“I’m sorry, Joshua, I’m just in no mood.”
“Perhaps I’ll have the doctor look at you,” he suggested.
“This is my soul, sir, not my body. I know that.”
“Then we must cure your soul.”
They left the conversation incomplete. Fiona had begun to think that this whole charade at Kane Manor was useless. She didn’t belong in this place, she could make a fine gardener here, but as far as she was concerned, that was her only useful purpose. She hardly had what was necessary to be the wife of a landed gentlemen. What a crude twist of fate to have come this far with the man she loved, only to know that it could never work out between them. There was too much distance to bridge between their worlds. Though he’d been comfortable as a bachelor, he was also comfortable as lord of this manor. Yet she could never make up the difference between their disparate lives the way he had.
Her future was an ever present quandary burning at her soul and heart; and she could do nothing until she had things straight in her mind and deep inside. She refused to act at all, until she was completely sure of herself.
It was a full ten days after her miserable ordeal when she made her final announcement.
“I’m leaving, Joshua,” she told him, as she watched her husband dressing for the day.
“You’re what?” he asked.
“I’m leaving,” she repeated.
“Leave? Where?” he was still bewildered by the declaration.
“I’m not sure, but I do not plan to live in this house. I don’t belong, I never will.”
“I see that you are not happy, the feast and these first months here have not been easy. But you are not setting a foot outside this house,” he countered, looking her squarely in the eye. His voice was beginning to rise to an angry pitch.
“Please be calm, my love. Getting any more angry will not help, and it will not change my mind. I can’t stay here, and continue to make a fool of myself. I can’t stand the women who look at me with their judgmental eyes, and their wagging tongues. I see no reason to put up with that for the rest of my days, even for love.”
“Those women are pack of harlots, Fiona. You cannot pay attention them.”
“You’re not the one that was whispered about. My past will not let me go. Never!”
“So, is this all your constant stew has brought you? Is this the conclusion from your mind’s battle that has consumed you all these days?”
“I won’t go through the humiliation again,” she vowed.
“You don’t have to go through any humiliation. You ignore those people, you don’t let them defeat you. We never have to have them in our home again.”
“That is easy for you to swear now, but I know there will be another time, another feast, either here or in one of their fancy homes, and I will feel their eyes on me again.”
“Fiona, you have lost all your senses. And I promise you, you’re going nowhere. If I have to punish you, and lock you in your room, I will.” His eyes flashed, daring her to say another word.
“I WILL NOT STAY,” she swore again. “I’ll go when you’re not looking. I will!”
“You’re behaving like a willful child. Shall I treat you as one, thrash your bottom and send you to bed without your supper?” he asked. The thought amused him, and his anger seemed to soften at her silliness and their battle.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Do you wish to challenge me, Mrs. Kane?”
She stomped her foot, which only made Joshua laugh.
There were tears in her eyes but she refused to shed them. She bolted toward the door instead. And Joshua was after her in a split second.
“You’re going nowhere, little lamb,” he said grabbing for her arm. He held her so tightly she knew there was no escape, though she fought him hard as if there was.
“Please Joshua, let me go,” she pleaded. The tears streaming down her cheeks were the first that had really felt good to her, of all the tears she’d shed, and she was now sobbing uncontrollably.
“I will NOT let you go!” he assured her. “You’re my wife, and you’ll stay with me, and whatever we have to do to weather this storm, we will.” Something in her gave in, as much from exhaustion as anything else, but the relenting was welcome. There was something about the way Joshua was taking charge of her, the way his arms surrounded her. She was beginning to feel some warmth flow back into her.
The feel of Joshua’s warm body next to hers, reminded her how she missed the love that was between them. This self-imposed celibacy was all a big mistake, she needed his physical closeness as much as she needed anything.
“Can you forgive me?” she asked.
“I can, but sometimes I think I should take you to the barn and strap your behind for your foolishness,” he said.
“You could take me to your bed instead,” she suggested meekly.
“Ah, to your bed, Mrs. Kane. You want me now?”
“Yes, Joshua, I need you now.”
“Well that’s fine, but not until I’m ready for that,” he said.
She abruptly pulled away. “You’re not ready?” she protested, surprised by this unexpected turn.
“Yes, my love, you think I’ll let you dictate my desires to me. You hold me off for days, and then expect me to come to you when you want.”
“But, that’s all been a mistake.”
“I heartily agree, but there are things between us that must be mended. Even you should sense that.”
“I thought we could mend them in bed,” she suggested.
“And we will, but you’ll have the day to wait. I want to take you in my own way. I want to have you so you’ll know who rules you. There will never be any question again.”
Fiona looked at him with longing eyes, his body was arousing her so, she didn’t think she could wait the long hours of the day, but it seemed she had no choice.
“Go get dressed,” he said, and with that he shoved her toward the wardrobe, with a warning look in his fierce eyes. “And remember lass, no more ridiculous ideas. You even talk of running away again like some silly child, and I will thrash you. You understand me?”
She did. She could feel his dictatorial manner get inside her loins. The desire for him greater than it had ever been, even as he was denying her the immediate joy of a reunion. She supposed she deserved it, but she would have a hard time getting through this day, when it was the night that she wanted most.
***
That night she took her dinner in her room, a fact that annoyed her husband for its recent frequency, but when she told him she was preparing for “later”, he was pacified.
After she nibbled at her plate of food, she dressed for him in a dressing gown he brought back for her from one of his trips. Made of silk and lace, she rarely wore it, and rarely wore it for very long when she did, since Joshua would become immediately aroused and strip her of the garment. Other than the scent of some fine perfume, she was naked underneath.
It almost seemed like months, not just ten days since they’d been together, an eon perhaps and her throbbing loins were fired, and yet her heart nervous and expectant. Would the magic be lost in the time that had elapsed. It hardly seemed possible, but nonetheless, she was fearful. And even as she was preparing to make love to her husband, excited and aroused, she remained acutely aware of their vast differences, and the awkwardness that their unfortunate separation had created.
It was nearly dark when Joshua entered the room, just the trace of a dying day coming in through the window to cast a curious light on the waiting Fiona. She sat by the window in the lady’s chair, as she liked to call it, staring outside while she tried to quell the anxiety that mounted in her. Her long wait for him to arrive was far too long, in her mind completely unacceptable; and yet she would say nothing to Joshua about it, preferring to be completely happy and compliant when he finally came to her.
When Joshua opened the door, he saw her breathtaking body reclining in a sumptuous pose by the window. He was alread
y anxious to have her, and his loins jolted even more at the sight of her.
“Fiona,” he said, as he still stood by the door.
He seemed to shake her from a deep reverie, and only then did she turn her face and look up to him. Fiona could hardly see his face. She wished he’d light a candle, but he did not.
“Stand up love,” he instructed her.
Without a second’s hesitation, she did.
“Take off the dressing gown,” he continued. His voice was very kind, ever so gentle, he seemed to nurture her with words.
So soon, he wanted her naked so soon? she wondered. But she didn’t let it dissuade her. She pulled at the soft sash, untying the bow, and let the garment fall loose. Still a good ten paces from her husband’s eyes, she shook the dressing gown from her shoulders, and let it drop to the floor as he watched with a most attentive eye.
The fire burning in the grate was warming the room, and the glow not only warmed the air, it cast shadows on her naked body. The firelight danced about her body giving it a sultry golden hue, and the light from the gentle flames hit her fire red hair so that it glistened. She stood still and silent, her hands just grazing her thighs, and then she did a half turn, looking toward the fire.
“It’s a little chilly,” she said, having waited so long for him to approach, only to have him remain where he was in the doorway, unmoving, so taken with her beauty that he didn’t want to destroy the picture before him.
Hearing her speak, he slowly made his way to her, and let his arms claim her slight form, pick her up and carry her upright to a spot before the fire where she’d be warmer still.
There in the bright glow, her body shimmered, and he could feel the heat on her skin when he touched her thighs, and bottom, and the softness of her belly. He brought his lips to her mouth and she opened for him, his lips to her neck, and she bent it so he could press them at the very crook where it teased her, sending a wild shiver everywhere. His lips traced a clear line between her breasts, and then he knelt at her feet and let his tongue, teeth and tasting mouth glide over the soft hair on her pubic mound.
She held his head in her hands and ran her fingers through his thick dark hair. She swayed against his mouth, and its intrusion between her legs. Parting her thighs, he parted her female lips beyond to find the womanly bud, the hard aroused bud at the center.
“Ah!” she gasped sharply when his tongue flicked it gently. He flicked it again, and again and again, until she was moaning loudly in reply. He continued with one tender tease after another, until he saw her body cringe, and then shudder as a rippling wave of satisfaction swept through her. Though he knew that the climax was complete, he didn’t stop with his tender gestures until every bit of her satisfaction was felt, and he could sense that she was about to collapse on him.
Rising, Joshua lifted her body in his arms and carried her to the bed, where the raging erection between his legs was thrust between her legs, into the warm wet cunt that had just known such satisfaction, and would explode again because of his fierce prodding.
He held her arms in his hands above her, to either side of her head, so that she could not move them. He wanted her completely yielding, he wanted to demand this from her, take it, claim it, even though it was freely given. In response to the capture, Fiona jerked beneath him, her body becoming more wild with each thrust of his cock. It would seem that this captivity made her so.
As he continued the spirited probes, he heard the sound of her voice match his. He heard the little whimpers and the cries, and found they rivaled the finest music. But soon, he was too overcome with his own need to listen more; then the passion in him raged hot, and with a great burst of energy, he buried his seed inside her, as she squeezed him with every muscle in that tight place.
They were exhausted and fell asleep without saying a word. They woke twice more before morning to make love again, but only to fall wordlessly asleep.
When day broke at the estate, there was no sun in the sky to warm Fiona, and no Joshua lying beside her. Going down to breakfast, she found to her great dismay that her husband had left for several days. He had a business trip, he could not prevent.
Chapter Fifteen
It took Fiona some doing to convince Mr. Stubbs to take her back to the cottage where she and Joshua had spent so many pleasureable months together. She gave the gardener a cheery reason that there were plantings to save before the winter came, and she wanted a few days at the house to make certain that all would be locked up and taken care of before the weather was too bad to make the trip. She also told him that Joshua knew all about this, and he’d be very upset if his employee did not comply with his mistress’s wishes.
Fiona had become quite friendly with the man over the summer months while he helped her put Priscilla Kane’s garden in order. Yes, it was Fiona’s garden too, but even so, it was never completely hers. And though she knew she’s miss the gentle solitude of that lovely haven, she was as determined to get back to her house, and the garden she’d carefully tended at the cottage.
“I don’t feel good about this, ma’am. You sure you’re going to be all right here by yourself?” Mr. Stubbs asked her, when he was about to leave.
“I’ve been by myself many many days, don’t worry of me,” she assured him. “Besides, the master will be here tomorrow, I’m sure.”
The cottage was dusty, needing a thorough cleaning after so many neglected months. Joshua had arranged for a caretaker, but he had done only the most minimal things to keep the place in order.
It took most of Fiona’s first morning to get the kitchen scrubbed and cleaned, and once done, she was on to the sitting room and then upstairs. She was determined to have the whole place sparkling like a jewel, just as she remembered it. She loved the hard physical labor, the calming joy of mindless work; she refused to even think of her life, and its difficulties. She even attempted to keep her husband from her mind, though that was difficult considering that this was his house, and the place echoed with memories so rich and full, she was smiling to herself all day long.
At the end of her first day, Fiona collapsed happily into the bed she’d shared with Joshua, looking forward to a dreamless sleep.
***
“Fiona, Fi,” Joshua called to his wife, when he returned to the estate from his trip days later. “Fiona,” he called out again, having no answer.
He watched his brother Galen appear from the study, a curious expression on his face.
“Why Joshua, she’s not here,” he said.
“Where is she, the garden?” Joshua asked.
“Why no, you don’t remember? You sent her with the gardener to your little cottage south of here.”
“Why, yes, Fi’s in that little haven of love where you two practiced your debauchery,” Lowell added, emerging from the study with a wicked gleam in his eye.
“She’s where?”
“You didn’t hear us,” Lowell mocked him. “Perhaps the little wife was discontent with being left so brusquely, and only after you two finally patched things up. Then again, maybe you didn’t patch things up at all?” The scorn was wreaking from the man, so that Joshua might have decked him; but he was too worried about his wife to care about Lowell’s ridicule.
“You say the gardener took her?”
“Perhaps she finagled the whole thing, but when he returned, he was wholly sincere. The little tart managed to convinced him that this was all your plan,” Lowell said.
Joshua strode through the house without another thought, and after an angry conversation with Mr. Stubbs, he saddled a fresh horse and was on the road south within the hour.
***
Fiona was singing prettily, as she went through the outdoor window boxes, cleaning out the tangled overgrown plants that had graced them all summer long. They were all rather wilted and sad now. She preferred to leave the boxes completely empty, so that they would be ready for spring planting.
Fiona had to guard against the chill in the air, the approaching autumn w
as sweeping through valley and its hillsides with a reminder that winter would soon be following. Feeling the chill go deeper still, she was just about to go inside, and grab a shawl to keep her shoulders warm when she heard the sound of hoof beats at a distance, some traveler coming closer with each second.
She turned in the yard and looked out toward the road, waiting to see what man she’d find approaching her on horseback, and with a response of joy leaping everywhere within her, she recognized him from far off. It was indeed her husband, her lover, her Joshua.
The horse stopped just inches from her, snorting and pawing at the ground, the spirited animal certainly reflected its master’s awesome face; the scowl that appeared there was appalling.
There was both relief and anger in her husband’s expression, though all that greeted him was the warmest smile of welcome from Fiona’s bright happy face.
“Would you like to come inside for some tea?” she offered, and without waiting for an answer, she turned and went inside expecting him to follow.
He did. He followed her all the way to the kitchen where she’d put the pot of water on the stove.
“I found everything here as we left it, though it was dreadfully dirty; and it’s taken me these two days to get it in some kind of order. I still have a few more things to do … . “ she was rambling on.
Joshua’s eyes flared. “Do I thrash you now, lass, or after tea?” His first words were spoken sincerely.
“And what is the point?” she asked without emotion.
“I promised I would if you left the estate.”
“Go ahead, Joshua, but I’ll not leave here. I’ll not go back with you. And there’s no way you’ll make me.”
“I had thought our last night restored things between us,” Joshua said, angrily. “I find this vanishing, this well planned and devious maneuver totally reprehensible. You deserve a good thrashing and you know it.”
“Likely I do, sir,” she answered him with fire in her eyes. “And if that’s your judgment, I’ll accept it. But it won’t change my decision. I want to remain here. I’m a barmaid. I married a blacksmith, even though you’re no blacksmith now.”
In the Forest of the Night & The Barmaid and the Blacksmith Page 23
