by Silk Smooth
“Get the fuck in the house,” he shouted.
By then, I already had the gun pulled from behind me, aiming it at the speeding car. Honey stood in front of me, blocking me, but all the car did was speed by with the music blasting loudly. No shots were fired. My chest heaved in and out as I watched the car disappear, and Honey was breathing heavy too. He turned his head to look at me with anger locked in his eyes.
“Go inside,” he demanded. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
“No. I’m not goin’ inside unless you’re comin’ with me.”
Honey looked at Audrey who had already gotten into her car and slammed the door. It was pretty obvious that Honey was more interested in saving my life than he was in saving hers. Without saying a word, she backed out of the driveway and left. Honey went inside and I followed behind him.
“What’s goin’ on?” I questioned as I went into his office with him. “What was that all about, and did you know those niggas in that car?”
Honey ignored me. He picked up his phone and sat against the edge of the desk. “Problem,” he said to the person on the other end of the phone. “I need for you to check something out for me. A blue Impala, license plate number MJ4, uh. . . .”
“MJ4-03,” I paused and then gave him the last number.
He repeated the numbers and then told the person to get back to him ASAP. After that, Honey ended the call and looked at me.
“Why are you still here?” he asked.
“Because I wanted to help you clean up.”
He walked past me, leaving his office. “I don’t need your help. What I need is for you to get out of here, because, truthfully, I don’t want you here.”
“I’ll leave, but I want you to leave too. You refuse to tell me what’s been goin’ on with you, but whatever it is, the least you can do is sleep in a safe place. This house ain’t safe and it’s obvious that somebody is after you.”
Honey turned around to face me and snapped. “There are plenty of niggas after me, but so damn what? I’m not living my life in fear, and ain’t no muthafucka gon’ run me away from home. If you are so anxious to know what’s going on with me, I’ll tell you what’s going on with me. For starters, you are what’s going on. You rejected me, and you won’t allow me to be with the people in this world who I care about the most. You keep Shania away from me, and you prevent me from being the full-time father that I need to be. You keep telling me to change my ways, but ain’t it a fact that you fell in love with me for being the muthafucka you always knew me to be? I’m doing crazy shit right now, ma, ’cause my head ain’t on straight. I’m doing away with niggas who making tiny mistakes that can easily be forgiven. But I can’t forgive ’cause I’m angry. I’m angry with you, and I’m angry with yo’ Mama. She never has time to listen, and I feel like all of this shit is on me. All of it, Karrine, every last bit of it, and a nigga getting tired of the bullshit.”
Honey turned to walk away. I stood for a moment, thinking about what he’d said. I knew his plate was full, but there was a perfect solution. He was the one in control of this situation. Not me, and surprisingly, not even Mama.
I went into the kitchen where Honey stood, looking out at the backyard. “Walk away,” I said to him. “Let Mama deal with this bullshit and tell her you’re done with it. Do you think she’ll be upset with you for stepping away from the business? I don’t think so, and you need to tell her how you really feel.”
“I guess you really don’t know your mother too well, Karrine. She would kill me before she’d let me walk away. I’m in so deep that I wouldn’t want to leave her with the mess I’ve created. There are too many niggas involved right now, and when money starts declining because of my absence, a lot of angry people would start to surface.”
“So fuckin’ what? Bump those niggas. You don’t owe nobody shit, and you’ve done enough for everyone already. One day you’re going to have to turn this shit loose. Hopefully that day would come sooner, rather than later.”
“The day I turn this shit loose is the day I die. That’s just how it is, Karrine, and I gave my word that I’m in until the very end. My loyalty is with Mama, and whether I like this shit or not, it is what it is. As for you,” he said, turning around. “What do you want me to do about you? I’m waiting to hear your solution pertaining to that, especially since you seem to have all of the answers right now.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked up to Honey with seriousness, as well as truthfulness in my eyes. “My love for you still runs deep, but that doesn’t matter right now. I’m fearful of losin’ you forever, and the only way for us to ever see where this love can really take us is for you to give all of this up. Your loyalty will have to rest with me, not with Mama. These niggas out here may have to lose in order for me, you, and Shania to gain. I don’t want to keep riskin’ my life to save yours, and vice versa. And I want you to give me the real respect I truly deserve. You’re not there yet, Honey. You’re a long way from bein’ that kind of nigga, and until you are willin’ and able, please don’t blame me for the way things are. Much of this is on you, and as I said before, it is within your control.”
Honey stared at me. He didn’t blink until his phone rang. He then hurried to answer it, and as he wrote something on paper he nodded his head.
“That’s what’s up. Gather up the crew and meet me there within the hour. I’m on my way.”
I watched as Honey quickly changed clothes, tucked his gun down in his jeans and headed for the door. He touched the knob, then turned to face me as I stood with sadness on my face in the foyer.
“Will you be here when I get back?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. I’ll be gone.”
Honey shrugged his shoulders and walked out. I said a little prayer, hoping, as always, that I would see or talk to him for at least another day.
Chyna
9
At this point, I didn’t know who the fuck to be mad at. Desmon, his wife, or at Mama. The whole scene was downright embarrassing, but it wasn’t the first time that Marva had confronted us together. The first time was while we were eating dinner at a restaurant. She came in, making a scene. That time the police was called on her, but she fled before they came. The second time was while we were at work. She stormed into Desmon’s office, cursing him out and threatening to hurt him if he didn’t end this relationship with me. He made it clear that he wasn’t going to, and he had to call security to get her to leave.
Today was the third time. She must have been following us, and I didn’t appreciate that shit one bit. There I was, trying to prove to my family that Desmon was a decent nigga, but then this bitch showed up acting a goddamn fool.
I wasn’t sure how to handle this mess going forward, but this last incident showed me how much I’d changed. There was a time when I would’ve blown a bitch’s brains out for clowning on me like that, but I wasn’t trying to go there with Marva. I knew that her marriage with Desmon was over, and I was well aware that he didn’t love her anymore. But some bitches didn’t want to let go. They wanted to hang on to something that wasn’t worth hanging on to. Desmon had already offered her money to keep her “wealthy” status, but the money wasn’t enough. She wanted a man who didn’t want her, and how stupid was that? He also told her that he wanted a divorce, but the problem was that Desmon had been trying to break her down gently. He was trying to spare her fucking feelings, when realistically he needed to man up and handle this shit so the nonsense would cease. I tried to be patient with the situation, but my patience was running out.
Ashamed about fucking up my niece’s birthday party, I picked up the phone to call Karrine and apologize. I figured she was highly upset about what had happened, because if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was my daughter’s birthday party, I would be too. When I called her cell phone, I got her voice mail. I left a message, apologizing for what had happened today and told her to relay the message to Honey as well.
Once I ended the call, I went i
nto my living room to watch TV. Desmon said that he was going home to see what the hell was up with his wife, so I didn’t want to call and disturb him right now. I was, however, missing him. We had gotten so close, and I knew how much Desmon cared about me. He made me want more out of life, and over the past several months, I felt as if I had truly grown into a better person because of him. My career was on track, money had been flowing and I was doing good without Mama directing my every move.
I still appreciated her, and I enjoyed our daily telephone conversations, but I was still doing me. I kept her informed about some of the things that had been going on with me, Desmon, and his wife, but that was because I wanted Mama to know what was up, just in case something popped off. Desmon’s wife didn’t come off as being stable to me, so I prepared myself to handle my business with her, if need be.
I had fallen asleep on the couch, and was awakened by a soft knock on my door. I figured it was Desmon stopping by, so I got off the couch and tightened the silk robe around my waist. I yawned before opening the door, and on the other side stood his wife. Her lip was busted and her right eye was nearly closed shut. It was bruised, right along with the side of her face which appeared swollen.
“I . . . I know it’s late,” she said with tears welled in her eyes. “But can I sit down and talk to you for a moment? Please.”
I had some compassion for the bitch, but I had to be sure that she wasn’t feeding me no bullshit. “Wait right there,” I said, closing my door. I hurried over to the couch and pulled my gun from underneath the pillow. I dropped it into my pocket and then opened the door again.
Marva came in, eyeing her surroundings. My apartment was small, but very cozy and decked out in contemporary furniture. It only had one bedroom, but that was truly enough for me. I invited Marva to sit, and after she sat on the couch, I sat across from her in a chair.
She held her stomach as if it hurt. “I came here to tell you that I’m very sorry about what happened today. None of this is me, and I feel as if I’m losing my mind, trying to chase my husband and get him to do right by me. It’s just so hard for me to let go, even though he . . . he beat me like this and told me that he would hurt me again if I confronted you. I don’t know what else to do, Chyna. I’m begging you to please let my husband go and let us work on saving our marriage.”
“You can’t save something that’s already dead. And if he beat you like that, why in the hell would you want to still be with him? I don’t get it, Marva, and if Desmon doesn’t love you anymore then why are you fighting for something that will never be?”
“Because I know he loves me. He’s just confused right now, and he always comes back to me when he realizes what he really wants. You . . . you don’t know him like I do, and he’s going to hurt you too, Chyna. I can guarantee you that if you stay with him, he’s going to hurt you too. Both mentally and physically.”
“I seriously doubt that, and I’m finding it very hard to believe that the man I know has done all of this to you. How do I know that you didn’t beat yourself up, or that you didn’t have someone do these things to you, just so you could come here and make your case. Desmon told me how crazy you were, and it’s obvious what lengths you will go to, to get him back.”
Marva shook her head and wiped a tear that had fallen down her face. “Trust me when I say I’m not the one crazy. He’s the one who is crazy, and I feel so foolish for being here and talking to you like this. But I’m here fighting for my family. Maybe counseling is what we need, but I need for you and that other white bitch to back off. I’ve spoken to her several times about this too, but I haven’t had much luck with her. Hopefully I’ll have some with you.”
Anger swept across my face. I wasn’t sure if this heifer was fucking with me or not by bringing up some white bitch. “What white bitch are you talking about? Is she somebody he’s supposed to be involved with?”
Marva slowly nodded. “I thought you knew about her, especially since you all work together. She . . . Christina told me that you knew about her and Desmon’s relationship, so I thought you knew.”
I almost fell back in my chair when she mentioned Christina’s name. She was the one who hired me, and there were times when we worked side-by-side together. Marva had to be lying, because Christina didn’t even seem to be Desmon’s type. She was plain as anything and seemed real timid. Desmon teased her all the time about being so soft spoken, and he encouraged her to be a bit more aggressive, like me.
But the more I sat there thinking about it, my eyes were starting to open. I saw the way Christina lit up when Desmon came into the office every morning. I saw the way she smiled only at him, and there were times when I saw the two of them together at lunch. I never really thought much of it, only because she just didn’t seem like his type. But what did I know? I didn’t know that he was capable of beating the fuck out of his wife, and could it be possible that I had fucked myself once again?
“Do you know where Desmon is right now?” I asked Marva. “I need to talk to him.”
“He left a few hours ago. I thought he was here, but I guess he’s with that bitch.”
“I take it you know where she lives. If you do, do you mind tellin’ me?”
Marva sat silent for a few minutes. She then opened her purse and pulled out a pen and piece of paper. She wrote something on the paper then gave it to me.
“If he’s there, tell him that I—”
I quickly stood up and opened the door for Marva to leave. “If he’s there, I won’t be tellin’ him shit, because once I’m done with him, he won’t be able to hear me.”
Marva walked slowly out the door with a regretful look washed across her face. I guess she must have been worried about what I would do to her husband, and it was wise for one to get to know a bitch before you start running your mouth off to her. Apparently she hadn’t done her homework to know what I was capable of doing.
I hurried to put on some clothes, then made my way to the address Marva had written on the paper. When I got to Christina’s house, which looked like a tiny shack, I couldn’t believe that Desmon’s car was parked in the driveway. I was seriously going through the emotions right now, and I didn’t know why I was so upset with Desmon, especially when he wasn’t even my husband. But then I thought about the lies. I thought about the promises. Even thought about the way he fucked me, and told me over and over again how the two of us would eventually be together.
There weren’t too many niggas who I gave myself to, and whenever I did give up the pussy, I always gave it to niggas who I thought were worthy of me. I knew that confronting Desmon about this shit would end my career, and I would never be able to show my face at work again.
For a few minutes, I sat in the car, gazing at the gun that sat on my lap. My legs trembled as I contemplated what to do, and there was no doubt that I wanted this nigga to feel the hurt he had caused me.
I was so mad that I couldn’t even cry. Mama always said that crying over a nigga was never worth a drop, and that tears were for weak bitches who had lost power. Right now, I felt powerless. I felt used and disgusted with myself for trusting that this nigga would do right by me. Married or not, I believed him when he said he didn’t love his wife. I believed when he said it was all about me, and the amount of time that we spent together was ridiculous. I didn’t know how he was able to pull this shit off, but he successfully did so, because there was another bitch out there like me who didn’t give a fuck that he was married.
Christina didn’t care, and I assumed that she had been suckered into this just like I had been. She and Desmon had probably been at this for quite some time, and according to her, she had been with the company for the past ten years. There was no telling how long this bullshit had been going on, but no matter how long, I needed some answers.
I opened the car door and slowly walked to the front door with a hoody and some jeans on. My phone had the nerve to ring, and seeing that it was Mama calling, I let the call go to voice mail. When she called back, I p
ut my cell phone on silent. It alarmed me that she was calling at this time, but I figured that she wanted to discuss what had happened earlier. Right now, I wasn’t in the mood to go there with her.
From the outside, the inside of the house looked dark, but as I peeked in the inside, I could see a sliver of light in one of the rooms. Attempting to get inside, I slid my credit card between the door crack and the lock. I wiggled the card around and kept turning the knob until the wooden door came open. It squeaked, but the sound of the door was drowned out by hip-hop music. The fact that Christina was listening to hip-hop music was a shock to me, but I guess her whole demeanor had been a front.
I quietly closed the door and tiptoed down the carpeted hallway. Obviously, all Desmon was doing for this bitch was giving her some good dick, because the whole damn house looked crappy and outdated. The furniture looked like shit from the 80’s, and the pictures she had hanging crooked on the walls looked like they came from the Goodwill. The way she dressed implied that too, but that shit didn’t matter to Desmon. He was in it to win it, and I could tell by the moans and groans I heard coming from the bathroom. The door was cracked and I could hear the shower running. Loud grunts and the sound of bodies slapping together could be heard too. I didn’t want to be seen just yet, so I peeked around the door until I saw the wet glass shower that was filled with steam. Christina straddled Desmon, but her flat ass was pressed against the glass shower door. He pounded against her so hard that I thought he was going to break that shaky glass. Her panties were lying on the floor, and so was the Nike outfit that he’d had on earlier.
“Ooooh, shit this hurts,” Christina hollered out with each hard thrust that Desmon pumped into her. “Bu . . . but this big dick of yours feels so good to me, baby. You got this pussy talking to you, don’t you?”
Desmon was like a raging bull. The grip he had on Christina’s ass had turned it red. His grunts got louder and louder, especially when he pulled out of her and shoved his dick into her mouth. As swift as he was pumping, I was sure he was going to knock out some of that heifer’s crooked teeth. His hands were wrapped tightly around her dirty blonde hair, while she sucked his dick like a professional porn star.
