ness,” Jamie cut in.
There was a sudden silence, not so much as a bit of chewing. Quinn reached for his beer. “You’re right.” Eli grinned, showing his sharp crooked tooth. But the speed at which he
gave in made Jamie feel more like he’d won a battle and lost the war. “I enjoyed meeting your friends,” Gavin said as they came into Jamie’s house. He’d been
quiet—extra quiet considering he wasn’t usually one for blabbing—during the drive back. The mist had stopped, so they rode with the top down. It wasn’t quite like being on the boat, but it was nice, the warm night air cooling with their speed. Jamie noticed they stayed within fifteen miles of the limit.
“They’re not all my friends. Really only Quinn. Eli, eh, he grows on you. Like a bratty case of fungus.”
“How did you meet Quinn?”
Jamie tried to remember how many personal questions Gavin had flung at him while they’d been sleeping together. It seemed the more time they spent together, the less likely Gavin was to ask. “We met at a Gay Vet support group, back when he was fresh out of the service.”
“You’ve known him a long time then?”
“Seven years.”
“I can see that you struggle with commitment.”
Jamie started to laugh, then narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to make some kind of point with that? Is this one of those indirect-speech things?”
Gavin shrugged. “It seems for you, action speaks louder than words.” Since Gavin’s next action was to get on his knees and undo Jamie’s fly, words stopped
being a priority.
The guy was pretty intent about stripping Jamie of everything but the need to get more of his cock in that mouth. This wasn’t foreplay. This was a focused attack to get Jamie off hard and in a hurry.
His dick loved it. But something unpleasant coiled up his spine, even while the pleasure pulsed in his balls, which Gavin was right now giving attention to with a warm tongue.
Jamie put a hand on Gavin’s cheek and, with Jamie’s downstairs brain screaming for him to not be an utter fucking dipshit, moved Gavin back.
“Something wrong?” Gavin’s voice was cool, polite. Distant like the night of the party out past Edgemere.
Jamie tried to talk, but Gavin’s tongue flicked across his lips and Jamie shuddered. He cleared his throat—twice—then managed, “Want the bed.”
Gavin nodded, and despite a lot of hands-on interference delays, they made it to the bed clothes-free, hard and eager. Jamie wanted Gavin on his back, wanted to be able to kiss him, to watch his face, to feel those lean legs locked on as Gavin pulled himself harder into a thrust, but Gavin had a plan of his own.
Jamie wasn’t sure how it happened, but he was blaming the electrical shock from jump-ing the solenoid and Gavin’s amazing mouth for it going as far as it did. Jamie was flat on his back, Gavin straddling him, holding Jamie’s lubed cock steady as Gavin rubbed back and forth over the head. It felt so fucking good, all that sensation on the head of Jamie’s dick, the soft rippled skin of Gavin’s hole, muscles jumping, waiting for Jamie to push in. Jesus. The heat on his skin.
It wasn’t until Gavin started to sink down that Jamie realized what was different. He grabbed Gavin’s ass and tried to pull him up. “No.” “Oh yes.” Gavin moved back off, then dipped again. It was close. Christ, was it close. If there had been something in Gavin’s face other than
cold calculation and determination, Jamie might have given in. Might have said, Fuck yeah, go for it. Take my dick raw . Might have driven up deep inside Gavin and flooded his ass with come.
But this wasn’t an accident in the heat of the moment. Not the way Gavin was looking down at him.
“No.” Jamie managed to separate them a little. Gavin was a lot stronger than Jamie had suspected. “Don’t do this to me.”
“To you?” Gavin stopped resisting him for a moment. Jamie swallowed. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to forgive either one of them if he let it
happen. “To us.”
Jamie was ready to push him off hard, but the confusion, the hurt on Gavin’s face, made him stop.
“What if I wanted to do it for us?” Gavin whispered. “Then we talk first. Please,” Jamie said.
Gavin nodded and released Jamie’s dick, shifting forward onto his knees. Jamie pulled Gavin down until he was stretched out on Jamie’s chest and legs.
“I trust you to have told me if there’s a reason not to.” Gavin breathed the words into Jamie’s neck.
“Thanks.”
Gavin lifted his head to stare at Jamie, like he was back to looking for hidden meanings. Jamie tucked Gavin’s head back down under his chin. “Babe—” “Babe?” Gavin raised his head again.
“Listen for a second. I appreciate it. And I’m not saying I don’t ever want to. But that kind of risk—jumping into something like that—it’s not— You don’t have to prove something. Not to me. And not that way.”
“So what do you want?” Gavin asked.
“I was enjoying everything just fine.” Jamie grinned, folding his arms behind his head. “We don’t have to rush that.”
Gavin nodded and swung off, got a rubber and rolled it down, covering it with more lube. He was barely back on top before he sank down, every inch of him tight and squeezing and hot. Not like that early tempting slick skin, but still so damned good. And deep. Each
time Gavin came back down he took Jamie deeper. Though Gavin’s mouth was open, neck arched back, a bright flush coating his throat and
upper chest as he moved, Jamie felt pretty fucked himself. He reached for Gavin’s hips to slow him down, but Gavin caught his hands and held them, their fingers intertwined, palms fused together like their bodies.
Jamie had known he couldn’t even risk a few strokes inside Gavin bare, because the load weighting Jamie’s balls was close, damned close to exploding already. Gavin tightened his muscles, his ass pulsing on Jamie’s dick, grip like a fucking fist, and Jamie arched his back and came hard. Came out of his skin it shook him so fast.
Gavin dragged the condom off and settled down next to Jamie as he caught his breath. Jamie rolled on his side and slipped a hand over Gavin’s hip, rubbing his ass to make
him groan before sliding back to stroke his cock lightly. “Thought you liked my fat cock. Now you’re screwed.” Jamie smiled. “Or not.” “I’m good,” Gavin said, though there was a slight catch in his breath as Jamie stroked
harder.
“Yeah. You are.”
Gavin blinked and that split second when Gavin’s guard was down, Jamie got it. At least he got what the hell was going on tonight.
Sitting up, Jamie dragged Gavin until he was on his back in the middle of the bed, then put his ass up on a pillow. “Comfy?”
“Uh.”
“Relax.”
In Gavin’s mind, if ever there was an expression guaranteed not to induce a lessening of tension at such a moment, it was relax .
That Jamie had something in mind was obvious from the way he grabbed the lube and pumped it all over his fingers. Gavin propped himself on his elbows to watch, but as Jamie slid the first two in, Gavin flopped back with a groan.
Yes, the stimulation was good, not as full and pleasant as a cock in him, but if Jamie star-ted sucking him, it would be fine. After, Gavin could invent some sort of reason to leave and put some distance between himself and this evening.
First, he’d tried to secure Jamie’s attention at the party and failed miserably. Now, he felt like an idiot for having proposed going bare. No matter how gently Jamie had declined, he still had insisted on getting the last word, still insisted on things on his terms. Even now he seemed willing to take his time, when all Gavin wanted was to get off and get gone.
Jamie’s eyes were another touch on Gavin’s skin, an intent look scraping his body, prob-ing like the searching stretch and stroke from those fingers. At last Jamie started rubbing steadily against Gavin’s gland. His legs dropped open wider, a soundless brea
th pushing his lips apart, his eyes squeezing shut.
“Open your eyes.”
Easier said than done. Gavin couldn’t have said why he complied, why he wanted to meet Jamie’s stare. It felt as if his eyelids were weighted with lead, but that was nothing compared to the way Gavin’s balls felt, heavy and full as Jamie did nothing but move his fingers. The tension was building in him, nowhere to go, just pools of tingling heat in his ass and balls and a desperate ache in his dick.
He might not be able to see what Jamie was up to, but he could feel it. Jamie’s fingers slid out, more lube, then…Gavin tried not to tense as Jamie tucked three back inside. It didn’t hurt, but there was a lot of pressure, a solid, angled push of it on his skin from where Jamie’s knuckles worked the rim.
Gavin shuddered at the contrast of the sharp, scary stretch and the soft kiss on his inner thighs, a whisper of warm breath on his balls, a hot, too-quick lick on his shaft. His hips were rocking, though Gavin couldn’t remember when he’d started doing that. He wanted it over, wanted pressure and friction on his dick to release the terrible weight of need in him, and at the same time he wanted to stay here, see how much his body would yield to Jamie’s insistent, steady push inside.
Even without words Gavin knew where Jamie thought this was going and wondered if they would get there. It wasn’t fear of pain that kept Gavin rooted in his head instead of giving in to the sensations of his body. It was yielding this way, knowing that if they went further, he’d be giving a piece of himself, opening more than his body, exposing himself to much more than physical hurt.
Jamie’s fingers seemed to come from all different directions when they swirled against the gland inside, sending constant shocks of pleasure that were almost like the warning be-fore Gavin came but not strong enough, not big enough, to send him over.
He wasn’t moaning, but his breath tore at his throat, harsh gasps that seemed timed to the movement of Jamie’s fingers inside him. Gavin swallowed and pushed the words past his dry lips. “Have you…ever?”
“No. You?”
Gavin shook his head. “Not sure—”
“Relax. I got you.”
That was more literal than figurative at the moment. The fact that Gavin could still think right now, with Jamie’s hand making Gavin’s nervous system go crazy with all the pleasure neurons it was firing, when he felt so amazingly stretched and full and aching to know if he could take a little more, that he was able to keep a part of his brain on something else was a mark of how seriously fucked up he was.
Jamie squirted more cool lube over them both, and Gavin tensed. But the pressure didn’t increase. Jamie kept moving the three fingers that were inside
until Gavin felt the burn of knuckles sliding past the rim, back and forth. The solid rub on his gland built up endless waves and shocks of pleasure, everything tinged with the hard edge of fear and expectation.
He needed, God, he needed, but when he reached for his dick, Jamie’s hand caught his and stopped him.
“Just concentrate on this,” Jamie said, as if there was something else Gavin could pos-sibly be aware of than most of a man’s hand in his ass. “Open up for me, babe. I won’t hurt you.”
Easy for Mr. Control Freak to say. Most muscles healed faster than heart tissue. And what if he couldn’t—if he disappointed Jamie?
“Look at me,” Jamie whispered. “Yeah, like that. I want to watch how you feel. Show me, babe. Want to see everything.”
His fourth finger teased, a promise and a threat. Gavin had never gone this far, never felt so torn open and exposed, and it wasn’t only what Jamie was doing with his hand, but what he was demanding with his eyes and his voice and his presence, making Gavin come to him, making Gavin want it. His whole body shook, striving to reach for what Jamie held just out of reach.
Then it wasn’t.
That fourth finger burned, stung, took him to the edge of what he could stand, and Jamie held his hand there while Gavin’s body fought to accept it. Maybe it would be too much. If it hurt too much, Gavin could quit. But it didn’t.
“Push with me.” Jamie’s voice was whiskey and honey, smooth and rough and hot and sweet.
There wasn’t much Gavin could do. He was suspended on that knife edge, but he took a deep breath and tried to take Jamie in.
“Fuck.” Jamie’s cry was as raw as if it were his dick involved, and that made Gavin want to stretch that little bit more.
A bright spasm of pain the first time Jamie’s knuckles dragged through the tight ring, but then he was so full, and the tiniest movement rubbed him everywhere, made every part of him alive with pleasure.
The feeling Jamie pushed into Gavin with that impossible pressure finally dragged Gavin out of his head. He was flying, lost in a space where all he could do was feel, be. Take what Jamie poured into him. Good, so good, pleasure exploding with every pulse of his blood, every flash of electric sensation. He’d swear he’d been coming forever, but then it really hit, bigger, longer, hotter than he could take, his dick pumping, burning. A flash to con-sume him from the inside out.
When the last little bit of it had been wrung out of him, his body clamped down and he slammed back into himself in time to hear Jamie gasp in pain.
“Take a deep breath and let it out,” Jamie whispered. Gavin nodded, but he knew there was no way to do this that wouldn’t hurt like hell.
Didn’t matter. He didn’t regret a second of it. A hum still buzzed in his balls, a sweet pulse of it in his dick and an incredible echo of sweet soreness in his ass. If he went off the bridge in this minute, he wouldn’t fight it. Because he was never going to feel better than he did right now.
Jamie curled up behind Gavin, wrapping him in a hot embrace. The heat sinking into his bones was good now that sweat had cooled him to almost a chill.
“Jesus, Gavin. You are fucking amazing.”
Gaze fixed on the wall, Gavin tried to laugh. “You would seem to be in the minority with that opinion.”
Jamie grabbed his shoulder and pulled Gavin onto his back, forcing eye contact. “You know, I get it now. What, you think your money and your dick is all you’re good for?”
“Other than the boat ride, you’ve shown a marked lack of interest in anything to do with my nonphysical assets.”
Jamie’s lips twisted. “Listen. You said I’m the only guy you’d brought back to your house.”
Gavin nodded.
“Well, you’re the only guy who’s meant anything to me since—for as long as I can re-member.”
Gavin tried to summon his bored facade to shield himself with it, at least until he could convince himself he didn’t care, but instead, he wished Jamie would say more. Incredibly, he did.
“You ignore all my bullshit or you stand up to me. Usually that would make me want to deck you, but I don’t. And you look out for people who don’t have anyone else, like those kids with their car or the people dying all alone in that place. Yeah, you give as good as you get in bed, and damn that’s sweet, but that’s not all of it.”
Gavin failed utterly to convince himself that he didn’t want to know what “it” was. But Jamie didn’t offer anything else, and Gavin was too afraid to admit what might be going on inside him. What if it was, really was, as Jamie termed it, the L word? What did that mean anyway?
“You too.” It had been so much easier when Gavin thought he understood the rules. “Wow. A swing and a miss for Mr. Walking Dictionary. Don’t strain yourself, babe.” No matter how familiar Jamie’s disappointment felt, it provoked an unexpected reaction.
Gavin was angry. At Jamie for changing the game, at himself for not knowing how to play. He pushed Jamie onto his back, grabbing his shoulders and pinning him against the
sheet. “What the hell do you want from me?”
Jamie’s muscles shifted in something like a shrug. His blue eyes glared right back. “More’n you want to give, I guess.”
“Your hand in my ass wasn’t enough?”
“I loved it, but th
at wasn’t for me, babe. Wanted to do that for you.” Gavin felt heat and a prickle behind his eyes. He hadn’t cried when his mother died, and
he absolutely would not do it here. He let Jamie go. “Why can’t you just tell me?” “Because that’s not how it works.” Jamie rolled off on the other side of the bed. Gavin heard the water run, all the noises that told him Jamie was in the bathroom, yet
Gavin couldn’t shake the idea that he was all alone. Left behind. When Jamie came back into the room, he didn’t get on the bed, but flipped out the lights
and stood there.
“I—I could leave,” Gavin said. As he waited for an answer, there wasn’t room in his chest, as if Jamie had somehow reached up and filled more than just Gavin’s ass with his hand.
Jamie sighed. “Do what you want.”
Gavin’s muscles tried to gather themselves, move him out of the bed and into the dark. “I like you here.” Jamie came toward him.
They lay on the bed with an ocean of space between them. “Thank you,” Gavin whispered into the dark.
“For fuck’s sake.” Jamie flung an arm over Gavin’s chest. Gavin pulled Jamie closer, until he was lying on top. After a thick swallow, Gavin
brushed a kiss into Jamie’s hair. “I like being here.” Chapter Fifteen
The insistent bleating of his phone dragged Gavin from a solid sleep. It wasn’t an alarm though. It was a call. He staggered out from sheets that smelled of sex, and no matter how much he wanted to slide back in, let the smell drag him under again, he knew he had to find his phone in case there was an emergency with Lily.
He finally tripped over his jeans and got a hand on his phone in time for it to stop buzzing and chiming.
Missed call: Chip.
“Shit.”
“What’s wrong?” Jamie sounded instantly awake, alert, though it was barely four a.m. Be-cause of experience with his job or because he hadn’t been sleeping?
“My brother called. It’s probably something with Lily.” But Gavin hesitated before re-trieving the voicemail.
“I guess he never calls with good news.”
Mitchell, K.A. [Bad in Baltimore #3] Bad attitude Page 18
