“No, I wouldn’t,” said Kahtar with no trace of amusement in his steely eyes. “Would you?”
Beth eyed him candidly. “Not if I knew for certain your children would be like you. I’m not convinced that because Dianta has your eyes she’ll repeat. I think you’re wrong about her.”
“You’re fooling yourself.”
Beth shook her head. “I don’t do that, remember? I can’t even lie to myself. Kahtar, I think you’re wrong. I’m not saying something isn’t different about her, but the idea of her being a repeating immortal doesn’t sit right with me. It’s like when I first met you and you told me you didn’t like me. I knew it wasn’t true.”
“Likely centuries will pass before I have any proof even for myself, so I’m not going to waste time arguing with you. But it’s the only logical reason for her to have my eyes. Beth, I know I’m right.”
“You can’t. You don’t even have all the facts about yourself, so there are bound to be holes in your logic!” But Beth knew he meant it, and that he was done talking about it. He was putting this subject into that place he stuffed all the things he didn’t want to look at. No wonder he’d exploded. He stuffed pain away and sat on it. The fact he didn’t blow more often suddenly seemed impressive.
Kahtar scooted to the edge of the couch and slowly rose to stand, holding a small pillow against his crotch. Frowning, but with a gleam in his eye alerting Beth to the fact that this was the official subject change, he lifted it off to show her an ice pack. “My logic is not the only place with a hole. This hurts like the time I was eunuched. Now that is a memory time cannot erase.”
“You had a vasectomy?” Beth shouted and winced as Dianta clamped harder.
“Welcome Palmer did it the old-fashioned seeker way, said he wouldn’t use his giftings for it, but that he was pretty good with a scalpel. He wouldn’t even heal it with his giftings afterward—said if I was going to break the rules I could suffer my own consequences. Yep, my logic might have holes in it, but it appears we both faced the same bloody facts. At least we’ll be doubly covered. Although I sincerely doubt I’ll ever want to use this appendage again.”
“Hmph,” said Beth. “You do remember I can always tell when someone is lying, right? I give you twenty-four hours.”
Kahtar grinned. “Ah, Beth. I do love you. Thank you for doing what needed to be done.”
“You’re welcome, and you too.”
BLOODY CRAZY—SUMMER SOLSTICE
WHERE IS HE? I’m not going to panic. I’m going to find him and we’ll figure this out.
Beth shaded her eyes against the setting sun of the Arc, searching for Kahtar. Afraid to shout she kept an eye on a mastodon grazing near the shoreline of the great lake. The sun silhouetted the elephantine shape as it lifted dripping grasses with a weaving trunk, depositing them into its chomping mouth. The impossible image both thrilled and frightened her.
What if the thing stampedes? How fast can they run? Surely faster than I can.
Shifting her wriggling baby, Beth kissed the squished red face. She couldn’t blame her inability to run fast on her teeny mouse of a daughter. Beth ran long fingers through Dianta’s black curls, already thick as a blanket against her baby head, and continued searching the horizon for her husband.
Where the heck is he? There’s nothing down here!
Kahtar had instructed her not to be late to some summer solstice thing at The Mother’s, but instead of going straight there Beth was looking for her husband. She absolutely had to find him. They needed to talk privately. Now.
A familiar warm wetness trickled down her arm, dripping off her elbow. Stupid cloth diapers! There has to be a better way than these things. Digging in her baby bag with one hand, Beth crouched in the grass. She spread a soft blanket and sat her sopping baby on it, cooing over tiny baby feet while she worked. At first glance Dianta still seemed delicate and frail, but at two month’s old her development was advanced. She had a fierce grip, ate like a hog, and had a deep man voice she was employing at the moment.
“If that’s your singing voice, you’re not going to fit in around here any better than I do,” Beth teased, smoothing Dianta’s feathery eyebrows and studying her steely gray eyes.
She’d been holding onto the belief Kahtar had been wrong, that his immortality wasn’t genetic or contagious, but today that hope felt very much like the wishful thinking Kahtar said it was. Unless she was very much mistaken, something that seemed like an immortal impossibility had happened to her—and she didn’t know whether to be terrified or thrilled, so she’d settled for both at the same time.
“Oh, Kahtar, where the heck are you, and what are we going to do now?” she whispered, tying a fresh cloth diaper on Dianta while the low grasses of the Arc rippled around her in the summer breeze.
Goose bumps prickled up Beth’s spine as she thought about her husband. Kahtar had repeatedly refused to ask Old Guard about his first parents, claiming he’d asked them what he was long ago, and many times over the ages, and they’d never answered. He’d also refused to talk to Welcome Palmer, calling him a pretty pup. Kahtar believed nothing good could come of making yourself conspicuous in a world that survived on being unobtrusive.
Beth’s emotions swung toward the terrified end of the spectrum, and she stood, wiping ready tears with her thumbs. Why did I accept any of that? Why didn’t I argue with him? I was so stupid, and now…
She put a hand on her belly.
Now what will happen to us? What will Kahtar do?
Along the shore a familiar figure emerging from behind a pile of boulders caught her eye. Smoothing her gown, Beth took several steps in that direction and squinted against the sun; the silhouette looked like Kahtar.
“Kahtar?” she shouted. Her voice didn’t rise above the sound of the waves lapping the shoreline or the squawking of circling gulls, and the mastodon in the distance kept right on eating. The Great Lake seemed as big as the sea, and here inside the Arc it stretched in primordial glory, neither tainted nor tamed by man like the lake outside the Arc. Still, a few rotting fish along the reeds stunk every bit as badly as the lake in the outside world. Beth’s soft shoes skittered over mounds of tiny river rocks as she moved closer.
“Hey, Kahtar! We’re here! I need to talk to you!” He didn’t answer, and she tossed a cautious look back at Dianta flailing in the grass, before jogging a few steps closer.
“Kahtar!” she bellowed again, halting in surprise when he backed into full view. A woman stood on a rock beside him, gripping the collar of his cape as he bent low to kiss her. For the briefest moment Beth faltered at the sight of Kahtar brushing aside a dark waterfall of hair and holding the kiss long, longer, too long.
Her mouth dropped open and something propelled her numbly forward. No. Kahtar wouldn’t! As she neared Beth realized some of the dark hair was the man’s own. Honor Monroe.
Exhaling a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, Beth stopped walking, relieved but embarrassed. Honor looked in her direction then, as did the pretty little brunette. She held a finger to her lips, shaking her head at Beth. Beth shivered.
“Beth?” Honor said, his voice sounding funny.
Beth flushed. “Never mind.” If there was one person on earth she’d rather not see right now, it was Honor Monroe, her once best friend who’d turned on her fiercely when the clan discovered her father was a seeker. “I thought you were Kahtar. Sorry to interrupt you two.”
Honor frowned at her, resting a hand on the hilt of his blade. “Interrupt who?”
Beth pointed to the brunette at his side, who frantically shook her head at Beth.
Honor’s blue eyes widened as he said, “There’s no one here but me.”
“Oh, come on!” Beth stared at the woman who now waved her hands back and forth in front of her face. Why was Honor lying with the woman standing right there in full view? Beth shivered again. Honor’s response didn’t sound like a lie—but it wasn’t the truth, either. The brunette stopped her frantic gest
uring and a sad look crossed her pretty face.
“Beth?” Honor sounded fearful. “Where’s your baby?”
Eyes still on the brunette, Beth motioned behind her where Dianta lay grumbling in the grass. Without warning Honor moved, faster than Beth would have thought a human being could. His sword hissed as he pulled it from the scabbard and he ran right at her. She froze and her heart plummeted, but he shoved past, knocking her over and scattering mounds of tiny pebbles with each footfall.
Beth landed hard. “What are you doing?” she shouted.
Honor growled a wordless snarl as he ran. Beth scrambled across the pebbly beach on hands and knees after him, craning her neck to see Dianta.
Her heart dropped.
A circle of big dogs surrounded Dianta, with only Honor blocking them from her baby. Beth screamed and jumped to her feet. God, please, no! Each step seemed to take forever as she moved over the tiny stones, her feet sinking deep into them.
Honor waved his blade, and the dogs sidled away into the tall grass as Beth reached them. The warrior dropped his blade and scooped Dianta out of the grass, examining her.
“Is she okay?” Beth cried, heart thundering in her chest.
Honor turned on her, cold fury in eyes that had once shone with only kindness for her. “You stupid idiot! What kind of mother are you?”
“The new kind! Give her to me! Is she okay?”
Honor elbowed Beth away, jostling the baby, and Beth heard her daughter’s familiar throaty chuckle. Relief shot through her. “Oh, thank God, thank you. She’s okay!”
“Why would you leave your baby in the grass?” Honor shouted, blue eyes blazing.
Beth took a step backward. They weren’t friends anymore, but she’d never expected to feel afraid of him. Her eyes went worriedly to Dianta. Honor held her with both hands high above his head, as though he expected Beth to jump for her. She was thinking about it.
“Give her to me, Honor,” she warned. “I sat her in the grass to change her diaper. I thought you were Kahtar until I saw you kissing that girl!”
“Have you completely lost your mind?” Honor said. “What are you talking about?”
“No, I have not lost my mind! I’m talking about you kissing that brunette who wanted me to pretend like I didn’t see her!” Beth glanced back, but didn’t see the woman anywhere. “I didn’t do anything wrong! Look, I turned my back for one minute. I didn’t know those dogs were here.”
“You’ve lost your mind! And those weren’t dogs! They were wolves!”
“Wolves?” she repeated. It didn’t sound like a lie, but Beth knew the difference between dogs and wolves.
“This isn’t a park or a playground! It’s an Arc! You don’t belong down here yourself, let alone with a baby. If those wolves had been hungry, she’d have been torn apart!”
The words hit Beth’s heart like slaps, and Dianta began to cry.
“You’re hurting her!” Beth’s long arms reached desperately. “You’re not holding her right and you’re scaring her! Give me my daughter!”
“I will not! I’m speaking to The Mother about this! You are not fit to—”
Beth brought a knee up, but Honor sensed it coming and moved. A hard elbow hit her right in the face and her nose exploded with pain. He caught her with his shoulder and shoved. Beth shot backward, landing so hard on her backside her tailbone jammed against the rocky ground.
Then she heard Kahtar. At least she thought it was Kahtar, although she’d never heard him roar like this. The sound shot cold terror right through her.
“CEASE!”
Ignoring the well-worn path, her husband came through the long grass at a run. Dressed in chainmail, he looked like something out of a shade. Combined with the horror of the dogs by her baby—surely they had only been dogs—and Honor dangling Dianta in the air, it was too much. Unable to breathe through her broken nose, Beth managed a painful breath through her mouth. Dianta still dangled from Honor’s hands, turning purple.
“Get her under control, Chief!” Honor shouted. “Something is very much wrong with your wife—I think she’s hallucinating, and she attacked me!”
Beth shot to her feet and headed right for Honor. Why is he lying? The fact that his words didn’t feel like a lie didn’t stop Beth from going after him again, determined to get her baby.
Kahtar intercepted her. One big hand—a hand that always touched her so gently, especially the last weeks—a hand that cradled Dianta as though she were priceless glass—planted itself in her chest and shoved her.
“Don’t you dare attack him again!” he said.
“What!” Beth bellowed, staggering backward.
Kahtar planted himself protectively in front of Honor Monroe, both hands on the hilts of his swords as he shouted, “You heard me. Back off!”
Defiance rose in her heart so strongly that she knew Kahtar felt it. That didn’t stop her from launching herself in the direction of Honor Monroe, determined that if she had to claw her way through Kahtar, so be it.
Beth didn’t make it two steps before Kahtar elbowed her to the ground harder than Honor had.
Sharp rocks tore her dress and scraped her hands and legs as she skidded to a stop. Kahtar stormed after her, the ground vibrating with his footfalls. In a flash of fear, Beth remembered the night he’d lost it. But when he bent to look into her face, there was no insanity in his eyes this time, only anger.
“NEVER. EVER. HIT. A. WARRIOR! You know the rules!”
This time it was Beth who snapped. She swung a fist right for his head, making contact with every bit of strength she had as she bellowed out two words no lady should ever say—especially not to her husband. Instantly she started to cry. Blood gushed from inside her nose, down her throat and into her mouth. Kahtar reached for her nose, certainly to heal it, but angrily Beth punched him in the other side of his head. Hard. It felt like she might have broken her hand.
Silence descended as Kahtar looked at his wife. After a moment he turned to Honor, who relinquished Dianta. Beth watched Kahtar blow gently into Dianta’s face. The baby blinked and began to bellow. Kahtar moved to Beth and placed Dianta in her arms.
Honor was there in an instant. “Beth left her lying in the grass unattended! A pack of wolves nearly took your daughter! When I asked what happened, she didn’t even make sense, Chief. She went on about interrupting and kissing—I don’t know, it sounded mad! There’s something wrong with her. She shouldn’t be down here, and she certainly shouldn’t be taking care of a baby in her condition! She’s unbalanced and unfit!”
Kahtar watched as Beth tried to get their hysterical daughter to nurse, tugging at the soft material of the Arc-appropriate dress—a gift from The Mother. Blood dripped onto her daughter’s dark head from her gushing nose and Dianta thrashed, at last latching on as though determined to teach that breast a lesson.
Kahtar’s words were measured as though feigning calm when he asked Honor, “Do you think Beth was trying to feed my child to the wolves?”
“I think she doesn’t belong in this Arc!”
“In such a situation, Monroe, what is the danger in handing a baby to its mother?” Kahtar bent over Beth and yanked her to her feet. She scrambled to cover her exposed breast from Honor’s eyes, failing miserably when Dianta refused to let go. It was not a flattering Madonna moment.
“Apologize,” Kahtar said to her.
Beth almost choked on the blood dripping down the back of her throat. “What?”
“Apologize to Honor for making him hit you.”
Beth spewed the same two words again, this time for both their benefit, adding, “He took my daughter and pushed me down! Why the hell should I apologize to him?”
“Because you do not hit a warrior! That is the bottom line! Everything else is irrelevant. You don’t break rules like that!”
“Do you have any idea how absurd that is? Do you have any clue how ridiculous you’re being? You storm around this stupid Arc, enforcing inane rules, for what purpose, Kah
tar? Who the bloody hell do you think you’re protecting? Not me! You’re protecting warrior stupidity!”
“Watch your mouth, Beth! Don’t say things you can’t take back!”
Beth repeated the same two words.
Kahtar took one threatening step toward her and stopped. “Stop. Talking. That is not a request. I’m your warrior chief and I’m ordering you to shut your mouth now.”
Fury made her tremble, and attached to her breast Dianta sensed it and growled. Pain scorched the inside of Beth’s nose as blood continued to gag her, and she couldn’t stop her angry tears.
“What will you do? Hit me again? You told me husbands don’t hit their wives! I am so sick of clan bullshit, and I’ve had it with you! You all pretend like you want to make the world a better place! But what do any of you ever really do? You’re supposed to be some great Christ-like clan, but your love is all for yourselves! I’ve known far more honor among seekers than I have with this clan! I don’t know what I was thinking getting involved with any of you! Especially you, Kahtar! Most especially you!”
The hot blood in her throat forced her to stop shouting and concentrate on drawing another breath. Neither Kahtar nor Honor spoke for long seconds, frozen in place as they stared at her. The only sounds were of Dianta’s growling and Beth’s gagging.
“Old Guard!” Kahtar shouted his voice much hoarser than usual. Several of them flickered into being, like shimmering gladiators, taller and broader than Kahtar’s ample mass. “Take my wife and daughter home. Do not heal my wife.” His steely eyes flickered to hers. “When I give an order, even you are expected to obey it. Because of your tantrum I’m now duty bound to report this incident! And then we will talk, and despite what you say or think, you will apologize to Honor and to me.”
Beth wished she had the fortitude to once more shout those two words, right in front of Old Guard. Instead she was forced to tug Dianta loose from the breast she was mauling, and surrender her into the giant arms of a black-eyed shimmering Old Guard for transportation.
FOREVER The Constantines' Secret: A Covenant Keeper Novel Page 9
