by Jude Ouvrard
''Shhh, Abbie, you’re safe.'' I keep whispering the same words, over and over again.
''MOM… DON’T LEAVE ME, PLEASE!'' She yells in anguish and tries to get off the bed, pulling at the IV on her hand. ''DAD, PLEASE DON’T GO!'' She yells again, even louder. The IV rips from her hand and falls to the floor, and I notice her hospital gown is only covering half of her body now. I see all the bruising and it’s like a physical blow to my chest. They have to hurt like hell, and I don't want to risk touching her to calm her down.
The nurse comes in, and as soon as she sees Abbie, she calls for a doctor and orders a sedative. Two nurses manage to hold Abbie and get her back down onto the bed. She opens her eye and stares at me, scared and confused.
''Relax, my love. Shhh, relax. You’re safe now, Abbie.''
The nurses are still holding her, even though she’s no longer fighting them.
''Presley...'' Abbie cries. ''What’s happening to me?''
''You had a bad dream, love.''
''I’m so scared. Please get me out of here,” she begs, but I know I can’t. As much as I wish I could take her home, she has to stay. I know this is what she needs tonight.
I touch her arm to comfort her. ''I’ll keep you safe, Abbie.''
Chapter NINETEEN
Abbie
I WANT TO go home. My home. I want the comfort of my bed. My things. It’s nothing against Presley, I just need to be in my own home. I hurt so much at the moment, and I feel as if being in my own place would make me better. We’re in Presley’s car, classical piano music playing on the stereo. He’s holding my hand and caressing it with his thumb. I look out the window and realize he’s driving towards his apartment instead of mine. When Presley said we were finally going to be able to go home, he instinctively thought we’d go to his place, but right now, all I want is my own apartment. I just spent the longest thirty-six hours ever at the hospital.
He stayed with me the whole time I was in the hospital, and I’ll be forever grateful, but right now, all I want is to relax and feel safe. I want to go back to my place, run a nice warm bath and unwind for a while. I hated being in the hospital, and I miss the comfort of being in my own bed. I know if we go to Presley’s apartment, I won’t get a moment of peace. Joy, Alicia, Joshua and Derek will undoubtedly be there to give me a big welcome home, and I just don’t have the energy to deal with it. Every little noise gives me the sensation someone's hitting me over the head with a hammer. As selfish as it sounds, I just want to go home. If I’m lucky, Cameron won’t even be there, and I can sleep in peace.
''Presley, can I go home to my place?''
His facial expression goes from happy to sad in a split second. ''I'm sorry, Bee, I thought we classified home as my place, now that Cameron's staying at your condo.''
''I know, but I need to go home, Presley. Please?'' I ask again, politely. I’m starting to feel anxious and my throat tightens, as if I'm about to cry. He doesn't say a word…he simply turns the car around and drives me to the condo. By the time we arrive, my head is pounding, and I’m suffering a little dizziness.
Presley helps me into my apartment, makes sure I'm comfortably settled in bed, and places my medication on the bedside table. At least Cam isn’t home. I know I’ll be able to rest quietly.
''Will you be alright for two to three hours?'' he asks. I know he must have work to do. Even if I wanted him to stay, I can’t ask him to. He’s already missed so much work, staying with me in the hospital.
''Yeah, I will. I'm not dying, Presley. I just have bruises–lots of them.'' I say, trying to add a little humor to the situation. From the expression on Presley’s face, he doesn't think it’s remotely funny.
''I need to go to my place for a while, to prepare for the next shoot,'' he says, kissing my forehead gently.
''I’ll be back as soon as I'm done.'' I can tell he’s not happy with the situation. He’s making it obvious that he thinks we should have gone to his place.
''Aren't you going to kiss me?'' I ask.
''I just did,'' he answers, lifting an eyebrow in question.
''Presley, I need more than a little kiss on my forehead. I need you.'' I emphasize the words, trying to make sure he understands.
His eyebrows raise even higher. ''Jesus, Abbie, have you looked at yourself? You have bruises all over, and you’ve got a broken rib. How do you expect me to enjoy touching you when you’re such a mess? If we make love, I’ll end up hurting you. You’re already in so much pain, I just can’t bear to make it worse. Please don’t ask me to.''
''You don’t want me?'' My heart stops in my chest as I stare up into his eyes. ''You don't find me attractive anymore? You think I’m a mess?'' I’m getting angry now. I’ve gone from exhausted, to aroused, to furious in just seconds. I know my emotions are all over the map and I feel so out of control. ''Just leave. Now.''
Presley runs his fingers through his hair in frustration, hurt blossoming in his eyes. ''Abbie, I desire you! I just don't want to hurt you.''
''Leave. Get out,'' I order angrily.
He stalks out of the room, his shoulders slumped. What’s the matter with me? I can’t believe I just kicked him out. I want to go after him…I want to ask him to stay. I fight back the tears that threaten to fall.
I hear noises coming from the front door. Cameron’s arrived home. I hear Presley talking to Cameron, but I can’t distinguish anything because they keep their voices low. All I recognize is the sound of Cameron putting his grocery bags on the kitchen table, before he walks into my room. When Cameron sees the damage Kelly did to my face, terror, pain, and sadness flash across his features. He sits at my feet and watches me worriedly. ''What the fuck, Abbie?''
I seek out Presley, who’s standing in the doorway; he obviously didn't tell Cameron the full extent of my injuries.
''I’ve been trying to call you. I don't know how many messages I left you. What happened to you?'' Cameron demands
Presley walks back into the room. Leaning in, he kisses me passionately, which annoys me because he’s probably just doing it to piss Cameron off.
“I’m going now, Abbie. Let me know if you need anything. I love you,” he says, closing the door behind him.
I can tell how badly I‘ve messed up by the way he walks out. He seems worn out…drained.
Cameron sits quietly, waiting patiently for an explanation.
''We went out the other night, and some bitches attacked me,'' I explain, shifting my weight on the mattress, trying to get comfortable.
''Why would they attack you?'' he asked.
''I happen to be engaged to such a good man, his old conquest can’t let go… I guess,'' I announce sullenly. I don’t want to talk about it and I still can’t get comfortable. No matter which way I move, it hurts. I can’t even lie in my own bed and it frustrates the heck out of me.
I get up and walk carefully out of the room, trying not to move too swiftly. Cameron follows me out, motioning for me to sit on the couch. He scoots to the far end, giving me room to lay my head on the arm of the couch, and then stares at me pointedly, waiting for a further explanation.
With a heavy sigh, I explain what happened. ''One of the girls who beat me up used to date Presley, and apparently she can’t get over him.''
His eyes traced across my swollen face. ''What’s the damage?''
''My whole body hurts. I have a constant headache, a broken rib, heaps of bruising, terrible mood swings, and to top it off, Presley doesn't want to touch me. I don't know what his problem is. It’s not like I’m going to break, I'm not that fragile,'' I huff out in frustration.
To my surprise, Cameron shakes his head and gives me a wry smile. ''Abbie, I don't think you’re seeing things very clearly right now. You’re the one person I'll always find attractive, but right now, you look like you’ve been hit by a train. You need to chill out, my friend, give yourself some time to heal. And give the guy a break. I’ve never seen him that fucked up. He‘s at his limit, Abbie.''
I drop m
y hands over my face with a moan. ''I know…I know. I don’t know what the matter with me is. Just when I need him the most, I end up pushing him away.''
I need to feel normal again. I want my life back so badly. Even after all that’s happened, I need to know we’re okay. I’ve been mean to him. Right now, after what happened with Kelly, I need him to want me. My head hurts, but I can‘t stop thinking about the incident or what I just said to Presley. I have all these questions but no answers. I need to rest and clear my mind.
I remember the dream I had that first night in the hospital. Both my mother and my father were there with me. They were holding hands…they seemed so happy. My dad was smiling. He wasn't the type of person who smiled a lot in real life. Mom and Dad told me over and over again that I was safe, and that I was going to be okay. I remember feeling my mother’s touch on my cheek. It felt light and warm. I remember my father’s embrace. He was a strong man, but in my dream he seemed so soft and comforting. They started to walk away, and I remember calling after them, but they wouldn’t come back. I woke up to a room full of nurses, and a very distressed Presley.
Cameron isn’t talking or asking me any more questions. He seems to know I'm going through everything in my mind. He doesn't even ask what I’m thinking. I close my eyes, willing my body to relax. Using the remote, Cameron turns on some music. He keeps the volume low, and starts humming through the lyrics. My eyelids grow heavy and the headache is letting up some. The music is helping and I drift off into sleep.
Presley wakes me up when he sits on the couch beside my feet. He doesn't say anything, but I can tell by the expression on his face, he’s deeply unhappy with what he sees. I know he hates seeing me in so much pain, and he’s told me more than once that he hates the fact that Kelly did this to me.
''Will you help me up?'' I ask him quietly. I want to sit upright, but I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. Presley gently picks me up. He sits back down on the couch, settling me on his lap.
''Are you okay? Are we okay, Abbie? I'm so confused here. I don’t know what you’re thinking, or what you’re feeling.'' Presley is frowning, worry evident in his voice.
''I'm—we're.'' I stumble over the words, my thoughts chaotic as I try to find a way to explain why I’m so confused and upset.
''Abbie don’t you want to be with me anymore? I can understand if you can’t forgive me, for what Kelly did.” He interlinks his fingers through mine, and the pain in his eyes is frightening. “Are you leaving me, Abbie? Are you moving back into your own place permanently? I need to know, I can’t stand this,” he chokes out.
I stare at him for a minute. I know I’ve been giving out mixed signals, but I’m not breaking up with him or thinking about a life without him. It’s the opposite. “Presley... I’m not leaving you. I’m sorry about the things I said earlier, I didn’t mean them. I want to be with you.”
He looked relieved. ''Yeah, I was worried. I had the apartment all ready for you. Lucia prepared meals… everyone was anxious to see you again. When you said you wanted to come here... well, I just thought...''
''I'm sorry. I just... I’ve been through a lot, and I felt terrible earlier. That’s why I asked you to drive me here. I knew everyone would want to look after me when we got back to your apartment but I needed time to relax before I saw everyone again.'' I cup his cheek with my hand. ''I’m sorry. It’s total chaos inside my head right now. I didn’t make my intentions clear and I hope you weren’t mad.''
Cameron gets up discreetly and walks toward the kitchen, giving Presley and me the space we need to talk things out.
''I was, I guess. And then you tried to say that I didn't want you. Abbie, you’re hurt. I can’t bear the thought of hurting you even more. I won't touch you, not until you’re healed.''
I smile coyly. ''We could take it slow and stop if it hurts.''
''Abbie, I don’t think this is a good idea.'' He looks thoughtful. ''I'm so sorry about everything, love.''
''No, I'm sorry. My head's messing with me.''
''You need to rest.'' He kisses my temple and hugs me gently.
''Come on, let’s go home.'' I smile warmly. ''Let me tell Cameron we’re leaving.''
Presley has gone to fix us something to eat. I'm settled in our bed, relaxing and watching TV on the flat screen. He comes back a few minutes later, setting the tray on the night stand. He joins me on the bed, staring deeply into my eyes. His grey eyes are breathtaking…they’re gorgeous.
''Are you comfortable like this, love?''
With the tip of my fingers, I brush his lips slowly in hope of tempting him. I know this is wrong but I can’t help it. ''Yes, why?'' I ask with a dreamy voice.
''I want to try something. Don't move,'' he orders in a husky voice. So sensual. I think he feels the same way I do.
Crawling up between my legs, he presses his mouth to my throat, his lips warm on the skin of my neck. My body's trembling, I’m so weak.
''Sorry, love, this isn’t a good idea,” he says, as he moves to lay by my side. ''I'm going to stay here with you, as long as you want me.'' He gives me a big wet smooch on the cheek. ''Are you okay?'' he asks making sure that I'm not in pain.
I nod, kissing him some more. Soft kisses on his chin, nibbles along his lovable jaw, and gentle bites on the tender skin of his neck.
''Abbie, don't do this. You are not in a state where we can let loose.'' He laughs. ''Not that I wouldn’t like it, but it’s not safe, love.'' He groans, reaching for my lips. “I obviously don’t know what I want myself. Everything inside me is urging to reconcile with your body, but part of my mind is telling me that you’re far from ready.” Presley blurts. I can hear the anguish in his voice,
I clutch his hair and keep his lips on mine. I decide to keep him close enough to taste his lips some more.
''Okay, stop now, Abbie,'' he pants. His breathing is getting ragged and I know he is about to put a stop to my game. He whispers a kind warning in my ear, and I try not to laugh. “I love you, love, but we have to stop fooling around.'' With the tip of his finger, he draws little waves up and down my arms. The gentle touch creates shivers all over my body. He continues and it makes me giggle until the pain in my ribs awakens. I wince and he stops immediately.
After the day we’ve had, we needed this. We had to reconnect. Snuggling with him even when I can't move well is the best way to spend my first night out of the hospital. “I love you too, baby, and I’m sorry for the way I acted,” I say. “As soon as I asked you to leave, I wanted to take it back. I wanted you to stay. Today made me realize–I don’t want to live without you anymore.”
''I know, Abbie, because I feel exactly the same way. You are my world, now.''
Presley
My lovely Bee said she doesn’t want to live without me…I pull her close, enjoying the sensation of her body next to mine. I was speaking the truth when I said I couldn’t imagine a day without her.
Last night was my first night back in a bed. While we stayed at the hospital, at least Abbie had a bed. I made do with sleeping in a rocking chair and my back made me aware that it needed my mattress.
I get out of bed and stretch my sore body. Abbie is still asleep. She is due to take her medicine. I hate myself for doing it, but I need to wake her up. I’d rather do that, than have her wake up because she’s in pain.
''Abbie, I hate to say it, but we need to get up. You need to eat something and take your medicine. You can go back to bed afterwards, if you want.”
I had all her medications prepared and organized, so there would be no confusion. I bought Bee one of those pill organizers they sell at the drugstore. I wanted to make sure she takes the right medication, at the right time. She says I’m being overprotective, but I can’t help myself. I just want to take good care of my girl. On the way back to our room, with her pills and a glass of water, I can tell that something’s wrong. Abbie’s wincing, pale, and sweaty. I hate that she’s in so much pain.
''What's wrong, love?'' I ask.
&
nbsp; ''Pain...I tried to sit while you were in the kitchen and it hurts like fucking hell.'' She’s panting and her voice is strained.
''What do you want me to do? Tell me and I’ll do it.'' Watching her suffer is driving me insane. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I wish to God there was some way to make her whole again; something I could do to take away her pain.
''I don't know, baby, I’m afraid to move right now,'' she says, and she starts to cry. I can actually feel my heart breaking wide open.
''I’ll try to move you slowly, but you have to tell me if it hurts, okay, love?'' How am I going to do this?
''It already hurts, Presley!'' she says through her tears.
''I know, Abbie. I’m just trying to help you here. Do you need to go back to the hospital?''
''Just give me a few minutes, okay?'' She tries to calm herself down, concentrating on her breathing and trying to keep it steady and slow.
''Sure, love. Whatever you need,” I say, as I sit down next to her, taking her hands in mine. She grips them tightly.
I start humming a song I know she likes, hoping it will help her to relax. She’s an emotional wreck right now. I wish I knew what to do to help her. The Bee I know is so easy going and relaxed. While she relaxes, I run back into the kitchen, cut up an orange and place it on a plate for her.
''Here, love, can you eat this while you’re still lying down? It’s the only thing I could think of that you might be able to eat on your back.”
''It’s worth a try. Thank you.'' She takes a few bites from the orange pieces and a few sips of water through a straw. ''Okay, give me the drugs now, please.'' She takes them and then continues eating the orange.
I can tell when the medication finally starts to work. Her breathing slows, and she drifts off back to sleep. I lean over to drop a kiss on her lips, and even in sleep she responds to me, and I hear her whisper “I love you”. I love hearing those words.
