stop,” Nate nudged Cate. Cate looked out of the bus window. “Is that it?”
Nate shook his head, “no, that’s Cal Anderson Park. I thought we’d make a pit stop first.”
She followed Nate and Mateo off the bus. “Where are we going?”
They walked along the shaded sidewalk to a small shop with a white-painted bench outside. A young woman was eating strawberry ice cream from a small white tub while a silver-haired man with a professional-looking camera took photos of the cute Chihuahua waiting patiently by her Louboutin heels.
“This place has the best ice cream in all of Seattle,” Nate grinned.
Mateo had a scoop of Melted Chocolate, Cate had Salted Caramel and Nate had Honey Lavender. They sat at the table by the window eating their ice creams and watching the passers-by. “Mm, so good,” Cate licked her lips. “Did you like it, Mats?” Mateo nodded, chocolate ice cream smeared all around his mouth. She couldn’t help but smile, “did you actually get any in your mouth, buddy?” She reached for a napkin and wiped his face.
“Do you want a taste?” Nate held out a dollop of ice cream on his spoon.
Cate looked sceptical, “lavender ice cream, really?”
“It’s good, trust me.”
Cate took the spoon from Nate. “So, what did you think?” he asked afterwards as he put the empty tubs in the bin and bounced Mateo on his hip.
“It’s… different.”
As they walked back to the bus stop, Cate said, “you know what it reminds me of? When I was little, Sinead dropped some pot-pourri in a soda can and dared me to drink it.”
“Ew,” Nate wrinkled his nose. “Did you do it?”
Cate laughed, “I had the most fragrant breath for weeks afterwards.”
There was a little wait for a bus and Cate anxiously checked her watch, “are we going to be back in time to pick up Lo?”
“We’ll be fine,” Nate patted her hand. “Relax.”
They got off the bus in a quiet, upscale neighbourhood and walked through Volunteer Park. Cate saw a red-brick building in front of them and as she got closer, she realised it was a water tower. “Oh,” Cate stopped and looked at the building; it reminded her so much of the tower at Mill Lake, where she and Kian had gone on their first dates.
She saw a shadow leaning on one of the white pillars at the front of the tower. It was Kian. He was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans, a black shirt and leather jacket.
“How?” Cate turned around but Nate and Mateo had disappeared.
Kian reached for her hand, “we need to talk, angel.” Cate felt her knees go weak. She thought about Kian leaving her to sleep on the sofa all night. Surely he wouldn’t be cruel enough to bring her here to ask for a divorce?
She followed him inside the tower; it was a lot bigger than the one at Mill Lake.
When they got to the top, it was empty. Cate walked slowly around the circumference, trying to avoid whatever it was that Kian wanted to talk to her about. She was certain that it could only be bad news.
She felt Kian’s hand on her wrist, his thumb gently pressing on her pulse. He led her back to one of the wooden benches and they sat down.
“What…” Cate swallowed the lump at the back of her throat. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Open your eyes, Cate,” Kian gently stroked her cheek. “Please.”
“I’m scared,” Cate admitted.
“Of what?”
Cate shook her head and stood up. She walked across to one of the large windows and wound her fingers through the wire fence. “You want a divorce, don’t you?”
“What?” Kian was behind her in an instant, moulding her soft curves into his hard, muscular body.
Cate felt big, fat tears plop down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
Kian tried to pull her fingers away from the fence but she held on tightly. “For fuck’s sake,” he growled; his breath harsh against the back of her neck. “Will you look at me?”
Kian turned her around and gripped her wrists, lifting them up and pinning them to the rough brick above her head. Cate stared down at the floor; she couldn’t look at him.
“Look at me,” Kian demanded. When she didn’t respond, he gently tipped her chin up with his finger.
“I will never…” his dark eyes glittered dangerously, “ever divorce you, Cate.”
“You left me to sleep on the sofa all night,” Cate protested, struggling to free her wrists from his grasp. “You’ve never done that before.”
“Angel,” Kian said gently, “you were exhausted. I was too rough with you yesterday.”
Cate bit her lip, “you should have woken me. I don’t like waking up alone.”
Kian couldn’t resist, he leaned forward and gently sucked her swollen bottom lip into his mouth, soothing her with his tongue. She tasted sweet and tangy. It reminded him of the kisses they’d shared at Mill Lake. He’d never been with anyone so inexperienced before but if anything, because of what they couldn’t do, it made every kiss, every furtive touch all that more erotic.
He pressed his forehead against Cate’s so all he could see were her big, black eyes entrancing him. “I want you to talk to me, Cate.”
Cate closed her eyes. She couldn’t tell Kian how she was feeling; she couldn’t drag him down into the murky depths of her despair. It wasn’t fair on him.
Kian brushed his lips over hers. He could feel her beginning to soften against him. He loosened his grip on her slender wrists and brought them down around his neck.
He kissed along her jawline, feeling her breath quicken, until he reached that spot just below her ear. He could feel her heart beati
ng as fast as hummingbird wings. Kian stroked his hands down her sides; she trembled as his knuckles trailed over the soft flesh of her breasts. She arched towards him, her bump pushing against his stomach.
“I love you, Cate,” Kian spoke against her soft skin. “Nothing is ever going to change that.”
“I love you too,” Cate choked.
“That’s all that matters,” Kian guided her back to the bench.
“Is it because I missed the doctor’s appointment?” he asked. “Is that why you’re so sad?”
“I don’t know,” Cate admitted and then shook her head, “no.” Even though she’d talked to Nate and she’d had a couple of sessions with Dr Chen, it was still difficult trying to put into words how she was feeling. “I know how much you love it here. I want that. I want you to be happy. Lola, Mateo and the new baby…” Kian intertwined his fingers with hers as she reached down to touch her precious bump. “They will have a better life here in Seattle, away from all the scrutiny back home. They can have normal childhoods like you and I did. I love that Lola can just go next door and play football with Luke.”
“So what’s wrong?” Kian asked, brushing away a stray tear which had trickled down her cheek.
Cate twisted her eternity ring around her finger. “I just… I feel like I’m failing at everything.” If anything, the weight crushing her chest felt heavier following her confession. It should have been a blessed relief; she was finally being honest with Kian, but hearing the words out loud only made Cate feel even more like a failure. “Every day I wake up and think today I’m going to be better.”
She hung her head, “I’m so sorry I embarrassed you at Trent and Lena’s party.”
Kian gently tilted her head back so he could look into her beautiful, black eyes. “Cate, you didn’t embarrass me. You never could.” He’d never seen his wife look so desolate.
