“So you are,” Kahtar agreed, stretching.
Beth succeeded in turning her head a bit in his direction. “And if you look close at Dianta’s, they’re not completely yours either. They’re black some. Yours are gun-metal gray, but sometimes when you’re outside they reflect light beautifully.”
“Do they,” he said without interest.
“You know I can’t lie! Why aren’t you relieved?”
Kahtar stopped stretching. “Do me a favor? Say out loud that I’m not immortal.”
“You’re not immortal,” Beth replied without missing a beat, and her heart sank.
Kahtar settled back in his chair and crossed his arms. “And that’s why I’m not excited about it. You can say I’m not, but I am. I remember the twelve tribes of Egypt forming—blazes, I remember the flood! If that’s not immortality, what is? You can’t shout out facts and tell me what is real. Your gifting has never worked like that. It’s more of a Rorschach test for truth.”
“No it’s not,” said Beth, certain he was wrong. Her heart lifted. “Holy cow, Kahtar! I know why I could say it! You’re not immortal anymore!”
“Beth, stop. You’re killing me.” He sounded like he meant it. “Do you honestly think you can shout out random facts and know if they’re true or not? You could answer all of the world’s questions.”
“Maybe I can.”
“Welcome gave you that seeker medication I told him not to, didn’t he?”
“Maybe he did,” she hedged, but nodded her head in confirmation.
“I understand why he did it, but you need to face what happened in the veil sooner rather than later.”
“Now isn’t the time to worry about what happened in the veil! Everything is so clear right now. The laws of being! Old Guard! The Bible’s flood—hey, it wasn’t water! That’s a metaphor! Did you know that? You were there, weren’t you?”
“Just because you think something makes sense doesn’t necessarily mean you’re right.”
“The Big Bang Theory is—pretty much spot on.”
“Beth.”
“Global warming is—actually I have no clue about that. The universe is saying something about an old-fashioned whipping instead of answering. Do you think Mother Nature is into corporal punishment?”
“You’re not making any sense. Rest, love.”
“I don’t think she’ll be satisfied with having us put our heads on our desks. Hey! Aliens are—real. Holy shit, Kahtar! Did you know that?” Beth managed to turn her head and gape at him.
“No, they’re not, Beth. Please don’t swear. I’m going to get Welcome. I think you’ve got some head thawing going on.”
“You’re right! Not about aliens. That’s true. But I shouldn’t swear, swearing can create—bad karma or something, I think. You’re right about the head thawing too. It doesn’t feel very good. I think a pipe in my brain might have burst. Don’t! I can feel when you scan into my head. It hurts.”
“Only warriors can feel scans.”
“Why do you always argue with me about that? My mother’s a shieldmaiden. I think I have the gene. Oh my heart, did you know my mother’s a shieldmaiden? I never knew that. I mean, I knew something was weird but…” Beth’s mind drifted to her mother. It would explain a lot.
“If you feel like talking, why don’t you tell me more about what happened in the veil? I’m going back over there in a bit—”
“No. Don’t go in there. That brother-clone is connected to you, but he’s—he’s evil, Kahtar. Don’t trust him. Don’t go near him.”
“I don’t have a brother, evil or otherwise, and I certainly don’t have a clone.”
Beth snorted. “Why do you think that the Old Guard grabbed you and disappeared when I first said you did? They know it’s true. Where’d they take you anyway?”
“To the veil. They wanted to scan for signs of another Covenant Keeper, but they didn’t find anything.”
“Oh, yes, they did.”
“No, they didn’t. Whoever killed those seekers scorched everything with his scan. There’s no evidence, but the Old Guard want to look again.”
“Your brother didn’t do any such thing. He doesn’t care what any of us know about him. He doesn’t care about anything.”
“Who scorched the evidence then?”
“Isn’t it obvious? The Old Guard did it. They don’t want you to know about your brother.”
“Hellfire and blazes, Beth! You can’t say things like that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth!”
Welcome pushed the door open and stuck his head in. “You called, Kahtar? I thought I heard your second voice.”
“You need to check Beth.”
“I’m fine,” she said, holding both hands up to demonstrate. Almost instantly her muscles gave and they dropped.
Kahtar’s hand shot out, protecting her face from the blow. “No, you’re not.”
Welcome moved to stand beside her, and Beth felt his scan brush through her. She grinned at him. Everything that had happened in the veil had receded, replaced by a floating laughter in her heart. She was glad he had given her the medicine Kahtar didn’t like.
Welcome’s cool hands brushed her hair off her face. “I had to give her something to take the edge off. Ever have a migraine? To the nth power. Besides, I don’t want her upset right now.”
“I don’t like it.”
“You haven’t tried it,” said Beth, smiling as the universe whispered its secrets to her. The scalloped ceiling tiles appeared to be opening and closing like clams. It looked beautiful and she stared silently for several minutes while Welcome poked and prodded and Kahtar spoke to him in second voice. The universe told Beth everything he said, but she didn’t mind if she was going to have a stroke, post-traumatic stress, or even permanent brain damage. Not if it felt this good. Her mind drifted to more important things.
“Honor Monroe is bisexual. Did you guys know that? I wonder if he knows that. I don’t really get that. I mean, pick one. Everybody only ever gets one person and I’d want to be their favorite sex, wouldn’t you? Surely he has a preference. I thought he was going to declare to me once, but apparently he liked Kahtar a wee bit better.”
Beth smiled at Kahtar, but he was glaring at Welcome. “It’s your muscles. He likes muscles. Me too. You’ve got nice ones, but I also love—” Soundlessly Beth mouthed her favorite male body part at the clan doctor. Welcome’s eyes sparkled with humor and the brush of his heart caught her attention. It felt like laughter. “Why’s that so funny?”
“You’re going through a hallucinogenic phase. It won’t last very long.”
Beth beamed at him. “I don’t mind. Suddenly everything seems so obvious! So simple! It’s expanding my mind so much!” She used her arms to show how much, pleased when they responded. Her hand caught Welcome in the jaw. “Oh, no!” she giggled. “Dang, now Welcome and all the healers will be shunning me.”
In an instant all of the lightness and humor evaporated.
Fear lit through her heart as the universe retreated, dropping her back into her own life.
On the ceiling the friendly tiles turned to rotten teeth, and a tongue licked them, coming closer and closer. The taste of earth touched Beth’s tongue, or maybe it was the tongue and the teeth. Vomit filled her mouth.
“Giddy up.”
Someone with horse breath shoved her to the ground and rode her, crushing her, grinding her into the forest floor, breaking her bones.
“You’ll do.”
Hate and despair filled her.
“You agreed.”
He was using her like a portal to the dark side.
“It feels good, doesn’t it?”
The remembered taste of that dark heart filled her nose and mouth with muck and filth.
“Say you like it.”
Beth screamed, trying to escape. Arms wrapped around and pinned her in place, nailing her down forever.
“Be still or I won’t help her.”
Mushrooms bl
oomed from the ground around her, poking right up through the middle of her heart, right through Dianta’s dark, staring eyes.
Beneath Beth the earth became a bed of worms.
Cruel, steely eyes laughing.
Beth fought, screaming and screaming until the sound scraped her throat raw and only ragged whispers came. Still he pounded, and his foul heart and breath drifted into her nostrils and mouth, choking her with worms. Something in her heart broke, and she knew nothing would ever be funny or good again.
Beth wanted to die.
And stay there.
“DEAR EL, COR meum! Palmer, do something!” Kahtar forced Beth flat on the table as hoarse screams tore from her throat and she struggled to escape. She flung her head from side to side and vomited again, coating her face, the sheets, him, Palmer.
The worst part was Kahtar could feel her heart, and knew what was happening inside her head. Tears soaked his face and his own bile torched his throat. What kind of Covenant Keeper had done this to her? Why?
“Beth, Beth, love, it’s over. Amica mea cor meum. It’s over. You’re safe now.”
Somewhere in the back of his mind where he always scanned, Kahtar sensed the door open and in his peripheral vision saw a flash of red. He didn’t realize a woman had entered until she had wrapped her arms around Beth’s kicking legs. There wasn’t much to her size-wise, but it helped keep Beth from hurting herself further.
“Where have you been?” Welcome demanded over the sound of Beth’s struggles. “I’ve been trying to find you for over twenty-four hours!”
Kahtar focused on her then and worked to place her. Delphine Green. Vague memories surfaced. Warfield’s daughter. In trouble often as a kid. Sent to Avalon to become Tener Mulier. When exactly did she get back? The information came clouded, as though he’d known the answer to that question but somehow forgotten it. He refocused on Beth.
Delphine answered Welcome, but Kahtar barely heard her reply. He knew only she’d been busy doing something honorable that he didn’t need to worry about. Beth continued to thrash.
“I don’t dare knock her out, Kahtar,” Welcome said. “Everything inside of her is a mess still. I’m afraid she would have a stroke. A bad one.”
The little brunette climbed onto the table with Beth, one knee on either side of her torso and her red skirt hitched up to her thighs. She took Beth’s vomit splattered head in her hands. Surprise mingled with admiration for Kahtar until Delphine began to shout into Beth’s face.
“Knock it off! It’s over, Beth! Shut up and be still! You’re safe now! You can survive this. That’s the truth! Do you hear me? It’s all true. This you can see and feel! This is your non-fiction! You’re safe, and you will survive this and be well! It’s gone, he’s gone. You’re clean and whole and safe!”
To Kahtar’s astonishment, Beth stopped fighting. Her eyes continued to roll upward, her body jerked, her face twitched and she remained unfocused, but she’d heard and believed the woman.
“Delphine’s a storyteller,” Welcome explained. “Remember when she was little? She’d tell stories and you could smell it, or feel it? The gifting has grown into something amazing. That’s why I’ve been trying to get hold of her. I thought she could help.” The men both looked at the young woman.
Delphine continued to speak, her voice soft now as though she were singing. “Nobody can hurt you here, and that bastard that attacked you—he’s nothing to you. He violated himself, not you, damaged his soul, not yours. Meanwhile you’re erasing him from your heart, and every moment he recedes further away. You’re loved here, Beth. Can you feel my heart? I do love you, girlfriend. So does Welcome. Do you feel that? How about Kahtar? You’re one lucky woman to have him. I know he’s a challenge, but you can read him like a book.”
“Watch it,” Kahtar warned, wondering when Beth had met the mouthy little storyteller.
Delphine leaned forward, whispering in Beth’s ear. Her hair hid her mouth, but Beth’s ramrod stiff body began to relax. Her shoulders dropped to the table, and her legs straightened to lie flat. Delphine continued to whisper until Beth’s fists unclenched and her arms relaxed beneath Kahtar’s fierce grip. Delphine peeked at Welcome and scooted down to lift a leg over the bulge of pregnant belly. “How’s the baby?” she asked, dismounting.
Welcome shot a glance at Kahtar before he answered. “Her growth rate is the same as her sister’s.”
“But?” prodded Delphine, and when Welcome shook his head ever so slightly at her she insisted in her sing-songy tone, “Kahtar wants to know now.”
“I do?” said Kahtar, surprised by the fact that he suddenly did want to know. He’d been avoiding scanning the baby, unable to bear the potential for bad news. “I do,” he repeated with certainty, relaxing his grip on Beth’s arms and repositioning them to rest at her sides.
“This baby will surely live, probably to be born early like her sister.” Welcome ran the back of one hand over the bump of Beth’s belly and lowered his voice. “I won’t say she’ll be as healthy as her sister. The trauma during the reanimation process was severe. It’s not all going to fix itself, it’s not possible, and no one can heal neurons that have never existed. Likely she’ll be developmentally slow and possibly deaf.”
Delphine wiped her vomit splattered hands on the silky red fabric of her blouse and shrugged. “So in other words she’ll be imperfectly fine like the rest of us. Well, I’m so hungry the smell of that vomit makes my mouth water, and that is pretty damn gross, isn’t it?”
Despite her help, she left Kahtar with a definite feeling of dislike as she pranced out of the room.
Welcome leaned to Beth’s ear, whispering. Kahtar only caught the last words and his heart sank at the absurdity of the declaration. “Whatever magic your husband has infused into you and your baby will soon make you both well.”
Magic, Palmer? It’s not magic, it’s madness. But today I will gladly take it, though we will all surely pay—forever.
BLOODY TRUTH—DAY OF RECKONING
BETH WOKE FLAT on her back, buried beneath a ridiculous heap of blankets inside her familiar old apartment at Cobbson. The euphoric floating sensation had evaporated and her body felt heavy. Through cloudy vision she saw Kahtar asleep on top the covers next to her, wearing only his under layer of warrior clothes. Glad to see him at her side, she still wished she had the strength to put her feet against him and shove him to the floor, hard.
With effort Beth turned her head toward the window. Daylight peeked in around the edges of the shade, further blurring her vision. She closed her eyes and the act hurt. Every muscle and bone ached, from the roots of her hair to her nailbeds.
Of course it hurts. I’ve been beaten not half to death, but all the way.
The thought might have made her shudder, but apparently her body hadn’t regained that function. Taking a deep breath came easy, and she moved her hands to touch her belly, finding the numbness had faded from her hands enough to feel it. Beth exhaled the breath with relief. Beneath her hands the belly moved.
Joyful fury lit through her.
Fuck you, Doppelganger. We’re going to be fine. At least she hoped so. No matter what, it would surely be miraculous perfection compared to how that bastard in the veil had left her. Beth wiggled her fingers and toes and they responded stiffly, although a beat behind. Her mouth still felt like leather and sand, and licking her lips only smeared them with whatever lemony oil they’d put inside her mouth. Turning her head to look at Kahtar again, she discovered he’d somehow managed to do an about face without her hearing.
There were tears in his eyes. “How do you feel?” he whispered.
Unable to bear the intensity of his gaze, she looked away and rasped, “I am dead tired.”
“Not funny.”
“Practically killed me.” Beth didn’t think dead jokes were funny either, but some base part of her wanted to remind Kahtar, to grind his face into what had happened because he had abandoned her.
“Please, don’t,” he said
. “Do you think I’ll ever forget this was my fault?”
How does he always know what I’m thinking?
The thought was followed by the realization that his admission wasn’t even true, what had happened wasn’t Kahtar’s fault at all. He didn’t even know the magnitude of what had happened. She had to tell him. As warrior chief alone he had to know what was out there, what had found its way into his veil.
Kahtar knelt next to her, looking almost adorable in the maroon one-piece, but Beth still wished she had the strength to shove him to the floor. Even if it hadn’t been his fault, he’d still been wrong to treat her like he had. He neatly folded the blankets down, avoiding her gaze.
“Too cold,” Beth complained. He seemed too close without the mountain of covers between them.
“I’ll warm you,” he said.
Beth hadn’t been this close to Kahtar without being in trouble in many months—not since the day before the trouble in the Arc. The touch of his heart circled hers, cautious and respectful, but very much receptive as it hadn’t been in a long time. So long! In one deft movement he slid beside her and shoved a familiar arm under her neck. The other hand reached for her hip to bring her closer and she balked, attempting to scoot away and failing miserably.
Kahtar paused. “What is it?”
“Suddenly it’s all right? Suddenly—because I died, you want me? You’ve forgiven me? Everything is right between us? Just like that? The laws haven’t changed, Kahtar. But I’m glad to know what I have to do to earn your forgiveness.”
Emotion clouded his steely eyes as he took hold of her far hip and rolled her onto her side, pulling her closer. The belly got in the way of real physical contact, but the intensity of two joined hearts simmered because they were so close. Unable to forgive him so easily, Beth kept her heart on lockdown.
Kahtar sighed. “I deserve that, and no, it’s not all right. But I am the one at fault and you get to determine if this breach is insurmountable, and no matter what you decide, we are one heart and you aren’t well. Please let me help you. Let me in.”
FOREVER The Constantines' Secret: A Covenant Keeper Novel Page 19
